Kind of fitting that I found an old photo of me working on a pickup. I am wearing a tank top, and with the magnifying glass It looks like I have a bit there on my chest.
As a child I glanced up across the table at my sister. My sister said, "don't look at me like that." My face was immediately slapped from behind by my mother. She said, "Don't look at her like that." Interesting that my mother just happened to be behind me at that time. My sister knew just the right words to get my face slapped.
Another time later, I was talking to a woman after the 4-H meeting. I suddenly got my face slapped from behind by my mother. She said don't stare. I was learning to read lips. I put it this way, my mother tried to teach me respect for women with the palm of her hand, all she taught me was fear.
It was to a point that I did not dare to read what was written on the front of a woman's shirt. In fact on a bicycle trip past a swimming beach, I put my hand up to block seeing the women at the beach. I don't know if I really would automatically blur my vision if a woman happened to be in the direction I was looking.
I think I wrote elsewhere about becoming a woman to lose my fear of women. By that time I was already wearing a bra under my clothes, and was being harassed by the guys because I looked feminine.
Reading in other forums it seems that it was more about control by my mother. I should not look at another woman, she will mother me for the rest of her life.
Michelle
