Just before noon on Christmas Eve, I received a call from a nurse at my dad's care facility. They let us know he probably would not make it through the night. Before we could finish packing we received another call, he had passed away. One of his neighbors (a nurse) was with him, so he wasn't alone. The neighbor removed all of his personal belongings and took them back to his house (she has a key). The funeral home picked up his remains around 4:00pm. The hospice told us there was no need to drive down there on Christmas Eve, so we will go Thursday morning. My dad prearranged his funeral, so all we will need to do is set the time and date. So far, we have only told my brother and his wife. They agreed that we should wait until after Christmas to contact friends and relatives. Watching him slowly fade away these last few months has been difficult, but we all knew this day was coming. Now that he's gone, it's actually a relief. He is no longer in pain.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Jess,

My heart reaches out to you.

I hope that all goes smoothly with your travels and his final arrangements.


Love and hugs,

Christine

HUGs dear XXXXX

Thank you for all that you share with us. Wonderful to see you respond to the pain of your loss by shifting your perspective to being in his shoes, glad to move on. May you continue to savor his continuing presence, influence, and inspiration.

Very sorry for your loss, Jessica. Hugs Gina

I am so sorry to hear your news, Jessica.  Christmas is such a tough time to lose someone.


Hugs,

Emma

Thanks everyone...

One of my relatives mentioned that my dad wore the same suit to every occasion that required 'dressing up'. Weddings, funerals, it didn't matter, the same suit every time. Now this fictional conversation is running through my head:

Me: Dad, Why don't you get a new suit?
Dad: They're too expensive. This one is fine.
Me: It hopelessly out of style.
Dad: I don't care.
Me: Come on dad, you would look great in a new suit!
Dad: Over my dead body!
Me: Hey dad, I got you that new suit.

It's grey, along with a white shirt and a new burgundy tie. It's the first men's clothing I've bought in years. At least he can't complain about it.

I've contacted most (possibly all) of our relatives. Some I have never met. I wasn't sure who all of his friends are, he never added the names and numbers to the directory on his phone. I reviewed his call history and I put all of the phone numbers who had called his phone in a spreadsheet, then cross-referenced them with his rolodex. It was a bit time consuming, but I was able to contact several of his friends.

I'm going through old photos now, trying to scan them and clean them up. The funeral home is going show them during the visitation on Friday, with the service directly after.

Love always -- Jess

You are a good daughter Jess. 

Very logical process you followed.  Nicely done.


Hugs,


Chrissy

My dad's funeral is today. Susan forgot to bring her black dress, but I brought enough appropriate clothing for both of us. So, ironically, today Susan will be wearing one of my dresses.

If everything goes to plan, which is usually quite rare, all of my dad's descendants and their families will meet up at my dad's house this evening. I think it's the first time we will all be together since my mom passed away nearly five years ago.

We plan to go home Sunday afternoon, but we'll still be making frequent trips to my dad's house. It's going to take a lot of work to clear out nearly 50 years of memories. Settling the estate will also take some time. If I'm lucky, maybe we can be done with this chapter by the end of the year.

Love always -- Jess

Hi Jessica and Susan

I was thinking of you both today and wanted to reach out. I hope everything went as smoothly as possible for your dad's funeral and that the gathering at his house brought some comfort and connection for your family.

I know what it's like. My mum passed two and a half years ago and I'm still sorting through her stuff. It takes time to go through everything so be gentle with yourself as you work through it all.

Sending you both love and support during this difficult time.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Jessica_Rose @Susan_Rose

Jessica!

I just saw this... I am so very sorry for your loss sister! Sending good wishes to you, your family and all who knew your dad!...

Hugs and Love!

Ashley 💕

More cyber hugs dear, hoping it all went okay and you get home safely. XXXX

I hope all is going smoothly

@Jessica_Rose
         

Thanks, everyone.

The funeral went well, and the military honor guard job did a great job. I think the gathering we had at my dad's house was the largest one ever, 19 relatives. People came from Georgia, Mississippi, Texas, Wisconsin, Missouri, and Arkansas. Many of them had never met, but everything went smoothly.

I was one of the first to break the rules. I had ordered food for everyone, and the dining areas quickly filled. I decided to eat in the living room, which had always been forbidden. Someone pointed this out, and I replied 'it's OK, I no longer have any adult supervision'. There were also some ceiling lights which my dad had always warned us never to turn on, because they are hard to reach and would be difficult to replace. Yep, I turned those dad boys on.

I continued breaking the rules on Saturday. Sophia was passing through town and had time to visit, so I picked her and Bree up at a nearby truck stop and brought them to the house for lunch. Bree is Sophia's canine companion. Although my parents had dogs for decades, they were never allowed inside. Bree gleefully broke that rule, and she was very well-mannered.

Susan and I are home again, but we will need to continue our weekly visits. Clearing out the house is going to take a lot of time, but I don't want this take longer than necessary. Over the last week or two, I spent many hours clearing out the attic. It was cramped, dusty, and mostly full of trash, but that's done. All of our relatives had ample time to pick out some mementoes from the house, so now it's a bit of a treasure hunt to see what may be hidden around the house. There were lots of Avon bottles, Hull and McCoy pottery, and well over a hundred bars of soap. One of our neighbors has already provided the names of places where we can donate items no one wants.

Love always -- Jess

Jessica...

I wish you all the best in your archeological digging to come... you will find many things long forgotten, many things that make you smile and many things that mystify! 😅

My 97 year old aunt passed in early 2023 and was very much a pack rat with a house that was packed to the rafters...She hadn't really thrown away mail for 15 years or so and somewhere in all of it were the documents needed to file the five years of taxes we found out hadn't been filed 😅 The house being a five hour drive away added complication but, my husband and I got through it all...


This stuff can certainly feel a bit overwhelming... there is so much to the process of settling out someone's life affairs but, it gets more and more under control as you keep chipping away... I would love to hear what you find in the house that brings back the biggest smile with the memories it holds!...


I miss my aunt and our daily phone conversations every day... She was an amazing lady!

Hugs,

Ashley 💕

PS... Keep breaking rules sister! 😀👍

Jess, you are such a rebel! I love it.

I loved going through older homes that had been abandoned, or that I had rented. You would be surprised at what you find stashed away in the rafters, under a "loose" floorboard, in the basement walls. I have found collections of old foreign coins, antique spectacles, an old pocket knife, a pair of string knives, old foreign postage stamps, and a roll of Mercury head dimes.

Now it is much easier to search with a metal detector to scan the walls, but I suspect the most treasured items you might find will not be metal. Some small trinkets or knickknacks can hold a higher sentimental value than their appraised value.

Lori,

You are both a treasure hunter and gold digger.  Good for you!

Chrissy

We didn't make our weekly visit to my dad's house this weekend. We received 11 inches of snow yesterday, and the storm track covers half of our usual route to my dad's house. It's 14 degrees (-10C) at our house this morning, and heavy fog just rolled in. It took several hours to clear the snow from our driveway and walkway. The streets will most likely never be plowed, so travel will be difficult for a few more days.

The low temperatures present a problem at my dad's house. The house uses a well. The wellhouse is exposed, and unheated. The pressure tank is in a detached garage, which is also unheated. In the past, my dad would place a 100w incandescent light in both locations to provide a little heat. While that may be sufficient when someone lives there, it doesn't work well when no one is living there. We had a neighbor set up the lights for now. I bought some 'heat tape', and will install it on our next visit. The heat tape is temperature controlled, so manual intervention isn't required.

My dad's lawyer is proving to be unresponsive. I called him again last week, and his receptionist said he would call me by the end of the week. No call, no email. I have called him at least six times since my dad's surgery last March, and I have never been able to speak to him. Since he wrote all of my dad's legal paperwork I would prefer to use his services, but his lack of responsiveness concerns me. His receptionist did give me a little unexpected good news, my dad had the original, signed versions of all the legal paperwork. The original is required for any legal filings. I have it in my possession. I'm concerned that if I return the paperwork we may never see it again, or he will hold it for ransom and force us to use his services. I may be better off selecting a new lawyer.

I'm feeling a little better about my job. I've been overwhelmed by the events of the last few months, and it has been difficult for me to concentrate. I used to multi-task all the time, but now I must focus on one thing to avoid going down a rabbit hole. I have been thinking about retirement quite a bit lately, and my dad's passing should provide enough to make that possible.

We're still thinking about moving again. Susan and I are keeping a list of potential new homes up to date. With the new administration coming in, living in a deep-red state may become intolerable. The leading candidates are still New Mexico (warm) and Colorado (most of our friends).

Love always -- Jess

I'm sorry for your loss Jessica. I'm glad you're honoring your father by being the one to celebrate him by him even if you did break a few of his rules to help with the mood.