My journey of my life. I am 45 now living as my true self in life and married to a great husband in my life for 20 years. Being the 3rd oldest of 4 brothers, knew I was different from them growing up as a child and did not know what it was at first. Then at age 10, I realized that I felt that I was a girl from the inside bottling it up for a long time keeping the closet closed up. I felt guilty doing this and was hurting inside big time. Then in March of 1999 at age 20, knew I had to come out and it was time. I knew bottling it up more was not the answer. Finally one weekend home from school one weekend, knew it was time to do it and that closet needed to be opened up. I had the courage to tell my parents that I needed to come out about something and they listened. Did it after my 2 older brothers came to visit after I told them I will be coming out about something. Got in the living room and finally came out as transgender to my family.It was hard and good thing was that they did think it over. Two weeks later, came to terms about it and said they would rather see me much happier in life than suffer. Diagnosed with gender dysphoria at age 20,decided to transition. My therapist even helped my family out with this. First time I seen the hrt specialist, they saw I was ready for this step and excited. I still remember the first day I went on the estrogen and male hormone blockers. Was excited to take them and mom witnessed it. It was even with the electrolysis I went through. The changes, I noticed it and one was with the effects of the estrogen feeling my skin was getting softer into my 3rd month of my transition. Loved shopping for my new wardrobe as well, was much easier. Had my FFS and breast augmentation at age 21,was glad to see my male face was gone. Transitioned until I was 22 and decided not to have the GRS. Love life, it was horrible at first being treated as a sex object dumping them. Then came when I met my husband that took it well. I was 22 and  told him I am a pre op mtf. The words out of mouth was he was attracted to transgender women and will always love and accept me for who I am. Age 24, asked me to marry him telling him yes and we have been happy together ever since. My family has been good to me,know I became a much happier daughter and sister

@NikkiM
Dear Nikki:
I think it is wonderful that you have started your own personal Blog thread.  It will not only allow you to track your progress but your personal thread will be in effect your personal transition journal.  Just writing details out like you have done already is not only a good recap for your readers and followers but it also can be good personal therapy for you as well. 

As you might already be aware, I have my personal transition thread here on the Forums but I also keep a personal pen & paper journal at home complete with colorful doodling and appropriate snapshot photos.  I have kept a personal journal since I was in Junior High School... we called them "Diaries" back then.
I find that when I have difficult issues that I am working through that writing down my thoughts helps me to ponder and to formulate positive solutions.    When things are going well, I certainly write about those things as well.

As your Blog thread garners more regular readers and followers you can expect joyful and congratulatory responses to your good news and when your news is not so good, you will find your readers and followers offering their ears to listen and their shoulders for you to lean on.

On cold and rainy nights when I am staying in, I often find myself in my comfy chair in front of my fireplace thumbing through and reviewing my journals, that is when I can gain insights as to what I need to do to overcome future difficulties and to see how to avoid future problems....  I can spend hours just reading and reminiscing about my past life events, sometimes with laughter, and sometimes with tears in my eyes.

I have carefully read and digested your very first introduction postings and your other postings that you had submitted on other Forum threads and topics ever since you became a member about 2 weeks ago.

I will be eagerly following your new Blog thread; please, if you will, continue to keep it updated as you feel comfortable doing.

The subject title that you have chosen for your Blog thread "Nikki's journey" is a positive and wonderful way to start out with your Blog and your journey.

Here on the Forum you will certainly come across many like-minded members here, some will become very good friends as you share your thoughts with one-another on the various threads around the Forums but also in Personal Message exchanges.

Thank you for starting and posting your new personal Blog thread.... .
...you will find it quite beneficial to you and perhaps it will provide help and encouragement to others that read it.

Your Blog thread can become your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and followers can find you and leave their comments and thoughts for you

Whenever you have questions regarding Susan's Place and the Forum please feel free to message me.

HUGS and well wishes,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]  Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
The Forum Administrator

It has and do have a photobook with my family and I during the transition. Toughest part was my family saying goodbye to the unhappy brother and son in the 5th month of my transition staying as Nikki. Went through the legal name and gender change on my birth certificate in 5th month of my transition. I was happy about that too. It was at the SOS with the change on my driver's license too changed to Nikki Michelle and female on it. I was excited to see when it came in. Dad walked me down the aisle when I married my husband. Employment was tough, I was treated like crap at my last work place. A high school math teacher, principal whom is in prison for sexual assault did sexually assault me and would not take no for an answer. I am seeing a therapist for that ordeal which my recovery is going well. My new work place where I start next month, much better work environment treated the same. They are open minded and have told them I am a pre op MTF. Principal there knows no means no and was raised right to treat females right. My sexuality, I discovered that I am attracted to men and pre op mtf transsexuals. Husband is supportive of me for this   

My decision not to have the GRS came down to if I would regret it. Luckily I did my research and some decide not to have this done before I made the decision. Felt it would be a regret for me to have it done and I would be happy as a pre op

Quote from: NikkiM on August 21, 2024, 12:46:11 PMMy decision not to have the GRS came down to if I would regret it. Luckily I did my research and some decide not to have this done before I made the decision. Felt it would be a regret for me to have it done and I would be happy as a pre op

The decision to have surgery or not comes down to what you need to accept yourself. No one else can make that decision for you. It is your body and no one is going to live in it except you. Some people do not require hormones. For some hormones are enough. For some surgery is absolutely necessary.

I am glad that you did your research first and that your decision was one based upon knowledge and not misinformation.

Lori

Hi Nikki

As Lori said, basically it is up to the individual and only that individual on whether they go ahead with anything that will change their body.  Since it is your body and you have to live with it.  We have members that do not want hormones or surgery and live with their condition, members that want hormones and surgery but cannot for various reasons.  Then there are the likes of me choose hormones and surgery.

It is good to hear that you did your research.  However, I never researched anything about my condition and I have never regretted turning my life around.  So around here on Susan's we accept you for who you are.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Lori Dee
@NikkiM

I also talked to other pre op transwomen including post op too for advice that have made the decision that decided to have the GRS and not have the GRS done. The ones that that had it done, said they did have regrets at first and decided to live with the decision to have it done.

Quote from: NikkiM on August 21, 2024, 09:19:55 PMThe ones that that had it done, said they did have regrets at first and decided to live with the decision to have it done.

Nationwide studies report that less than 1% of transgender of either MtF or FtM have post-operative regrets. I think this is because normal people do not just jump at the chance to have any surgery, and the requirements to have gender-affirming surgery provide plenty of time to make absolutely certain that this is what they want. So, after going through all of that, more than 99% are happy with their decision.

Source: National Institute of Health
Source: American Journal of Surgery
Source: Journal of the American Medical Association

Also glad to have my husband's family in my life, They have loved and accepted me in with open arms. They saw he was different and he did come out to them that he liked transsexual women and they support him 100%. My good friends, they noticed  I became much happier through my transition and supported me. Say I am the same person but much happier to this day.

I agree that this surgical decision is personal and must be made with great thought and clarity.

Chrissy

My husband's family, all I have to say is they have been great accepting me in. First time meeting his family, I was nervous doing this. Then that went away, said they are open minded and see me like any normal person in life. I was relieved they said that and see me as a daughter and sister in law

Quote from: NikkiM on October 13, 2024, 08:44:45 AMMy husband's family, all I have to say is they have been great accepting me in. First time meeting his family, I was nervous doing this.Then that went away, said they are open minded and see me like any normal person in life. I was relieved they said that and see me as a daughter and sister in law

One of the aspects of transgender as a concept that works better than the 1960s concept of transsexuality is how transgender highlights gender dysphoria - in part - as being a reaction to discrimination by society.

Take away the discrimination and some of us are happy with different gender expression short of SRS.

Finding a personal balance can be hard because even people who are transgender can find it difficult to conceive there is a middle ground, plus the system is still geared up toward a progression from diagnosis through hormones to surgery.

Mix the light at the end of the tunnel nature of that pathway in with the early battles people fight with their own scripts, together with limited options to escape the experience of dysphoria because of the people around them, and I'm more surprised anyone comes out normal than I am at the mental health issues most of us experience.

This is where a good therapist really pays off, but for you it sounds as if your husband and his family have filled in that role pretty much. I'm pleased for you, because you've found a haven the system doesn't make clear is even on the map :-)

Quote from: TanyaG on October 13, 2024, 10:03:26 AMOne of the aspects of transgender as a concept that works better than the 1960s concept of transsexuality is how transgender highlights gender dysphoria - in part - as being a reaction to discrimination by society.

Take away the discrimination and some of us are happy with different gender expression short of SRS.

Finding a personal balance can be hard because even people who are transgender can find it difficult to conceive there is a middle ground, plus the system is still geared up toward a progression from diagnosis through hormones to surgery.

Mix the light at the end of the tunnel nature of that pathway in with the early battles people fight with their own scripts, together with limited options to escape the experience of dysphoria because of the people around them, and I'm more surprised anyone comes out normal than I am at the mental health issues most of us experience.

This is where a good therapist really pays off, but for you it sounds as if your husband and his family have filled in that role pretty much. I'm pleased for you, because you've found a haven the system doesn't make clear is even on the map :-)

They have, have taught me they will never judge me at all

Happy Thanksgiving Nikki!

Chrissy

Merry Christmas Nikki!

Chrissy