Last week, I finally canceled my dad's 'Jitterbug' flip phone.

My trip to Colorado Springs went well. I left home Thursday morning and arrived in Clayton, NM at dusk. I left Clayton around 6:15am, and arrived in Colorado Springs at 9:45am Friday. I contacted Kris, and she was able to meet me a little after 10:00am for some electrolysis. We took a lunch break around 1:30pm, then went back for more work. After about 5 hours of electrolysis, we decided that was enough for one day. We called another friend (Brenda) and went out for supper.

I met Kris again Saturday morning for another round of electrolysis, and Brenda joined us for some conversation. At 12:30pm, we took a lunch break. After lunch, Brenda, Kris, and I went back to finish up my electrolysis session. Kris worked on me for about 4 hours Saturday. After she gave Brenda a touch-up, we went to my favorite indoor firing range to practice for an hour or so. Next, all three of us met up with @Rayna  for supper.

Sunday morning, I was on the way home. I drove through some heavy rain in Eastern Texas and Western Oklahoma, and decided to overnight in Elk City, OK. I woke up way too early Monday, and was on the road by 4:30am. I was shocked at how much traffic I encountered in Oklahoma City at 6:00am! I got home a little before 11:00am, and finally had some breakfast.

On the way home from Colorado, I decided to test something I had suspected. I used a 'voice pitch analyzer' to see if altitude affected my pitch. I checked my pitch at three points along my trip:

Walsenburg, CO   Altitude: 6300 ft
Min Avg: 190Hz, Max Avg: 264Hz, Average: 227hHz

Elk City, OK   Altitude: 1936 ft
Min Avg: 187Hz, Max Avg: 249Hz, Average: 215hHz

Little Rock, AR   Altitude: 279 ft
Min Avg: 178Hz, Max Avg: 242Hz, Average: 210hHz

Although it was definitely a small sample size, I'm reasonably sure that higher altitudes do correlate to a higher pitch. The air is thinner, so it's a little like speaking after inhaling helium.

Tuesday afternoon, I had a dental appointment. One of my fillings had fallen out, and they scanned my teeth so they could order a mouth guard to protect my teeth from damage due to the diagnosis of 'bruxism', apparently I'm grinding my teeth at night.

We're going to my dad's house Thursday evening. I need to visit our attorney on Friday, then set up a bank account for the estate. I also need to contact the military retirement folks to get an updated 1099 so we can do my dad's taxes for 2024. Even after death, the government wants your money.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on March 05, 2025, 08:51:36 PMAlthough it was definitely a small sample size, I'm reasonably sure that higher altitudes do correlate to a higher pitch. The air is thinner, so it's a little like speaking after inhaling helium.

Who needs voice training? I'm moving to the Rockies! 

Here in Rapid City, we are just above 3,000', but where I do my mining is just over 5,000', so I don't expect that I will need much to acclimatize to the higher altitude. I have known a lot of people to have a hard time adjusting and get altitude sickness. It's like having a headache for a week. All you can do is drink lots of water and wait it out.

A lot has happened over the last few weeks, and I'm certain I'll skip over a few things.

I got a custom mouth guard to help with grinding my teeth at night. Just one little issue, it makes me gag. It snaps in place over my teeth, and it takes a little force to get it off again. I'm not sure if I'll ever use it. My teeth still hurt.

We went to my dad's house again, but this visit included a side quest. We left our house Thursday afternoon. We needed to be at the bank as soon as they opened Friday so we could set up an account for my dad's estate. As soon as that was complete, we headed deep into enemy territory.

For the last two years, I had been considering replacing my old Honda Accord. It had served me well, but it also had nearly 170,000 miles on it. I also wanted something quieter. My daughters' boyfriend had been looking for a good used car, but he was concerned about getting one from a dealer and not knowing much about it's history. I offered him my Honda, which had been well-maintained, and he accepted.

I had found exactly the car I wanted (one year old, low mileage) at a great price, just south of Houston, TX. We drove down Friday, the same day Texas AG Paxton announced his desire to reverse all gender changes on Texas driver's licenses and birth certificates. Driving through Friday afternoon traffic in Houston was not a pleasant experience, but we made it to the dealership around 3:00pm. After a brief inspection, Susan and I went for a test drive. OMG. I had never driven a car like this in my life. We left the car with the dealer overnight for detailing. Susan and I stayed at a local hotel.

Saturday morning, our daughter and her boyfriend drove down from Austin. We met for lunch, then headed to the dealership so we could transfer our luggage from the Honda to our new car. The dealer even filled the tank in the Honda for free, although they 'forgot' to detail our new car. Our daughter and her boyfriend headed home to Austin, while Susan and I drove back to my dad's house.

Saturday afternoon traffic in Houston was just as bad as Friday afternoon, but we made it back to my dad's house around 7:00pm that night. I had to mow my dad's yard Sunday morning, then we packed up and went home.

I took today (Monday) off from work. We went to Garvan Woodland Gardens to see thousands of tulips in bloom, we had a great lunch at a local restaurant, then we went home.

We did get a little good news. One of my dad's neighbors really wants to buy the house. He made an unsolicited offer, which was significantly higher than the appraisal. He's been there many times, and he knows all of the 'secrets'. Hopefully, we can reach an agreement and accept his offer. I really want to have some weekends to spend at home someday.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on March 17, 2025, 08:49:09 PMHe's been there many times, and he knows all of the 'secrets'.

He watched your dad bury some treasure, so he knows where it is. 

You have been quite the road warrior. Definitely take some time off and just chill at home.

@Lori Dee , it would not surprise me if there were a few things hidden out there. The neighbor has been very helpful ever since my dad went into the hospital. I was initially quite wary of him, but he has proven to be a very friendly, and honest person. He talks about my dad often, and only has kind things to say. Sometimes I'm not sure if we are talking about the same person.

Now, some good news. The three co-trustees all agree that the offer on the house sounds good. There are still several details to work out, but I think it will be successful.

I think I have laryngitis. I was fine yesterday. When I woke up this morning, my voice decided to go on vacation. It was working a little, but only at low volume and low frequency. I called my ENT to make an appointment, the earliest available is 11 April. Calls to my primary care physician go to voice mail. By lunchtime, my voice had checked out completely. All I can do is whisper. My co-workers celebrated (just kidding).

I plan to visit a bank tomorrow, one which is the home of the last account in my father's name. We had set up auto-pay using that account for my dad's utility bills. Two days ago, I was notified the auto-pay failed. The account has been frozen. I switched auto-pay over to the estate account I set up last Friday, then called the utility company and paid the current bill using my debit card.

Since my voice doesn't work, I typed up a note to hand to the bank teller. I hope bank security doesn't jump to conclusions when they see a customer hand a note to one of the tellers. It would probably be a good idea not to wear a COVID mask.

I plan to move some or all of the funds to the estate account. However, this bank has been notoriously difficult to work with. Even with death certificates, a copy of the will, a letter from the court naming me as executrix, and copies of the Trust naming me as a co-trustee, I have a feeling it won't be enough. Hopefully, they will at least tell me what additional documentation they require.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

@Jessica_Rose

Dear Jessica:
Definitely good news that you reported regarding selling your Father's home.
Certainly that will take a lot of pressure off of the financial situation and
allow you to do what you have to do with his Bank and his creditors.

Oh yes, for sure Banks and just about any financial institution, accountant, financial advisor, or holder of
his past funds has to be very careful... even with presumably verified documentation.
There is very much fraud going on I am sure that you can appreciate their extra scrutiny.
I worry when these kinds of places don't ask me enough question or ask for ID and documents.

Regarding your neighbor... I am hoping that you are correct that he is trustworthy
and honest.... but be looking for new holes that are dug up in his yard...  

When I lose my voice sometimes all of my friends cheer !!!! 
I hope that you recover soon.  Please get as much rest as you can, our bodies
heal best when we sleep and rest... and don't try to use your voice prematurely.

While it is sad for me to read of your Dad's passing, he is in a better place now.

What are you eventually going to do with you extra time now that you won't have frequent
road trips to mow his grass... you can instead just continue on to Colorado to see
your hair removal friend, and your hair stylist.

Thank you for your update.  As always, I am wishing you and Susan well. ❤️❤️❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Eight years. It's been eight years since my brain shouted 'freedom' as I drove home from my doctor appointment, the one which resulted in some estradiol patches waiting for me at the local pharmacy. It's an odd feeling, being joyous and frightened at the same time. I've been through a lot over the last eight years, but it's been worth it. Through it all, Susan has stayed by my side.

'Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.' -- George Addair

The trip to my dad's house went well. My voice started returning Friday afternoon, at least enough to explain to the bank what was going on. The teller was really nice. According to her, I actually brough much more documentation than they needed. It may take two to three weeks before I find out what they plan to do.

We did get a nice surprise. The care facility my dad was in sent a refund. They always charge in advance, so they returned the fees they had collected for the days after he passed away. This was the first 'income' for the estate. It's not enough to pay his taxes for last year though, and his only bank account is frozen. Hopefully, the bank will either re-open the account or send me a check for the balance.

Susan and I have been going to my dad's house at least every-other weekend for the last year. I'm really getting tired of not having any weekends to spend at home. Once the house is sold, we'll probably start spending a few weekends looking for houses in Colorado. Although I don't look forward to the much colder temperatures, I am looking forward to living in a state whose laws actually protect me.

One of my dad's old friends stopped by Saturday afternoon. He just wanted to talk for a while. He and my dad used to drive around looking for old cars and parts. He said he knew one son had passed away, but he thought there were two more. I said one lived in town, and that I was the other one, but my name is Jessica now. He seemed a little confused, but we continued talking for another 10 - 15 minutes. He seemed to really miss my dad.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I apologize for not participating as much as usual on Susan's Place lately. Dealing with my father's failing health, and his passing, has been taking up much of my time. Hopefully, my life will get back to normal once we close out his estate.

Late last year, I set up 'auto pay' for my dad's electric bill. It had been working great until about two weeks ago. The bank received notification that my dad had passed away, so they froze the account. Now we're trying to get the bank to release the funds in the account, I plan to move the funds to the estate account I set up a few weeks ago. I also had to call the power company and pay the bills with my credit card (he has two power meters). Since the 'auto pay' was rejected, I have to wait six months to try setting it up again. Oddly, I received a call from the power company while driving down to my dad's house on Friday. One of the power meters is for his 'car barn'. The power company thought the meter had failed, because it had not reported any power usage for six months. I explained the situation, and that satisfied them.

Do not underestimate the amount of time required for probate and other legal matters when someone passes away. If you are the executor, you will need plenty of death certificates (20 seems to be a good number). I've also had to provide death certificates for my brother (2019), and my mom (2020). You must also have patience, and you must be inquisitive.

What are these allotments coming out of my dad's retirement pay? Luckily, the answer to this question fell into my lap. USBA (Uniformed Services Benefit Association) called me a few weeks ago, that's how I found out there were life insurance policies for both of my parents. The second allotment was for dental insurance. When I arrived at my dad's house last Friday, there was a letter stating the allotments to pay for his dental insurance had stopped. They wanted us to pay via check. I called them to let them know he had passed away in late December. They said they would refund the premiums which had been paid after his death.

I contacted a real estate agent to help us sell my dad's rental house. Before my dad bought it, Susan and her family lived there. One of my brothers also lived there for several years. Lately, it has been nothing but trouble. A property management company is taking care of the house right now. We hope to sell it to an investor.

We're still going through all of the personal property in the house. My dad had ten electric razors, about half of them worked. They will be going to a homeless shelter. The real estate agent said she would try to help us find people interested in some of the pottery, furniture, and other items in my dad's house. Sometimes it's difficult to separate trash from treasure.

One of my dad's annuities paid out a few weeks ago. We are getting close to the payout from an 'Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust'. Both required lots of time, paperwork, and death certificates. None of this is as automatic as I expected. If my dad had not told us where the relevant paperwork was, this would have taken even longer.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

You have been busy, for sure.

I think once everything settles down you'll be able to take a deep breath and relax. For a minute. Then you'll be busy house-hunting. 

You two take care of yourselves.

Fascinating!  Thanks ever so for sharing.  Your diligence and empathy will carry you through.  I should know.  Just finished clearing up my parents estate in February.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on March 23, 2025, 06:09:40 PMEight years. It's been eight years since my brain shouted 'freedom' as I drove home from my doctor appointment, the one which resulted in some estradiol patches waiting for me at the local pharmacy. It's an odd feeling, being joyous and frightened at the same time. I've been through a lot over the last eight years, but it's been worth it. Through it all, Susan has stayed by my side.

'Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.' -- George Addair

Susan and I have been going to my dad's house at least every-other weekend for the last year. I'm really getting tired of not having any weekends to spend at home. Once the house is sold, we'll probably start spending a few weekends looking for houses in Colorado. Although I don't look forward to the much colder temperatures, I am looking forward to living in a state whose laws actually protect me.

One of my dad's old friends stopped by Saturday afternoon. He just wanted to talk for a while. He and my dad used to drive around looking for old cars and parts. He said he knew one son had passed away, but he thought there were two more. I said one lived in town, and that I was the other one, but my name is Jessica now. He seemed a little confused, but we continued talking for another 10 - 15 minutes. He seemed to really miss my dad.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thanks @Lori Dee and D'Amalie ! There's so much to go through, and sometimes memories can be unexpectedly triggered.

Last Wednesday, I received a text that is was time for my annual check-up. When I called, the assistant was shocked that I had not seen my doctor in a year. She couldn't figure out how I was getting my estradiol valerate prescriptions. Apparently, they usually check hormone levels every three to six months. My refills had just been magically showing up. I was able to get an appointment the very next day at 8:00am.

My appointment on Thursday morning went well. It was a 45 minute drive to the office. My blood pressure was 110/74, and my weight was down a pound or two since my last visit. The doctor noted that my hair restoration procedure had filled in nicely. She mentioned that she was wondering where I had been, and then said that I was her favorite transgender patient. Apparently, some of her clients have told her how much they dislike people like me. So far, I've never had any issues at her office. After our appointment, she walked me over to have blood work done. I got the results a few days later, and everything looked great. All of the results were within norms, and my cholesterol had even dropped quite a bit. My estradiol was at 384, which I thought was a little high, but she said it was fine.

Susan and I went down to my dad's house on Friday. After unloading our luggage at the house, we went to my dad's bank. They froze the account a few weeks ago. We had to provide notarized documents from the three 'co-trustees' of my dad's Trust. They won't unlock the account, but they will mail us a check. I asked about a transfer to the estate account, but that is not an option. They said it will take 7 - 10 business days for them to mail the check.

Our next stop was to a rescue mission. We took dozens of bars of soap, along with several bags of shoes and clothing. On the way back to the house, we stopped at Walmart for some supplies, then picked up supper at Newk's.

Early Saturday morning, I went hunting. An armadillo had been tearing up my dad's front yard for the last few weeks, and it had to stop. My dad's house is in a rural area, so the occasional sound of a firearm doesn't attract attention. A .22 rifle with some 'quiet' ammo allowed me to care of business without disturbing the neighbor's chickens. We spent the rest of the day digging through drawers, cabinets, and boxes. A niece wanted the old record cabinet. We removed well over a hundred record albums. My dad must have had a copy of every record Chet Atkins ever sold.

Sunday, one of my dad's neighbors came over and mowed the yard for us. Another friend came over to look for some old car parts. Once they were done, Susan and I loaded up our car and headed for home.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I saw this online yesterday, and it touched my heart. I think we often forget how truly incredible our journey is.

Whenever your confidence is low,
just remember that the 13 year old
version of yourself would think you're
the coolest girl alive if she saw you
today, and sometimes that is all that matters.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on April 25, 2025, 06:17:23 AMI saw this online yesterday, and it touched my heart. I think we often forget how truly incredible our journey is.

Whenever your confidence is low,
just remember that the 13 year old
version of yourself would think you're
the coolest girl alive if she saw you
today, and sometimes that is all that matters.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I love that. I think the 13 year old version of myself would be more like "I hate everyone, you included." But the message of it is really on point. You are one of the coolest girls alive, Jess.

It's been like 11 pages since I stopped by your blog, Jess. That's unforgiveable. And... lol, yeah I kind of have to measure my time in pages because some of you folks are like folk icons.

So I am just stopping by to give you a giant hug and to say thank you for everything you do and the kind of person you are. *megahugs*

<3

Thanks for stopping by, and for the compliments, Sephirah.

The 13 year old me was already an angry person. They knew something simply wasn't 'right', but they didn't have the words to describe how they felt. Even if they did, they would have found no support in the mid-70's. I'm sure my father would have punished me severely. There were many occasions when I considered running away from home back then. Even searching the house for valuables I could sell during my escape.

I try to imagine what I would have felt as a 13 year old, seeing who I would become nearly fifty years later. Once again, my vocabulary would have failed me. However, it most likely would have brought me a profound sense of peace and understanding.

No apologies are necessary, Sephirah. I have friends that I haven't seen in years, but they are still my friends. My blog really isn't that exciting anymore, all the big transition work is in my past. After all of the initial excitement, pain (emotional and physical), worry, and expense, life does eventually get back to normal, a better normal.

When I started my journey, I had no idea how long it would take. However, I knew if I never started, then I would never finish. Sometimes, you just have to take a leap into the unknown.

'The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.' - Chinese proverb

Love always -- Jess

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on April 25, 2025, 07:44:45 AMThanks for stopping by, and for the compliments, Sephirah.

The 13 year old me was already an angry person. They knew something simply wasn't 'right', but they didn't have the words to describe how they felt. Even if they did, they would have found no support in the mid-70's. I'm sure my father would have punished me severely. There were many occasions when I considered running away from home back then. Even searching the house for valuables I could sell during my escape.

I try to imagine what I would have felt as a 13 year old, seeing who I would become nearly fifty years later. Once again, my vocabulary would have failed me. However, it most likely would have brought me a profound sense of peace and understanding.

No apologies are necessary, Sephirah. I have friends that I haven't seen in years, but they are still my friends. My blog really isn't that exciting anymore, all the big transition work is in my past. After all of the initial excitement, pain (emotional and physical), worry, and expense, life does eventually get back to normal, a better normal.

When I started my journey, I had no idea how long it would take. However, I knew if I never started, then I would never finish. Sometimes, you just have to take a leap into the unknown.

'The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.' - Chinese proverb

Love always -- Jess

Jess, you are like a fine wine. You don't get older, only tastier.

Honey, your blog doesn't have to be a movie script. It just has to be you. Probably why I can't do it, lol. Why I leave it to you experts.

I think I had two dads.

Dad #1 was the person known by everyone other than his wife and children. Everyone says he was warm, friendly, kind, and generous. They believe him to be a wonderful person, always willing to help a neighbor in need, always having a joke or funny story to tell, and having a wide range of knowledge and skills.

Dad #2 is the person I know. A cold, hateful, vengeful, stubborn, tightfisted bully. It's difficult to talk about him to 'outsiders', those who only know 'Dad #1'. He had a difficult childhood, more than one sibling died young. His mom blamed him for the death of a younger brother, even though it was caused by a disease. He grew up on a farm with no electricity, no natural gas, no 'city' water -- their water supply was a cistern. Cooking was done on a wood-burning stove. Their only source of heat was a fireplace. Going to the bathroom at night required shoes and a candle or lantern to get to the outhouse. If it was really cold, you could just use a chamber pot. Taking a bath meant a #3 washtub on the back porch. Meals were often dependent upon their hunting and fishing abilities. He had a failed marriage to a 'beauty queen', which resulted in a daughter he never spoke about.

The single best word that describes my childhood is 'fear', and my brother feels the same way. Punishments were often carried out with the belt from my dad's Air Force uniform. His favorite phrases were 'I'll whip you until your nose bleeds' and 'I'll whip you so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week'. While we always had necessities, we rarely received anything more. One year I really wanted a football for Christmas, and I got it! However, I was afraid of damaging it because I knew I would never get another, so I never played with it. A few years ago I discovered why so many of my toys disappeared. If I didn't put them away, my parents would eventually throw them out or donate them without telling me. Hugging and saying 'I love you' was a foreign concept in my family. There were also several unforgettably frightening moments. Most of them have been buried in the dark corners of my mind, where they still haunt me.

When Dad #1 passed away, friends and acquaintances offered condolences, and said what a wonderful person he was. When Dad #2 passed, it was a relief. I did not shed any tears. Although all evidence indicates they are the same person, I never knew Dad #1.

Love always -- Jess

Jess, I agree with Sephirah, transitioning is only part of our lives and our blogs here.  We also develop friendships.

I am so sorry that someone has hurt you that deeply and left you with the scars of those memories, but I am so happy that you have so much joy finally.  That is what matters now!



 

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:17:00 AMJess, I agree with Sephirah, transitioning is only part of our lives and our blogs here.  We also develop friendships.

I am so sorry that someone has hurt you that deeply and left you with the scars of those memories, but I am so happy that you have so much joy finally.  That is what matters now!



 

Emma,


Agreed.


Good, trusted friends are vital.  Everyone needs one.  Even if you are not transitioning we all need one. 

Transitioning adds stress and we can appreciate having someone who we can talk with about that part of our lives.

Hugs,

Chrissy

Thanks for your comments, Emma and Christine. Not long after joining Susan's Place, we developed a friendship with several other members. We called our little group 'the Seven Sisters'. We stay in contact, but I'm the only one still on Susan's Place. I understand the need to 'move on', but I also believe I occasionally have some useful information to offer. Besides, it's nice to have so many friends I can ask for advice.

Other than news articles, I usually only post once or twice a week. Tomorrow (Sunday), I'll be on the way to Cleveland, OH. Once or twice a year, my employer allows 'team events'. Since 95% of our employees work remote, it's usually the only opportunity we have to see our co-workers in person. As usual, I'll be driving. I had a bad experience with TSA before I started my transition, so I avoid flying whenever possible. The company covers all hotels and meals, and they pay mileage. I should be home on Friday, but then I'll be heading to my dad's house on Saturday morning. Don't be concerned if I don't post anything for a week or so.

I'll be attending some training presentations on Tuesday. On Wednesday, my team will be going to the 'Rock & Roll Hall of Fame'. On Thursday, we have a picnic. My manager already said I can leave after lunch, that way I can get home on Friday. I plan to stay in Lexington, KY, both of the days I'll be on the road.

I enjoy long road trips. It gives me plenty of time to think, and to listen to my music. Like most people, I do not enjoys heavy traffic! That's why I'll be going through Lexington instead of Louisville. Every time I've gone through Louisville, the traffic has been awful.

I hope all of you have a great week.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Safe travels and have fun!
We will leave the light on for you.