Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 09:39:45 AM@TanyaG Christ, I can hardly type and send this message... Tanya
Yes... How do I make it stop?

Okay, first, is sit down, make a cup of weak tea or something that takes a bit to prepare, concentrate on that and slow your breathing right down.

Once you've got the drink prepared, sit down and let the tension out of you body - if you've got some favourite mood music, put that on. Now listen and clear your mind to concentrate on your breathing. Listen to it, feel it and be it. If you have an alarm, set it to go off after you've do nothing but that for three minutes.

Slow your breathing right down until you are taking long, deep breaths that fill your lungs and let each one out slowly again.

A few minutes of this and you should be good to start challenging each thought that's winding you up and shutting it down. Remind yourself this is something you can do and something you have done as you deal with each thought in turn. Also remind yourself that someone thousands of miles away across the ocean has the confidence in you to be there and you've never met them, so imagine how well you're going to go down with someone who does meet you.

The trick is to focus on breathing first and slow it down to stop a high respiratory rate making you feel more anxious of itself. Athletes do this before a race, as do racing drivers, it just works once you master it. Once there, you'll be in better shape to deal with the negative thoughts and the best way to do that is to challenge them. Learn to do this well and you'll be able to walk into an arena full of lions and leave them daring each other to take you on

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 09:57:05 AMLearn to do this well and you'll be able to walk into an arena full of lions and leave them daring each other to take you on

It's working...
Going in the shower.

But I don't think I can drive... booking a Uber before I get going...

Thanks again, Tanya! 💕


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 10:18:26 AMIt's working...
Going in the shower.

Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you and be open and honest with her, that's all you really need to do. Have confidence in yourself enough to tell her you had the heebies and with luck that'll likely turn her empathy on too. You can do the rest in your sleep, just be more interested in her than you are in you, don't turn down compliments, remember to return them and make her feel good without being pushy. You'll cruise it, darling.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 10:18:26 AMIt's working...
Going in the shower.

But I don't think I can drive... booking a Uber before I get going...

Thanks again, Tanya! 💕


~ Lilis 💗

You got this Lilis.  💗 have a wonderful time hugs Annaliese

Started feeling really antsy and wired a little while ago and couldn't figure out why. Then I remembered it was your big occasion today, Lilis. So I'm just stopping by to give you a big hug and to hope it is going/did go well!

I'm sure it will go swimmingly!

*megahugs*

<3

Lilis, you've got this. We've all seen who you are, and you know who you are. Just be you, and she'll see it, too.

Try to enjoy the Now at every moment and don't let your mind carry you to future and past. Now is all you ever really have, so treasure it when you're with her. She will see you as the radiantly shining star that you are.

My calculation is Lilis is on her date now, so may the small gods of relationships cast their magic on her. Not, I think, that they have not already done that.

I love that Lilis's date is a part of our day for so many of us here.

Quote from: Pema on May 27, 2025, 03:37:54 PMI love that Lilis's date is a part of our day for so many of us here.

yes It is so much support

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 01:52:04 PMNervous doesn't even come remotely close to describing how I felt. I was terrified. Like absurd, rabbit-caught-in-headlights levels of sheer mortification. My mouth felt full of sand and I wasn't sure I would be able to form coherent sentences. I'm not even sure I did, lol.

QuoteI think I just babbled something that sounded vaguely intelligible and she pieced it together... somehow.

QuoteI didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both at the same time.

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 12:26:33 PMMy calculation is Lilis is on her date now, so may the small gods of relationships cast their magic on her. Not, I think, that they have not already done that.

I don't know how I lasted the full hour it was the longest hour of my life.

Somehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date.

I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Either way, it's happening.

I've been home for a couple of hours now, totally beat and still trying to process everything.

I feel raw, overwhelmed, and humbled... but also kind of proud that I showed up as myself even in all my messy, nervous, tender newness.

Thank you to everyone here who cheered me on and held space for my questions.

I truly don't think I would've had the courage to go through with it without this community.

With love,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:54:35 PMI don't know how I lasted the full hour it was the longest hour of my life.

Somehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date.

I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Either way, it's happening.

I've been home for a couple of hours now, totally beat and still trying to process everything.

I feel raw, overwhelmed, and humbled... but also kind of proud that I showed up as myself even in all my messy, nervous, tender newness.

Thank you to everyone here who cheered me on and held space for my questions.

I truly don't think I would've had the courage to go through with it without this community.

With love,

~ Lilis 💗

that's because you are an amazing person Lilis and that's what she saw. Breathe now and know you are beautiful. Hugs 🫂 Annaliese

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:54:35 PMI don't know how I lasted the full hour it was the longest hour of my life. Somehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date. I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Now you're undermining yourself and that's forbidden Reframe it: despite you being nervous she liked you so much you're going out again. Centre that thought and sleep on it!

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 03:59:14 PMNow you're undermining yourself and that's forbidden Reframe it: despite you being nervous she liked you so much you're going out again. Centre that thought and sleep on

🫂🤕🐰💕💋

I'm going to get some rest!

Thanks everyone! 🫂💗

~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:54:35 PMSomehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date.

I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Or maybe, just maybe, the saw the kind, sweet, beautiful, warm, sensitive, vulnerable, heartfelt, and eminently lovable Lilis and thought "This girl is someone special."

My money's on that. <3

@Lilis 
Dear Lilis:
Very exciting to read your recap of your pre-date, date, and your post-date comments.
.... it obviously went well because you ended up with a 2nd date!!!!     

Reading your story about your date reminds me of some of the dates (described in my Hunted Prey BLOG) that I went on some years ago..... nervous on steroids was the way that I felt.   Then after that flurry of dates with guys, and gals.... I happily ended up with my sweetie Tooth Fairy.

I am wishing you success and happiness in these new experiences for you.

I am so very happy for you.... please keep your updates coming.

Many HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 04:06:17 PMI'm going to get some rest!

Thanks everyone! 🫂💗

~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 04:06:17 PMI'm going to get some rest!

Thanks everyone! 🫂💗

~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 27, 2025, 06:05:30 PM@Lilis 
Dear Lilis:
Very exciting to read your recap of your pre-date, date, and your post-date comments.
.... it obviously went well because you ended up with a 2nd date!!!!     

Thank you Danielle! 💗

QuoteReading your story about your date reminds me of some of the dates (described in my Hunted Prey BLOG) that I went on some years ago..... nervous on steroids was the way that I felt.

I love your blog! I've been quietly reading through it, and currently on page 4, but with around 90 more to go, I'm in for a real treat.

QuoteThen after that flurry of dates with guys, and gals.... I happily ended up with my sweetie Tooth Fairy.

Oh no, I'm going to pretend I didn't read that part! I just bought a gigantic bag of popcorn and now I have to keep going!  🫣

QuoteI am wishing you success and happiness in these new experiences for you.

I am so very happy for you.... please keep your updates coming.

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Well done, darling, you did it!

Now we've got a really great opportunity for you to look back on what you did well in the build up to the date, how she reacted to you and how you reacted to her, and where your self-confidence is at after.

One goal I'd throw in as a possible is this: what are your aims for how you should manage your feelings before, during and after a date and what do you think should be the foundation those aims are built on?

See the universe is on your side, go with the flow my dear as the probability's are endless.