My story was rather different than most girls I guess. I grew up lost and confused about my identity. I was 8yrs old when I was diagnosed with GID. The doctors told my mother to put me on the sports team and that would cure my GID. The only good part about that is that I was able to spend even more time with the boys. But anyway, once I hit puberty, I knew something wasn't right because I didn't look like the other boys. My doctors kept telling me that I was developing as a normal boy, but something wasn't physically right. The boys in my gym class looked different. By the time I was 18 years old, I was so confused in my identity that I had major issues in my social life. I needed help seriously that all my doctors just ignored my problems. By this age, I dropped out of high school because I could not take being taunted and beat up on a constant basis.
At 20 years of age, I saw a talk show about women who were born as males. I had just came in from work and I was tired and exhausted. I watched the show and it was like me sitting on that stage talking to the audience. I knew what I had to do. I got up and went downtown. I brought panties, bras and a few blouses. My hair was short and I already had my ears pierced. I came home and changed cloths, putting on the panties and bra. I put on a pair of slacks and the blouse and headed to the most populated downtown block I could find. As I walked down that street, I felt everyone was laughing and pointing at me. It was horrible.
I came home and looked at myself in the mirror to see what I was doing wrong. I could see the problem. So, I brought women clothes, a wig and I quit my job as a male. I wrote my own legal papers to have my name changed legally and began the process of changing my name. Once the courts granted my legal name change, I proceeded to have my legal documents changed. Once my new legal documents came in, I began my life as a female. There was no transition period for me.
I created my resume and began looking for a job. I never had a problem finding work as a female. I never had a problem using the female bathroom. My identification said female so, I didn't have problem if I did get questioned. The most difficult part for me was starting HRT.
I had doctors wanting me to go a whole year before they would allow me to begin HRT. This was not a option for me and I sought HRT elsewhere. I found one doctor and he immediately place me on HRT. I had bad reactions to hormones and I was on and off up to this day. I later found out that the reaction was due to my AIS (Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome).
That was 15 years ago. My major problem did not cease and ended in disastor. I've since had major counseling and now my life has taken on an entire new perspective. I'm a 15 year old girl at heart. I will have vaginoplasty on July 10th 2009 and I'm looking forward to it. I'll be a 16 year old girl in a 37 year old body. Yet, I love who I am now. I love being a woman. I love being a female. Things that I wish I could experience the most is what almost every woman who can't experience what I can't is childbirth. I think I can do without the periods every month. But, I would love to carry a child for 9 month and give birth. Yet, I'm not alone in that department.
Lastly, I don't let people define who I am now. There are many who will say, I'm not a female. My chromosomes are XY, I was born with male genitalia, I probably was able to produce children at one point as a male. Yet, today, I have a female body. I lack a uterus, ovaries, you know that stuff that society says what makes a female, female. But, I also lack testicles, seminal vesicles and prostate, the same stuff that makes a male, male. No one is sure rather I never had them or they are so small because of my HRT that they can't be detected on the CAT scan. The testicles, I had removed and that would explain what happened to them. What isn't explain is why I have female secondary sexual characteristics that go so far back prior to my start of HRT.
So you see, I'm a unique woman born with a gift. For some men, I'm a dream, for others, I'm a nightmare. My brain functionality was female from birth. My genitalia was male from birth. I grew up a girl forced to be a boy based upon what was between my legs yet removed from how I functioned as a human being. My secondary sexual characteristics are female from puberty. My identity today is woman. I truly am a special kind of woman. Just perhaps, I am Eve, truly taken from mans ribs and formed into woman as companion to Adam.
