I want to share my background here.

My purpose is primarily to help and inspire any other transmen that might be going through the same. But everyone is welcome. I'll be leaving out some of my story, it would turn into a novella and nobody has time for that. But I will zoom in om my transition and the 10 years after.

It started when I was 27.
In my whole life prior to that, I had confused gender dysphoria with trauma and believed it was cptsd - it never once occurred to me that it could be because of being 'in the wrong body' so to speak.

It wasn't until I started following a genderfluid musician and joined a transgroup that things clicked for me and I thought, "wait a minute". Things went very fast after that. I went on testosterone without permission - against the advice of pretty much everyone - and it felt like a miracle cure, at the time.

Then came the long, long trajectory to get with a therapist, surgeries, years of anxiety, healing, and trauma-related processing. Which I imagine is true for pretty much every person on this forum (if I am wrong, that is fine too). I increasingly felt pretty good with my body. It's almost done now, but I'm a bit tired of the surgeries.

I'll be hitting 40 in a couple of years and when I look back at 27, it's like I was Bambi then. I was very wide-eyed. Idealistic. A good human being, of course, all idealistic people tend to be good natured. But I was also... not mature.

Taking testosterone, and also some societal factors, caused a huge shift in my thinking. I felt like there was a lot of self-flagellation in the trans-community around me. People believing that they were stuck, that they were underdogs, that  they were the eternal victim.

I couldn't cope with it. And I eventually shifted, more and more, towards the 'right'. And I did what a lot of cliché conservatives do, I had the same interests and I found more of a community in people who were interested in mens' rights, self-development, and empowerment.

Then I shifted some more and I sort of automatically ended in the traditional niche. I was pretty Christian for a while. Still loving myself but frankly also partly hating myself. I shared with Christian people that I was trans and they took it well and they were welcoming.

My view of other transgender people has always been quite ok, I think, in the sense that I do believe it takes courage to transition. I just couldn't cope with the widespread idea that the community is powerless somehow. Maybe I was wrong in perceiving it that way, but that was my perception.

I'm starting to feel more powerful the last three years. The whole bizarre thing with Trump - and to be honest, it seems like it is every single political system in Europe and the US - has finally opened my eyes to the fact that politics are nonsense (well, that's how I think about it now).

And knowing or feeling that it is nonsense, I have a much easier time laughing about it, letting it go, and more willingness to recognize all colors in the spectrum, where-ever you may be. That said, I did support Trump for quite a long while.

So that is how it went - I went from liberal, to conservative, to feeling my own identity, and that nothing besides that really matters. And I would like to inspire you, or anyone who wants to listen to it, that the power is always within you and systems only change later.

During the time that I spent as a conservative, I did feel it was very difficult to connect up to the more progressive side of the trans-world, I felt very divided from it and I felt as though I should watch my mouth and walk on eggshells.

This was my own personal feeling - and any time I "feel" something, I consider it relative and absolutely not "the truth". But I say that simply, to share how I felt at the time. It's a pity that there was such a barrier, and that I did not feel free to cross it.

Perhaps we (the transgender community and humanity) are starting to be a little more prepared to see each other eye to eye. Whether you're conservative or very liberal, or whether you'd see yourself as traditional or rejecting the traditions. It's cheesy-af, but we are all human.

This is me - older, wiser, weirder, but much calmer than I was in my late twenties.
If any one needs guidance or advice you are more than welcome. For familiarity purposes, think of me as your weird uncle, a guy with a long beard who smokes a pipe and loves conspiracies.

Specially to any transmasculine / FTM folks, stick with it, you've got more power than you think.

Cheers.
Merrick

Merrick,

Thank you for this. I can relate to much of what you have written.

I have always considered myself a "constitutional conservative" in that many of our laws are unnecessary and can be better served by taking a broader approach. For example, we have specific laws that prohibit discrimination based upon race, religion, creed, ethnicity, sex, and disability that cover housing, education, employment, and federal benefits. My thinking has been, why do we need all of that when it would be simpler to just prohibit discrimination of any kind, for any reason? Take all of the separate laws and replace them with one: Thou shalt not discriminate. Period.

I supported the Republican party for many years because, while I was in the military, the GOP supported a strong military. That meant adequate funding for things like promotions and pay raises. My view was that the Democrats supported social programs. So I would support Republicans in federal government and Democrats in the state and local governments where they could do the most good.

In hindsight, I can see that my conservative views worked well to help me camouflage my being trans, but at the same time, hindered me from seeing and accepting that I was trans. I rejected my initial diagnosis of gender dysphoria due to homophobia. "That's not me. I'm not gay!" Two years in therapy helped me learn what gender dysphoria is and what it is not. As I learned, I began to connect the dots. I began to see what my psychologists saw in me. Eventually, I recognized the truth and accepted who I am and began to embrace it.

Some of my views are still conservative, but I have given up on politics. I have seen far too much corruption on all sides, and there isn't enough support to reshape the government to fit my worldview. I tell people who complain to elect me Queen, and I will fix it. 

Hi Merrick!

I believe Caitlyn Jenner said something to the effect of "It was easier to come out as trans than as a conservative" 😅

Like Lori, I believe the Constitutional system to be a sound one indeed and many problems arise the further we stray from it... as we stray away from States rights to centralized Federal power we further erode individual rights of which I am a huge proponent!... I lean libertarian (not liberal) in many, but not all areas, as I believe individual freedom should always be protected as opposed to being diluted in collectivist approaches... 🌻

As the Declaration Of Independence states, and I fully support... Our Right to Life, Liberty and The Pursuit Of Happiness... The trans journey is, in every way, a pursuit of happiness!,,🌻

 Like Lori stated... No discrimination... period!... individual rights for one, are rights for all. The "this group gets this... and that group gets that"  approach only truly serves the political parties who want to be the ones dolling out the goodies as a way to solidify power in my view. 🌻

Welcome to the forum brother! I wish you all good things as you build a life that serves you well! 🌻

Onward!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 15, 2025, 12:46:47 PMHi Merrick!

I believe Caitlyn Jenner said something to the effect of "It was easier to come out as trans than as a conservative" 😅

Like Lori, I believe the Constitutional system to be a sound one indeed and many problems arise the further we stray from it... as we stray away from States rights to centralized Federal power we further erode individual rights of which I am a huge proponent!... I lean libertarian (not liberal) in many, but not all areas, as I believe individual freedom should always be protected as opposed to being diluted in collectivist approaches... 🌻

As the Declaration Of Independence states, and I fully support... Our Right to Life, Liberty and The Pursuit Of Happiness... The trans journey is, in every way, a pursuit of happiness!,,🌻

 Like Lori stated... No discrimination... period!... individual rights for one, are rights for all. The "this group gets this... and that group gets that"  approach only truly serves the political parties who want to be the ones dolling out the goodies as a way to solidify power in my view. 🌻

Welcome to the forum brother! I wish you all good things as you build a life that serves you well! 🌻

Onward!

Ashley 💕

Great post Ashley!

Quote from: Merrick on May 15, 2025, 07:40:11 AMI want to share my background here.

My purpose is primarily to help and inspire any other transmen that might be going through the same. But everyone is welcome. I'll be leaving out some of my story, it would turn into a novella and nobody has time for that. But I will zoom in om my transition and the 10 years after.

It started when I was 27.
In my whole life prior to that, I had confused gender dysphoria with trauma and believed it was cptsd - it never once occurred to me that it could be because of being 'in the wrong body' so to speak.

It wasn't until I started following a genderfluid musician and joined a transgroup that things clicked for me and I thought, "wait a minute". Things went very fast after that. I went on testosterone without permission - against the advice of pretty much everyone - and it felt like a miracle cure, at the time.

Then came the long, long trajectory to get with a therapist, surgeries, years of anxiety, healing, and trauma-related processing. Which I imagine is true for pretty much every person on this forum (if I am wrong, that is fine too). I increasingly felt pretty good with my body. It's almost done now, but I'm a bit tired of the surgeries.

I'll be hitting 40 in a couple of years and when I look back at 27, it's like I was Bambi then. I was very wide-eyed. Idealistic. A good human being, of course, all idealistic people tend to be good natured. But I was also... not mature.

Taking testosterone, and also some societal factors, caused a huge shift in my thinking. I felt like there was a lot of self-flagellation in the trans-community around me. People believing that they were stuck, that they were underdogs, that  they were the eternal victim.

I couldn't cope with it. And I eventually shifted, more and more, towards the 'right'. And I did what a lot of cliché conservatives do, I had the same interests and I found more of a community in people who were interested in mens' rights, self-development, and empowerment.

Then I shifted some more and I sort of automatically ended in the traditional niche. I was pretty Christian for a while. Still loving myself but frankly also partly hating myself. I shared with Christian people that I was trans and they took it well and they were welcoming.

My view of other transgender people has always been quite ok, I think, in the sense that I do believe it takes courage to transition. I just couldn't cope with the widespread idea that the community is powerless somehow. Maybe I was wrong in perceiving it that way, but that was my perception.

I'm starting to feel more powerful the last three years. The whole bizarre thing with Trump - and to be honest, it seems like it is every single political system in Europe and the US - has finally opened my eyes to the fact that politics are nonsense (well, that's how I think about it now).

And knowing or feeling that it is nonsense, I have a much easier time laughing about it, letting it go, and more willingness to recognize all colors in the spectrum, where-ever you may be. That said, I did support Trump for quite a long while.

So that is how it went - I went from liberal, to conservative, to feeling my own identity, and that nothing besides that really matters. And I would like to inspire you, or anyone who wants to listen to it, that the power is always within you and systems only change later.

During the time that I spent as a conservative, I did feel it was very difficult to connect up to the more progressive side of the trans-world, I felt very divided from it and I felt as though I should watch my mouth and walk on eggshells.

This was my own personal feeling - and any time I "feel" something, I consider it relative and absolutely not "the truth". But I say that simply, to share how I felt at the time. It's a pity that there was such a barrier, and that I did not feel free to cross it.

Perhaps we (the transgender community and humanity) are starting to be a little more prepared to see each other eye to eye. Whether you're conservative or very liberal, or whether you'd see yourself as traditional or rejecting the traditions. It's cheesy-af, but we are all human.

This is me - older, wiser, weirder, but much calmer than I was in my late twenties.
If any one needs guidance or advice you are more than welcome. For familiarity purposes, think of me as your weird uncle, a guy with a long beard who smokes a pipe and loves conspiracies.

Specially to any transmasculine / FTM folks, stick with it, you've got more power than you think.

Cheers.
Merrick

Thank you for sharing that Merrick, best wishes and ((hugs)) for support on your continued journey! 

Welcome Merrick,  so glad to have you here. 🫂 Annaliese

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 15, 2025, 09:17:24 AMMy thinking has been, why do we need all of that when it would be simpler to just prohibit discrimination of any kind, for any reason? Take all of the separate laws and replace them with one: Thou shalt not discriminate. Period.

(...)

Some of my views are still conservative, but I have given up on politics. I have seen far too much corruption on all sides, and there isn't enough support to reshape the government to fit my worldview. I tell people who complain to elect me Queen, and I will fix it. 

Just like that: a few general rules at top-level (do not discriminate) and maybe some additional rules closer to ground level. But the amount of laws, rules, social pressure, social media etiquette... all we do is create more rules and sink into a quagmire. I am hoping for a future with more humanity and less complication...

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 15, 2025, 12:46:47 PMI believe Caitlyn Jenner said something to the effect of "It was easier to come out as trans than as a conservative" 😅

Like Lori, I believe the Constitutional system to be a sound one indeed and many problems arise the further we stray from it... as we stray away from States rights to centralized Federal power we further erode individual rights of which I am a huge proponent!... I lean libertarian (not liberal) in many, but not all areas, as I believe individual freedom should always be protected as opposed to being diluted in collectivist approaches... 🌻

I didn't know Caithyn Jenner said that!

The whole "I am an individual" thing, that was one of the things I struggled with (and continue to struggle with), as some activist groups would claim to represent me, and yet I never asked them to. In some aspects yes, activism is good... but I do not want to be included in "inclusive representation" when it is against my will...    

Thanks for your replies as I see I am not as isolated as I thought.
Lately I don't really believe in discussions anymore, as I see it never solves anything. Beter always be yourself... from an "be the change" perspective. 

I do feel like it's slowly shifting.
Younger generation seem more open-minded to both viewpoints, and less identified with one.

Quote from: Merrick on May 17, 2025, 07:40:25 AMI'll just say this - and try to keep it as low key as I can.

Terms like what is and what isn't transphobic are not always that clear. Terms like what is, and what isn't, transgender supportive, are not always that clear. People like to assume that "transgender supportive" means one and the same thing to everyone.

Saying that you have to be supportive, imho, doesn´t actually clarify what is okay to say and what is not. Because I might define "support" to a person as entirely different as someone else might support it. It simply isn't specific enough.

Browsing through a thread like this, it still inculcates in me the feeling that I should stay silent, in two different ways: For one, that I have to be extremely careful or I will horribly harm someone else. Also, that my opinions are wrong and threatening, and I should be repressed.

Whether or not I support idea X or politician X does not depend on my gender identity alone, it depends on the totality of my ideas and identities, which make up who I am. Whether I not I find an idea "sane" depends on the totality of my being.

The concept of harm is not a universal thing and "harming" does not mean the same in all contexts. Supporting politician X for say, excluding transsexuals in certain sports (like boxing), does not equal supporting politician Y for excluding transsexuals from shopping malls.

Whether I feel harmed or targeted by something depends entirely on who I am, my history, and my views. I may not feel harmed or targeted by some of the policies when other people in the same exact community might feel harmed or targeted by it.

If you want to be clear and have specific rules in conversations, then you need to clearly and accurately specify what you mean by these terms: supportive (and not supportive), trans-friendly (and transphobic), harmful (and not harmful).

Finally you will have to face the fact that creating such restrictions will automatically exclude many people who are also in the community. And here's the thing: doing so will exclude them from offering support in their own way. It will prevent influx of new and divergent ideas.

Personally I'm a bit tired of being seen as a danger.

@Merrick

Hello Again Merrick!

I wrote this in response to your excellent post in the "Call For Moderation" thread which I posted above but, I decided to post it here instead...

Untitled by Ashley, on Flickr

Terms and labels do indeed mean something slightly, or perhaps, very different, to everyone that hears them. I sometimes suggest to others to worry less about what label to apply to themself, than focusing on how they need to arrange, and live, their life to make it the experience that serves their souls' needs. 🌻

I posted the picture above as a bit of a visual aid with how I see issues looked at and approached these days... One group sees a a circle... One group sees a square... The groups then dig in their heels and set off to demonize and belittle the group that does not see what they do, and in truth... Neither side has truly deep understanding of all the details contained within the cylinder...which is the place that something closer to "truth" may indeed reside, waiting to be discovered.. they argue about the shape of the shadow it casts instead... 🌻

Perhaps greater understanding could be fostered for us amongst the masses if we spend less time arguing about definitions of man and woman for now... that definition, like all labels, will be dependent on the criteria chosen... Perhaps, more understanding is gained as we emphasize that there are some in this life for whom a meaningful life cannot be lived without some level of expression of gender that may lay beyond the normal confines associated with the body they were born into...🌻

Everything is painted with such a broad brush these days and packaged in simplistic terms to be used as political fodder by both sides... In this modern age of information overload technology, simplistic broad brush  characterizations are perhaps, all the more effectively used to our detriment in these days of shortened attention spans... 🌻

I certainly do not have all the answers but, I have noticed in my twelve years since I transitioned, a definite erosion in how we are perceived... During those twelve years there was a lot of discussion front and center in the media about "Trans" issues... I believe that often, when change is pushed for... at a rate that exceeds the ability of others to begin to understand what is being pushed for,... push back will occur... 🌻

I think change has a natural rhythm to it and I believe that sometimes, when we seek progress, we achieve the most by not pushing forward... But rather by standing back a bit... We would, I believe, be well served to bear in mind that the masses from who we seek "acceptance" from, are busy with their own lives and likely learning and understanding the experience of 1-2% of the population is likely not their top priority in life... their opinions about us are formed by what they hear and without understanding... their fears fill the gaps in their knowledge... "Transgender" is a very big umbrella... Yet, it is used constantly as a very specific term that means something different to all who hear it... thus, much confusion ensues...🌻

I have been a public speaker for 12 years now trying to bring a bit more understanding to the issues that surround us... building understanding is the key and I believe, our gender issues would be better understood if they were un-tethered from views and opinions on forms of national governance... our current state, as a political football, by both sides... Does not serve us well. 🌻

Onward We Go!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 17, 2025, 10:11:12 AMour current state, as a political football, by both sides... Does not serve us well. 🌻

Eloquently said, Ashley. And I agree but ask for one slight clarification: democrats seem to be using the trans community as a football by blaming us for their loss in the general election and not by supporting our right to exist, our right to pursue happiness; while the other team merely wants to extinguish the trans identity. In my opinion, the only people on our side are us and whoever we can encourage to support us, regardless of political party.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 17, 2025, 10:50:57 AMEloquently said, Ashley. And I agree but ask for one slight clarification: democrats seem to be using the trans community as a football by blaming us for their loss in the general election and not by supporting our right to exist, our right to pursue happiness; while the other team merely wants to extinguish the trans identity. In my opinion, the only people on our side are us and whoever we can encourage to support us, regardless of political party.

I think this community is strong enough on its own to exist and be who we are. We don't need the political football BS back and forth. I think one side is trying to force a political view on the other side and they are pushing back. I have never asked anyone to force any view on anyone else. We will always exist as a community, regardless of the unwanted political interference. I agree the only people that are on our side is us and we are strong.

Quote from: Merrick on May 15, 2025, 07:40:11 AMI want to share my background here.

My purpose is primarily to help and inspire any other transmen that might be going through the same. But everyone is welcome. I'll be leaving out some of my story, it would turn into a novella and nobody has time for that. But I will zoom in om my transition and the 10 years after.

It started when I was 27.
In my whole life prior to that, I had confused gender dysphoria with trauma and believed it was cptsd - it never once occurred to me that it could be because of being 'in the wrong body' so to speak.

It wasn't until I started following a genderfluid musician and joined a transgroup that things clicked for me and I thought, "wait a minute". Things went very fast after that. I went on testosterone without permission - against the advice of pretty much everyone - and it felt like a miracle cure, at the time.

Then came the long, long trajectory to get with a therapist, surgeries, years of anxiety, healing, and trauma-related processing. Which I imagine is true for pretty much every person on this forum (if I am wrong, that is fine too). I increasingly felt pretty good with my body. It's almost done now, but I'm a bit tired of the surgeries.

I'll be hitting 40 in a couple of years and when I look back at 27, it's like I was Bambi then. I was very wide-eyed. Idealistic. A good human being, of course, all idealistic people tend to be good natured. But I was also... not mature.

Taking testosterone, and also some societal factors, caused a huge shift in my thinking. I felt like there was a lot of self-flagellation in the trans-community around me. People believing that they were stuck, that they were underdogs, that  they were the eternal victim.

I couldn't cope with it. And I eventually shifted, more and more, towards the 'right'. And I did what a lot of cliché conservatives do, I had the same interests and I found more of a community in people who were interested in mens' rights, self-development, and empowerment.

Then I shifted some more and I sort of automatically ended in the traditional niche. I was pretty Christian for a while. Still loving myself but frankly also partly hating myself. I shared with Christian people that I was trans and they took it well and they were welcoming.

My view of other transgender people has always been quite ok, I think, in the sense that I do believe it takes courage to transition. I just couldn't cope with the widespread idea that the community is powerless somehow. Maybe I was wrong in perceiving it that way, but that was my perception.

I'm starting to feel more powerful the last three years. The whole bizarre thing with Trump - and to be honest, it seems like it is every single political system in Europe and the US - has finally opened my eyes to the fact that politics are nonsense (well, that's how I think about it now).

And knowing or feeling that it is nonsense, I have a much easier time laughing about it, letting it go, and more willingness to recognize all colors in the spectrum, where-ever you may be. That said, I did support Trump for quite a long while.

So that is how it went - I went from liberal, to conservative, to feeling my own identity, and that nothing besides that really matters. And I would like to inspire you, or anyone who wants to listen to it, that the power is always within you and systems only change later.

During the time that I spent as a conservative, I did feel it was very difficult to connect up to the more progressive side of the trans-world, I felt very divided from it and I felt as though I should watch my mouth and walk on eggshells.

This was my own personal feeling - and any time I "feel" something, I consider it relative and absolutely not "the truth". But I say that simply, to share how I felt at the time. It's a pity that there was such a barrier, and that I did not feel free to cross it.

Perhaps we (the transgender community and humanity) are starting to be a little more prepared to see each other eye to eye. Whether you're conservative or very liberal, or whether you'd see yourself as traditional or rejecting the traditions. It's cheesy-af, but we are all human.

This is me - older, wiser, weirder, but much calmer than I was in my late twenties.
If any one needs guidance or advice you are more than welcome. For familiarity purposes, think of me as your weird uncle, a guy with a long beard who smokes a pipe and loves conspiracies.

Specially to any transmasculine / FTM folks, stick with it, you've got more power than you think.

Cheers.
Merrick

What a wonderful post, Merrick. I am essentially coming at this from the other side. I joined this site when I was 27. I am now going on 46. Seems like a lifetime. And in that time I've seen a lot of things. A lot of people. Thank you for sharing your journey.

One thing I would say though is that... well.. a lot of trans folks are, as you put it, the eternal victim. Trans girls more than trans guys. At least in the UK. We are vilified in a way trans guys are not. The political climate has made it that way. With people like JK Rowling determined to get on her soapbox and shout to the rooftops about how trans women aren't women. We are made to be seen as little more than sexual predators. Lurking around women's bathrooms waiting for the right moment to have our wicked way with some innocent flower.

Our Prime Minister, before he got elected, was known for trans rights. He's spoken openly about it, and when a trans girl was murdered, and her mother came to Parliament, and the Conservative government of the day made a tasteless joke about trans women, while she was there watching... he called it out.

But since Trump got in power, the world has seemingly followed his lead, to eradicate trans women from the face of the earth... even our PM has bowed to it all. It's like a wave of rejection sweeping around the world. And it affects trans girls far more than trans guys. As much as I don't like to say this... you blokes fly under the radar most of the time. No one really says anything. It's the girls who have to take the bullets. And who feel afraid. Because we are seen as an affront to women's rights. We are seen as a danger to a group of people who right wing people feel need to be protected. It isn't an equal conversation. It doesn't affect all trans people equally.

QuotePerhaps we (the transgender community and humanity) are starting to be a little more prepared to see each other eye to eye. Whether you're conservative or very liberal, or whether you'd see yourself as traditional or rejecting the traditions. It's cheesy-af, but we are all human.

You are right. And I wish that's how it was in the wider world. We all bleed red. But there are some very real people with some very real axes to grind. And some very real grudges against parts of the trans community.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 17, 2025, 10:50:57 AMdemocrats seem to be using the trans community as a football by blaming us for their loss in the general election and not by supporting our right to exist, our right to pursue happiness; while the other team merely wants to extinguish the trans identity. .

I have always thought out in your face activism would turn enough people against us to be a negative given human nature...

Sex and gender is such a basic primal thing to so many people that most can't understand the need to change sex... and the whole MTFs in female sports thing seems basically wrong to many if not most people ...

So yes IMO I think we ARE some part of the reason why Trump is now president... Far from most of it, but not an insignificant part either.

IMO quiet politically astute support would have made things better for us than what is happening now... which is setting us back a LONG way.

BTW I consider myself a liberal and also a realist. Ideals are great to have and important but getting things done and making things better rarely if ever can be done ideally.

QuoteIn my opinion, the only people on our side are us and whoever we can encourage to support us, regardless of political party

I think it is obvious that significantly more people in one political party support us than in the other. As a realist, in general, I think the best we can hope for in that other party is indifference.

- Karen

If we're talking about environmental concerns or tax reform, waiting may be a valid approach. But we're talking about basic human rights. I don't think anyone can show me an example of where waiting for your rights rather than fighting for them panned out well.

Quote from: Devlyn on May 18, 2025, 10:34:50 AMI don't think anyone can show me an example of where waiting for your rights rather than fighting for them panned out well.

Well said, Devlyn. In my opinion, silence is complicity. I sometimes joke that I am so far to the left I make Bernie Sanders look like a MAGA maniac. I have a sister who, if anything, is further left than myself. She supported my transition until I told her I was scheduled to begin HRT. Her response went something like this: Your old, can't you wait until your next life to be a woman. I suppose I'll need to start calling you 'Karen', she concluded the text feminizing my given name. Her words stung, but I understood where they were coming from: I've always been her big brother. Like I said, she's somewhere left of me on the political spectrum. Maybe democrats as a political party are more supportive of trans rights but their grandchildren still read 'Harry Potter' and worship J.K. They still see the political ads of masculinized 'women' spiking volleyballs into the faces of dainty little blonde girls. Sephirah said it so eloquently: the way the world is changing since Trump's re-election. And Ashley is probably right: Libertarians tend to respect individual rights more than the two major parties. But I don't believe we can rely on any political party, on any grassroots social movement countering the hate and disinformation, or on the Supreme Court (though the lower courts seem to be an honest ally). I'm not calling for radical activism. How much more radical can I get than wearing a dress? But radical silence will only lead us like lambs to our own slaughter. If I go down, I will go down kicking and screaming.

Thanks everyone for their replies, I was afk for a bit tending to my (sometimes crappy) health 

I think the best example for how I "am of service" to the trans community is this: since I pass completely and was conservative for a long time, it was easy for me to blend in with groups who usually don't think about LGBT rights. Often, if they think about them at all, it's in a "don't get it" kind of fashion.

My way of going about this, has always been to blend in, and to make friends. Only after I feel comfortable, I'll have a conversation with them and tell them where I fit in, gender-wise. This approach I've had with conservative groups, with religious groups, and with the conservative/spiritual/antivaxer group (who are a special denomination, and I do not know how to call them).

I like people in these categories and they like me back, so when I tell them I'm transgender, their first reaction is astonishment and the second reaction is curiosity. I´ve had conversations with them, I've explained about transitioning and dysphoria, I've discussed religion with them. And I´ve done interviews with conservative newspapers about gender dysphoria, explaining what it (really) is. (They think that we transition because we don't have anything better to do).

All in all, I think I've done a ton to increase visibility and understanding of trans-people among conservative, religious, etc people. However, I don't do it in the most common or most accepted way. I'll readily pretend to be cisgender if that gets people liking me at first, and then when they are my buddies I will come out as trans. This way, they know my personality, they respect me, and they will be far more open to a trans discussion, than if I had divulged it immediately.

In a way this is a "transphobic" approach. But it works for me. And the end result so far, is always that I get people to open up.

I'm going to take a while to give your replies the attention they deserve, and then I'll be back to reply.

I think your approach is interesting. They become open enough to listen because what you say is coming from a "trusted source". Passing and just being yourself is not being deceptive. You can always ask, "What? You didn't know I was trans?"

But the bottom line is that it helps them to see that we are just normal people living our lives. When they see that, they might become an ally, or at least know what is fact or fiction because they actually know "one of them" and they are not a bad person.

I won't reply in the order that you actually replied,
I'm trying to make sense of it 

Quote from: Sephirah on May 17, 2025, 10:53:19 PMOne thing I would say though is that... well.. a lot of trans folks are, as you put it, the eternal victim. Trans girls more than trans guys.

I won't debate you on that, but if I didn't pass, I'd be pretty worried. I hang around buff dudes and conservatives a lot, and if those decided to take a club at me, I'd be mincemeat. And it's not just that - it's that transmen happen to be born with genitalia that allows for easy violation. I just want to note that, because I am sure many transmen have this fact etched in the back of their head, and have to live with that.

Don't you think that, whether or not you are safe, or whether or not you are subject to more victimization, depends on the situation? 

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 17, 2025, 10:50:57 AMdemocrats seem to be using the trans community as a football by blaming us for their loss in the general election and not by supporting our right to exist, our right to pursue happiness; while the other team merely wants to extinguish the trans identity.

I agree. The simple fact of the matter is that 'minority' groups and 'vulnerable groups' are easy political weapons. Honestly, it's easy to use the trans community to display how wonderful you are, because if you just buy a rainbow flag and proclaim all our rights, well it makes you look like a wonderful guy. And then on the polar side, you'd have some redneck saying that we are all Dangers to Tradlife. Whether we are weak or scary, there'll always be some shark out there ready to use us as cannonfodder.

This isn't new, either. And we're not alone in this: it's every single other community that is both seen as "weaker than" while at the same time being seen as "more dangerous". Try being an immigrant. Even as a conservative, I've been pummeled, pelted and called an extremist, and during the health hazard of 2019-2023 for being a hippie and a herbalist and adhering more faith to a natural approach, I was again kicked and pelted (not literally). There's nothing people love more than a good game of football with our heads.

Quote from: Karen_A on May 18, 2025, 09:08:27 AMI have always thought out in your face activism would turn enough people against us to be a negative given human nature...

I don't know if people here have read Dale Carnegie's classic "how to make friends and influence people", it was my main inspiration for what I described earlier. Being a chameleon, blending in first, and then coming out. The thing is that most "common" people don't have any interaction with the transgender universe unless it's through some youtube clip of a transgender activist shouting. They read articles about how we mess up schools. Do  they even have a good frame of reference?

For me obviously it was easy, because I'm your "Priviliged White Guy TM" or at least that's how I am perceived. Easy enough for me to "make friends and influence people" because of that, and personally I like to fly under the radar and try an approach that is not "in-your-face". People respond much better to others, and to lgbt people, when they get to see that we're normal. When there are no shouting matches. So yes, I tend to agree with you that "in your face" might cause trouble.

Quote from: Karen_A on May 18, 2025, 09:08:27 AMand the whole MTFs in female sports thing seems basically wrong to many if not most people ...

The thing is that it is important for the lgbtq+ community to keep an open mind too. But this thing is a topic all on its own and perhaps it's better to keep it aside. But I want to say that I can relate to some of the viewpoint on trans athletes - because they do bring up some points that require thoughtful reflection. In my experience, if you tell a cisgender person: "I'm trans but I see where you are coming from" they are much more willing to engage you in an honest conversation.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 18, 2025, 02:11:19 PMThey still see the political ads of masculinized 'women' spiking volleyballs into the faces of dainty little blonde girls

That's what I mean. And yet as long as people see those pictures, they need to be engaged in a civilized conversation, they need to know that the LGBTQ people can be calm and considerate and that their perspective can be heard (some of them have never had contact with a calm and considerate trans person). They need to know that we won't start immediately accusing them of "transphobia" and they need to know that we can tolerate difficult accusations.

You don't have to go down kicking and screaming. I think there are tons of people, simply misinformed, trapped in their own echo-chamber (as are some of us at different times), they really have no hatred of trans people whatsoever but they don't get to ever hear anything different about "us". Personally I've seen a lot of conservatives who are super open to have a debate with us, as long as we're willing to tolerate some heat and take some of the brunt of difficult discussion.

What matters is that we set limits. Physical violence is not okay. Verbal abuse is not okay. I'm privileged as "White Guy TM" but it's not like I don´t know what violence is. I'm coming from a severely violent background, where I had the crap beaten out of me on an exceedingly regular basis. so I am not trying to apologize for psychopaths. But there are far less psychopaths in the world and there's far more misunderstanding and misinformation out there.

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 17, 2025, 10:11:12 AMI believe that often, when change is pushed for... at a rate that exceeds the ability of others to begin to understand what is being pushed for,... push back will occur...

This. People don't even understand what dysphoria is, which is partly because there's a ton of reasons we transition, and no one is giving them a clear and accurate definition. To them, the LGBT world is the very definition of chaos. Then how can you expect them to be able to relate to any of it - they can't. So from their perspective, some of the things we want (and ask for) are bizarre. That doesn´t automatically make them bad people.

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 17, 2025, 10:11:12 AMWe would, I believe, be well served to bear in mind that the masses from who we seek "acceptance" from, are busy with their own lives and likely learning and understanding the experience of 1-2% of the population is likely not their top priority in life

That. We're in the middle of this giantic storm, in Europe they are telling us that we should be getting prepared to give up our kids to the army. Regardless of what you think about that, it's pretty intense. I find it unbelievable that there are people in my neighborhood who are ready to support me even though they are busy with their own lives and sometimes have three (or more!) kids. I'm grateful to them too, specially to religious friends who welcome me in their home, even if they would never support someone transitioning.

I've written this enormous pamphlet from a very cis-perspective - which is because I hang out with way too many cispeople - but I do understand that the lgbtq+ community faces a ton of crap and needs some way to defend itself. There are lots of people speaking up individually, there are those who tape themselves and put it on YouTube, and then there's the stealthy ones like me who fly under the radar and befriend people before they could even check about "status".

Let me share with you a song from Nach Scratch, a Spanish rapper. I recommend that you look it up on YouTube and listen to the entire text (use subtitles or look for a translation). Most of them go nameless, the ones who fight for a cause every day.

Para quien seca sus lágrimas sin darse por vencido
Y, a pesar de la fatiga, sigue su camino
Para quien lucha, para quien sigue vivo
Buscando un sentido. Los mayores héroes són desconocidos
Para quien seca sus lágrimas sin darse por vencido
Y, a pesar de la fatiga, sigue su camino
Para quien lucha, para quien sigue vivo
Buscando un sentido. Los mayores héroes són desconocidos

This is for those who continue fighting while they dry their tears
And continues to march on despite their fatigue
For those who fight and are Alive (!)
And look for meaning, most heroes will remain nameless...
This is for those who continue fighting while they dry their tears
And continues to march on despite their fatigue
For those who fight and are Alive (!)
And look for meaning, most heroes will remain nameless...

Quote from: Merrick on May 21, 2025, 04:51:49 PMThis is for those who continue fighting while they dry their tears
And continues to march on despite their fatigue
For those who fight and are Alive (!)
And look for meaning, most heroes will remain nameless...

Thanks, Merrick, for such an intricately organized and thoughtfully presented response to some of the concerns and questions triggered by your post. You spoke with your heart and many of your words were based on your experience. I celebrate such an eloquent description of an authentic self even if I don't agree with every counterargument you presented. Thanks for reminding me of the special anatomical risks associated with being TM though there seems to be little difference in level of risk when compared to fully transitioned TW. But I am not one of those fully transitioned TW's and am still trying to understand the scope and significance of my own trans identity. However, all of us might do well to keep open minds regarding the political spectrum and the influence of cultural preconceptions. One more however, if it becomes blatantly obvious that those preconceptions are actually maliciously disseminated misconceptions, then I feel no obligation to respond with any degree of open-mindedness. I hope you continue to elucidate your perspective. I have learned much from your thoughtful presentation. Thanks again, Merrick.