I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my upcoming surgery. As far as the WPATH and RLE requirement are concerned. Why isn't being who we are that good enough. I mean, I look somewhat female in my dress, I have pierced ears, I love gel nails and sport them quite frequently-they currently have red tips. Is that good enough? It seems to me it should be. The other item I have been thinking about is what "pronoun" do I prefer. I always state "Me" which initially has throws some people off. Especially medial people - they like to put people in boxes.

So here I sit thinking about things and.......

-Becca

You were likely on the path longer than you thought. In reality, wearing nail polish to the grocery store counts. Wearing feminine clothing outside the home counts. But in some cases, the "powers that be" want to see some sort of "evidence" that can show how long you have been living in the role full-time.

I began dressing appropriately, wig and makeup, every time I went to see my doctor. In my early visits to my psychologist, he noted in my records that I was dressed appropriately for my gender including red nail polish. Since that was documented by a third party, that is all the proof I need.

Perhaps you have something similar or could do something similar so that there is a record. If you receive mail in your new name, even without a legal name change, that could document it as well by the postmark. Just something to think about.

RLE or real life experience, is to ensure you can function in your desired gender in the society you live in. So that means that you change your name and pronouns, passport, driving licence, bank account.. etc.. and you go to work and socialise and do everything in your preferred gender. Its not about gel nails.

Living the gender you want to live for real shows that you will likely succeed in transitioning and will not have regrets and detransition when things get real and irreversible. It is a pretty huge thing to change your gender - especially when that means you are you 24/7 and have no other persona to hide behind..

I remember when I transitioned - I had told most of my customers and that weeded out the ones who continued their business with me and the ones who did not. But then, a long forgotten customer called me, almost the day I went full time - an emergency and I had to go to their premises - I had to tell them I no longer was presenting as male and my new name - To be honest, I was so scared that I seriously considered just, for this once, go as my old self (I had only been me for 48 hours or so) - but this is what I signed up for.. this was how I needed to live my life and so I told them the facts - they said - great, happy for you - and I went to work in a dress.. that is when I started my FTE.. GRS 2 years later

Hi Beca,

The simple answer is, What YOU are happy with is more than good enough, it' perfect.

Make yourself happy, that's as far as you NEED to go.

Warm Regards,
Paulie.

Quote from: becca.anne on July 29, 2024, 06:57:51 PMI have been thinking quite a bit lately about my upcoming surgery. As far as the WPATH and RLE requirement are concerned. Why isn't being who we are that good enough. I mean, I look somewhat female in my dress, I have pierced ears, I love gel nails and sport them quite frequently-they currently have red tips. Is that good enough? It seems to me it should be. The other item I have been thinking about is what "pronoun" do I prefer. I always state "Me" which initially has throws some people off. Especially medial people - they like to put people in boxes.

So here I sit thinking about things and.......

-Becca

As far as WPATH and RLE requirements...they no longer exist under version 8 of the SOC.

My doctor had told me (back in the day) that the name change was something that the insurance companies would accept as the beginning of RLE because it was documented. But again, the RLE requirement no longer exists.

Hugs, Devlyn

While I agree that this is "more than gel nails" my point is I have been presenting this way for quite sometime and perhaps this is frankly a "much ado about nothing" on my part. I need to stop overthinking. I am me, here I am.. Take it or leave it, makes me no nevermind.

-B

if this helps--

I once had a therapy visit. I started ticking off all the ways I was making progress. After about 5 minutes of this, that, and the other, I looked at my therapist -- "HEY! I think I've been living full time 3 weeks." She nodded.


More practically speaking-- supposedly I had an archaic 1 year real life requirement from insurance. Insurance lags WPATH/SOC8 guidelines. I told them I was going to use the day people starting using Jennifer full time. Which was well before I presented full time. I could argue my RLE started about a month before that. I also wrote a note to my insurance people that I was confident, self assured, and would work to answer any questions they had. I also told my concierge "there is not much else to learn, except how well I can put together a spring wardrobe".

Insurance approved my GCS well before the "1 year" they wanted.

Jenn


Bottom line-- don't let insurance bully you

RLE, as noted above, is no longer a "requirement".  It is still a good practice, just for your own peace of mind, and some medical professionals may not have gotten the memo.

What they had in mind, back when it was a requirement, was that you don't ever "escape" back to your birth gender role.  So someone who presents as female at home and out shopping, but presents male at work would not qualify.  Since no one keeps track, and it is no longer a requirement, it really doesn't matter any more.

If you consider yourself to be "full-time", that is good enough.  If you put on jeans and an old T-shirt to work on your car, the RLE Police aren't going to jump out of the bushes and write you a ticket.

Hi Becca Anne

To answer your thread question of the bat, "Is it possible my RLE has commenced awhile back and I did not know it?"  The short answer is, Absolutely Yes.  Well for me, that's precisely what happened, without me knowing about it.  So funny about that.

The long answer comes from me and what happened.  If you have read the couple of stories about me.  I had two Christmas holidays as Sarah and I could not really get enough of what I was doing. When I changed my life around at the start of Feb 1989, read my short bio.  It was full on as Sarah, first visit to doctor, psychiatrists, endocrinologist, family and everybody else it was me.

I had surgery of course in Feb 1991 and the years went by.  I eventually came across Susan's and one of the subjects being discussed at the time was RLE.  I obviously contributed to the topic "Real Life Experience Before surgery" at hand and Cindy (member) basically said, "As far as I am concerned RLE is a total complete and utter load of stuff that comes from a cows bum." and I said,  "The real life experience is an oxymoron statement.   No matter what I do it will always be my life.  So my life will always be real regardless of what I do."

So yeah we were calling the RLE as required by the SOC or Wpath at the time a lot of crap.  This was before they got rid of the RLE.  So ironic that.  However at the time of this discussion, I was not thinking about RLE in terms relating to me.  Although the evidence was staring directly in front of my face.

Without realizing my two years before surgery I was doing the 'RLE' and at the time I sought information from my psychiatrists and one of my surgery letters contained a piece of information that only recently has made me realize that I was actually doing RLE according to the standards at the time.

My second psychiatrist's letter is as follows and I have highlighted the relevant part.

QuoteDear Cornelius

Re Ms Sarah B

I have seen this transsexual several times now, and feel quite the appropriateness of recommending gender reassignment surgery.

She has proved herself as a capable and competent person with a realistic expectation from the operation, and I have little doubt that this will improve the quality of her life.

I would recommend that the operation be done later on this year, since that would closely approximate living permanently in the preferred sexual role.

I hope this will be of some interest and help to you.

Regards
Tony
CC Dr Peter Haertsch

In other words, the highlighted section indicates that I had to do the RLE and those words have only now indicated I was following those standards without realizing I was.

So yeah one can do RLE without even realizing that one is living their life authentically.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
PS I got the surgery letters around 2010 about the time I found Susan's (edit)

Just today I realized that I have been slowly changing to living full time as myself.  Over the past year I have been adding new clothes to my wardrobe that are female, since I have major sensory issues and I have been finding that my sensors have been reacting to just how dense the material of even the lightest male clothes are and causing me to over heat and overload, so I've been picking up women's clothes because the material isn't as dense.  So I've even been going full time around one family member who is really conservative and they are accepting me (although it is tough for them) because they realize that my body has basically rejected my male persona.  Also I have switched from the conservative church I was attending to one that is accepting of transgender peopl (and I have been attending since my service wearing a women's top and women's shorts).  And I've had my GP refer me to a bariatric weight loss clinic, so that I can loose some weight so that I can look even more feminine.  Of course, recently I've noticed that the part of my torso just below my breasts to just above my belly button/waist, I've lost fat there, but the fat there has moved into a more feminine shape.  That part seemed to be square before, but now its rounder. 

So this morning was my first time going out totally as a woman to get my yearly bloodwork for HRT done, and also do some shopping.  I wasn't wearing a skirt (although I want to in the future), but I was wearing a nice flowery peplum-style top with pink flowers, women's biker shorts, a pink scrunchie, hoops and a purple purse.  That was the major thing today---the purse and using a woman's wallet.  Of course, the lab tech was really nice, and she did ask me at one point what my preferred name is.  I don't have one yet, so I just had to go with my male name (I am thinking of one and I am still figuring out the German thing).  And then I went to a few other stores, and even the men that were in those stores as customers seemed to treat me as a woman.  Of course, I had to keep an eye out on them, since I didn't want my purse stolen or for one of them to try to do something to me.

Congrats on your first outing!

What is important to remember about the experience is... nothing happened! 90% of the things we worry about never happen. We worry for no reason, but we can't help it. It is still good to be aware of your surroundings. Just remember that it was a success and should serve as motivation to keep going. Because in most cases, people don't care or will accept what you present. 

There are reasons RLE is no longer required for genital surgery, and they include this being dangerous in some situations. Genital surgery was seen as needed so a trans person could complete their transition into a 'functional' person, but, thankfully, doctors have learned over the years that this is simply not the case.

Genital surgery can be very effective at reducing dysphoria, and dysphoria is what kills people. So genital surgery can be life saving. Not everyone who needs this surgery can be successful at living in their needed gender role, so doctors now look for a commitment to affirm gender. This can be hormone treatment for a period of time, but as not all people can tolerate hormone shifts, doctors might seek other forms of commitment.

I remember back in the '60's trans women would need to demonstrate that they were proficient in high heels, able to attract a man, and hold a job as a female to be considered for gender surgery. This was back when transition was thought to be a lifestyle choice. It's taken more than half a century to learn that transition is about finding peace, and for many, survival.

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 31, 2024, 08:04:03 AMIf you put on jeans and an old T-shirt to work on your car, the RLE Police aren't going to jump out of the bushes and write you a ticket.

The visual!  Oh the humor! <<giggles>> I'm certainly not going to get dressed to the nines to rotate tires!  I can just see the local constabulary popping up to write me a non conformity ticket   Besides, my bum bent over the fender of the Jag in my Torrid jeans should be enough to recover.

It was nice to be out the first time.  The first few times for sure.

One of my earliest times in a dress was walking around as a student at a college campus.

It was a VERY liberating experience.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 21, 2025, 08:32:29 AMIt was nice to be out the first time.  The first few times for sure.  One of my earliest times in a dress was walking around as a student at a college campus.  It was a VERY liberating experience.

Chrissy

It certainly was a similar feeling for me.  I'm happy inside for you.  Remember that feeling.  Did you file it away for instant access?!  The tap tap of my flats and the swish of the skirt on my knees, the softness of the half slip and the swell of bosom under my sweater.  One of my most secure and affirming moments!  In public, strolling the campus at San Francisco State 1981.

Then back in the closet next year, US Navy for the next duration of service.  Then in the middle twenty 10's that fresh air again, this time for good.