Hi all, I'm mtf turning 28 next month. Importantly, I guess you could say I've been 'transitioned' for 10 years however my transition has never been fully complete, and I even detransitioned at one point for a few years. My ID says female but I'm still not fully transitioned, though I have been trying to live as myself for about 10 years now and learning new things and facing new challenges along the way.

I'm 27 turning 28 next month, you can call me Tay for short or hazel if you'd like. I'm white, from southern california, and I have lived in southern california for my entire life though I moved away to oregon and washington for a couple years. Life as a transgender person has always been excruciatingly difficult for me, and I am still suffering from PTSD which has exacerbated my challenges, especially with regards to employment and fitting in to society. In the wake of the donald trump reelection I've noticed a huge shift in social values, to becoming extremely scrutinizing. I've experienced for the first time in my life someone call me slurs or speak of me very candidly without manners, and in general people being very displeased by my appearance or confused. Because of my PTSD, I've always struggled with my identity and my appearance, as I already feel pressures of intense scrutiny from traumatic experiences which seem to continue to pile on.

This is what has driven me here, I feel unfortunately that we/I might be experiencing a social dark age, and I want to connect with others to help mitigate that. Since this website is so old, it just seemed like a trove of transgender experience. When the darkness emerges, the main characters of the story pursue ancient wisdom to prepare them, lol! I work part time, two days a week, and I currently live with a roommate who is pretty much subsidizing all my rent. Him and I developed a friendship without him knowing that I was trans, and because of my situation, there is nowhere else for me to go. He is very anti-trans and I'd be on the street if his suspicions were confirmed.

As far as about me, the actual person, I'm quite talkative and childish. I like sewing, video games, stuffed animals, cute clothes, nature, swimming, hiking, outdoors, driving. I spend a lot of time online. I did have a small youtube channel for a little bit that made some popular videos. My current goals are to learn how to take care of myself so I can save up money for some surgeries and grow out my hair, and my long term goals are to own my own homestead and live off grid and get married and live happily ever after.
Here's a recent picture of me not frowning (smile costs extra)



I'm not sure how active this forum still is, but I'd like to find some interesting things to talk about with y'all here, while we're still here!

Hi Tay and welcome to Susan's. I'm relatively new here, as well, having found my way here from another forum. The community here is welcoming and supportive. We are each unique yet share many commonalities, as well. We lift each other up and, in so doing, help ourselves.

I have to admit that I'm among the older aged crowd still finding my way through what transition will ultimately be for me. But, it is in places like Susan's that we can find support, thoughts, ideas, community and safety especially in times like we currently exist. I agree that our society has taken a turn towards the Dark Ages. But, it is those times that we need to stand strong together and not fight internally. That only weakens our position and plays into the strategy of those who would eliminate us.

We are here to stay. And I'm happy you've found us here.

Hi Tay, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm going to give you the standard Welcome pamphlet to get you off to a good start. 🙂

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: April Marie on May 14, 2025, 04:57:47 AMHi Tay and welcome to Susan's. I'm relatively new here, as well, having found my way here from another forum. The community here is welcoming and supportive. We are each unique yet share many commonalities, as well. We lift each other up and, in so doing, help ourselves.

I have to admit that I'm among the older aged crowd still finding my way through what transition will ultimately be for me. But, it is in places like Susan's that we can find support, thoughts, ideas, community and safety especially in times like we currently exist. I agree that our society has taken a turn towards the Dark Ages. But, it is those times that we need to stand strong together and not fight internally. That only weakens our position and plays into the strategy of those who would eliminate us.

We are here to stay. And I'm happy you've found us here.

Hi April, thank you for welcoming me. I hope you are doing well. Your profile picture looks nice.
How have you liked the forum so far?

Quote from: hazelkitty on May 14, 2025, 05:10:29 AMHi April, thank you for welcoming me. I hope you are doing well. Your profile picture looks nice.
How have you liked the forum so far?

Everyone here has been kind, supportive and helpful to me and I'm sure you'll have the same experience. Like other forums, it's as active as its members make it. I've found lots of good information, too.

I look forward to getting to know you!!

Tay,

          Welcome!


Chrissy

Hello, Tay.

Welcome to Susan's Place.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page listing the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum has a description of what that forum is about and any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Devlyn gave you a list of links that have important information for new and returning members. Be sure to read those. If you have questions, feel free to ask.

Again, welcome to Susan's Place.

Welcome Aboard Tay!!!

You have landed in a wonderful place here indeed! You will be heard... and seen... and appreciated here. There is a vast wealth of experience and perspectives here to draw on and loving hearts that want to share it all with whoever seeks it... There are always challenges in life but, there are always ways to navigate them and we are better, stronger, wiser people on the other side of each challenge and in a better place to help others with their challenges... 🌻

My name is Ashley, I transitioned about 12 years ago and I grew up down there in SoCal in the Hollywood/Studio City area... up on the Central Coast now and living an amazing life with a wonderful husband.🌸

You will find the things you need in life!!! ... We all have fears but, don't give them what they often seek... to be the loudest voice in your head... Instead, keep hope alive in your heart because there is much to be hopeful about!!! ...Amazing things await you! 🌞

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Hi, Tay, and welcome. My name is Pema, and I'm another older newcomer. I just realized/accepted that I'm transgender a few months ago, so I'm very early in the process of discovering what's hidden within myself.

In my short time here, I've found Susan's to be an extremely warm, welcoming, and supportive place. I'm confident that you'll have a similar experience.

It's great to have you among us.

Pema

@hazelkitty
Hello Tay:
It is nice for me to see that you have registered as a member here on Susan's Place and the Forum.
                You are very WELCOME here.

We are very glad to have you here and will be looking forward to getting to know you better as
you feel comfortable posting and sharing your comments and thoughts all around the various
Forum Topics and Threads.

To answer one of your questions... yes indeed, the Forum is very active and as our lovely
member  @April Marie mentioned in her comment, "it's as active as its members make it."

If you have any questions about the Forum you can feel free to contact any members of our
Moderator Team listed at the end of my message... we will be only to glad to assist you.
Until you can send Forum Private Messages upon reaching  the 15 posting threshold,
you can also contact me via my Direct Email at: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Please be certain to look over the LINKS at the end of the Welcome Message that you received
from @Devlyn   There you will find answers to many questions that our new members may have.

Again, WELCOME to Susan's Place and the Forum
Warmly,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
    The Forum Administrator  Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

    Moderation Team:
  @Devlyn 
  @Jessica_Rose
  @Lori Dee
  @Sarah B
  @Mariah

    Forum Administrator:
  @Northern Star Girl (Danielle)

Hey Tay,

Welcome to Susan's!


~ Lilis 💗

Hi Tay

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.

Quote from: hazelkitty on May 14, 2025, 04:15:16 AMHi all, I'm mtf turning 28 next month.  Importantly, I guess you could say I've been 'transitioned' for 10 years however my transition has never been fully complete and I even detransitioned at one point for a few years.  My ID says female but I'm still not fully transitioned, though I have been trying to live as myself for about 10 years now and learning new things and facing new challenges along the way.

It's clear you have been living as yourself for quite a while now and that truly matters more than anything else.  You have already gone through a lot of growth by starting your path at 18, which is fortunate in itself.  I was lucky in a similar way, all though I did not change my life around until I was 30.  It's not about how far along you are physically or legally, but about the strength it takes to live true to yourself day by day. 

Quote from: hazelkitty on May 14, 2025, 04:15:16 AMI'm 27 turning 28 next month, you can call me Tay for short or hazel if you'd like.  I'm white, from southern california and I have lived in southern california for my entire life though I moved away to oregon and washington for a couple years.  Life as a transgender person has always been excruciatingly difficult for me and I am still suffering from PTSD which has exacerbated my challenges, especially with regards to employment and fitting in to society.  In the wake of the donald trump reelection I've noticed a huge shift in social values, to becoming extremely scrutinizing.  I've experienced for the first time in my life someone call me slurs or speak of me very candidly without manners and in general people being very displeased by my appearance or confused.  Because of my PTSD, I've always struggled with my identity and my appearance, as I already feel pressures of intense scrutiny from traumatic experiences which seem to continue to pile on.

It's truly hard to face all that at once, Tay.  PTSD makes every challenge feel amplified, especially when you're already trying to navigate identity and belonging.  Therapy can be a powerful support to work through the pain and trauma you have endured.  As for being slurred, do you think it was actually about you being transgender, or could it have been something else?

Because from your photo, you just look any other woman in society.  It baffles me how anyone could know or assume otherwise.  Personally, I have never told anyone about my past and even with doctors, I often think twice about telling.  Privacy has shielded me from many of the repercussions people fear.  You do not owe anyone an explanation, especially not strangers in public. 

Quote from: hazelkitty on May 14, 2025, 04:15:16 AMThis is what has driven me here, I feel unfortunately that we/I might be experiencing a social dark age and I want to connect with others to help mitigate that.  Since this website is so old, it just seemed like a trove of transgender experience.  When the darkness emerges, the main characters of the story pursue ancient wisdom to prepare them, lol! I work part time, two days a week and I currently live with a roommate who is pretty much subsidizing all my rent.  Him and I developed a friendship without him knowing that I was trans and because of my situation, there is nowhere else for me to go.  He is very anti-trans and I'd be on the street if his suspicions were confirmed.

Your instinct to focus on taking care of yourself is absolutely the right one.  Gaining stability, especially through furthering your education can set you up for a much more secure future and get you closer to the homestead dream you mentioned.  Your ideas about saving up for surgery and growing your hair are not superficial; they are steps toward self love and greater peace.  Longer hair will certainly add to your femininity and confidence.  But your current living situation sounds deeply unsafe.  I hope you can find a path to a safer place to live, even if it takes time.  No one should have to hide who they are just to keep a roof over their head. 

Quote from: hazelkitty on May 14, 2025, 04:15:16 AMAs far as about me, the actual person, I'm quite talkative and childish.  I like sewing, video games, stuffed animals, cute clothes, nature, swimming, hiking, outdoors, driving.  I spend a lot of time online.  I did have a small youtube channel for a little bit that made some popular videos.  My current goals are to learn how to take care of myself so I can save up money for some surgeries and grow out my hair and my long term goals are to own my own homestead and live off grid and get married and live happily ever after.  Here's a recent picture of me not frowning (smile costs extra)

It's great to hear that you have so many interests and passions.  They help anchor you in the present and give your life purpose even when things feel dark.  Staying active with things you enjoy like sewing or being out in nature, can give you the strength to keep going when life gets hard.  It also reminds you that you are more than your hardships.  You are creative, thoughtful person with dreams worth fighting for. 

Quote from: hazelkitty on May 14, 2025, 04:15:16 AMI'm not sure how active this forum still is, but I'd like to find some interesting things to talk about with y'all here, while we're still here!

As April Marie said, "how active the forum is depends on the members contribution to Susan's" and yes, we will always be here!

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS I love swimming also with a passion.

@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@hazelkitty  @April Marie

Hi Tay, welcome home, which this place amounts to for many of us. We can all relate to your situation and sometimes it's as therapeutic venting about a situation as anything else, so we all do it from time to time. There are massive reserves of compassion and empathy here, so feel free to mine them!

Hello and welcome Hazel.

You have come to the right place, I have found this site very helpful and supportive when I started my transition. And thought I was alone and felt alone but felt like family here. And has helped me get to where I am now.

Rex