Ugh. I have been on HRT for over 10 months now. More and more often as I go into a public restroom I realize I am getting double glances. For whatever reason, I don't feel I am "ready" to go into the womens room, but I think it is getting to that point....
Does anyone else have similar issues with public restrooms? (I'm sure and how did you deal with it?

Christine

Quote from: Christine on April 24, 2008, 01:25:07 PM
Ugh. I have been on HRT for over 10 months now. More and more often as I go into a public restroom I realize I am getting double glances. For whatever reason, I don't feel I am "ready" to go into the womens room, but I think it is getting to that point....
Does anyone else have similar issues with public restrooms? (I'm sure and how did you deal with it?

Christine

Hi Christine,

I think it depends on how confident you are. I use public rest rooms because I can not be out more than an hour without wanting to pee and seem to have no problems. If people stare at you then smile back I heard some where that, that, works. Women do look at a person more than males do. They may or may not have clocked you, who knows, who cares, lol.

I have had no challenges as yet. I do however have a letter in my handbag stating I am a male to female transsexual from my GID clinic just in case. It would be discrimination if security got involved. At least it would be here in the UK.

I posted on this too many months ago when I got to the stage that going into mens rooms would probably be dangerous looking the way I do.

I don't know if any of this is of use Christine, just my experience.

hugs

Nigella

Christine,

Very simply, you need to go to the restroom of the gender you are presenting as.  You didn't say which, but I assume you are still presenting as male.  In that case, standing at the urinal will definitely remove any doubt from guys present.  If you go out as female, just stride in confidently, do your thing, and get out.  But don't act in a nervous hurry.  You'll find it's really no big deal.  And do remember to smile. 

If you can't do this yet, I would suggest you keep something in the car to use for emergencies.  Tinted windows help!  It definitely beats having an accident.

Don't think you are a failure if you are not ready.  You'll know when the time comes, and once you do it, you will wonder why you were so scared.

Best of luck

Kristi

Christine,
I just used the ladies restroom for the first time last week. I had been andro looking for months before that and got the looks too. One guy stood right in my personal space and glared at me while I tried to wash my hands. That was the last time I ever used a men's room. In the interim, I didn't go very far from home or used unisex restrooms like those at Starbucks. When I finally used the ladies last week, there were two women in there and I just chose a stall, did my business. Sitting of course, washed my hands and left. No big deal. I was impressed though at the normalcy of it all as it happened. However, I have to admit it was a rush to be finally able to go farther than a couple of hours away from home!!!


Maggie

Yep, if you look the part you better use the bathroom you 'look' like.

And the women's room is no big deal. Go in, sit and do whatever you came to do, wash your hands and dry them, straighten your hair if you need to and leave. O, at first, don't forget to breathe. Women always breathe in the restroom!!

Nichole

O, yeah, make eye-contact and smile when you do. It ain't a men's room. 

I stopped using the men's room when men started to make startled sounds and leave.

Quote from: Nichole on April 24, 2008, 06:35:31 PM
O, yeah, make eye-contact and smile when you do. It ain't a men's room. 

And if you have to stand in line, be sure to make small talk.

Quote from: Nichole on April 24, 2008, 06:35:31 PM
Yep, if you look the part you better use the bathroom you 'look' like.

And the women's room is no big deal. Go in, sit and do whatever you came to do, wash your hands and dry them, straighten your hair if you need to and leave. O, at first, don't forget to breathe. Women always breathe in the restroom!!

Nichole

O, yeah, make eye-contact and smile when you do. It ain't a men's room. 

That's so true!    Just act like you belong there.  If you think about it taking a leak is not a big deal.  It's scary in the beginning but now I would never go anywhere else.  I think the hardest part was using the same restroom as my colleagues who knew me as a man.  I got over it though.  The women at work had no problem with it.

Besides breathing women also talk in the restroom.  It's far more social than the men's room.

Posted on: 24 April 2008, 18:30:14

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Quote from: Nichole on April 24, 2008, 06:35:31 PM
Yep, if you look the part you better use the bathroom you 'look' like.

And the women's room is no big deal. Go in, sit and do whatever you came to do, wash your hands and dry them, straighten your hair if you need to and leave. O, at first, don't forget to breathe. Women always breathe in the restroom!!

Nichole

O, yeah, make eye-contact and smile when you do. It ain't a men's room. 

That's so true!    Just act like you belong there.  If you think about it taking a leak is not a big deal.  It's scary in the beginning but now I would never go anywhere else.  I think the hardest part was using the same restroom as my colleagues who knew me as a man.  I got over it though.  The women at work had no problem with it.

Besides breathing women also talk in the restroom.  It's far more social than the men's room.

I remember the day I definately made the decision to stay in the womans restroom. My wife and I decided to take a trip to the coast for a bowl of clam chowder We had finished and I had to use the restroom. I had been on hormones for a while and was bouncing back and forth male female. I happened to be in a T-shirt and jeans and I had some breast growth. My hair was growing out, but I didn't think I was looking fem. enough. The restaurant was packed and I decided not to cause any problems and went into the men's room. I no sooner walked in and there was a guy at the urinal and he looked at me and said this is the mens room. My jaw dropped and walked out and as I walked out a lady saw me and didn't even look at the sign on the door and walked in and the guy in there said can't a guy just pee in peace around here. I went into the womans room and haven't been in a mens room since. I told the lady that I wasn't paying any attencion to where I was going and was shocked when I walked out. I told her I was sorry that I didn't tell her that it was my mistake. We laughed about the whole incident. I felt sorry for the poor guy.
Sheila

Quote from: Sheila on April 24, 2008, 08:55:36 PM
The restaurant was packed and I decided not to cause any problems and went into the men's room. I no sooner walked in and there was a guy at the urinal and he looked at me and said this is the mens room. My jaw dropped and walked out and as I walked out a lady saw me and didn't even look at the sign on the door and walked in and the guy in there said can't a guy just pee in peace around here .... We laughed about the whole incident. I felt sorry for the poor guy.
Sheila

I can just picture the guy's face ... ... !

But who say's the ladies is just for relieving yourself ?

In early transition when I wasn't so confident of my looks I'd be in and out of women's restrooms like a yo-yo to check my hair, adjust my make-up, and affirm I looked OK .... still use the ladies as often to "freshen up" as for a call of nature !

Strangely I felt the ladies was the place I was least likely to be "read" (not that I really ever got "read") as its the last place a tv or cross-dresser would be expected to have the courage to go into and expose himself to the threat of complaint, even arrest.

And especially in the early days it felt good and "affirmative" to be brushing my hair, touching up my lipstick at the mirror shoulder to shoulder with other women !

Laura x

Well ladies, thanks for all the reply's. I guess it just reaffirms my feelings about it. Mainly just act like you belong. I am at that point of in between, some days I think I look very feminine, others not so much. I guess I will just have to ride it out and go into the ladies room when it really feels right. The only time I feel I get talked about in the mens room is when there is a game or something and a lot of drunk....idiots. Probably best to stay away in those circumstances.

Quote from: Christine on April 28, 2008, 08:53:43 AM
Well ladies, thanks for all the reply's. I guess it just reaffirms my feelings about it. Mainly just act like you belong. I am at that point of in between, some days I think I look very feminine, others not so much. I guess I will just have to ride it out and go into the ladies room when it really feels right. The only time I feel I get talked about in the mens room is when there is a game or something and a lot of drunk....idiots. Probably best to stay away in those circumstances.

Your problem really isn't about bathrooms; it's about self-confidence.  In the early days of transition there were times I'd look in the mirror and say to myself, "Who do you think you're fooling?  Nobody, that's who!".  Fortunately, my work work ethic was stronger than my sense of self-loathing.  A journey around the world begins with one step.  I'd grit my teeth and put one foot after another until I was out the door and on the train to work.  By the time I reached the next stop my anxiety level would be back to base line and I'd go on about my day. 

I used to think courage was for heros and pioneers.  I've since learned that trans-folk have it in abundance.  We're walking on the frontier of gender in our society and sometimes it's scary.  The solution for me is to take a deep breath and plunge forward into the new world.   

Yeah it is partly about self confidence for sure. Its just Im in the in between spot with transistion and its uncomfortable at times. Overall I am fine with that, if there is one thing Art school taught me was to move out of your comfort zone...I live in a city where trans folk are quite accepted, Boston, but there are a lot of baseball games, drinking, abnoxious behavior etc. and restrooms at certain times I will just avoid until I can confidently go into a ladies room. Im sure it will pass but yes, like a lot of people I do need some work on self confidence.

Christine

Seems like a lifetime ago that this was important to me.  But at the time, it was not just important, it was imperative!
I remember the last time I went into a men's room.....it was scary.  Two redneck guys were in there when I walked in.  I had longish hair, no makeup, a men's tee shirt, jeans, and sneakers.  These two guys looked at me, and smirked, nodded to each other, then looked at me in a very threatening way.  I turned and left, went into the ladies room, where I was only greeted with a couple of quick smiles.  From then on, I knew where I was accepted, and safe.
A few things......full time or not, when presenting as female, BE female.  Buy a handbag (not a little dinky thing), and make it part of you.  It goes everywhere, and you never stray from it, even a few feet.  I don't go out my front door without it unless I plan on taking a bike ride, or mowing the lawn.  Otherwise, it is part of me.  I have no idea what I ever did without it.  Sling it over your shoulder, go in and pee.  Other things, yes, we DO talk in the restroom, just don't go overboard.  Alsooo.......if you haven't developed a truly female voice, start now.  Nothing hurts you more than a fake-sounding female voice.  Another thing:  ALWAYS smile at babies and toddlers.....don't even look at the mommie, until you have looked lovingly at the child long enough, then give her a smile.....she will already be smiling at you.
It's all a long haul.....not just the restroom issue, but the whole thing.  You are climbing out of an old male cocoon, and it ain't easy.  It wasn't easy for me, either
But everyone knows I'm a butterfly now.

Bev

Well, based on my current picture, as of this morning, I think I should start thinking a little more seriously about using the ladies room...definately need to work on this voice for sure, but it does work...
I really can't wait to get beyond these little issues in public...

Christine

Interesting to hear everyone's experiences with this matter. I personally just avoid public washrooms at all costs. Unmarked ones are fine, but I generally just hold if I can. Its been ages since I was last in a public restroom, and I always got looks for using the men's room too.

Unfortunately I do not have a letter in the case of issues arising with my using the lady's room, so I don't think that its really worth it yet.

contry to popular belief, women dont hide in the bathroom waiting for ->-bleeped-<-s to come in to stare.....

its a toilet. Most people get in and out fairly fast, its not a fun place to be, even for women.
Walk in, do your thang.... and wash n go.... its not hard. and hey, if someone looks at you when your walking in, so what? you're human, you have biological functions too....
R >

Quote from: Christine on May 07, 2008, 09:37:36 AM
Well, based on my current picture, as of this morning, I think I should start thinking a little more seriously about using the ladies room...definately need to work on this voice for sure, but it does work...
I really can't wait to get beyond these little issues in public...

Christine

If the avatar you used is really you, I wouldn't give you a second look in a ladies room.  Maybe a smile.  I'd stay out of men's rooms from now on if I were you.  Get some voice feminization CDs like Kathy Perez's 'Exceptional Voice' series; 3 CDs, one CD each lesson, and brainwash yourself with it, talking along.  I've used them now since last September, and I have a hard time finding my old male voice, and when I do find it, it's uncomfortable since those muscles have atrophied .
This goes or you too, in my opinion DJorgensen.....if that's you, youa gerl.


Good luck, Sis

Bev

Quote from: Beverly on May 10, 2008, 07:59:00 AM

Quote from: Christine on May 07, 2008, 09:37:36 AM
Well, based on my current picture, as of this morning, I think I should start thinking a little more seriously about using the ladies room...definately need to work on this voice for sure, but it does work...
I really can't wait to get beyond these little issues in public...

Christine

If the avatar you used is really you, I wouldn't give you a second look in a ladies room.  Maybe a smile.  I'd stay out of men's rooms from now on if I were you.  Get some voice feminization CDs like Kathy Perez's 'Exceptional Voice' series; 3 CDs, one CD each lesson, and brainwash yourself with it, talking along.  I've used them now since last September, and I have a hard time finding my old male voice, and when I do find it, it's uncomfortable since those muscles have atrophied .
This goes or you too, in my opinion DJorgensen.....if that's you, youa gerl.


Good luck, Sis

Bev

I concur, DJ. If the avatar is somewhat close to what you look like now, then I don't see how you get away with the men's room at all.

Nichole

Last time that I was in a men's room was.... hmmm probably about July of 2006.
I'm mostly just waiting for an official writ such that if a situation ever arises, I have my butt covered.

Oh and thank you, *blush*

When presenting as a female, I use the women's room and when presenting as a male, I use the men's room. There have been a couple of times I have accidentily gone in the wrong restroom and made a dash over to the other one. One should never get too relaxed to the point of forgetting what gender she/he is occupying at a given time