Hi all, I'm Irish From a big family (10). I guess I've been transsexual as long as I can remember. I've always longed to be a woman. kind of weird really I get phases of dreaming about being female, should I have been a woman. Next I'll drive it out of my mind though work or something else. But it's always there. An I a fraud living as a man but wishing I was a girl. When I see a Oman walking I wish it was me, nice figure wish it was me. not t even worried about being a lasher. i can't explain it really, I hope someday to find peace where I don't feel a fraud.
Thanks ladies, this forum has a my escape to my true sel

Quote from: Jessica 33 on June 07, 2025, 11:45:33 PMHi all, I'm Irish From a big family (10)I guess I've been transsexual as long as I can remember.I've always longed to be a woman.kind of weird really I get phases of dreaming about being female,should I have been a woman.Next I'll drive it out of my mind though work or something else.But it's always there.An I a fraud living as a man but wishing I was a girl.When I see a Oman walking I wish it was me, nice figure wish it was me. not t even worried about being a lasher.i can't explain it really, I hope someday to find peace where I don't feel a fraud.
Thanks ladies,this forum has a my escape to my true sel

 @Jessica 33
Dear Jessica:
I am aware that you have been a member here on the Susan's Place Forum for about 2 months
and it doesn't appear that you have been Officially Welcomed and given important "new member" information
about the Forum and how you can best navigate around and use the features here that will assist you in
finding information that will help you to answer questions regarding your own transition journey.

First of all, I wish to give you a BIG and WARM  WELCOME to Susan's Place and the Forum.

I am so glad that you found us and felt the desire to become a member.  I noticed that in one of your
previous earlier postings in late April that you stated the following "Just joining the forum has helped me a lot." and that you had added one of our active and contributing
members ( @Lilis ) as a "buddy"   ... so I know that you are already finding your way around the Forum and "meeting and sharing thoughts and comments" with other members.

As you continue to involve yourself in conversations on the many various threads and topics with members you may just find that you will develop some friendships other like-minded members.

Here on the Forum we have members coming from all backgrounds and with a variety of experiences.

I look forward to your involvement on the Forum and reading your
future postings, comments and thoughts.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page that lists all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum has a description of what that forum is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Read carefully the information in the LINKS at the end of this message. Pay special attention to the LINKS in RED.

Until then, if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me or any of our Forum Moderator Staff members listed at the end of this message. 

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I will now let you get back to getting involved in the various conversations around
the Forum... there should be some additional like-minded members coming along
to greet you and to help answer any questions that you may have.

Warmest Regards, and once again, WELCOME ...
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]  E-Mail: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
    The Forum Administrator

Any questions can be referred to me and/or any Forum Moderator Staff Member listed below:
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                              @Northern Star Girl [Danielle]

Thanks Danielle 🩷

I think it gets worse as I get older.z definitely need to speak to someone or I'm going to go nuts

Quote from: Jessica 33 on June 08, 2025, 01:56:35 AMI think it gets worse as I get older.z definitely need to speak to someone or I'm going to go nuts

Finding a therapist is a really good idea because otherwise it can be very hard to reconcile all the thoughts and feelings that go through our heads as we reach the stage of accepting we are trans. Typically, that's when emotions tend to boil over and many, if not most of us have gone through a stage like you.

To help make sense of it, it might be worth you reading this post, 'Why do I feel how I feel?' because it lists all the issues trans people find themselves dealing with at the stage you're at and it might make a good start for identifying issues to discuss with a therapist once you've found one?

The good news is you're here now, so welcome, we've lots of empathy and so much experience to share. Every new member makes this group stronger and more able to help each other.

Quote from: Jessica 33 on June 08, 2025, 01:56:35 AMI think it gets worse as I get older.z definitely need to speak to someone or I'm going to go nuts

Jessica, I have to say when I started this journey I was going to do this alone. I don't have anyone with me. I did sign up here and had the support of the wonderful people here, but let me tell you something, it was still not really the same. I soon realized that this was something I could not do alone. It took me a while but I found a therapist who specializes in gender identity and now I believe this, along with the amazing support here, I feel so much better able to cope with myself. It's still a long road, but not by myself. I hope you find comfort soon. 🤗 Annaliese

Quote from: Jessica 33 on June 08, 2025, 01:56:35 AMI think it gets worse as I get older.z definitely need to speak to someone or I'm going to go nuts

Hello Jessica!

Yes! Talking to therapist is a wonderful place to start getting to a place in life where you are more at peace with these feelings that have always been there... The thought and intent to find answers is the first step in the journey! We often put off dealing with all of this for so long thinking that it will go away or we can throw ourselves into our activities with enough vigor that it will make it possible to ignore these things...🌻

When it is time to deal with things... it's time!... So... fear not! Don't look at what lies ahead with the dread we can attach to the process but, rather with hope and anticipation that there are amazing and wonderful things awaiting us... because there are!...🌻

Your answers to making your life one that serves you far better are out there patiently awaiting you to seek them out and they will be worth all energies expended to find them!...🌻

You've been here long enough to see in the stories of others here the joy and satisfaction they discover as they better connect with themselves... May such joy be yours as well... 🙏🤗💕

Onward We Go Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: Jessica 33 on June 07, 2025, 11:45:33 PMThanks ladies, this forum has a my escape to my true self.

Hi Jessica,

Your post took a lot of courage, thank you for opening up and for letting the community see more of who you are.

I see that our administrator Danielle and others came quickly to welcome and support you, and I'm glad you're feeling some safety here.

That deep yearning you described, the way it comes in waves, followed by guilt or confusion. I've felt that too, and I know many of us here have as well.

You're not a fraud.

It sounds like you've always known your truth, even if the world hasn't always made it safe to live that truth openly.

You're not alone in wishing you could just be the woman you see in your dreams and in the women you admire. I used to suppress it too... until I couldn't anymore.

There's absolutely no shame in where you are right now. Just being here, sharing what's on your heart, that is part of the journey.

I hope this forum, community, continues to be a safe space for you.

Again thank you so much for a lovely introduction. 🌹

With care,

~ Lilis 🫂💞

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on June 08, 2025, 01:24:55 AMI am so glad that you found us and felt the desire to become a member.  I noticed that in one of your
previous earlier postings in late April that you stated the following "Just joining the forum has helped me a lot." and that you had added one of our active and contributing
members ( @Lilis ) as a "buddy"  ... so I know that you are already finding your way around the Forum and "meeting and sharing thoughts and comments" with other members.

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💓🌹

Welcome Jessica,
  Yes it does go away! I and many liken us have went through the same thing. The longing to be a woman. Telling myself it was a fetish and I could make it go away. The older I got, the stronger the feeling became until I could not stand to live like that. Long story short, I came out with the help of a therapist. Transitioned and could not be happier with my gender. You have friends here and we understand. Brighter days lie ahead. The path is long and often uphill but you have the strength to find happiness.
Hugs Gina

A pleasure to meet you, Jessica. The emptiness and yearning you described in your introduction felt like looking into a mirror. Glad you're here.

Jessica, welcome. I'll join the others in saying that you're not a fraud at all. You've realized that the system of categorizing people into genders at birth doesn't work for you - as it doesn't work for many of us. The challenge then is figuring out who you really are and how to express yourself fully - while still in a world where the majority of people see each other as belonging in Box A or Box B based on their appearance and behavior. But you get to decide who you are and how you want to navigate this world.

As Devlyn said, we have the opportunity to see this experience as a challenge and even an adventure. It doesn't have to be a struggle. Yes, there will be hurdles to overcome, and some of them will bring pain, but the process of self-discovery and self-realization is really an extraordinary gift. This is what it means to be fully human and engaged with our lives.

I strongly support the recommendation that you work with a qualified gender therapist. I am pursuing that myself. Even those who feel "comfortable" with the uncertainty of the journey stand to benefit greatly from feedback from people with extensive experience dealing with others who've walked this path before us.

I wish you the very best in your quest for authenticity. Know that we are here with you.

Pema

Hi Jessica,
My name is Ciara and I'm Irish too. I think I'm probably the only one here who understands your use of the term "lasher". I thought it was a Cork saying  .
Anyway I'm glad you found your way to Susans. Here you will find friendship, understanding and support. I know that I did. The people at Susans saved my sanity when I thought I would lose my mind. They helped me learn to be myself, accept myself and accept my limitations.
I first came to Susans 12 years ago. I was away for a while for various reasons but happily came back only this weekend.
Your introduction is a carbon copy of my own and probably reflects many other ladies here on Susans. To try to answer your question, for me it never goes away and to be honest, I don't want it to go away. Life would be far more simple if I was not transgender but unfortunately life is not like that. I love being a woman inside (I think its a privilege few men have) and I have learned to live happily with it (mostly anyway) and accept who I am. I am married for 40 years, we have two children, two grandchildren and nobody knows that I am transgender except the lovely ladies here on Susans. At this stage I am not likely to share it with my wife, family or friends but I've learned to be happy with that. Having said that, everyones journey (and it is a journey) is different.
I wish you every happiness on your journey, wherever it may take you.
Ciara.

Hi Jessica,
             The formal diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria is for a persistent discomfort with your birth sex, and it seems you fit this description. I find it helps to understand what is happening. It is generally accepted that we are born with gender identity incongruent with our birth sex, and this is hard wired into our brains for life. There have been many different strategies to treat this, and all but one has failed. The only effective and long term way to reduce dysphoria is to affirm our gender identity.

We often don't recognise our discomfort as being from incongruent gender, and go through life blaming things like relationships, job pressures, and even governments for our frustrations. Being very busy also hides dysphoria, and as we get older, we slow up and become more aware of our dysphoria. It is also common for it to increase as we get older, and this may be related to falling hormone levels.

If we try to ignore dysphoria, the chronic stress can impact our health severely, and lead to life threatening conditions, so it is important we reduce our dysphoria. Affirming our gender need not involve total transition, but can be anything that makes us feel more aligned, and this includes dressing, having an online identity, or adopting typical activities aligned with our gender.

It may be the case where you adopt affirming activities which help for a while, but then just work forever. This is the time you need to consider transion, but of course this is a huge decision to be balanced with your other life priorities. Transition has shown to be the only long term solution to align your body with your gender identity, but it can create other challenges in your life.

So, in answer to your initial question, No, it never goes away on its own, but you can reduce it to negligible with appropriate actions. Please don't try to just put up with it as it can make you sick, and good luck finding temporary or permanent peace!

Hugs,

Allie

Hi Jessica,
I can relate to how you described how you feel. I felt the same way after my egg cracked. Finding a good gender therapist would be a good way to help sort out what you're feeling.

Alana

What I've come to, after several years of working with a therapist and working through my own, similar feelings is that the questions we often wrestle with: Am I a fake? Am I just a man wearing women's clothing? - are manifestations of the dysphoria. The dysphoria saps away our confidence, fills us with doubt and shame and often leads us into depression.

I'll have to leave it to others to answer the question about whether it ever fully goes away, but I can attest to the fact that it can be lessened to almost nothing. For me, therapy has been a crucial aspect of learning to control the negative thoughts. When I accepted my gender reality, and found peace with my presentation the thoughts of being fake disappeared. I know who I am.

Remember that you are not alone. You are loved and accepted as you are. And we are here to help.

From my experience it's quite the opposite. It doesn't go away but it only gets stronger with time.

Quote from: April Marie on June 09, 2025, 07:13:16 AMI'll have to leave it to others to answer the question about whether it ever fully goes away, but I can attest to the fact that it can be lessened to almost nothing. For me, therapy has been a crucial aspect of learning to control the negative thoughts. When I accepted my gender reality, and found peace with my presentation the thoughts of being fake disappeared. I know who I am.

This is such an apt comment, April Marie. Whether it 'ever goes away' can depend very much upon how accepting we are of ourselves and how successful we are at dismantling the scripts (aka our internal gender police) which work to make us unhappy. We vary so much, no two of us are alike, so what works for one of us will not for another, but you've highlighted something which lies at the core of gender dysphoria for many.

Quote from: Jessica 33 on June 07, 2025, 11:45:33 PMHi all, I'm Irish From a big family (10). I guess I've been transsexual as long as I can remember. I've always longed to be a woman. kind of weird really I get phases of dreaming about being female, should I have been a woman. Next I'll drive it out of my mind though work or something else. But it's always there. An I a fraud living as a man but wishing I was a girl. When I see a Oman walking I wish it was me, nice figure wish it was me. not t even worried about being a lasher. i can't explain it really, I hope someday to find peace where I don't feel a fraud.
Thanks ladies, this forum has a my escape to my true sel

You aren't a fraud, okay? Everyone has stuff in their lives to try and overcome. We all feel differently about different things. Your challenges are yours, and yours alone. It doesn't make you a fraud, sweetie. It doesn't. Don't everr feel like that, okay?

Trying to push this away is normal, honey. It's why a good chunk of people here don't transition until later in life. Trying to shove everything away and pretending it's some kind of deviant condition only works so long. You are not dealing with anything a big chunk of people here also deal with, okay?

You don't feel a fraud when you get to a place where you don't think of yourself in those terms, sweetie. And I sould suggest that instead of saying "To be", you might be better served by looking at it as "to express." If you are a girl, then you've always been a girl. And there's nothing to prove, sweetie. You just have to let go of the hang-ups you feel.

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 01:59:37 PM.....instead of saying "To be", you might be better served by looking at it as "to express." If you are a girl, then you've always been a girl. And there's nothing to prove, sweetie. You just have to let go of the hang-ups you feel.

Sephira, this is such great advice. It is difficult to express ourselves when we are burdened by our owh hang-ups.