Quote from: Lori Dee on April 24, 2025, 02:46:02 PMNo need to say anything. Just be there. Small gestures, like a hug, touching her hand, or crocheted flowers, speak much louder.

You got this, bro!

Didn't think getting called bro by a woman would make me smile as much as that did

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 02:37:57 PMSadly, me and my girlfriend don't really communicate much. I try, but I don't really know how to communicate to someone in front of me, much less a romantic partner.

There are lots of different levels of communication, Adrian. You probably communicate more than you think you do. Let me ask you a question. Without getting too personal, could you tell me about her? What kind of person she is? What kinds of things she's into and... well... decidedly not into? What she values? Things like that. As I say, I don't need personal stuff, just things you've picked up from your relationship together. A lot of the time we don't communicate by talking. That is often the last form of communication people have.

QuoteI'm still getting rid of the "be seen, not heard" mindset. And then Lord knows my family would have a whole discussion about being grateful if I so much as say I'm stressed. But yeah

God I can't even begin to imagine what that's like, coming at it from the other side. To try and find your strength when the world wants to make sure you don't have any. The closest thing I can approximate it to is my programming that it's not okay to show emotion. Although even then I don't think that's in the same league.

All I would say to you, Adrian, is that you're doing an awesome job of being heard here. And every step forward is a step closer to the life you want. That's a start. Where you're in a place you can be yourself and experience what that means. And that's often all we can do; take life one step at a time.

You will get there. I believe in you. You seem like a very switched on dude.

She's a very independent woman. She values family, but doesn't let the opinions of her family stop her from making a decision and getting what she wants. She's driven, but very anxious and second guesses everything.

Growing up around boys, I also learned the "emotions are meant for the weak" stuff. I've never really been an emotional person, even long before coming out. Sure I cry, but if you knew me you'd never guess it.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 02:54:14 PMShe's a very independent woman. She values family, but doesn't let the opinions of her family stop her from making a decision and getting what she wants. She's driven, but very anxious and second guesses everything.

Uh.... yeah... you are very similar. You're like her male counterpart. And how much of that did you learn by talking to her and how much by just being together?

I am going to do something I don't often do, Adrian, and put my armchair shrink hat on. I am going to suggest that her family means a lot to her and she has put a lot of walls up around herself because it's the way she stops feeling hurt when she does something her family doesn't like. Precisely because they mean a lot to her. And she sees you as someone as close to her as her own family. I suspect she is scared to be vulnerable because it's been used against her in the past. But the after effects of it... the anxiety and unsurety, it lingers.

After listening to you, I think you are dealing with a lot of the same stuff. And you're very much just looking for a chance to do your own thing. But it's hard when you feel like you've had to fight against those you love just to be yourself.

I don't... I don't really know what to suggest, Adrian. Other than you both working on the premise that what you have with your girlfriend is a different kind of family. Where you both get to define that relationship and what it means. And the love you have for each other is a different kind of love that isn't built on expectation.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 02:56:17 PMI've never really been an emotional person, even long before coming out. Sure I cry, but if you knew me you'd never guess it.

Yeah but like... you're a guy. I mean there's probably a reason for all this and you kind of just are that way because you're a dude. It's like... a no brainer. Probably a lot of where all this stuff comes from. I cry at stupid stuff. Like really, really stupid stuff, and I'm not even on HRT.

Don't ever make me watch "Armageddon". There aren't enough Kleenex in the world, lol.

Wtf, how are you not a licensed psychologist?!? You're right, no matter how much I just wanna say "Ama estoy bien." But I know you're right and it's something both me and her need to work on

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 03:17:56 PMWtf, how are you not a licensed psychologist?!? You're right, no matter how much I just wanna say "Ama estoy bien." But I know you're right and it's something both me and her need to work on

I use my powahs for good, lol. Mostly just here.

I think you're going to be okay, Adrian. I think you both just need time to work on the hurt, and the barriers it has sprung up for both of you. I think she loves you as much as you love her. You've just both been through some stuff and just have to feel... good... around each other. Outside of the stuff that's made you hurt. No one is ever really fine. Some people just hide it better.

Give it time. Time for you both to let the walls erode, rather than try to break them down. Just be there for each other. And I think it will be okay, for both of you. You have the foundations of something special, Adrian. Hold onto that. Talk when you feel you can, listen when you feel you can't. Most of all... love each other.

*hugs*

You're right and I will. Hopefully this will be the one

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 03:25:08 PMYou're right and I will. Hopefully this will be the one

I believe in both of you.

You're the kind of guy a lot of girls can only dream of being in love with, Adrian. It's not wrong for ask for help and advice. It's not wrong to want to treat someone properly. And this has nothing to do with gender. Forget all this "bad guy" garbage you see in movies. That only applies to cheerleaders with pneumatic chests, as a plot device. The world doesn't work that way. Most people grow out of that before the age of 20.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 03:36:17 PMI believe in both of you.

You're the kind of guy a lot of girls can only dream of being in love with, Adrian. It's not wrong for ask for help and advice. It's not wrong to want to treat someone properly. And this has nothing to do with gender. Forget all this "bad guy" garbage you see in movies. That only applies to cheerleaders with pneumatic chests, as a plot device. The world doesn't work that way. Most people grow out of that before the age of 20.

Well thank you! Around here, girls are still into the bad guys, but that's not gonna last much longer I hope.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 03:47:48 PMWell thank you! Around here, girls are still into the bad guys, but that's not gonna last much longer I hope.

Yeah when they see women as commodities and leaves the girl to raise a kid by themselves before moving on. *cough* my dad *cough*. I am kind of biased, I admit. These kind of people end up drowning in a bottle. I never went to my dad's funeral. Hated him to the end of his (and likely my) days. A lot of what they teach you guys, you really should ignore. It is not good.

You are so much better than that. And the kind of man I wish more men would be. I have the same hope that it will change. I think you can be a big part of that change. Like Ghandi said: be the change you want to see in the world.

Still gonna bug you for that steak, though. Do you need to down copious amounts of beer for that? I'm never really sure, lol.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 03:54:36 PMYeah when they see women as commodities and leaves the girl to raise a kid by themselves before moving on. *cough* my dad *cough*. I am kind of biased, I admit. These kind of people end up drowning in a bottle. I never went to my dad's funeral. Hated him to the end of his (and likely my) days. A lot of what they teach you guys, you really should ignore. It is not good.

You are so much better than that. And the kind of man I wish more men would be. I have the same hope that it will change. I think you can be a big part of that change. Like Ghandi said: be the change you want to see in the world.

Still gonna bug you for that steak, though. Do you need to down copious amounts of beer for that? I'm never really sure, lol.

Yeah, I wanna raise my boys (if I ever have any) to be good, reliable people.
As for the steak, no beer needed to grill outside. Just a speaker, some meat, and some good company

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 03:57:53 PMYeah, I wanna raise my boys (if I ever have any) to be good, reliable people.
As for the steak, no beer needed to grill outside. Just a speaker, some meat, and some good company

Adrian, if your boys turn out 1/10th the man you are, you can be proud of them.

Can you make this?

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 04:01:54 PMAdrian, if your boys turn out 1/10th the man you are, you can be proud of them.

Can you make this?

Hopefully they'll be good people
Give me the meat, a good smoker, some charcoal, and a good portion of the day and yes ma'am I can absolutely make you that

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 04:05:33 PMHopefully they'll be good people
Give me the meat, a good smoker, some charcoal, and a good portion of the day and yes ma'am I can absolutely make you that

Yeah so see my post above. Prepare for mass world genocide.

Also... "ma'am" makes me feel warm inside. Thank you. Is a little thing but it means a lot. We take what we can get, right?

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 04:09:41 PMYeah so see my post above. Prepare for mass world genocide.

Also... "ma'am" makes me feel warm inside. Thank you. Is a little thing but it means a lot. We take what we can get, right?

well round here we're taught to respect the ladies around us, which in this case includes you. And yes ma'am we do make sure to enjoy the little wins we get and if a steak prevents world domination then I'll be more than happy to make you as many steaks as you want

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 04:14:32 PMwell round here we're taught to respect the ladies around us, which in this case includes you. And yes ma'am we do make sure to enjoy the little wins we get and if a steak prevents world domination then I'll be more than happy to make you as many steaks as you want

This is why you're awesome, Adrian. A lot of people where I am treat women as... you don't even wanna know. But even so... I would take that over being treated the other way. That probably says something about me. I dunno. Desperation? Acceptance? It's kind of disgusting and affirming in the same breath.

Thank you. It takes a look outside yourself to value how someone else feels. Not many people have that. Men, women, non-binary... anyone. It's a big deal. Your GF is very lucky. If I were like 25 years younger... you would be the kind of person I would be like "This is the partner I want in my life."

Don't ever think you aren't enough for anyone, Adrian, or you don't have enough to offer anyone, because I promise that you do, and are.

Honey, find out what your GF likes to eat and cook that for her. By whatever means necessary. Get that comedy apron on and fire up the grill. You're in Texas. Literally everyone likes meat down there. Go full Hank Hill

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 04:31:14 PMThis is why you're awesome, Adrian. A lot of people where I am treat women as... you don't even wanna know. But even so... I would take that over being treated the other way. That probably says something about me. I dunno. Desperation? Acceptance? It's kind of disgusting and affirming in the same breath.

Thank you. It takes a look outside yourself to value how someone else feels. Not many people have that. Men, women, non-binary... anyone. It's a big deal. Your GF is very lucky. If I were like 25 years younger... you would be the kind of person I would be like "This is the partner I want in my life."

Don't ever think you aren't enough for anyone, Adrian, or you don't have enough to offer anyone, because I promise that you do, and are.

Honey, find out what your GF likes to eat and cook that for her. By whatever means necessary. Get that comedy apron on and fire up the grill. You're in Texas. Literally everyone likes meat down there. Go full Hank Hill

Well ma'am, in my time of knowing you, I've learned that you're an inspiration, kind, funny, and amazing woman who is full of life. No matter what part of the world there's men who treat women like objects, toys to use and then toss. And I'm flattered that you'd want a partner like myself, and I know you'll find a good person to spend your life with. And heck I might fly over there with a Styrofoam cooler with steaks just to cook for ya

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 24, 2025, 04:40:06 PMWell ma'am, in my time of knowing you, I've learned that you're an inspiration, kind, funny, and amazing woman who is full of life. No matter what part of the world there's men who treat women like objects, toys to use and then toss. And I'm flattered that you'd want a partner like myself, and I know you'll find a good person to spend your life with. And heck I might fly over there with a Styrofoam cooler with steaks just to cook for ya

Yeah so... you made me cry. Dammit. Sorry.

Thank you. <3

The world needs more guys like you.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 04:44:02 PMYeah so... you made me cry. Dammit. Sorry.

Thank you. <3

The world needs more guys like you.

Ain't no need to apologize for feeling something. The world could use some more women like the ones I've met here, very much like yourself