Quote from: Pema on May 23, 2025, 01:22:25 PMHow do you mean, Annaliese? Do you feel like you experience internalized transphobia?

I'm reading what Tanya wrote as different from what I think that would mean, but maybe it isn't. What Tanya's saying sounds more to me like trying to fit oneself into a socially defined category and then eventually deciding that that just doesn't make sense for them. Sort of a broader acceptance of who they are.

I'd think that internalized transphobia would be more along the lines of feeling like it's "wrong" to feel the way you do, whatever that may be.

But I could be guessing and wildly off-target.

Quote from: Pema on May 23, 2025, 01:22:25 PMHow do you mean, Annaliese? Do you feel like you experience internalized transphobia?

I'm reading what Tanya wrote as different from what I think that would mean, but maybe it isn't. What Tanya's saying sounds more to me like trying to fit oneself into a socially defined category and then eventually deciding that that just doesn't make sense for them. Sort of a broader acceptance of who they are.

I'd think that internalized transphobia would be more along the lines of feeling like it's "wrong" to feel the way you do, whatever that may be.

But I could be guessing and wildly off-target.

In reading also, it may sound like maybe it's a long life of internalized way of thinking one way. Being so intwined in to your being that you are not, even though you know the difference, to be able to help feel some pull from within. Like shame or guilt.
For example on my way from the beach to the mountains yesterday was about a 4 hour ride. My mind was having some kind of a little go at it about this very thing. Not right versus wrong, but but why should I listen to what has always been when what I feel is what makes me happy and content. If it is not right, then why does it feel so good and why do I like myself. How can these two things be the same but not fit.

This is where I had to just pull over and take a break.

I know I have been doing a lot of thinking a out telling certain members of my Family I am a transgender Woman lately maybe these are just some of my fears causing these thought.

Annaliese, I've been thinking about you - and others here - since reading your post this morning. Something within me feels very deeply the discomfort you're expressing and wants desperately to tell you something that would make it vanish. But I know that words won't accomplish that.

I feel in the core of my Being that there is nothing wrong with your feeling good and liking yourself when you allow yourself to be authentic. If other people react negatively to it, it's because they too have been brainwashed by our culture to believe that we should all fit into very specific boxes that were defined for us at birth. Not only does that make no sense, but we all have the option of saying at any moment, "No, I don't buy into that." The Bugis people of Southwest Sulawesi recognize five genders and embrace them all. If we lived there, we might well not experience any of this conflict, internal or external.

Reality in our culture includes having relationships with people - including ourselves! - who operate within a mental framework that says we should be something very specific. I think the first obstacle we have to overcome is our own resistance to accepting that we really do have the option to be fully ourselves - whomever, whatever that may be. There is no shame in that, even if people we love don't like it; their reaction doesn't make it wrong. I know going against convention is easier said than done, especially after decades of telling ourselves that our best option is to try to conform.

I'd bet that your thinking about sharing who you are with your family has a lot to do with the emotions you're feeling. It's huge, maybe the most significant revelation you'll share in your life. I'm right there with you. My mother will arrive on June 10th to spend a week with us. I feel it necessary to tell her during that visit that I'm transgender. Given my own lack of clarity about what to call my place on that continuum, I'm not sure exactly what or how much I'll tell her. I wish I were clear enough that I could just say I'm a trans woman, because the fact that I can't feels a bit like I'm some kind of unresolved mess, and that may wind up being a more difficult situation to explain and defend.

But I still know that there is nothing wrong with me, nothing for me to feel guilty or ashamed about. The challenge is in trying to find words to express ideas that might potentially lead another person to understand how our path is very different from theirs. All in a conceptual environment that has been defined in a way that doesn't include our experiences. Our best hope is that the other person is open-minded and/or loves us enough not to mind that we choose to deviate from the norm.

It's too many words, so let me just say the main point very simply: Doing and being what allows you to feel good, happy, content, and like yourself isn't wrong or shameful. The problem, the thing that "doesn't fit" is a really poor social model. You are a gift to this world by challenging the model and showing the truth. You are incredibly special.

Quote from: Pema on May 24, 2025, 01:54:26 PMDoing and being what allows you to feel good, happy, content, and like yourself isn't wrong or shameful.

Thanks, Pema. Your words resonated with me and will, hopefully, also bring Annaliese some comfort.

Quote from: Pema on May 24, 2025, 01:54:26 PMI think the first obstacle we have to overcome is our own resistance to accepting that we really do have the option to be fully ourselves - whomever, whatever that may be. There is no shame in that, even if people we love don't like it; their reaction doesn't make it wrong. I know going against convention is easier said than done, especially after decades of telling ourselves that our best option is to try to conform.

Amen Sister! 🌻

Ashley 💕

Quote from: Pema on May 24, 2025, 01:54:26 PMAnnaliese, I've been thinking about you - and others here - since reading your post this morning. Something within me feels very deeply the discomfort you're expressing and wants desperately to tell you something that would make it vanish. But I know that words won't accomplish that.

I feel in the core of my Being that there is nothing wrong with your feeling good and liking yourself when you allow yourself to be authentic. If other people react negatively to it, it's because they too have been brainwashed by our culture to believe that we should all fit into very specific boxes that were defined for us at birth. Not only does that make no sense, but we all have the option of saying at any moment, "No, I don't buy into that." The Bugis people of Southwest Sulawesi recognize five genders and embrace them all. If we lived there, we might well not experience any of this conflict, internal or external.

Reality in our culture includes having relationships with people - including ourselves! - who operate within a mental framework that says we should be something very specific. I think the first obstacle we have to overcome is our own resistance to accepting that we really do have the option to be fully ourselves - whomever, whatever that may be. There is no shame in that, even if people we love don't like it; their reaction doesn't make it wrong. I know going against convention is easier said than done, especially after decades of telling ourselves that our best option is to try to conform.

I'd bet that your thinking about sharing who you are with your family has a lot to do with the emotions you're feeling. It's huge, maybe the most significant revelation you'll share in your life. I'm right there with you. My mother will arrive on June 10th to spend a week with us. I feel it necessary to tell her during that visit that I'm transgender. Given my own lack of clarity about what to call my place on that continuum, I'm not sure exactly what or how much I'll tell her. I wish I were clear enough that I could just say I'm a trans woman, because the fact that I can't feels a bit like I'm some kind of unresolved mess, and that may wind up being a more difficult situation to explain and defend.

But I still know that there is nothing wrong with me, nothing for me to feel guilty or ashamed about. The challenge is in trying to find words to express ideas that might potentially lead another person to understand how our path is very different from theirs. All in a conceptual environment that has been defined in a way that doesn't include our experiences. Our best hope is that the other person is open-minded and/or loves us enough not to mind that we choose to deviate from the norm.

It's too many words, so let me just say the main point very simply: Doing and being what allows you to feel good, happy, content, and like yourself isn't wrong or shameful. The problem, the thing that "doesn't fit" is a really poor social model. You are a gift to this world by challenging the model and showing the truth. You are incredibly special.

Thank you Pema, I appreciate your response.  I was really feeling in a bit of a funk this weekend.  I know it is not me who should feel any guilt or shame for being who I am. I just have to get past these internal beliefs. I am working  on this. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why THEY won't accept who I am. It is up to them to accept me or not. If they choose not to, so be it. They will carry the buerden. This is my stance on the topic. I am not saying it won't hurt, but I am not going to let this stand in my way. I will also know when the time is right to have these conversations.

I had a lot better trip home from the mountains. It may sound silly, but I tell my "self" self every time you bring up these thoughts about past thoughts or reasons why I should abandon my intentions to try and become someone else, that you will first give me reasons why I should if it makes me happy and content and would harm me if I did.

This helped on the was home, cause once the reaso s to make me happy started to come, the negative thoughts stopped.

I ended my trip early.  I just needed to get home. I really do appreciate your post, it definitely helped me. Thank you. 🫂 Annaliese

Quote from: Annaliese on May 25, 2025, 03:10:04 PMThank you Pema, I appreciate your response.  I was really feeling in a bit of a funk this weekend.  I know it is not me who should feel any guilt or shame for being who I am. I just have to get past these internal beliefs. I am working  on this. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why THEY won't accept who I am. It is up to them to accept me or not. If they choose not to, so be it. They will carry the buerden. This is my stance on the topic. I am not saying it won't hurt, but I am not going to let this stand in my way. I will also know when the time is right to have these conversations.

I had a lot better trip home from the mountains. It may sound silly, but I tell my "self" self every time you bring up these thoughts about past thoughts or reasons why I should abandon my intentions to try and become someone else, that you will first give me reasons why I should if it makes me happy and content and would harm me if I did.

This helped on the was home, cause once the reaso s to make me happy started to come, the negative thoughts stopped.

I ended my trip early.  I just needed to get home. I really do appreciate your post, it definitely helped me. Thank you. 🫂 Annaliese

YES! I came in from the garden to have lunch and then saw your post. Your strength and courage come shining through, but most of all, the self-love.

I'm more than happy to remind you of what you already know. You - like so many here - inspire me to be as authentic as I can be. If I'm lucky, I still have a long road ahead of me.

We are here for and with each other.

🫂 Pema

Quote from: Pema on May 25, 2025, 05:04:59 PMYES! I came in from the garden to have lunch and then saw your post. Your strength and courage come shining through, but most of all, the self-love.

I'm more than happy to remind you of what you already know. You - like so many here - inspire me to be as authentic as I can be. If I'm lucky, I still have a long road ahead of me.

We are here for and with each other.

🫂 Pema

Yes and this is what I love about this place. I can come here and feel comfort and at ease. In a sense I was glad I went on this trip as it made see a couple things. I realized that one of the things that I used to spend so much of my time on, 4 wheeling,  is not that appealing to me as it was. I spent Saturday on the trails in the mountains and to be honest with myself I really wondered what I was doing here. I did enjoy the beautiful scenery and when I got to the top, I had lunch and it was peaceful and just so quiet. But the thrill I used to feel was not there. I was eager to get back home. I had plans to go to the outdoor shooting range on Sunday, but decided against this and just came home i stead.

I think this was a trip of sorts that needed to be taken to sort somethings out. Memorial Day has always been a trip for me to offroad.  I think this time since I was going alone, it brought up all those thoughts. I'm thinking it stirred these negative thought that I had to work through or maybe not. I do know my interests in this have definitely changed.

Again yes we are here for each other, and for that I am grateful.

Quote from: TanyaG on May 23, 2025, 02:15:26 PMA couple of posts I've written might help with this, but this is an extract from one of them. The whole post can be found here (most of which is about what's called hyper-gendering):

How learned gender punishes us for non-compliance

One way those words in italics play out in real life is when someone's first glimmering they are trans dawns on them. If you've read earlier posts in this blog, the growing realisation pulls up all kinds of scripted responses we can't do much about to begin with, assuming we even recognise them for what they are.

This is part of gender dysphoria and comes out in feelings of disgust at our own trans thoughts and behaviours, all of which, I stress, would have been normative had we been raised in the gender with which we identify. In other words, all the lore we've absorbed about our home team (as in the gender we were brought up in) tells us the pack is going to eat us alive if we support the other team.

I'm leaving out non-binary people for this round, because, clearly, this situation is different for them. But for the rest of us, the instinctive solution is to prove to ourselves we deserve to belong to the gender we were brought up in to avoid being cast out.

If the gendering we were raised with was masculine, the moment we start getting thoughts to the contrary, we'll do everything we can to prove to ourselves we're stereotypically masculine, and if we're feminine, we'll opt for being stereotypically feminine.

That's a problem, because basic masculinity and femininity are already stereotypes which leave little room for manoeuvre, so when someone goes hyper, it's noticeable.

I went back and reread that post and a couple of others. I really did relate to this one alot. I am reading your post you pointed to and am seeing so many things that resonate. Thank you.
I feel like I am seeing some light.
I think these are some of what I was feeling.
"  We commonly go through this when we begin to suspect we are trans. The easiest way out (or so it can appear) is to block out the growing awareness of our trans-ness, which can lead to periods of hyper-gendering (over emphasising we belong to the gender we've been raised in), purges of clothes, and even outbursts of transphobia. It can happen in repeating cycles."

Quote from: Annaliese on May 25, 2025, 06:30:29 PMI went back and reread that post and a couple of others. I really did relate to this one alot. I am reading your post you pointed to and am seeing so many things that resonate. Thank you.
I feel like I am seeing some light.
I think these are some of what I was feeling.
"  We commonly go through this when we begin to suspect we are trans. The easiest way out (or so it can appear) is to block out the growing awareness of our trans-ness, which can lead to periods of hyper-gendering (over emphasising we belong to the gender we've been raised in), purges of clothes, and even outbursts of transphobia. It can happen in repeating cycles."

I think that this is part of what keeps haunting me. But I know I will not be going back to this. I am determined to overcome my fears and with the strength i draw from here and my therapist i am finding the courage to keep moving forward. I am who I am.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 25, 2025, 05:26:31 PMI think this time since I was going alone, it brought up all those thoughts. I'm thinking it stirred these negative thought that I had to work through or maybe not. I do know my interests in this have definitely changed.

There are moments in every life which provide an opportunity for us to take stock and work through how we got to where we are and why. Negative thoughts often come with that, but that's an opportunity to explore what's putting the thoughts there, which can prove seriously useful!

One way of looking at negative thoughts is that if we're getting them and we haven't done anything bad to provoke them, then why are we getting negative thoughts in the first place? Sometimes that'll be because there's been a negative consequence of something we've done, but if we did that thing for a sufficiently good reason and in full understanding of why we were doing it, then there's a balance to be struck between the downsides of that decision and the upsides.

Equally, if we're getting negative thoughts because of say, an attitude someone else has developed toward us, then it's worth reframing the thought in terms of, 'If I were in their place, what would I have said or done?'

Intercepting negative thoughts at the moment they come to mind and taking them on one by one is a useful skill. Doing it well takes a lot of honesty but it's really worthwhile and once it becomes a habit will usually stop the thoughts happening. Ultimately, most of them are driven by subconscious scripts we hold and dismantling one of those scripts is a prize worth having!

Quote from: TanyaG on May 26, 2025, 09:33:06 AMThere are moments in every life which provide an opportunity for us to take stock and work through how we got to where we are and why. Negative thoughts often come with that, but that's an opportunity to explore what's putting the thoughts there, which can prove seriously useful!

One way of looking at negative thoughts is that if we're getting them and we haven't done anything bad to provoke them, then why are we getting negative thoughts in the first place? Sometimes that'll be because there's been a negative consequence of something we've done, but if we did that thing for a sufficiently good reason and in full understanding of why we were doing it, then there's a balance to be struck between the downsides of that decision and the upsides.

Equally, if we're getting negative thoughts because of say, an attitude someone else has developed toward us, then it's worth reframing the thought in terms of, 'If I were in their place, what would I have said or done?'

Intercepting negative thoughts at the moment they come to mind and taking them on one by one is a useful skill. Doing it well takes a lot of honesty but it's really worthwhile and once it becomes a habit will usually stop the thoughts happening. Ultimately, most of them are driven by subconscious scripts we hold and dismantling one of those scripts is a prize worth having!

Tanya, I love you, and want to thank you for this! 💋💞

Your framing really touch me! Especially the idea of negative thoughts as signposts rather than something inherently wrong with us.

That perspective has been a major part of my own healing journey, particularly around my gender identity and transitioning.

CBT-style tools like thought interception and reframing have been incredibly helpful in therapy, especially when old scripts about shame, fear, or "not being enough" get triggered.

For a long time, I internalized messages that made it hard to trust my own instincts or feel safe in my own skin.

But learning to slow down and examine those thoughts asking where they come from, and whether they actually serve me, has created space for more self-compassion and clarity.

This has been especially important for me as someone who identifies as genderfluid.

The nature of my gender expression isn't static, and that can bring up a whole other layer of doubt and vulnerability in a world that often demands consistency and boxes.

Intercepting those negative thoughts, like "Am I valid if I shift?" or "Will I ever be seen as real?" and reframing them as reflections of a deeper truth rather than a flaw has been life-changing.

It's helped me embrace the ebb and flow of my gender experience as something sacred rather than something to hide or explain away.

For me, transitioning isn't just physical, it's deeply mental and emotional.

And this kind of inner work, though sometimes hard, has helped me affirm my choices and honor my truth without constantly looking over my shoulder for approval or permission.

Thank you for putting this into words.

It's good to be reminded that growth often starts where discomfort shows up.

With Love,

~ Lilis 💗🐰

Quote from: Lilis on May 26, 2025, 12:14:43 PMIntercepting those negative thoughts, like "Am I valid if I shift?" or "Will I ever be seen as real?"—and reframing them as reflections of a deeper truth rather than a flaw has been life-changing.

Thank you for the thank you

Sometimes we all share a perverse tendency to use the least empowering source to judge negative thoughts, which turns them into a mechanism for letting the most negative version of ourselves voice opinions like, 'I told you it would all go wrong!' and 'If you shift once, shifting again would invalidate everything!'

This kind of thinking can be briefly comforting in a fatalistic kind of way, but long term it just derails our self confidence.

Whereas if instead you replay to your negative self with, 'Tanya thinks I'm a role model as a human being and doesn't give a tuppeny damn where I lie on the gender scale, today, tomorrow or next week,' and 'If Lilis isn't real, then what is real?' it adds agency to your already full portfolio of talents.

In my practice, we called them ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). The best way to overcome them is to expose them.

Write it down, then really take a good look at it and ask yourself, "Is this true?" Usually, they are not.

A typical example is "Nothing good ever happens to me." Is that true? No, there have been good things happen to you. Etc.

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 26, 2025, 12:26:27 PMIn my practice, we called them ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). The best way to overcome them is to expose them.

Good advice. Negative thoughts are common, especially in people who have been brought up (or been in relationships) where others have been hard to please, or actively undermined their self-confidence.

Letting them roll past unchallenged is not an option because otherwise the negative thoughts keep draining away confidence. I've worked with people who had such unchecked negative thoughts it was hard to even engage them in any kind of psychological work. As far as I'm concerned NTs are to be shot on sight

I love what all of you are saying, and I add my gratitude.

For me, the negative thoughts are rarely about myself or the validity of my experience (though occasionally they are). More often, they're along the lines of "How certain are you about this? If you're going to jump off this cliff, you want to be pretty clear that it's what you truly want." Or, more practically, "Are you confident that the benefits are worth the cost?"

That's all complicated further for me by the reality of living in the world we do. Most of the time, none the options available are what I *really* want, so my only path is to try to carve out a place where I think I could be as satisfied as I can be within a system that doesn't make much sense to me. So questions like whether I really want it or whether it's worth he price are usually impossible answer definitively.

Quote from: Pema on May 26, 2025, 12:57:31 PM"How certain are you about this? If you're going to jump off this cliff, you want to be pretty clear that it's what you truly want." Or, more practically, "Are you confident that the benefits are worth the cost?"

I went through a period like this. Those are not exactly negative thoughts, but your mind is wrestling with possible outcomes. I spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation to contemplate these very questions.

I just broke it down into simple steps.

"How certain are you about this?" --> How certain am I that I want this? Absolutely certain.

So certain that you are willing to risk all relationships? Yes, it is up to them to decide if they want to accept me or not. I cannot force them.

"Are you confident that the benefits are worth the cost?"

The cost of losing negativity from people who disapprove? Goodbye!

The cost of being isolated from the majority of society? That is temporary. We have support groups and like-minded people all over the world. If you are not a hermit, you will meet them.

The financial cost involved in gender-affirming care? So that I can spend the last years of my life HAPPY? Yes. There is insurance and financial assistance available. You just have to want this enough to seek it out.

Now do the same thing, but list the cons. Why are you uncertain? What exactly are you risking? What do you see the costs will be, and are they insurmountable?

Then compare your notes and see which way you are leaning.

For me, I decided it would be an adventure, a fresh start on a new life.
"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" 

Quote from: Pema on May 26, 2025, 12:57:31 PMFor me, the negative thoughts are rarely about myself or the validity of my experience (though occasionally they are). More often, they're along the lines of "How certain are you about this?

Put like that, Pema, that's not really a negative thought so much as a rational question. It's quite reasonable to weigh the pros and cons with decisions like the ones you are facing and I believe the cons have to be considered to reach an informed decision. Which doesn't make the cons negative thoughts.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 03:17:10 PMI am a leftie. Sinistra is the Latin word for "Left", which is where we get "Sinister" from, lol.

The thing I struggle with, and I do struggle with it quite a bit... is how people relate masculine and feminine to male and female. I've always seen them as quite distinctly separate from each other, in spite of the obvious. I am curious, if anyone cares to comment, how you see the these aspects in terms of being non-binary. Or even binary. Maybe this should be it's own thread.

Maybe this should be its own thread, but I'll reply here for now. What Lauren is saying here is (I think) very much an area I find myself examining at the moment. I'm just not persuaded that describing human behavior with a binary system derived from physical sexual characteristics makes any sense. I recently read (Wikipedia: Gender) that the social concept of gender only arose in the mid-20th century. Humans like to bin things for easy identification (and prediction!), and this is the system they're using now. We might just as well have used right- and left-handed (as we do with molecules).

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 03:46:45 PMAnd like... just being here... you see a whole range. Masculine girls, feminine dudes. Everyone in-between. And none of them really think it has anything to do with gender. You don't balk when a girl fixes your car because she's massively into engines and how stuff like that works. You don't bat an eye when some guy creates a fashion show because he's deeply into that stuff. They accept it so we accept it. Because why wouldn't we?

That's kind of why I posed the question. When it comes to being genderfluid, non-binary... do you see a distinction between masculine/feminine and male/female? And how does that affect how you feel and how you see yourself?

I see variations in human behavior and I can try to project them onto the prescribed axis of masculine and feminine and say "It's more toward this end than that end," but I don't find that to be a particularly meaningful or useful way to see people or the world.

As to how it affects how I see myself... I feel a bit like an alien - much like I always have - in that I don't understand the system or why it's been selected and imposed on us. It makes no sense to me. I see people as far more complex and interesting than this.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 04:09:38 PMWhat trait does someone have to have to exhibit for them to see themselves as male, or female, or somewhere along the spectrum? Is it a physical thing or more of a mental... behavioural thing? That's kind of what my brain just doesn't get. And struggles to understand.

My struggle is not to understand the reasoning behind the model but to understand why this model is so widely accepted. More practically, I struggle to discern what my best options are for finding contentment in a society where this is the way people see me and each other.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 04:47:54 PMTo give you some context... for me it is only physical. It's what Morpheus in The Matrix called "Residual Self Image." How you see yourself when you see yourself outside yourself. For me it has nothing to do with masculine or feminine. Sometimes I lean one way, or the other way, or both ways in a very short timeframe. But that self image is constant. Because... I don't really know why. And that's what I'm trying to understand.

If people had let you be okay with those feminine tendencies while being able to grow up as a guy, do you think you would see yourself differently than you do?

For me, at the moment, it is primarily mental and emotional, although - with the freedom I'm now granting myself, I'm exploring more physical/external possibilities. I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. And I believe that our spiritual beings are all connected, All One, and that our souls are genderless. Incarnated as humans, we have physical bodies with sexual characteristics, but the traits of our souls within are what they are, and I don't think they deserve to be compressed into gender bins. What I've realized is that in this 3D existence and within this culture, when my multi-dimensional being is held up in front of the projector, the shadow that it casts on the gender wall looks more like a rabbit (woman) than a duck (man). When I sit in the audience watching this shadow-puppet show, i.e. "see myself outside myself," I now can't help but see that I'm much more of a woman than a man - as viewed through this filter.

I want to be very clear that these are my experiences, opinions, and beliefs. I not only respect but envy anyone who is content operating within this framework. Much like Lauren, I struggle with it, but I struggle with a great many of the choices that humanity has made about how to manifest their presence on this planet. I do my best to fit in where I can, and I treasure the opportunity. I feel like this opening-up of my life is an extraordinary gift that I could never have anticipated.

Quote from: Pema on May 26, 2025, 02:40:37 PMMaybe this should be its own thread, but I'll reply here for now. What Lauren is saying here is (I think) very much an area I find myself examining at the moment. I'm just not persuaded that describing human behavior with a binary system derived from physical sexual characteristics makes any sense. I recently read (Wikipedia: Gender) that the social concept of gender only arose in the mid-20th century. Humans like to bin things for easy identification (and prediction!), and this is the system they're using now. We might just as well have used right- and left-handed (as we do with molecules).

I see variations in human behavior and I can try to project them onto the prescribed axis of masculine and feminine and say "It's more toward this end than that end," but I don't find that to be a particularly meaningful or useful way to see people or the world.

As to how it affects how I see myself... I feel a bit like an alien - much like I always have - in that I don't understand the system or why it's been selected and imposed on us. It makes no sense to me. I see people as far more complex and interesting than this.

My struggle is not to understand the reasoning behind the model but to understand why this model is so widely accepted. More practically, I struggle to discern what my best options are for finding contentment in a society where this is the way people see me and each other.

For me, at the moment, it is primarily mental and emotional, although - with the freedom I'm now granting myself, I'm exploring more physical/external possibilities. I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. And I believe that our spiritual beings are all connected, All One, and that our souls are genderless. Incarnated as humans, we have physical bodies with sexual characteristics, but the traits of our souls within are what they are, and I don't think they deserve to be compressed into gender bins. What I've realized is that in this 3D existence and within this culture, when my multi-dimensional being is held up in front of the projector, the shadow that it casts on the gender wall looks more like a rabbit (woman) than a duck (man). When I sit in the audience watching this shadow-puppet show, i.e. "see myself outside myself," I now can't help but see that I'm much more of a woman than a man - as viewed through this filter.

I want to be very clear that these are my experiences, opinions, and beliefs. I not only respect but envy anyone who is content operating within this framework. Much like Lauren, I struggle with it, but I struggle with a great many of the choices that humanity has made about how to manifest their presence on this planet. I do my best to fit in where I can, and I treasure the opportunity. I feel like this opening-up of my life is an extraordinary gift that I could never have anticipated.

I truly have a hard time distinguishing between all the differences in these definitions.  I try to grasp some of these but that's where I seem to get muddled. I know I am not in agreement with somethings that I have been brought up believing that I should be. It is a internalized balancing act of sorts going on. I am finding myself comprimising with myself, no its like a balancing act. Yes. Balancing the why I am happier, feeling better and more calmer being me as a woman than i was as a male when i was always angry, irritable, and controlling. I love this new me, i believe Pema I won't allow these negative thought to get to me.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 26, 2025, 03:03:10 PMI truly have a hard time distinguishing between all the differences in these definitions.  I try to grasp some of these but that's where I seem to get muddled. I know I am not in agreement with somethings that I have been brought up believing that I should be. It is a internalized balancing act of sorts going on. I am finding myself comprimising with myself, no its like a balancing act. Yes. Balancing the why I am happier, feeling better and more calmer being me as a woman than i was as a male when i was always angry, irritable, and controlling. I love this new me, i believe Pema I won't allow these negative thought to get to me.

Annaliese, I don't think you need to spend energy feeling muddled by definitions or figuring out why. You see clearly that you're happier being a woman. Just saying "I love this new me" is - to me - the clearest sign you could receive that you are on the right path. You have no idea how much joy it brings me to read these words from you.