I read my psychiatry report...I officially have the diagnoses of gender dysphoria, this happened 5 minutes ago. And I am not sure if I am relieved, terrified, angry, or sad. Sounds like the grieving process.

I know I don't have to make any decisions today, this week, or even year. I actually might have the choice just to go on living my life as I am currently and not do anything at all. All I know is that this piece of paper I hold in my hand is life changing for better or for worse.

I don't really know what to do or how to feel. 

Congrats! Take your time to process it. I felt the same way.

When I was first diagnosed, I rejected it outright. I thought he was saying that I was gay. Over the next two years, I learned the details of what it means. The differences between biological sex, gender identity, and sexual preference. As he explained things to me, I began to see what he meant. I found Susan's Place and read people's experiences here. I went back to my psychologist with more and more questions. Slowly, it occurred to me. I began to see how this applied to me, not life experiences and past behaviors.

I finally came to accept that this is me, so what next? I started with hormones on a trial basis almost five years ago. The hormones improved my mood, but I think what helped the most was just accepting myself for who I am. I dumped all that baggage I had carried around trying to be a macho man. If you have read my story, you know what I mean.

You are absolutely correct that there is no pressure to do anything. That piece of paper is just information and nothing more. What you decide to do with it is up to you. IF you decide that you want to explore further, that diagnosis paves the way to treatment. If you decide to do nothing, that is fine too.

Just be sure that whatever you decide you make it an informed decision. Do some reading, ask a lot of questions, then read some more and ask more questions. The key is to know your inner self and what he or she wants to happen.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 04, 2024, 03:34:53 PMI read my psychiatry report...I officially have the diagnoses of gender dysphoria, this happened 5 minutes ago. And I am not sure if I am relieved, terrified, angry, or sad. Sounds like the grieving process.

I know I don't have to make any decisions today, this week, or even year. I actually might have the choice just to go on living my life as I am currently and not do anything at all. All I know is that this piece of paper I hold in my hand is life changing for better or for worse.

I don't really know what to do or how to feel. 

Gender Dysphoria has many levels, and if it isn't significantly affecting your life, you have the option to manage it until it becomes a serious problem. Many people have GD, but never transition, as they can find ways to relieve their stresses. For many of us, GD rules our lives, and this creates chronic stress. This can lead to depression and other serious health outcomes, including heart disease. It is important to assess the level of stress GD is causing, and act when it sustained.

Dysphoria is generated by incongruence with identity, so anything you can do to affirm your identity may temporarily reduce dysphoria. This can take the form of simply imagining your congruent role, to more concrete actions of assuming an online identity, adopting congruent behaviours, or dressing. When these measures are not enough, you may need to consider transition, but it is not a given that your diagnosis will lead to this.

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: treeseeds on December 04, 2024, 03:34:53 PMthis happened 5 minutes ago. And I am not sure if I am relieved, terrified, angry, or sad.

It takes time to work through your feelings even just enough to figure out what they are.  It certainly won't happen in five minutes, so no worries there.  Take your time to figure it out.  This is where continuing to talk to your therapist will be of big help.

In my case, my "diagnosis" was anticlimactic.  I had already figured out that it was gender dysphoria, and I just wanted a professional confirmation so I could move forward.  Each of us comes through this in a different way, hence the saying that you will encounter frequently here: YMMV - Your Mileage May Vary.

I hope you are able to come to terms with your new diagnosis and to work out a path forward for yourself.

Hi Treeseeds

Receiving a diagnosis of gender dysphoria is a significant moment that can evoke a range of emotions.  As Lori wisely points out, this diagnosis is simply information about you, it's not a mandate for immediate action. What you choose to do next is entirely your decision.

The stories of Allie, Lori and Kathy highlight different perspectives and journeys.  My experience is quite different as well: no diagnosis, no dysphoria, no questioning, or thinking about what I wanted or did.  I had very little information about my condition and eventually I had surgery.  This diversity in experiences shows that everyone's path is unique in discovering who they are.

What matters most is that you make informed decisions that align with your needs and brings you the happiness that you deserve.  Whatever path you choose, be kind to yourself and remember that this is your journey to navigate at your own pace.

Take care, and I wish you all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@treeseeds

I am safe and have no plans for self-harm.

Today is going to be difficult.

There's lots of emotions that I am going through. After I dropped off my daughter at school I said to myself "Well, I have gender dysphoria! My life is officially f#%&ed!"

I am seeing my therapist today, of which I am thankful for because she's a pretty cool person.

Things that I am
-a father
-a husband
-a son
-a brother
-a woman
-a man
-someone who has a diagnosis of gender dysphoria who doesn't know what that means yet

Scary, uncomfortable, exciting, life changing, life renewing, and non-life changing times ahead.

Knowledge is power, now that you know for sure or as much as you can be sure you now can make a plan to move forward to do things to help with your gender dysphoria what ever that may be.

Congratulations and I'm sorry as well. Lol it may actually turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to you depending on your out look and determination to transition (if that's the route you choose)

Quote from: treeseeds on December 05, 2024, 09:07:40 AMI am safe and have no plans for self-harm.

Today is going to be difficult.

There's lots of emotions that I am going through. After I dropped off my daughter at school I said to myself "Well, I have gender dysphoria! My life is officially f#%&ed!"

I am seeing my therapist today, of which I am thankful for because she's a pretty cool person.

Things that I am
-a father
-a husband
-a son
-a brother
-a woman
-a man
-someone who has a diagnosis of gender dysphoria who doesn't know what that means yet

Scary, uncomfortable, exciting, life changing, life renewing, and non-life changing times ahead.

Just one piece of advice, marriage is a partnership, and you need to both be involved in dealing with your dysphoria as whatever you do, it will affect both of you. Make sure your wife knows and listen to her concerns.

Hugs,

Allie

I just had one of the most difficult therapy sessions I have ever had in my life. My therapist was very honest with me, and I with her.

I went from calling my diagnoses BS, to saying either I will transition or it will look completely different. I am beginning to understand more and more how this is something no one chooses. Growing up I always thought that everyone has these thoughts and feelings.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 05, 2024, 06:55:39 PMI just had one of the most difficult therapy sessions I have ever had in my life. My therapist was very honest with me, and I with her.

I went from calling my diagnoses BS, to saying either I will transition or it will look completely different. I am beginning to understand more and more how this is something no one chooses. Growing up I always thought that everyone has these thoughts and feelings.

Correct. People don't choose to be trans or not just like people don't choose their sexual preferences. People just are.

These feelings are not the feelings cis people go through.

The process of treating your dysphoria only has to go as far as you need it. Some people just need to process it and manage it. Some transition all the way. The only right way for you is the way that eases the anguish you are feeling.

*hugs*

Quote from: treeseeds on December 05, 2024, 09:07:40 AMI am safe and have no plans for self-harm.

Today is going to be difficult.

There's lots of emotions that I am going through. After I dropped off my daughter at school I said to myself "Well, I have gender dysphoria! My life is officially f#%&ed!"

I am seeing my therapist today, of which I am thankful for because she's a pretty cool person.

Things that I am
-a father
-a husband
-a son
-a brother
-a woman
-a man
-someone who has a diagnosis of gender dysphoria who doesn't know what that means yet

Scary, uncomfortable, exciting, life changing, life renewing, and non-life changing times ahead.

I see you are asking yourself, "what am I?". That was a mantra of mine for a long time. I realized that I knew the answer the whole time it was just my mind rejecting the answer, hiding it from myself and asking again because my subconscious was trying to protect myself.

It's a question we all have to answer for ourselves but do yourself a favor and listen to yourself.

Hi Treeseeds,

There's lots of great advice here in this thread, the only thing I can add is don't rush into anything.

You have a diagnosis and you may find in time that the diagnosis is all you need to deal with how you've been feeling.  If you start making changes, you'll find that it's hard or impossible to go back if you should decide later that you desire to do so.  This is true for both physical changes and social changes.  You can't un-tell what you shared with friends and family.  Remember a good therapist is going to help you figure out what you need to do, they should not be telling or directing you in any way.  If you feel you are being push in a direction you're not ready for, consider looking for a new therapist. 

Another reason to take you time is your wife and daughter.  When you listed the "things that you are", you placed father and husband on the top if the list.  This tells me that your daughter and wife are very important to you.  Some will tell you, children are resilient, but the reality is that children do best with a mother and a father in the house.  The greatest factor on how a child does in life is having a mother and father in the house.  (The next two things are finishing high school and not having a child until they are married.)  Give your daughter a father for as long as you can.

Next up is your wife.  If your relationship with your wife is one where she won't flip out, but will give emotional support, please let her know early on.  This however is not the norm.   Most spouses will initially "loose it" over the news.   If this is the case then don't share your diagnosis until you are sure you need to make a change.   Then, as hard as it may be, do your best to get your wife on board before making any changes.  You'll be better off in the long run.

Once you tell her, be prepared to give her the time she will need to "adjust".  Be papered for large emotional swings as often this is the case.  I really wish I could tell you your marriage will survive this; some do, some don't.  I don't have any data on this, but from what I've observed, it seems that older couples tend to come out remaining as a couple more often.   

There are lots of good resources here at Susan's, just take some time and look around.  If you can't find what you're looking for, don't be afraid to ask questions.   This is a very supportive and positive place.
 
I wish you all the best.

Paulie.

@Paulie

That is very good advice, Paulie. Thank you.

Same here! I always just thought every man wanted to be a woman. Go figure.

Yeah, I always thought the same thing! That every man wanted to be a woman...lol Seriously, isn't this what a children express growing up? The need to be a girl. As an adult man; isn't this what all men experience? The need to be a woman. The need and desire to be treated like a woman physically and romantically.

Every single morning I wake up and thank god that I didn't transition. Which to me is very telling. If I wake up every morning saying to myself "thank god I never transitioned" does that mean I am not trans? But then as the day goes on dysphoria kicks in. I guess I first feel the dysphoria when I look in the mirror in the morning and it doesn't feel right seeing myself in the mirror. I really think I need to pay attention to my thoughts when I first wake up in the morning; that I am not trans and thankful that I never transitioned.

I haven't made any drastic changes yet. One thing that I do deal with is gynecomastia. If I don't wear some sort of chest support my breasts feel very uncomfortable. I've actually had skin integrity issues and issues with rashes on my chest because of it. I wear compression shirts out and about and a sports bra at home. Compression shirts suck...lol For me it feels like wearing a neoprene shirt under under my regular shirt.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 08, 2024, 09:02:56 AMI really think I need to pay attention to my thoughts when I first wake up in the morning; that I am not trans and thankful that I never transitioned.

I think paying attention to this is a good idea.  Especially to the unstated "...because..." part of it.  This would be a good topic to explore with your therapist.