Quote from: Lori Dee on January 30, 2025, 10:48:54 AMI agree. "It takes one to know one." 

Quote from: Sephirah on January 31, 2025, 03:43:46 PMNo, I'm just a curious, wordy cow.

Lol, killing me! 😂💗

It's true. I know how to say a lot of things that sound smart, but aren't!

If I ever get reincarnated, I'll come back as a lawyer

Confronting My Inner Critic: A Journey Through Transition, Sobriety, and Self-Acceptance

For most of my life, I have lived with a voice inside me, a relentless, nagging presence that always seemed to question my choices, my identity, and my worth. My inner critic was loud, judgmental, and deeply ingrained. It wasn't just self-doubt; it was a force that policed my every move, shaped by trauma, addiction, and the expectations of a world that never seemed ready for me.

At first, I thought this voice was just a part of me, something I had to live with, something I had to obey. But as I started to break free from the chains of its grips, dove deeper into my mental health therapy, and embrace my transition, I realized that my inner critic wasn't protecting me.

It was holding me back. 🔙

Where Did My Inner Critic Come From? 🤔💭

I believe my inner critic was born from fear, not just my own, but the collective fear of the environment I grew up in. My childhood was marked by experiences of trauma, and suppression. I was told, explicitly and implicitly, that I had to conform, that my natural femininity was something to be hidden, that my feelings were too much, that my truth was unacceptable.

My inner critic reinforced the rules that had been placed on me:

"Don't stand out."
"If they see the real you, they will reject you."
"You must be strong and silent, no one will protect you."
"You're not a real woman."

It wasn't just society that shaped this voice. At first, substances drowned out the pain, numbed the shame, and quieted the fear. But in the long run, they fed the very monster I was trying to escape. This phase in my life made my inner critic harsher, convincing me I was beyond redemption. Even when I was sober, the voice lingered, now louder than ever, whispering that I still wasn't good enough.

My Inner Critic and My Transition

One of the biggest battles I've faced has been in my social transition. Taking the steps to live fully as the woman I have always been should have felt liberating, but my inner critic clings to every fear it could find:

"What will property management think?"
"What will my co-workers think?"
"Will the staff, the maintenance crew, or security see me differently?"
"How will the other tenants in the facility react?"
"Am I putting myself in danger?"

Some of these fears are valid, I live in a world where transgender women face real risks. But my inner critic isn't just warning me about safety; it is telling me that I should be afraid, that I should stay silent, that I should hide.


It took me a few therapy sessions to realize that my inner critic isn't always speaking the truth. It speaks from pain, past experiences, and internalized shame. It wasn't trying to harm me; it was trying to keep me safe the only way it knew how:

by keeping me invisible. 😕

Reclaiming My Voice

Through therapy, mindfulness, and deep introspection, I've started challenging my inner critic instead of obeying it.

I've learned to ask it:

"Why are you afraid?"
"What are you trying to protect me from?"
"Is this fear based on reality, or is it a remnant of my past?"

I've realized that I don't have to destroy my inner critic, I have to teach it a new way to protect me.

Instead of letting it keep me trapped in fear, I remind it (and myself):

"I am not the same person I was long ago; I am strong, and healing."
"I deserve to exist as my true self, even if others don't understand."
"I will take my transition at my own pace, I don't have to prove anything to anyone."
"Not everyone will accept me, but that doesn't mean I'm unworthy of love and respect."

Moving Forward

The journey to self-acceptance isn't linear. Some days, my inner critic still gets loud. But now, I know I don't have to listen to every word it says.

I don't have to let it control me. 😊❣️

I am learning to be patient with myself, to allow myself to exist without justification, and to remind myself that I am worthy, not despite my struggles, but because I have overcome them.

If you're reading this and you recognize your own inner critic, know this: You are not broken. You are not alone. And you do not have to live under the weight of that voice forever. Healing is possible. Self-love is possible. Freedom is possible. And step by step, we will get there.

~ Lilis

I've never heard the inner voice described as a critic but it makes sense. My voice is always screaming at me. I remember reading that God speaks in a still soft voice which I never could hear because my critic voice is always screaming at me. It still torments me as if there is someone living in my head. Nice to know I'm not alone! and there is hope.

Lilis,

Wishing you a fabulous week!

Chrissy

Quote from: Gina P on February 10, 2025, 05:43:43 AMI've never heard the inner voice described as a critic but it makes sense.

It depends what frame work your therapist or psychologist if you have one use. My therapist he aplies, (CBT) which is a type of psychotherapy that helps people manage their thoughts and behaviors. It's a combination of cognitive therapy and behavior therapy.

QuoteMy voice is always screaming at me. I remember reading that God speaks in a still soft voice which I never could hear because my critic voice is always screaming at me. It still torments me as if there is someone living in my head.

The inner critic is the medical explanation of this non audible voice that is always with the individual. There are different variations in spirituality that it can mean different things to different beliefs systems.

QuoteNice to know I'm not alone! and there is hope.

I think this is one of the most beautiful things about being transgender, transexual or how the individual feels about their transitioning. We all congregate here and on other similar websites and forums. We all share our life's experiences. We're all different but yet we all have some similarities.

It's nice to know I am not as well. Thank you so much for stopping by, reading, and adding to my blog, Gina. 🫂💗💞

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 10, 2025, 08:02:50 AMLilis,

Wishing you a fabulous week!

Chrissy

Thank you so much Chrissy, a fabulous week to you as well!

🫂💗💞

Letter of support and Name Change info

Hi Lilis,

It was so nice meeting you today. Here is a draft of your letter. Please let me know if it sounds ok to you and if there are any edits you want me to make. Also included the name change information. All you need to do is call and say I referred you. They are very nice I promise. The other attachment is a group that may interest you:)

Take care
Rachel


🙄❤️🌹

Property Management

Hello,

I hope things are going well. Quick question: is there a preferred name you want staff to use for you if other residents are in the same area?

Is referring to you as (last_name) a preferred name in situations like this?

If other residents are not around, when referring to your last name, is "last_name" preferred in general, or is something like "Ms last_name" preferred?

Thanks!

Braxton


🙄❤️🌹

Hair Removal Spa

Hello,

We've forwarded your documents to your_insurance for the claim review. Our front desk staff will contact you once we've received your_insurance determination.

Thank you,

Sam

Insurance Coordinator

Hi Lilis

The following comes to mind:

"Come, Watson, come.  The game is afoot.  Not a word!  Into your clothes and come!"

Absolutely Amazing, You Go Girl.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Quote from: Sarah B on February 19, 2025, 01:11:41 AMHi Lilis

The following comes to mind:

"Come, Watson, come.  The game is afoot.  Not a word!  Into your clothes and come!"

Absolutely Amazing, You Go Girl.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Hahaha 😂, just having some fun!

Oh my God, everything happening all at once.

1. Medical letter for electrolysis/laser

2. Mental health evaluation for electrolysis/laser

3. The hair removal provider submits the claim.

4. Social transitioning where I live.

Now it's a waiting game, let's see how long it takes the insurance company to respond. I have the capacity to pay it for myself, but if I can get them to pay for it, why not? I can use the money for something else.

Pray.... 😊🤞🙏

Hi Lilis

What is happening to you, reminds me of what happened to me, bang one thing after another.  I'm still stunned to this day, how everything went.

I hope everything works out in your favour.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Quote from: Sarah B on February 19, 2025, 02:31:01 AMI'm still stunned to this day, how everything went.

I hope everything works out in your favour.

Wow, that's powerful and I can sense the energy, the joy, the happiness in your words even till this day!

Thank you so much, Sarah! 💖🌹

Quote from: Lilis on February 09, 2025, 03:55:31 PMConfronting My Inner Critic: A Journey Through Transition, Sobriety, and Self-Acceptance

For most of my life, I have lived with a voice inside me, a relentless, nagging presence that always seemed to question my choices, my identity, and my worth. My inner critic was loud, judgmental, and deeply ingrained. It wasn't just self-doubt; it was a force that policed my every move, shaped by trauma, addiction, and the expectations of a world that never seemed ready for me.

At first, I thought this voice was just a part of me, something I had to live with, something I had to obey. But as I started to break free from the chains of its grips, dove deeper into my mental health therapy, and embrace my transition, I realized that my inner critic wasn't protecting me.

It was holding me back. 🔙

Where Did My Inner Critic Come From? 🤔💭

I believe my inner critic was born from fear, not just my own, but the collective fear of the environment I grew up in. My childhood was marked by experiences of trauma, and suppression. I was told, explicitly and implicitly, that I had to conform, that my natural femininity was something to be hidden, that my feelings were too much, that my truth was unacceptable.

My inner critic reinforced the rules that had been placed on me:

"Don't stand out."
"If they see the real you, they will reject you."
"You must be strong and silent, no one will protect you."
"You're not a real woman."

It wasn't just society that shaped this voice. At first, substances drowned out the pain, numbed the shame, and quieted the fear. But in the long run, they fed the very monster I was trying to escape. This phase in my life made my inner critic harsher, convincing me I was beyond redemption. Even when I was sober, the voice lingered, now louder than ever, whispering that I still wasn't good enough.

My Inner Critic and My Transition

One of the biggest battles I've faced has been in my social transition. Taking the steps to live fully as the woman I have always been should have felt liberating, but my inner critic clings to every fear it could find:

"What will property management think?"
"What will my co-workers think?"
"Will the staff, the maintenance crew, or security see me differently?"
"How will the other tenants in the facility react?"
"Am I putting myself in danger?"

Some of these fears are valid, I live in a world where transgender women face real risks. But my inner critic isn't just warning me about safety; it is telling me that I should be afraid, that I should stay silent, that I should hide.


It took me a few therapy sessions to realize that my inner critic isn't always speaking the truth. It speaks from pain, past experiences, and internalized shame. It wasn't trying to harm me; it was trying to keep me safe the only way it knew how:

by keeping me invisible. 😕

Reclaiming My Voice

Through therapy, mindfulness, and deep introspection, I've started challenging my inner critic instead of obeying it.

I've learned to ask it:

"Why are you afraid?"
"What are you trying to protect me from?"
"Is this fear based on reality, or is it a remnant of my past?"

I've realized that I don't have to destroy my inner critic, I have to teach it a new way to protect me.

Instead of letting it keep me trapped in fear, I remind it (and myself):

"I am not the same person I was long ago; I am strong, and healing."
"I deserve to exist as my true self, even if others don't understand."
"I will take my transition at my own pace, I don't have to prove anything to anyone."
"Not everyone will accept me, but that doesn't mean I'm unworthy of love and respect."

Moving Forward

The journey to self-acceptance isn't linear. Some days, my inner critic still gets loud. But now, I know I don't have to listen to every word it says.

I don't have to let it control me. 😊❣️

I am learning to be patient with myself, to allow myself to exist without justification, and to remind myself that I am worthy, not despite my struggles, but because I have overcome them.

If you're reading this and you recognize your own inner critic, know this: You are not broken. You are not alone. And you do not have to live under the weight of that voice forever. Healing is possible. Self-love is possible. Freedom is possible. And step by step, we will get there.

~ Lilis

The thing to understand about this inner critic is that... well several things:

1. It's coming from the deepest part of your mind. It's the part of your mind that lays down the framework of how you should live based solely on the experiences you had at the time you made these rules. It is very resistant to change. It's like long term memory vs short term memory. To use a computing equivalent. It's RAM vs ROM.

2. It actually is trying to protect you. But in the worst possible way. As people we don't like uncertainty. We don't like taking risks. If you get hurt one time back when you were like six years old, your mind will hold onto that as a blueprint for why you should never put yourself in that situation ever again. We have so many walls, and defence mechanisms that the mind throws up just so we don't get hurt... getting through them is a literal minefield. And why we need therapists and people who are trained in the skills to listen to people, and probe these archaic ways of being, to see if they are still relevant.

3. We are not beyond change. Your post proves that. You just have to examine and understand why you feel the way you do. Why you have thought the way you have, and if the way you think can be changed to make your life better. Often that can't be achieved alone because... we only have the voices in our own heads to listen to... but as you've shown... they CAN be changed. And this is the most important thing.

Your inner critic is there to serve a purpose. It's to not put you in positions you might get hurt. But taking a chance and getting hurt is a part of life. As you've discovered... taking those steps is the more important parts of life. We can't just live in a shell our whole life. Defence mechanisms only work when you think you need to be defended.

@Sephirah Wow! You explained the inner critic just as clearly and concisely as my therapist and psychiatrist.

Thank you so much! 🫂💓

Text message from my hair removal provider.

Hi - [name_of_provider] here with some great news! We got your final approval from your_insurance, so you are all set to start being seen at our Brooklyn, Manhattan, & or Queens locations. You can book your consultation & first treatment at your leisure. To do so, you can call us (555)555-5555, email us at [provider_email_adress], or visit our website at www.provider_website. Thank you!

~ Edited provider information.

Ouch 🤕😳, I can't tolerate pain, the main reason why I don't have any tattoos, but nonetheless this is going to be fun!


😳😊💖

Congrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same! Enjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Onward!!!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on February 21, 2025, 10:06:55 AMCongrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same!

Thank you, yes, it's like an avalanche since the beginning of the year. It's probably time to figure out how to include my transitioning in my schedule without interrupting my other daily activities.

QuoteEnjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Oh, and thank you so much for this, Ashley. This will be my mantra throughout this phase of my journey! 🫂💓

Calling them now to set up my first consultation and treatment. 😳🙏

Hi Tgirlamg and Lilis

You mentioned:

Quote from: tgirlamg on February 21, 2025, 10:06:55 AMCongrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same! Enjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Onward!!!

Ashley 💕

I guess I could say I was always on the right path, not even realizing I was.  It is only with hindsight years later that I realized that everything was taken care of in the first couple of months of changing my life around and then it was plain sailing to that very special day.  I had no worries or problems during that time either.

Yes, Lilis enjoy every moment, record the journey with photos or entries in a diary.  I remember the zaps and zapping that would result in a hairless face!  Oh the joy of that persists to this day.

Have fun girls.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator