Quote from: Robbyv213 on November 20, 2024, 01:29:28 PMI feel nowadays it seems like there aren't as many checkpoints along the way in transition that as long as it's informed consent and you sign the box and say yes I understand you can transition it's like not how it used to be from what I hear. Like Lori d said she had to jump through so many hoops in order to transition and it was a lengthy process for me it wasn't at all. I had one appointment with the va's mental health specialist next thing you knew it a month later I had my appointment with my endocrinologist left with hormones the same day. Granted I was paying out of pocket on my own to see my own therapist and whatnot and I've been struggling with all these thoughts and feelings since childhood so if it hasn't gone away for as long as I've been alive obviously there's something there that needs to be explored and figured out. But I honestly feel that it has been made extremely easy to transition as long as you're over the age of 18 in the United States, which is why I feel there have been so many detransitioners as well in the recent past. Not trying to offend anybody or come off mean or rude that's just my observation and me trying to connect the dots from my observation.

I'm not sure what the process is now but when I transitioned back in 2010 I had to see a therapist and explain to her my feelings and issues. I was so nervous the first day I wasn't able to step into my therapists office. Thankfully I managed the courage to stand by the door and she came out to greet me. After a few months of sessions I was able to get a recommendation to start HRT.

The endocrinologist had a waiting period of a month. That was a very long month for me. Then once I got on hormones I continued to see my therapist. We discussed how I was feeling and if I had any fears or concerns. After three months I started mixing female clothes into my daily atire. Things that didn't stand out much as feminine. I had a really nice pair of woman's kakie pants from Victoria Secret that I absolutely adored and a button down blouse that looked close to a men's button down shirt l. I left it unbuttoned and had a men's tshirt under and had to wear a sports bra for concealment.

Some people "misgendered" me in public calling me miss while I was out in male mode. The most awkward one was with my boss and coworker at lunch and my coworker was like no he's a guy just a rocker. People see what they want to see.

Shortly after that I started my full year of full time. It was required before SRS aka GRS could be approved. My therapist wanted to make sure I was adjusting ok and not having regrets. By the end of the year I had to get a second letter of recommendation from another therapist before the surgeon was willing to do the procedure.

I worked contracts on the side and burned the candle on both ends to save up $20,000 to cover the procedure and a place to recover while under nursing care for the first two weeks after a day in the hospital after the procedure. I thank god for that contract work because it came out of no where and gave me exactly as much as I needed.

The process definitely was gate keeping. I liked my therapist but I always had in the back of my mind she could deny me and then I'm screwed. I was especially nervous about asking to start the hrt. To me it was the point of no return. Once I started that was it and everything clicked into place.

I have mixed feelings about it being easier now. On the one hand not having the fear of rejection sounds nice but then again I saw first hand a friend that transitioned regretted SRS afterwords. Her therapist had waved her right through the process and she ended up missing her old equipment. It's not something to do lightly.

That being said in terms of this subject and detransitioning there is no way I would willingly consider it. My Mom told me when she was trying to talk me out of being a transwoman (explaining it's not a choice to be one that it's only the choice to suffer in silence  was a losing battle) that she was afraid I would end up a man in a woman's body. She only came around after my SRS while I was recovering when she stayed there to take care of me while I recovered. It was the first time she actually used my name and my pronouns . No way would I ever go back.

Quote from: Sephirah on November 22, 2024, 09:38:33 PMI don't really agree because time and people don't work that way. Whatever you do... whatever choices you make every second ticks on. Going back, in this case isn't going back. It's moving forward based on how you feel. How people around you feel.

It doesn't matter how long you've been transitioning. Whatever your physical experience. Just being in that place where you know you don't feel right is a massive catalyst. If you feel transition isn't for you, and you're happier being how you were... that's okay. But once you let the cat out of the bag, you can never put it back in. You have to deal with that, as much as you have to deal with letting it play all over your metaphorical keyboard.

You can't make people un-know things. And when it comes to yourself... that's a thousand times harder to do. Instead of thinking in terms of trying to undo the past, we all need to look at shaping the future. No, I know what you're saying, Chrissy, but going back is not going back. It's going forward with the knowledge and experience you've gained in the process. The moment you take a step on this journey... you keep walking. Whatever that leads to.

There is no rewind function on life.

That extended explanation makes a lot of sense. 

I guess a better or more precise question is not can you go back, but can you revert to living in your birth sex or gender after you have been transitioning? 

Plus I did not use the words, "after you have transitioned," because it may be up to each of us to determine if and when transitioning is over, although living in your new gender is one good indication of that.  My transitioning is not over in every way possible.

Chrissy

I do not want to go back for sure. I also am unsure about going forward.
I am in a sort of life balance now.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 23, 2024, 08:01:02 AMPlus I did not use the words, "after you have transitioned," because it may be up to each of us to determine if and when transitioning is over, although living in your new gender is one good indication of that.  My transitioning is not over in every way possible.

Transition is just a word, sweetie. It describes a process of going from one state of being to another state of being. That doesn't necessarily have to mean a complete outward expression of gender, if that's not what the person wants. It just means a change. And that's for each of us to determine what that change is. If you reach a point where you're happy with your life, who you are, and feel like you can live outwardly rather than inwardly, but didn't come from that point... that's transition. It's what you want it to be. We don't just go through one transition in our lives. Everyone, trans people, cis people... everyone goes through many, many transitions in our lives. Every day... from when we wake to when we sleep, we go through a transition. We change as individuals.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 11, 2024, 08:38:28 PMI do not want to go back for sure. I also am unsure about going forward.
I am in a sort of life balance now.

Chrissy

If I can give you some advice, Chrissy. Something that I struggled with for a long, long time... it's to try to not think about it in those terms. Transition is not a life, it's a process to allow you to better enjoy a life. It's... sort of an antihistamine for a hay fever of the soul, in order to allow you to smell the roses. The severity of which differs for us all. The roses will exist regardless. And be no less beautiful.

If/when the time comes to make those decisions, you'll make them. And they'll be the right ones for you. But your life is more than that, honey. And every day you wake up... every day you learn something new, see something you've never seen, do something you didn't think you could do... be that shoulder for someone to lean on, or cry on... experience something... that's life. And we all spend it moving forwards through it. Experiencing it.

Don't think you're in a holding pattern because you aren't sure what to do with regard to your gender. There is a lot of life to live. A lot of life to love. And to learn. Which may help you better make the decisions you need or want to make. *hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on December 12, 2024, 02:14:32 PMTransition is just a word, sweetie. It describes a process of going from one state of being to another state of being. That doesn't necessarily have to mean a complete outward expression of gender, if that's not what the person wants. It just means a change. And that's for each of us to determine what that change is. If you reach a point where you're happy with your life, who you are, and feel like you can live outwardly rather than inwardly, but didn't come from that point... that's transition. It's what you want it to be. We don't just go through one transition in our lives. Everyone, trans people, cis people... everyone goes through many, many transitions in our lives. Every day... from when we wake to when we sleep, we go through a transition. We change as individuals.

If I can give you some advice, Chrissy. Something that I struggled with for a long, long time... it's to try to not think about it in those terms. Transition is not a life, it's a process to allow you to better enjoy a life. It's... sort of an antihistamine for a hay fever of the soul, in order to allow you to smell the roses. The severity of which differs for us all. The roses will exist regardless. And be no less beautiful.

If/when the time comes to make those decisions, you'll make them. And they'll be the right ones for you. But your life is more than that, honey. And every day you wake up... every day you learn something new, see something you've never seen, do something you didn't think you could do... be that shoulder for someone to lean on, or cry on... experience something... that's life. And we all spend it moving forwards through it. Experiencing it.

Don't think you're in a holding pattern because you aren't sure what to do with regard to your gender. There is a lot of life to live. A lot of life to love. And to learn. Which may help you better make the decisions you need or want to make. *hugs*

Yes.  Living each day, enjoy, take it all in, and keep learning.

Thank you,

Chrissy

99% of the people I know now know (since January 5th 2025) that I'm trans. I can't take that back, but I think I'd still be liked and loved if I changed my mind. I hope this wasn't a mistake, something that plays on my mind. I'm mostly socially transitioned only wearing men's clothing to the gym since coming out.

I've had no surgeries but I am starting HRT later this month.

I do feel I may have done this thing backwards. The pressure to stop hiding was too large for me to resist. Foolish perhaps, but I've been working on this for over two years with almost one year in counselling and two dysphoria diagnoses.

So currently I feel I could go back as I've just started transition. Do I want to? No.

Quote from: sam-1311 on January 11, 2025, 03:29:03 AMI hope this wasn't a mistake, something that plays on my mind.

I played those mind games too. Is this really what I want? What if two therapists and a psychologist were wrong? What if they made a mistake and it isn't gender dysphoria, but maybe just a cross-dressing fetish? What if I transition now and many years later something proves that I am not transgender? How do you explain that to family and friends? And on and on.

Don't make yourself crazy with all of that. You know the truth. You came out before beginning medical transition. No mistake was made. Want proof?

"The pressure to stop hiding was too large for me to resist."
"... I've been working on this for over two years with almost one year in counselling and two dysphoria diagnoses.

So currently I feel I could go back as I've just started transition. Do I want to? No."

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 11, 2025, 09:24:41 AMDon't make yourself crazy with all of that. You know the truth. You came out before beginning medical transition. No mistake was made. Want proof?

"The pressure to stop hiding was too large for me to resist."
"... I've been working on this for over two years with almost one year in counselling and two dysphoria diagnoses.

So currently I feel I could go back as I've just started transition. Do I want to? No."

Thanks Lori, it's so clear isn't it. Yet the consequences... But hey, it's done now. I am getting more comfortable with the idea the longer I am living as me.

Thank you x

Quote from: sam-1311 on January 11, 2025, 04:09:56 PMI am getting more comfortable with the idea the longer I am living as me.

You will be a happier you too.

It isn't all cotton candy and unicorns. There will be rough times. But you have the right attitude and a ton of support from all the members and staff right here.

You got this, sister!

Quote from: sam-1311 on January 11, 2025, 03:29:03 AM99% of the people I know now know (since January 5th 2025) that I'm trans. I can't take that back, but I think I'd still be liked and loved if I changed my mind. I hope this wasn't a mistake, something that plays on my mind. I'm mostly socially transitioned only wearing men's clothing to the gym since coming out.

I've had no surgeries but I am starting HRT later this month.

I do feel I may have done this thing backwards. The pressure to stop hiding was too large for me to resist. Foolish perhaps, but I've been working on this for over two years with almost one year in counselling and two dysphoria diagnoses.

So currently I feel I could go back as I've just started transition. Do I want to? No.

When you want to be loved, you're doomed to fail. When you want to love yourself... that's how people find happiness.

Quote from: Sephirah on January 11, 2025, 04:20:19 PMWhen you want to be loved, you're doomed to fail. When you want to love yourself... that's how people find happiness.

Wow. The first part really hits - I suppose I'm driven to be loved and as you say - doomed to fail.

"When you want to love yourself" - it is probably right, but to the way my mind works it always sounds self-centred. As I say I think you're right. I suppose if I can love myself then I become naturally open and attractive to others and I'm also strong.

Thanks, wise words!

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 11, 2025, 04:12:34 PMBut you have the right attitude and a ton of support from all the members and staff right here.

Thank you. Separating from my wife and eventual divorce - fun - not.

Quote from: sam-1311 on January 11, 2025, 05:02:10 PMWow. The first part really hits - I suppose I'm driven to be loved and as you say - doomed to fail.

"When you want to love yourself" - it is probably right, but to the way my mind works it always sounds self-centred. As I say I think you're right. I suppose if I can love myself then I become naturally open and attractive to others and I'm also strong.

Thanks, wise words!

We are programmed to feel like if we want to love ourselves... that's somehow wrong. Like we don't deserve it, Sam. Like you said.. it sounds self centred. But that's because we've had it battered into us that thinking about what we want and who we are is somehow dirty. It's "Selfish". We should always think about everyone else before we consider who we are and what we want.

You can do both. And I know this because it's how I live my life. You cannot be there for anyone else until you can be there for yourself. You can't presume to know anyone else's life unless you first live your own. And part of that is accepting that it is okay to love yourself. It's okay to follow what you need. You live your life for you first. Everyone else second.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 11, 2024, 08:38:28 PMI do not want to go back for sure. I also am unsure about going forward.
I am in a sort of life balance now.

Chrissy

Transitions are about finding balance with yourself. There is no need to charge forward at all times. Search your feelings and proceed towards balance.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 06:21:08 PMTransitions are about finding balance with yourself. There is no need to charge forward at all times. Search your feelings and proceed towards balance.

Life balance is good.  I have not tipped the scale to move forward again as the balance is good.
No need to.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 11, 2025, 06:28:09 PMLife balance is good.  I have not tipped the scale to move forward again as the balance is good.
No need to.

That's superb.