It has been quite a journey these last few weeks. All the pieces of the puzzle have seemingly fallen into place.
I first came to the realisation that I wanted and need a female body some weeks ago - and it was a great relief.
I then got some inkling that I was hiding from myself. The whole body thing was one big layer of self deception that I stripped away and I saw that maybe I have layers of such deceptions. I started to walkthrough my childhood, looking my thoughts and feelings at that time, and my behaviour. I saw things there that said a lot to me. I remembered some of my untainted desires that have always been there but have gotten better at hiding over time. Nero's post was really timely and forced me to really ask myself some hard questions. At that time things were so close, it was there for the taking. To top it off I have been talking to a new gay friend - comparing our childhoods, which also forced me to evaluate what was different as they sounded really similar.
And just now it clicked. I am a woman. I still feel tentative about this as we live in a world of seeming changeability but it feels right. It also feels terrible at the same time, like dysphoria x1000. I have to be me, I have to, but I need to be patient. I'm not about to jump into anything as there is a possibility that this is a false realisation, filling my need for answers. But it feels so true. I let you know how it goes from now.
Anyway I wanted to share this with you all. I've learnt an awful lot from coming here, and I think you have all been instrumental in my internal search for answers. Thank you for being here.
