I am safe and have no plans for self harm.

If I could take a pill that would make me a woman I would take it.

If I could take a pill and get rid of these thoughts and get rid of gender dysphoria I would take it.

Every morning I wake up and I don't want to, or are thankful I never followed through with transitioning. As my morning progresses and I would look at myself in the mirror it feels strange to see the face looking back at me. Then I think "nah....I'm still not transgender! Why would I want to get up every morning and go through the process of a having to put on a wig!" I have male pattern baldness.

Also, lately I have been seeking out dopamine hits constantly to make myself feel better. That is also exhausting!

I'm tired, just really tired of all this....

Ironically guess what I am teaching clients today? Self care 🤣😒😔

Soooo tired of everything and I just want it to end and go away. Just stop.......that is all I want...live a normal life like everyone else...tired of living with this and like this.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 11, 2024, 09:08:32 AMIf I could take a pill that would make me a woman I would take it.

...

Every morning I wake up and I don't want to, or are thankful I never followed through with transitioning. As my morning progresses and I would look at myself in the mirror it feels strange to see the face looking back at me. Then I think "nah....I'm still not transgender! Why would I want to get up every morning and go through the process of a having to put on a wig!" I have male pattern baldness.

I'm confused too. If you could take a pill to transition, you would. But you are thankful that you never followed through with transition. That sounds rather conflicting, but I think I get it.

The dysphoria makes you want the transition (by pill or otherwise), but at the same time, you fear what you may lose if you follow through with it. These are the kinds of issues your psychiatrist can help you with.

Oh, and there is a pill, actually several, that does what you want. It just doesn't happen overnight.

Many of us have male-pattern baldness. I don't wear a wig every day. Usually, I just wear a hat unless I am dressing up for an appointment or a date. It takes me about 10 seconds to put on a wig. That is not such a big deal and I like the look when I get it on. There are other options too. Males and females get hair transplants due to alopecia. Hair does not define you.

I realize that you just recently got your diagnosis and are struggling to understand what it all means. Keep asking questions to get those answers. Keep an open mind so you can see how they apply to you when you get those answers. Denial only delays the inevitable. Trust me. I denied it for two years before I understood it well enough to see how it applied to me.

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 11, 2024, 09:28:40 AMI'm confused too. If you could take a pill to transition, you would. But you are thankful that you never followed through with transition. That sounds rather conflicting, but I think I get it.

The dysphoria makes you want the transition (by pill or otherwise), but at the same time, you fear what you may lose if you follow through with it. These are the kinds of issues your psychiatrist can help you with.

Oh, and there is a pill, actually several, that does what you want. It just doesn't happen overnight.

Many of us have male-pattern baldness. I don't wear a wig every day. Usually, I just wear a hat unless I am dressing up for an appointment or a date. It takes me about 10 seconds to put on a wig. That is not such a big deal and I like the look when I get it on. There are other options too. Males and females get hair transplants due to alopecia. Hair does not define you.

I realize that you just recently got your diagnosis and are struggling to understand what it all means. Keep asking questions to get those answers. Keep an open mind so you can see how they apply to you when you get those answers. Denial only delays the inevitable. Trust me. I denied it for two years before I understood it well enough to see how it applied to me.

It's like you've gone through this before 🤣

I understand everything you are saying. It makes objective and logical sense.

Objective facts-recent diagnosis of gender dysphoria. I present as a man. I have intrusive thoughts about gender identity.

Subjective facts-feeling that my mind is "playing tricks on me". Thinking that there's a possibility that this could be something else.

I have made to more appointments with my therapist. And I plan on asking if I cab go and see the psychiatrist again.

That is wise.

I had the same issues. I sought therapy to begin with to figure out what was wrong with me. Three failed marriages and no matter my situation, I just was not happy. I rejected the initial diagnosis because I thought that meant I was gay. Then through therapy, I learned what all of this meant. As I learned, I began to connect the dots between experiences in my earlier life and how gender dysphoria affects us.

Finally, it all made sense and I decided that if this is who I am, I will embrace it. I spoke to loved ones about it. Those who were unsupportive were given time to process the information, and do some learning of their own. Most do not bother. It is easier to listen to the misinformation that is spread all over the news and the internet. Those who remained unsupportive got cut loose. I have no time for negativity in my life.

Those who have been supportive are now closer than ever. Those are the people who see you for who you are and not some label. They do not care what is between your legs or what hairstyle or clothing you wear. They love YOU, not their image of you.

Hang in there. There will be bumps in the road but it does get easier.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 11, 2024, 10:14:48 AMIt's like you've gone through this before 🤣

I understand everything you are saying. It makes objective and logical sense.

Objective facts-recent diagnosis of gender dysphoria. I present as a man. I have intrusive thoughts about gender identity.

Subjective facts-feeling that my mind is "playing tricks on me". Thinking that there's a possibility that this could be something else.

I have made to more appointments with my therapist. And I plan on asking if I cab go and see the psychiatrist again.

I gave in to those subjective feelings that were trying to talk me out of doing anything for about 60 years.  It took me a few months of hard introspection to realize that those "intrusive" thoughts were the real me, "intruding" on my public persona.  At that point, I sought out a therapist and made some good progress.

I am not saying that that is how it is for you. My point is that, when two different aspects of our personality are fighting for dominance, it can be hard to know which one is real and which is not.  This is where therapy comes in.

I am glad that you are seeing one.  Your dilemma is not uncommon, and a properly-qualified therapist will be able to help you through it.

Hi Treeseeds

I would take any pill that I considered to be absolutely beneficial to me!

I do not know what it is like to suffer from any form of dysphoria.  I don't know why and it remains something that I consider now and again.  I would love to have children and I feel nauseous when I think about what I once had.  You could call that dysphoria, but I guess it is just simple envy.  When those thoughts occur, I know there is nothing that I can do about it and I move on.

Lori and Kathy have provided more insights into what you are going through than I ever could.  However, one thing I can say with certainty is; "continue seeing a therapist, whether it's a psychologist, psychiatrist, or counsellor".  They can help you navigate the daily turmoil and hopefully provide answers that will allow you to move forward in your life.

It is generally known that trying to fight gender dysphoria does not go well in the long run and can cause health problems.  To the best of our knowledge, there is no cure for gender dysphoria.

To find relief, start by thinking about what would make you feel better.  Whether it's making changes to align with your gender, learning ways to cope, or focusing on other goals, understanding your needs can help you move forward.

Taking care of yourself is also important, even if it feels hard.  Try small steps, like getting enough rest or enjoying a hobby.  Connecting with others who have similar experiences can also help.  Being part of Susan's Place already connects you to a supportive community where you can share, learn and find encouragement from others with similar experiences.

It's important to remember that your feelings are valid and you deserve support and understanding as you work through them.  Change is challenging, but clarity often emerges when we give ourselves grace and time to explore.

Take care and I wish you all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@treeseeds @Lori Dee @KathyLauren

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 11, 2024, 11:02:41 AMThat is wise.

I had the same issues. I sought therapy to begin with to figure out what was wrong with me. Three failed marriages and no matter my situation, I just was not happy. I rejected the initial diagnosis because I thought that meant I was gay. Then through therapy, I learned what all of this meant. As I learned, I began to connect the dots between experiences in my earlier life and how gender dysphoria affects us.

Finally, it all made sense and I decided that if this is who I am, I will embrace it. I spoke to loved ones about it. Those who were unsupportive were given time to process the information, and do some learning of their own. Most do not bother. It is easier to listen to the misinformation that is spread all over the news and the internet. Those who remained unsupportive got cut loose. I have no time for negativity in my life.

Those who have been supportive are now closer than ever. Those are the people who see you for who you are and not some label. They do not care what is between your legs or what hairstyle or clothing you wear. They love YOU, not their image of you.

Hang in there. There will be bumps in the road but it does get easier.

For me it feels very strange to sometimes think "femine/woman things" and then to look in a mirror and go "wait...what?...what's going on here!?"

I fully know and understand that this is a process. Like everything in life that involves the body, mind, spirit, and heart it takes time.

I think I have mentioned this before but there's a few ways I see this going;
1) I am transgendered and therefore to live a fulfilling life I need to except and move forward and start presenting a female gender like my mind says I am.

2) I think there's such thing called "trans femme"? What I think it means is that I am a person who presents male but has certain female gender characteristics that are expressed. Please correct me on this if I am wrong.

3) Continue with therapy to move forward in life presenting as a man and find a way to integrate this into my life.

4) Not do anything at all and just accept it as part of my life and who I am.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 11, 2024, 03:34:22 PMHi Treeseeds

I would take any pill that I considered to be absolutely beneficial to me!

I do not know what it is like to suffer from any form of dysphoria.  I don't know why and it remains something that I consider now and again.  I would love to have children and I feel nauseous when I think about what I once had.  You could call that dysphoria, but I guess it is just simple envy.  When those thoughts occur, I know there is nothing that I can do about it and I move on.

Lori and Kathy have provided more insights into what you are going through than I ever could.  However, one thing I can say with certainty is; "continue seeing a therapist, whether it's a psychologist, psychiatrist, or counsellor".  They can help you navigate the daily turmoil and hopefully provide answers that will allow you to move forward in your life.

It is generally known that trying to fight gender dysphoria does not go well in the long run and can cause health problems.  To the best of our knowledge, there is no cure for gender dysphoria.

To find relief, start by thinking about what would make you feel better.  Whether it's making changes to align with your gender, learning ways to cope, or focusing on other goals, understanding your needs can help you move forward.

Taking care of yourself is also important, even if it feels hard.  Try small steps, like getting enough rest or enjoying a hobby.  Connecting with others who have similar experiences can also help.  Being part of Susan's Place already connects you to a supportive community where you can share, learn and find encouragement from others with similar experiences.

It's important to remember that your feelings are valid and you deserve support and understanding as you work through them.  Change is challenging, but clarity often emerges when we give ourselves grace and time to explore.

Take care and I wish you all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@treeseeds @Lori Dee @KathyLauren

I love how you put that!

Self care will play a huge role in this.

I'm lucky that I work for a social services health care agency. They are very accepting of the LGBTQ2S+ community (2S=two spirited, it comes from First Nations teachings on what people experience when it comes sexuality and gender expression).

Quote from: KathyLauren on December 11, 2024, 12:13:48 PMI gave in to those subjective feelings that were trying to talk me out of doing anything for about 60 years.  It took me a few months of hard introspection to realize that those "intrusive" thoughts were the real me, "intruding" on my public persona.  At that point, I sought out a therapist and made some good progress.

I am not saying that that is how it is for you. My point is that, when two different aspects of our personality are fighting for dominance, it can be hard to know which one is real and which is not.  This is where therapy comes in.

I am glad that you are seeing one.  Your dilemma is not uncommon, and a properly-qualified therapist will be able to help you through it.

Is it bad for wanting these intrusive thoughts to just stop! The first intrusive thought I have every single gosh darn morning is "f%$k this....I want no part of it! This is for sure not who I am!" And I know for an absolute fact that no matter what I do I will continue to think in terms of questioning my gender expression. It's sooooo exhausting it's depressing.

I get depressed because I am exhausted over this. And I am exhausted that I am ruminating and depressed about this.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 11, 2024, 03:39:53 PM2) I think there's such thing called "trans femme"? What I think it means is that I am a person who presents male but has certain female gender characteristics that are expressed. Please correct me on this if I am wrong.

My understanding of "trans-feminine" (Trans-femme) is that is represents someone who was assigned the male gender at birth, but who feels or presents mostly, but not necessarily exclusively, as female.

Quote from: treeseeds on December 11, 2024, 03:39:53 PMI think there's such thing called "trans femme"? What I think it means is that I am a person who presents male but has certain female gender characteristics that are expressed. Please correct me on this if I am wrong.

My psychologist said that he would describe me as asexual trans-feminine.

Trans-feminine vs trans woman because I am still stuck between male and female, physically and behaviorally. I prefer the feminine side and try to express her at every opportunity. But like you, I have never recognized the face in the mirror as my own.

You are also coming at this from an either/or viewpoint. It is possible that you are not "transgender" but maybe intersex or gender fluid. It is important to remember that gender is not binary, it is a spectrum. You could be anywhere on that spectrum between all-male and all-female. And that can even change from day to day depending on how you feel.

As you know, there is no requirement to transition at all. Feel out where your comfort zone really is. Maybe your place on the spectrum is not exactly at one end or the other, and maybe not exactly in the middle. Maybe you are just past the middle toward the more feminine side but not at the end. If that is the case then your "transition" could take on a different approach, incorporating small changes that make you happy but still able to be Daddy when you need to.

Just something to consider.

Hi TreeSeeds

I mentioned in my above post; "To the best of our knowledge, there is no cure for gender dysphoria."

Well actually I'm wrong and you eloquently point out by saying:

Quote from: treeseeds on December 11, 2024, 03:39:53 PMI think I have mentioned this before but there's a few ways I see this going;

1) I am transgendered and therefore to live a fulfilling life I need to except and move forward and start presenting a female gender like my mind says I am.

2) I think there's such thing called "trans femme"? What I think it means is that I am a person who presents male but has certain female gender characteristics that are expressed. Please correct me on this if I am wrong.

3) Continue with therapy to move forward in life presenting as a man and find a way to integrate this into my life.

4) Not do anything at all and just accept it as part of my life and who I am.

The degree to which your gender dysphoria is solved is a combination of one or more of those points you provided.

Your two spirits comment is appreciated.

Take care

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator