Such a wonderful journey and great pics. Thanks for sharing!

I don't remember the exact date but towards the end of my 1 year of full time I had to get a second therapist in addition to my primary therapist. I got a reference from my therapist. I had to do this because to get SRS the surgeon required required from two therapists recommending the procedure. I also went up to Philadelphia to get my consultation with Dr. Sharman Leis. It was over $20,000. I remember wondering how the heck I would ever manage to save up that much money after checking and finding out my insurance covered none of the expense.

Coming home there was a blizzard. Thundergedden and a group of 18 wheelers crashed on 495. My friend drove us in her Ford f-350 and distinctly remember the drive home being white knuckled because of the weather. I glad she drove us because my 2010 Honda Fit Sport probably would not have done as well.

A contract gig with my former employer popped up. I worked on their projects at night and through the weekends  and stacked up the cash over the course of 3.5 months.

I was so excited and booked my SRS procedure. Then I got laid off two weeks before the procedure. My Mom said I should cancel the SRS until I had another job. I just couldn't though. I told my Mom I would rather lose my town house and end up back at home if I couldn't find another job and get the surgery completed then have the ability to get it and watch it all slip away.

I interviewed while doing my contract work full time the next two weeks and then went up to Philadelphia with no job and had the surgery. Dr. Leis rented rooms in a apartment building of his for recovering patients at a very reasonable rate. Two of my closet friends watched me for the first week and then my Mom was up taking care of me during my second week.

I got an email from one of the companies I interviewed at while I was recovering and lucked into another job that I started three weeks after my SRS surgery. It honestly felt like one last test to see how much I really wanted the surgery. This was the first time my Mom used female pronouns and my name. This was also the first time she heard my female voice I had been trying hard on. We had lunch at Red Lobster and she commented how well I was doing. It felt good to get her support.

Hi Everyone

Natalie you said:

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 14, 2024, 09:54:30 PMI don't remember the exact date but towards the end of my 1 year of full time I had to get a second therapist in addition to my primary therapist.  I got a reference from my therapist.  I had to do this because to get SRS the surgeon required required from two therapists recommending the procedure.  I also went up to Philadelphia to get my consultation with Dr.  Sharman Leis.  It was over $20,000.  I remember wondering how the heck I would ever manage to save up that much money after checking and finding out my insurance covered none of the expense.

From the beginning, I was determined to have surgery and prepared to do whatever it took to make it happen. I approached my first psychiatrist with purpose, presenting myself as female to demonstrate my seriousness. After over a year of consultations, I raised the need for a second psychiatrist, knowing that two letters of recommendation were required.

My primary psychiatrist referred me to a second and within a few visits, I secured my first surgery letter in May 1990 from my second psychiatrist.  Around the same time, my endocrinologist unexpectedly provided a second letter.  I then asked my first psychiatrist to write his letter, feeling anxious about whether he might refuse.  To my relief, he agreed, confirming to my surgeon that I was a suitable candidate for SRS.  Surgery cost $10,000 then.

With both letters in hand, I eagerly asked if surgery could proceed immediately, but I was told I needed to complete the required two years of living as female.  While this waiting period was frustrating, my desire for surgery kept me focused  and knowing the date was set made it more bearable.  As the surgery date approached, my determination only intensified, but I faced one final hurdle: securing the funds.

In a moment of desperation, I called my psychiatrist in tears, fearing I might not be able to pay. Thankfully, a last minute loan saved the day.  Looking back, my journey was far more about than meeting requirements or overcoming logistical challenges.  It was about affirming the life I had always longed for, even though I had always been female. Every step, from changing my clothes, medication and documents to overcoming emotional and financial obstacles, reflected just how much I wanted this surgery and how determined I was to achieve it.

I wrote a much longer story about this in Sarah's Story.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

Quote from: Sarah B on December 15, 2024, 12:04:15 PMHi Everyone

Natalie you said:

From the beginning, I was determined to have surgery and prepared to do whatever it took to make it happen. I approached my first psychiatrist with purpose, presenting myself as female to demonstrate my seriousness. After over a year of consultations, I raised the need for a second psychiatrist, knowing that two letters of recommendation were required.

My primary psychiatrist referred me to a second and within a few visits, I secured my first surgery letter in May 1990 from my second psychiatrist.  Around the same time, my endocrinologist unexpectedly provided a second letter.  I then asked my first psychiatrist to write his letter, feeling anxious about whether he might refuse.  To my relief, he agreed, confirming to my surgeon that I was a suitable candidate for SRS.  Surgery cost $10,000 then.

With both letters in hand, I eagerly asked if surgery could proceed immediately, but I was told I needed to complete the required two years of living as female.  While this waiting period was frustrating, my desire for surgery kept me focused  and knowing the date was set made it more bearable.  As the surgery date approached, my determination only intensified, but I faced one final hurdle: securing the funds.

In a moment of desperation, I called my psychiatrist in tears, fearing I might not be able to pay. Thankfully, a last minute loan saved the day.  Looking back, my journey was far more about than meeting requirements or overcoming logistical challenges.  It was about affirming the life I had always longed for, even though I had always been female. Every step, from changing my clothes, medication and documents to overcoming emotional and financial obstacles, reflected just how much I wanted this surgery and how determined I was to achieve it.

I wrote a much longer story about this in Sarah's Story.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

That was my experience too. I got so lucky in so many ways. I had heard it could take years and I was passable in months. I had dates with several men where they didn't have a clue on the first date. It got to the point where it hurt having to have the talk and dealing with some really painful rejections.

I was stealth the moment I left the University. I never had to worry about being able to use a restroom. No one ever complained. At the mall while waiting to use the rest room I could engage in conversation with the other woman waiting. More then a few times I was at coffee shops and people would buy my drinks to get to talk to me and try to get my number.

The ultimate ego boost though was going to dinner with my other trans friends I meet at support groups and having the server think I was cis and there to support the other members of our party.

Transitioning for me was more a matter of taking the little bit of money I had each month and paying for therapy to keep pushing the standards of care progress needle as fast as I could. Then whatever else I had paid for facial hair removal, endocrinologist appointments, hrt, and voice training.

Hi Natalie

There are so many similarities in our stories.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMThat was my experience too.  I got so lucky in so many ways.  I had heard it could take years and I was passable in months.  I had dates with several men where they didn't have a clue on the first date.  It got to the point where it hurt having to have the talk and dealing with some really painful rejections.

Lucky?  No, I wasn't just lucky I was extremely lucky.  Two Christmases before I changed my life around, I went on a holiday as Sarah.  I never hesitated about doing it.  I changed my clothes, put on some makeup and styled my hair in a plait or a French braid.  My new avatar shows how long my hair was and that was barely three months in.  I believe my long hair was key to how I was received.  I got into my car and traveled across Australia like I had been doing it forever.  At the time, I had no idea about "passing" or even what stealth was.  Even still to this day I just cannot understand how I did it.

I never struggled to get a date and though I never went beyond a couple, it was because my safety was always paramount.  Yes, it was painful letting some of them go.  I kept my personal life very private and that is what hurt me the most.  Although I wanted to continue some relationships, I wasn't able to because I hadn't yet had surgery.  That didn't happen until one year after my surgery.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMI was stealth the moment I left the University.  I never had to worry about being able to use a restroom.  No one ever complained.  At the mall while waiting to use the rest room I could engage in conversation with the other woman waiting.  More then a few times I was at coffee shops and people would buy my drinks to get to talk to me and try to get my number.

Before I changed my life, I wanted to go to university, but that wasn't possible where I lived.  When I left my family and friends behind that was in Feb 1989, my plan was to attend university.  However, I wanted to do it as me, but the paperwork at the time didn't allow it.  It wasn't until 1994 that I finally went.  As for restrooms, they were never an issue for me.  Since I was female, I used the female facilities without hesitation.  It felt natural and right.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMThe ultimate ego boost though was going to dinner with my other trans friends I meet at support groups and having the server think I was cis and there to support the other members of our party

I never associated with any groups because I wondered, "What could they help me with?" Some individuals caused me trouble.  I never considered myself "trans" anything back then, those words weren't really around at the time.  I didn't even think of myself as female, even though I lived as one.  I guess I was so naïve about myself.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMTransitioning for me was more a matter of taking the little bit of money I had each month and paying for therapy to keep pushing the standards of care progress needle as fast as I could.  Then whatever else I had paid for facial hair removal, endocrinologist appointments, hrt and voice training.

When I changed my life, I had a technical trade known as a draftsperson and held a certificate in Civil Engineering, which allowed me to design roads and draw roads and bridges.  Within three months, I was working full-time as a contract draftsperson.  I went from a government job paying about $20 an hour to contract work that paid around $30.

This gave me enough money for everything I needed therapy, medicines and electrolysis for hair removal along with my day-to-day living expenses.  The money for surgery was basically already there.  I had a $5,000 savings investment and bought a property for $5,000.  It was getting the loan against my property that nearly derailed me.

Yeah, those were fun times and I was care free.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

Quote from: Sarah B on December 16, 2024, 12:21:10 AMI never struggled to get a date and though I never went beyond a couple, it was because my safety was always paramount.  Yes, it was painful letting some of them go.  I kept my personal life very private and that is what hurt me the most.  Although I wanted to continue some relationships, I wasn't able to because I hadn't yet had surgery.  That didn't happen until one year after my surgery.

It was the same for me. I was preop. He was so cute. I was two months from having SRS. I had the money and the procedure booked. On our second date we went to dinner and then a movie. He walked me back to my car after the movie and we kissed before I got into the car. It was amazing. I just about melted as the tingling ran down my back.

We had another date and I asked him what he was looking for long term and where he thought it was going. He wanted to start a family but wasn't open to the idea of adapting when I told him I couldn't have children of my own. It was like a mental switch went off in his his head. I didn't even bother to tell him I was trans since what did it matter at that point. I remember being really depressed about that. It was the one thing HRT couldn't make possible.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 16, 2024, 12:21:10 AMBefore I changed my life, I wanted to go to university, but that wasn't possible where I lived.  When I left my family and friends behind that was in Feb 1989, my plan was to attend university.  However, I wanted to do it as me, but the paperwork at the time didn't allow it.  It wasn't until 1994 that I finally went.  As for restrooms, they were never an issue for me.  Since I was female, I used the female facilities without hesitation.  It felt natural and right.

When I went to college I had no idea transitioning was even possible. There was a short story someone gave me called Remixed around this time. It was a story about a guy that was going to commit suicide and some kind of spirit asked him if he wanted a do over but with all that he had learned from this time through. The catch was one letter being changed which of course was his gender marker. I remember reading and rereading the story and thinking that would be amazing and then finally just getting depressed with the reality of being stuck. If I had known then I would have started right then and there.

Merry Christmas Natalie Rene!

I am so glad you have come back here to post.


Take care.


Chrissy

I went down to visit my parents for Christmas this year. It was a long trip. I had my hair done and decided to try red. My mom has suggested the color for years and I thought this year what the heck. I got this portrait made to finally get my Mom to agree to take down the old photo of me in my Naval uniform while in school.

What a major milestone to have that reminder removed finally.

While I was down there I spent time with my youngest sister. She is struggling after her bought with cancer. It's hard to watch her grow weaker. She has United Healthcare and they have been nothing but a detriment delaying treatment. Now she has major migraines that are debilitating and United Healthcare is denying on the guise of second guessing the doctors. She has been supportive of me and it's been hard watching her struggling and not being able to help more.

Hi Natalie

Absolutely Stunning

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
@NatalieRene

Radiant my dear XXX

Quote from: Sarah B on January 10, 2025, 01:25:50 AMHi Natalie

Absolutely Stunning

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
@NatalieRene

14 years of hrt. Interestingly enough just the estradiol pills and nothing else.

The cherry on top was this was the first year that my sisters in laws didn't try to make a huge deal about making me feel better and just talked to me.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 06:58:25 AM14 years of hrt. Interestingly enough just the estradiol pills and nothing else.

The cherry on top was this was the first year that my sisters in laws didn't try to make a huge deal about making me feel better and just talked to me.

That is a gorgeous portrait, Nat.

I went red this winter too, but an unintentionally darker shade. You look great!

Sorry to hear about your youngest sister. I know what it is like to watch as a loved one fades away.

This is the other photo I picked from the portrait session. I ended up going with the first photo because I was worried this photo made my shoulders look too wide.

Natalie,


You are beautiful, and I have enjoyed your postings here over the years.


Christine

Natalie, I'm honestly at a loss for words, just wow. I agree with your mom, Sarah and Lori Red fits you well.

So, it is true how unpredictable and transformative starting HRT can be, and it's good to see photos of your progress and how it  have come naturally to you. Thank you for sharing.

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones. I hope this year brings you continued growth and joy.

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your sister. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and your family. Please know you're in my thoughts, and I'm wishing her comfort and peace during this time.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 12:27:08 PMThis is the other photo I picked from the portrait session. I ended up going with the first photo because I was worried this photo made my shoulders look too wide.

I don't think it makes your shoulders look wide. It is a beautiful portrait.
I like the other one more because this one has your face partially hidden in shadow. But it is still a beautiful portrait.

Quote from: Lilis on January 10, 2025, 12:46:02 PMNatalie, I'm honestly at a loss for words, just wow. I agree with your mom, Sarah and Lori Red fits you well.

So, it is true how unpredictable and transformative starting HRT can be, and it's good to see photos of your progress and how it  have come naturally to you. Thank you for sharing.

You sound like my Mom. She was like I didn't realize how much muscle on your upper body is gone. That my neck is so thin now. Of course since I last posted in the weight loss topic I'm holding at 135 pounds and have been running and swimming heavily to maintain my figure.

My endocrinologist said I responded to the hrt much faster than he expected and had far greater results too. The original spiel was along the lines of this isn't a magic pill. You have to be prepared for minimal results. The results for me have far exceeded anything I could have asked for.

Before I moved to Texas. I think it was around 2014 my middle sister was getting married. My youngest sister was invited to the bridal party. My sister sent me a regular invitation that extended family got. So everyone else was literally in a place of honor and there would be me off in the corner. I didn't go to the wedding.

My sister and I had our spat and I think her husband try's to put on a good persona but when he first met me before introductions he was all, oh let me open the door, would you like a drink, miss this and miss that can I get your coat. As soon as he realized who I was when everyone else got in the room he backed up and didn't say anything to me the rest of the time I was there. It was like, yeah right back at you buddy.

It's why I have always been more than a little disdainful of my sisters in laws.

This trip was different though. I don't know if it was because of my younger sister or if they actually have stopped thinking of me as that trans person. But it was actually just small talk oh I like your blouse, who did your hair.

It was also the first time going out where no one on their side of the family never made a "mistake" to out me where we are at and draw attention to me. Although I did hear a hushed mumble from my sister's husband asking her "they don't realize that he's a guy." I was about to say something but before I could my Mom spoke up and rebuked him for being hurtful of me and that if he cannot speak well of her daughter then he could leave and wasn't welcome for dinner.

Quote from: Lilis on January 10, 2025, 12:46:02 PMBelated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones. I hope this year brings you continued growth and joy.

Thank you. I hope this year is good for you all too.

Quote from: Lilis on January 10, 2025, 12:46:02 PMI'm deeply sorry to hear about your sister. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and your family. Please know you're in my thoughts, and I'm wishing her comfort and peace during this time.

Thank you. She has been my biggest supporter. I'm so happy that she is in remission. She's always had migraines but these are bad and she just lays in bed. United Healthcare says that the pills the doctor want to give her might cause seizures so they won't pay. I got mad because that sounds an awful lot like the health insurance company is practicing medicine instead of paying the doctors that practice medicine. The actual doctors think she needs the medication.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMI got mad because that sounds an awful lot like the health insurance company is practicing medicine instead of paying the doctors that practice medicine. The actual doctors think she needs the medication.

That seems to be the way health insurance works now.

Doctor to Pharmacy: "She needs this medicine."
Pharmacy to Insurance: "She needs this medicine."
Insurance Company: "Does she really? Let's ask her doctor."

 

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 10, 2025, 02:36:09 PMI don't think it makes your shoulders look wide. It is a beautiful portrait.
I like the other one more because this one has your face partially hidden in shadow. But it is still a beautiful portrait.

Really you don't think my shoulders are too wide? I'm still nervous about leaving too much shoulder visible because I've always felt my shoulders were too wide. I guess it's just the ever present dysphoria mind worms.

I don't even notice my face was partially in shadow in this one. I guess it worked out that I picked the other one to get a large copy of and framed.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMYou sound like my Mom. She was like I didn't realize how much muscle on your upper body is gone. That my neck is so thin now. Of course since I last posted in the weight loss topic I'm holding at 135 pounds and have been running and swimming heavily to maintain my figure.

Haha, I'm happy to sound like your mom. But honestly, I'm not sure where all this wisdom is coming from. But I have to agree with her here again, your neck, shoulders, and every other feature, like your jaw, lips, cheeks, brows, eyes, lashes, and nose, all align perfectly. You look amazing!

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMOf course since I last posted in the weight loss topic I'm holding at 135 pounds and have been running and swimming heavily to maintain my figure.

Nice, I can't imagine getting to 135 pounds myself. But since starting HRT, I've lost 20 pounds and am currently at 190. At 5'9", my goal is to reach a healthy weight for a woman of my height, which is max of 160 pounds based on my personal research.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMMy endocrinologist said I responded to the hrt much faster than he expected and had far greater results too. The original spiel was along the lines of this isn't a magic pill. You have to be prepared for minimal results. The results for me have far exceeded anything I could have asked for.

That's amazing, a true blessing, whether you call it fortune, luck, or something else. So much for 'doctors know best, right? I find your journey incredibly inspirational, especially for those who value passing. There's so much they can learn from your experience.

I also admire your humility, especially when you mentioned that passing doesn't fix everything. As just a suggestion, and only if you feel comfortable, maybe consider using one of your portraits as a profile picture. The reason I say this is that, they may eventually get buried in the thread over time. A profile picture would act as a beacon, letting your light shine visibly for others to see and appreciate. But, of course, only do it if it feels right to you.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMBefore I moved to Texas. I think it was around 2014 my middle sister was getting married. My youngest sister was invited to the bridal party. My sister sent me a regular invitation that extended family got. So everyone else was literally in a place of honor and there would be me off in the corner. I didn't go to the wedding.

My sister and I had our spat and I think her husband try's to put on a good persona but when he first met me before introductions he was all, oh let me open the door, would you like a drink, miss this and miss that can I get your coat. As soon as he realized who I was when everyone else got in the room he backed up and didn't say anything to me the rest of the time I was there. It was like, yeah right back at you buddy.

It's why I have always been more than a little disdainful of my sisters in laws.

Sorry you had to go through this, Natalie. It's always painful to feel undervalued by people who should celebrated you as family. Your decision not to attend the wedding makes complete sense, I would have done the same. Honestly, good for you for standing your ground and not letting your sister's in-laws or your sister husband behavior define your worth, I love it.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMThis trip was different though. I don't know if it was because of my younger sister or if they actually have stopped thinking of me as that trans person. But it was actually just small talk oh I like your blouse, who did your hair.

It was also the first time going out where no one on their side of the family never made a "mistake" to out me where we are at and draw attention to me. Although I did hear a hushed mumble from my sister's husband asking her "they don't realize that he's a guy." I was about to say something but before I could my Mom spoke up and rebuked him for being hurtful of me and that if he cannot speak well of her daughter then he could leave and wasn't welcome for dinner.

You look absolutely amazing and have been blessed with the gift of passing. I don't know what your sister-in-laws look like, and why they want to out you, but I can't help to sense there might be some envy or jealousy directed toward your appearance. I think it would be wise to be cautious around them. I love your mom, I'm so glad she stood up for you and put your sister's husband in his place, what a jerk.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMThank you. I hope this year is good for you all too.

You're welcome, and thank so much.

~ Lilis