Let's just say it wasn't you transitioning.

How do you think you'd react if your partner came out as transgender and you weren't?

How do you think you would react to the changes?

How long do you think it would take to accept it?

Would it be a deal breaker?

Would you have any hard lines? No surgery? No HRT? No dressing in public?

I intend this to be a thought exercise,  so let's keep things civil. 

Hugs, Devlyn

@Devlyn
Dear Devlyn:
Thank you for starting and posting this great topic that will be of interest to
many of our members.

The good news:
On the Forum we presently have more than just a few members who react in a positive
and accepting way to this topic as it relates to their partner.

I am looking very forward to reading more responses, comments and thoughts on
this thread from all of our members.

Again, thank you for posting this topic.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Speaking only for myself... sex and gender isn't what primarily attracts me to someone. I tend to see attraction in a more... metaphysical way. I think I would be 100% okay with anything and everything as long as my soulmate was happy and able to express themselves the way they want. I wouldn't see them differently than I already did. And would do anything I could to help them be happy.

I think it will require a good bit of honesty and introspection from our members.  We see people all the time who took decades to come to terms with themselves,  but get very upset very quickly if their partner isn't quickly on board. It's truly a  "shoe on the other foot" set of questions.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Sephirah on May 17, 2025, 02:27:44 PMSpeaking only for myself... sex and gender isn't what primarily attracts me to someone. I tend to see attraction in a more... metaphysical way. I think I would be 100% okay with anything and everything as long as my soulmate was happy and able to express themselves the way they want. I wouldn't see them differently than I already did. And would do anything I could to help them be happy.

That was quick, and  exactly what I would expect from you, Lauren. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Sephirah on May 17, 2025, 02:27:44 PMSpeaking only for myself... sex and gender isn't what primarily attracts me to someone. I tend to see attraction in a more... metaphysical way. I think I would be 100% okay with anything and everything as long as my soulmate was happy and able to express themselves the way they want. I wouldn't see them differently than I already did. And would do anything I could to help them be happy.

This is me, too. I think my love for them would motivate me to explore this with them, learn all I could about it, and get into some deep conversations to help me understand what they are experiencing. Then offered whatever support I could. I see myself as being like many of our SO members have said, "I am still here because I love you."

That is how I think I would react, but I have not been in any relationship for over ten years. If I were to try to apply that situation to any of my former spouses, I think it would be quite a bit different due to my own ignorance of the subject.

It would certainly be a surprise! 

I am not at all attracted to men, so I would not feel that kind of attraction to my spouse.  But that kind of attraction is such a small part of our life together these days, that it would not be difficult to set it aside.

In real life, she has shown such acceptance of me, even though she is likewise not attracted to women, that it would go against everything I believe a relationship should be for me not to reciprocate.

It would certainly take some getting used to!

I had 11 years to get to know my partner before we married, and I recognised some diversity. She also had to accept my diversity before we took that step. I know sexuality wasn't an issue for me, and if she needed to transition, I would have been wholly accepting and supportive. I didn't marry her for her looks or sexuality, but because we are soul mates. We are divorced and living apart, but communicate most days, and still rely on each other for primary support. Rules and conventions were never important for me.

Hugs

Allie

Thank you Lori, Kathy, and Allie for your replies. 

I think most of you know that my wife and I met here. We were both pre-op at the time. I've since had an orchiectomy, and she has had vaginoplasty.

We see so many people relating that coming out has, or would, destroy their relationships with family that I wondered how things would go if the situation was reversed.

Hugs, Devlyn

Hmmm interesting question. I have thought my self to more of a Fem Lesbian, some how I could never see myself with a  male partner but she to he would be the exception. Hmmm role reversal might be fun (no further comment don't want to get trouble😉😁)

Thanks for adding to the conversation!

Hugs, Devlyn

Although I genuinely believe I'd be very understanding and supportive, I think the most honest answer I can give is that I wouldn't know for sure until I found myself in that situation.

Interesting question. It's hard for me to say as I can't seem to find anything in the love department lately. I had a guy I was in a relationship with reject me just for having a penis. When I originally told him years ago he was completely accepting.

I guess being trans made me learn I would probably be no better than my parents. I would be no better in terms of having kids or having a partner so I don't do it.

It would be nice to find someone though!

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 18, 2025, 05:15:58 PMAlthough I genuinely believe I'd be very understanding and supportive, I think the most honest answer I can give is that I wouldn't know for sure until I found myself in that situation.

I appreciate your honesty about it. Thanks for joining in. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: CosmicJoke on May 18, 2025, 05:21:56 PMInteresting question. It's hard for me to say as I can't seem to find anything in the love department lately. I had a guy I was in a relationship with reject me just for having a penis. When I originally told him years ago he was completely accepting.

I guess being trans made me learn I would probably be no better than my parents. I would be no better in terms of having kids or having a partner so I don't do it.

It would be nice to find someone though!

Thanks for adding your thoughts on this. 

Hugs, Devlyn

What an interesting question. At this stage in our marriage, just over 50 years, All I want is for my spouse to be happy and enjoy our life together. So, just as it was when I came out to my wife, I'd be a bit surprised but would only want her/him to be happy. I would not set any conditions, again deferring to what my spouse needed to live happily.

Of course, it's an easier answer now at this stage of our marriage and after working through my own transition. I now know more of the questions, concerns and responses that transition evokes. I watched as my wife went through something similar to the stages of grief that comes after losing someone and I worked hard not to push her through the stages.

I can only hope that I would be as loving, caring and ultimately as accepting as she has been.

Damn, if nothing else, thinking through this has made me realize, once again, how very fortunate I am to have the love of this amazing person.

Hey what a great question? Obviously I would be dead against it as any right minded person would

I'd be good with it, I love my partner for who she is, not what she is, and curious though it is to write this, it would kind of suit her character!

April and Tanya, thanks for the great replies!

Hugs, Devlyn