I have been on HRT for about 2 months. 2 months on Spiro and 1 month of estrogen. I feel my protocol is a low dose, and or time between injections of estrogen is too large for the dose.

Recently I've noticed that I am more angry and or mad the days following taking a shot of estrogen.

Only thing I have noticed is that I maybe feeling emotions a little more than I would normally feel them. Happier happy, lower sadness, even crying or tearing up more.

Even when I was on testosterone I never felt like I woke up angry and wanting to fight the world which is how I felt those days after taking estrogen when I was feeling angry.

Does that mean I'm just a angry person?

Anyways I'm even more confused after starting estrogen. I thought it would be a more clear definitive path after starting but it has not made anything more clear for me.

I am considering stopping all hrt till I figure it out. I honestly just don't know.

If I stop and all the thoughts and feelings return does that mean the hrt was working? Or is HRT bringing up more issues. I honestly don't feel I like what I am becoming. I feel like I look like a cancer patient or someone that's dying. I feel I am a shadow of my old self. Even if I wasn't happy or being an authentic version of my self it was authentic enough to protect me and get me through life and this harsh world.

I never thought I was a handsome man, but I've been told that I am a very good looking man, now I feel I can't say that at all, I feel I have become a shell of my former self and look like a person who is dying of cancer or something.

Any advice or suggestions or even if you have had similar experiences, anything would get greatly appreciated.

Hi. Sorry you are struggling. I hope you have a good therapist knowledgeable with gender diverse people, if not, then do that right away.

HRT isn't for everybody. Maybe it isn't right for you, that is possible. It wasn't right for one of my friends, for a variety of reasons.

I know for me that when I first changed my hormones it really allowed for a bunch of emotions to finally come to the surface. The emotions had always been there, I just finally felt like I could acknowledge them instead of continuing to try and stuff them back down. So I began to accept my emotions and then I began to work with my therapist to find the root of those emotions.

So clearly you are angry. Do you know what is driving that anger?

I would ask the doc to check your hormone levels as soon as possible. See if they can do one test after one week post-injection and another the day before. That will give them an average of what your levels are doing.

I noticed that I am most emotional when my hormones are rollercoastering up and down. You are still adjusting, so I would not stop yet. Get your levels checked. If they are fine, then as Kelly (NadineSpirit) pointed out, maybe this isn't the route for you.

Remember what I warned you about? Pay attention to your moods. If there is any sign that this isn't right, then maybe there is something else going on. First, find out if it is medical. If not, then talk to the therapist and make sure she understands how you are feeling.

Do not feel obligated to transition if that is not your path. Take a deep breath, relax, and work on figuring it out.

No matter what, we are still here for you!

Hi Robby

Robyn, I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.  It must be so frustrating and confusing to experience these emotions, especially since you have not been on HRT for long.

I want to share that in my case I had no problems with HRT.  I was not moody in any way and I think being busy with life at the time helped me stay focused and not notice many changes.  However, I also know that everyone reacts differently and what you are going through is valid.

As Nadine mentioned, it might help to ask yourself, "Why are you angry?"  Taking time to reflect on that question might give you some insight into whether the feelings you are experiencing are tied to HRT, something deeper or maybe a combination of both.

I really think you should talk openly with your therapist about what is happening.  They can help you work through these feelings and consider whether temporarily stopping HRT might be helpful to figure out what is going on.  It does not mean giving up.  It just means making sure you are taking care of yourself and doing what is best for your health and emotional well being.

You are not alone in this and it is okay to take a step back to reassess.  Be kind to yourself as you work through this and know that there are people who care and want to support you.  I hope you get the clarity and peace you need soon.

Take care and all the best for the future and have a Happy New Year.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Robbyv213
@Nadine Spirit
@Lori Dee

Hey Robby!

Changes in how we process emotions is to be expected and can be a lot to adjust to... Give yourself time... we are seeing ourself, our world, situations and others through very new eyes... Also, work with your doctor because finding a good dosage takes communication about how you are feeling and checking your blood levels to make sure you are in a safe range... a very good aspect of injections, which it sounds like you are using is that the dosage can be easily fine tuned.

It is easy for the new emotional levels to feel overwhelming but, you will find your way!

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Robby, so sorry you are experiencing this, and it may be due to your HRT dosages. I don't know your doses (please do not post them) or your history, so I am not giving any advice, but there are some basics you should know. Spiro is meant to reduce your Testosterone, and Estrogen to increase your Estradiol until it becomes dominant. Depending on which Estrogen (Valerate or Cypionate) you are on, your dose has a half life, i.e. how long it is effective for. It can be as low as 3.5 or 8 days. This may mean that you have elevated effects for a couple of days after you inject, possibly making you more emotional, then flat until you get your next dose.

Competent doctors should prescribe HRT to avoid peaks and troughs as much as possible, but unfortunately many doctors are operating from methods developed last century. Because of this, it is well worth learning as much as you can about modern methods of HRT, and finding a doctor who is current in their knowledge. No patient should go through what you are describing.

Hugs,

Allie

Everyone seems to react a little different to HRT over time.  There are more common results, there are less common results.  Timing of body changes differ.  There are many threads here on "what to expect from HRT" to be explored.

Some changes may be considered to be positive changes while others may be troublesome.  There are mental, emotional, and physical changes. 

One slightly bothersome change for me is what appears to be body fat accumulating in my upper arms. 

So, consider exploring these other threads or topics to possibly learn more about what others have experienced.

Chrissy

Just to agree with others, I feel a blood level test is in order. Most doctors start you out on patches at a low dose to give the body time to adjust. Injections are more direct and give much higher spikes and troughs. When my E gets low, I tend to get bit angered for no apparent reason.
The other thought is there are underlying emotional conditions that need to be worked out. Something to work on with your therapist. If you decide to take a break for a while, that's ok too. Many do. Transitioning is a very serious step and one must be sure that this is right for them.
I wish you all the best and we are here for you.
Hugs Gina

Thank you everyone for all the advice.

OP. I'm new to the susans community. and I can tell you I went through something similar. and reading through the advice I think the advice is spot on.

To share my experience I started HRT, I choose online affirming care...did injections for  5 weeks and quit. no blockers, I wasn't feeling right, highs,lows, deep grief, anger and irritability swings mid week.  And...to be real I probably wasn't in the right mental state to begin, having gone through a divorce, having a lot of loss in my life, deciding final to just do it and try it, after decades of not. I probably could have used a good coach/doctor/endo/therapist. I'm pretty sure its why I failed.

I think everyone's journey is diff and I do think one can NOT physically transition and still BE a trans woman. Everyone close to me, my kids, my ex, my siblings all know I See myself as a Trans woman, just not transitioning. and sexual orientation I am bi.

Yet to be real..my secret and deepest desire is to physically transition. I just have to find local help that will see and support me and get me the things I need to do it. Thats been really hard for me.