Hi everyone! I want to ask you all about a change in my feelings about my gender expression. I have been on this journey for around 4 years now and have always been content to keep it mostly to myself and my wife. But, lately, I have been feeling a powerful desire to take it further. I desperately want to bring Camille out into the world. My wife has been mostly supportive about this, but she has a hard time keeping up with the progression of my gender identity. I completely understand her feelings. I myself have a hard time keeping up sometimes! All I know is that when I connect with my fem side, I feel amazing. I feel complete. I feel a peace that I never felt before. I never thought that I could have gender dysphoria, but now I feel it is possible.
I know that what I'm going through is nothing that probably the vast majority of us here haven't experienced. My problem is that I have no idea how to begin this journey. I really don't want to screw this up! But I am feeling more certain every day that it is time to make the jump in my gender expression to the outside world. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

My advice is always the same for those just getting started:

STEP 1: Start seeing a therapist or psychologist with experience in gender identities.

They can answer questions and provide information and guidance to help you figure these things out. The final decision about what to do and how to do it is yours and yours alone. But they can help with things like explaining to family and friends what you are going through and why a certain course of action is the correct one. You and your wife can even attend sessions together if you like. That allows her to hear your questions, so she understands what is on your mind and the answers to those questions, and ask her own questions. That helps her get the answers she needs to understand, and it helps you understand what is on her mind.

From there, it is a matter of deciding what you want to do and when. There is no rush to do anything. I spent two years in therapy just trying to figure out what all of this meant and how it would affect my life. But once I had a good understanding, I was able to decide to embrace the idea that this is who I am. From there, my transition was handed over to the medical side, and I began hormone therapy.

Now, five years later, I still see my psychologist because she helps me deal with things that I continue to experience, as well as things like the current political climate here in the U.S.

It may be wise to see a good gender therapist to help you gain clarity of your desires, goals, thinking, as well as the potential next steps, consequences, and so on.  Have your wife involved if she so desires.

Take things one step at a time.  There is no set timetable.

Chrissy

Quote from: Camille58S on February 27, 2025, 11:31:01 AMHi everyone! I want to ask you all about a change in my feelings about my gender expression. I have been on this journey for around 4 years now and have always been content to keep it mostly to myself and my wife. But, lately, I have been feeling a powerful desire to take it further. I desperately want to bring Camille out into the world. My wife has been mostly supportive about this, but she has a hard time keeping up with the progression of my gender identity. I completely understand her feelings. I myself have a hard time keeping up sometimes! All I know is that when I connect with my fem side, I feel amazing. I feel complete. I feel a peace that I never felt before. I never thought that I could have gender dysphoria, but now I feel it is possible.
I know that what I'm going through is nothing that probably the vast majority of us here haven't experienced. My problem is that I have no idea how to begin this journey. I really don't want to screw this up! But I am feeling more certain every day that it is time to make the jump in my gender expression to the outside world. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Step one: Listen to Lori. That should be in the Susan's Gospel at this point, lol.

I would add a step two... Keep your wife in the loop. Make sure she's a part of everything, and you talk about everything with her. Discuss things with her first before making decisions. Get her input.

Step three.. good luck, honey. You deserve to be you, Camille. <3

Hi Camille

I'm going to reiterate what has been said by Lori, Chrissy and Sephirah.

• Talk to a therapist.  Whether it's a psychologist, psychiatrist, or counsellor, it's essential to find someone who understands gender identity issues and adheres to informed consent and if possible include your wife.
• Always talk or communicate with your wife in regards to your gender identity issues.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee @Sephirah @ChrissyRyan @Camille58S

Thank you all for the advice. Looks like I'm going back to therapy! I think it's time also. Lori I like the idea of my wife going with me. It might help her to feel more secure and informed! Thank you all for keeping her in mind. She's my best friend, and I hate that she feels disconnected to something so important to me.

Quote from: Camille58S on February 27, 2025, 07:25:22 PMThank you all for the advice. Looks like I'm going back to therapy! I think it's time also. Lori I like the idea of my wife going with me. It might help her to feel more secure and informed! Thank you all for keeping her in mind. She's my best friend, and I hate that she feels disconnected to something so important to me.

Sweetie, I have never been married. Never had a wife. Or husband, for that matter. But I have been here long enough to see that when you give the vow to someone to be a part of their life forever... you have to make good on that. Regardless of gender. Whether that's working out you can work it out, or you work it out that you both have to move on. You have to make that decision together. Whatever that entails.

Never forget that, okay?

I'm in the process of finding a therapist. Any suggestions on what I should be looking for during the interview?

Quote from: Camille58S on March 05, 2025, 07:54:39 PMI'm in the process of finding a therapist. Any suggestions on what I should be looking for during the interview?

They should have experience with gender identities. My first therapist was a clinical social worker but lacked any experience in helping people understand gender identity. She was honest about it and suggested I see a different therapist who was more qualified. She referred me to someone she knew. He was a psychologist (PhD) with a lot of experience in gender dysphoria. Eventually, I went to the VA since they said I qualified for care at no cost.

Cost will be a consideration. A degree on their wall does not guarantee that they have experience with gender identity. The most important part is that you feel comfortable with this person. Comfortable enough to be able to discuss some very personal and intimate details. If they don't do it for you, move on.

Look for a local LGBTQ Support Group in your area. They will be able to refer you to someone they trust.

Let us know how it goes.

One more thing while I wait to hear from therapists! So far I am o for 3 on finding one with gender identity experience that takes Medicare.
But I had an epiphany today while I was trying to sort out my feelings. I asked myself " if there was no stigma to crossdressing. If society really didn't care what a person wore, if you really could wear what you felt the most comfortable in, what would I wear?" The answer was a female clothing all the time! That somehow was helpful, clarifying.

I had a talk to set clear ground rules about what I'd wear when I was outside in public.

She said that if I wanted to start HRT we needed to have another talk.

I'm saddened to hear you are having difficulty finding the right therapist. Just about everyone who has been through this has experienced similar issues finding their 'crew' to help them through. Each time you find someone to help you take that next step, it's like finding a pearl on the beach, or a small gold nugget in a stream. Each one is a treasure.

I think your epiphany is one I have heard from other members here. What typically keeps us locked in our cages is worry about how society will react, and whether or not our friends and family will stay by our sides. It hurts when one or more of them decide that their own discomfort overrides our need for support. Instead of helping us become a better version of ourselves, they decide the reactions of others is more important than their relationship with you. We have all lost a few 'acquaintances' this way. An acquaintance is someone who just passes through your life, your true friends will always stick by your side. Don't be too surprised to learn that true friends are quite rare, so cherish them.

It is often a difficult journey, but that just makes the finish line so much sweeter. Good luck.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Don't forget your wife may have body issues of her own.
My wife was size 22 which meant that there was nothing in Victoria's Secret that would fit her.

Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the advice to start seeing a therapist! After way too much time trying to find a therapist with gender identity experience that takes Medicare, I had my first session with my new therapist. It felt so damn good to tell my story to somebody! About halfway through the session, he asked me if I wanted him to refer to me as Camille. I cried! That by itself was cleansing. I know that I am on the right track. I don't know wear it leads to, but I know I need to do this!

Good for you!

You should gain more clarity and understanding over time.

Chrissy

Quote from: Camille58S on March 26, 2025, 08:08:26 PMHi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the advice to start seeing a therapist! After way too much time trying to find a therapist with gender identity experience that takes Medicare, I had my first session with my new therapist. It felt so damn good to tell my story to somebody! About halfway through the session, he asked me if I wanted him to refer to me as Camille. I cried! That by itself was cleansing. I know that I am on the right track. I don't know wear it leads to, but I know I need to do this!

You know you're in the right place when your therapist asks you something like that. Good for you, honey. That is someone who won't be fazed by whatever you want to say. You'd be surprised how many therapists don't even think about something like that.

I wish you much happiness and success in your journey, okay? Keep us posted. You are on the right track. And may I just say, I am very proud of you for taking this step. It's something a lot of people think about but never go through with. That shows a strength of character that will get you far with this whole thing. You have 90% of it already done. The mental attitude.

You can do this. I believe in you. <3

I'm glad you found someone. I struggled before I found someone. Therapy has been a huge help in my journey.

Quote from: Camille58S on March 26, 2025, 08:08:26 PMHi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the advice to start seeing a therapist! After way too much time trying to find a therapist with gender identity experience that takes Medicare, I had my first session with my new therapist. It felt so damn good to tell my story to somebody! About halfway through the session, he asked me if I wanted him to refer to me as Camille. I cried! That by itself was cleansing. I know that I am on the right track. I don't know wear it leads to, but I know I need to do this!

Quote from: Alana1990 on March 26, 2025, 09:10:37 PMI'm glad you found someone. I struggled before I found someone. Therapy has been a huge help in my journey.

Alana, you are someone else who has the strength of character to see this through. You are someone who isn't afraid to ask for help. Or someone to talk to. Which is what most of this is. We both know you can do this too! <3 The greatest strength of any one person is the realisation they don't only need the strength of one person.

Quote from: Lori Dee on February 27, 2025, 01:25:16 PMMy advice is always the same for those just getting started:

STEP 1: Start seeing a therapist or psychologist with experience in gender identities.

Excellent advice.

Quote from: Sinclair on March 27, 2025, 08:59:25 PMExcellent advice.

Thank you. It was I lesson that I had to learn for myself.

I am a retired hypnotherapist, so I assumed incorrectly that I could diagnose myself and figure out what was going on with me. When that failed, I reached out to a colleague who told me to meet with someone face-to-face. When I give that advice, it is in the hopes that I can reach someone and prevent them from making the same mistake I did. Yes, you can go it alone. But it is so much better if you have help. That is my biggest problem... asking for help.