Hi, everyone! Like many of us, I found myself late in life after decades of fear, self-loathing, depression and clothing purges. On New Year's morning 2 years ago, my wife of 48 years asked me what was wrong...and it all exploded out of me. Soon after, I entered gender therapy and began my journey of self-discovery. I've made a conscious decision to move ahead slowly with my transition still bouncing back to a feminine-leaning androgyny about 30% of the time. Now, ready to turn 70 in a month, I've ruled out surgery but am still considering some amount of HRT.

I am happy to say that my wife and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary last fall. She tells me she could always see the beauty in me, just didn't realize exactly what it was.

Some of you may recognize me from other places on the Intarweb. I look forward to getting to know people here and learn from you all.

Welcome Aboard April Marie!!! It sounds like you are walking your path boldly and will continue to search for the things you need for a life well lived!... Kudos for all you have accomplished and Blessing for all your days to come!

It is nice to meet you!

Onward We Go Brave Sister!,,

Ashley 💕

Hello April Marie,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Thank you for that wonderful introduction.

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@April Marie
@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Hi April Marie,

Welcome to Susan's!


~ Lilis

Thanks for the welcome and Hi @Lilis! It's nice to see familiar faces.

Welcome, @April Marie !  Good to see you here.

Quote from: April Marie on March 31, 2025, 03:46:31 PMThanks for the welcome and Hi @Lilis! It's nice to see familiar faces.

I thought it was you! I was just waiting for confirmation.

Yes, this is my home, the place where it all began for me nearly a year ago in June. The women here are amazing; they have taken me under their wing and shown me nothing but guidance, love, compassion, acceptance, and understanding. I truly hope you find the same here.

You'll also come across other familiar faces as you tag along.

It's wonderful to have you here with us! 💗

Hi April Marie

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well and previous friends

It's absolutely lovely to have you here with us.  Your journey really resonates with so many people who have faced years of uncertainty before finally finding their true selves.  Coming out to your wife after almost fifty years together must have been an incredibly emotional experience and it's heartening to hear how supportive she has been.  Her ability to see your beauty, even before grasping its full significance, truly highlights the strength of your connection.

It's really commendable that you've approached your journey thoughtfully and at a pace that feels right for you.  Whether you choose to explore HRT further or stick with a balance that works best for you, this path is yours to create.

Turning 70 soon is such an important milestone and there is always time for self-discovery and personal growth.  Many here will value the perspective and wisdom you bring to the table.  Some members may even recognise you from other spaces, so you are definitely among friends.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@April Marie

Quote from: April Marie on March 31, 2025, 11:46:29 AMHi, everyone! Like many of us, I found myself late in life after decades of fear, self-loathing, depression and clothing purges. On New Year's morning 2 years ago, my wife of 48 years asked me what was wrong...and it all exploded out of me.

Welcome, April Marie!

So many people here have stories just like yours, where we've had to win battles against ourselves before we could reach the calmer waters of self-understanding. You have so much going for you with your partner loving you for being you, few relationships survive the length of time yours does without partners also being best friends. So your journey has been worth it even if it's had its share of ups and downs.

There's a tendency to assume we all must reach the same destination, but that's not so and the journey you are on is one where you should decide where you need to go.

Trans is like a complex railway network, with traffic going both ways, a multitude of branch lines and several terminuses amongst a bunch of wayside halts, some of which are where folk pause their journeys so long they discover they've ended them!

The one problem is there's no map of where all the branch lines lead, but it's worth travelling some of the network if only to discover how many possibilities are on offer. You may yet find that feminine leaning androgyny is one of those wayside halts and you may even find it's your destination, but stay loose about it, because it'll become clear in time.

Just don't assume the answer must always be a binary one, because that's what got you and most of the rest of us into trouble in the first place :-) Maybe it will prove so for you and maybe it won't, but have fun deciding.

Do tell your wife she's exceptional, as I'm sure you have done often, or you wouldn't have been with her so long. In the intros here it's much more common for partners to prioritise 'normativity' over happiness and for relationships to go through a period of uneasy truce before they break up. It takes an incredibly grounded person and a relationship with tremendous depth to work out the way yours has done. So she'll be a huge strength in the future, as she's undoubtedly been in the past.

Finally, ask questions. Between us, we've made every mistake that can be made and a few even more creative than that.

Thank you all so very much for the kind words, the encouragement and the gracious welcome. I didn't want to overwhelm people with my journey here in an intro. Like many, I spent years in a very dark place, one from which I nearly didn't escape. Perhaps I'll find a suitable thread to share a bit more - with appropriate warnings - about that but I've found light, happiness and self-love.

I've come a long way in just two years and am often amazed as I see myself becoming the person I was meant to be. At times, I've looked backwards with some melancholy at what could have been. But, my life has been filled with love, family and two successful careers. I wouldn't trade any of that and will focus forward on enjoying the metamorphosis of April.

And here it is, April 1st.

Quote from: April Marie on April 01, 2025, 07:06:58 AMI've come a long way in just two years and am often amazed as I see myself becoming the person I was meant to be. At times, I've looked backwards with some melancholy at what could have been.

It's a common for people to land here after the catharsis and before the synthesis :-)

A lot of us would your feeling of amazement at becoming the person we were meant to be, although I believe often it's more a case of our reaction to cutting away the last of the ivy obscuring the trunk and branches of our life, leaving us able to see confirm species of tree we are.

Confirmation is a shock, but the amazement's there as much because when most of us complete the ivy cut we're seeing what we expected to see, but which our scripting has led us to believe we shouldn't. You've taken a very healthy approach over your own personal ivy cut, because of all the positives you can see now there's daylight filtering through the branches.

As for what might have been? We can't go back to the past and if we could, we wouldn't be able control events that cascaded from the different decisions we took, so what you have may well be the best solution there could have been for you. It sounds very much like it to me.

For sure, we don't live in a perfect world, but like me you're plenty old enough to remember what it was like in the seventies when if someone had dropped the word 'transgender' into a conversation there would have been blank faces all round. Back then, there was nowhere to turn for advice, just look at what we have now!

I've hit the 15 post mark so now you get to see me as I am. My profile picture was taken several weeks ago at TransCenralPA's Keystone Conference Gala. 29 days away from turning 70...and exceptionally happy.

@April Marie
Dear April Marie:
I logged into the Forum this morning to find your most recent posting.

Thank you for sharing and posting your Avatar/Profile picture. 
It is always nice for me to be able connect a name with a face.

Very lovely picture !!!! Yes, you do look "exceptionally happy" ...

I am eagerly looking forward to following your future postings around the
various Forum threads and topics.

NOTE: You have reached the 15 post threshold... you are also now able to send/receive
private Forum messages with our members.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Admin          Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Quote from: April Marie on April 01, 2025, 09:21:45 AMI've hit the 15 post mark so now you get to see me as I am. My profile picture was taken several weeks ago at TransCenralPA's Keystone Conference Gala. 29 days away from turning 70...and exceptionally happy.
[/b]

Quote from: April Marie on April 01, 2025, 09:21:45 AMI've hit the 15 post mark so now you get to see me as I am. My profile picture was taken several weeks ago at TransCenralPA's Keystone Conference Gala. 29 days away from turning 70...and exceptionally happy.

Hi April Marie and welcome to this place.

Like you I also attended Keystone this year. Would I have known you'd sign up here, we could have connected! You might have seen me, at 6'6" as the tallest one even in flats people tend to notice.

Glad you joined!

Hugs,

Heidemarie

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on April 01, 2025, 10:48:59 AMHi April Marie and welcome to this place.

Like you I also attended Keystone this year. Would I have known you'd sign up here, we could have connected! You might have seen me, at 6'6" as the tallest one even in flats people tend to notice.

Oh my gosh!!! I remember you! I think we were in a session or two together and talked briefly. Perhaps the one that Cassandra gave on Making Meaningful Connections or the session on finding your color palette?

Are you planning on going back next year? I can't wait!!

April Marie!

Beautiful new avatar sister! 🤗

Hugs!

Ashley 🌻

Quote from: April Marie on April 01, 2025, 10:54:32 AMOh my gosh!!! I remember you! I think we were in a session or two together and talked briefly. Perhaps the one that Cassandra gave on Making Meaningful Connections or the session on finding your color palette?

Are you planning on going back next year? I can't wait!!

I attended the Finding your Color Palette session.

It was my first Keystone and I truly enjoyed it, especially since it was an opportunity to be fully me for four consecutive days. I also loved going out in the evenings for dinner outside the conference venue.

I'd love to go back next year.

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on April 01, 2025, 11:00:23 AMI attended the Finding your Color Palette session.

It was my first Keystone and I truly enjoyed it, especially since it was an opportunity to be fully me for four consecutive days. I also loved going out in the evenings for dinner outside the conference venue.

I'd love to go back next year.

It was my first, as well and I also enjoyed getting out for dinners around Harrisburg and socializing in the hotel bar. Several times during the Gala I found myself closing my eyes on the dance floor and just basking in the music, the sisterhood and the joy. Not to mention that I survived 6 hours, including 2 hours of dancing, in 3.5" heels and could still walk normally the next day. 

Quote from: April Marie on April 01, 2025, 11:08:53 AMIt was my first, as well and I also enjoyed getting out for dinners around Harrisburg and socializing in the hotel bar. Several times during the Gala I found myself closing my eyes on the dance floor and just basking in the music, the sisterhood and the joy. Not to mention that I survived 6 hours, including 2 hours of dancing, in 3.5" heels and could still walk normally the next day. 

I felt totally the same as you, especially at the gala, which was a dream come true for me. I call it my Cinderella moment. And on the dance floor I also had that moment when I thought: Wow, how cool is that being among a group of women dancing? I also was surprised how well I did in my 3" heels all night long including going clubbing with some friends after the gala.

Welcome April Marie. Not too long ago, I was the newest newbie. And we're both septuagenarians! That's so cool.