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Can we ever feel good about sharing things here?

Started by Just Mandy, May 15, 2008, 02:36:48 PM

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Sheena

Amanda,
I love your posts and when I hear of your successes, and others as well, it brings a smile to my face. I catch a little of the excitement and happiness that your feeling. Do keep it up and feel good about it. :)
Sheena
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Rei

Absolutely, you should share everything. The feelings you get from other's successes might just be the same they get from yours. Not sure if that sentence made sense. Oh well, you should tell us everything. I know I love to hear about other's successes and failures as a way to learn from them. Humanity needs community. We need your input just as much as you need ours.


    -Rei
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tekla

People have differing needs, values, and reasons for posting what they do.  Some people do want to post each and every thing, and for some people, they need to read that.  I think there is a lot of reassurance in all that everyday stuff.

On the other hand, I have two sayings at work that I'm almost a legend (in my own mind) for:
I'm pleasantly ignorant about that - meaning, not only do I not know, but when you find out, do not come running back to tell me. 
You can stop now, I'm professionally bored -  meaning, its nice that you know what your doing.  But I have other things to worry about and don't need to know that, any of it.

So, ya read what you can, reply as needed.  I have a lot of posts, but most of them (80%) are single sentence replies to news items, more to let the girls who put that together know that someone is reading it.  If I feel a need to say, then I do, if I must.  But that's not saying that the stuff I don't reply to is not interesting, enlightening, or amusing, its just that I don't need to say anything, or someone else already did.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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noeleena

hi....Amanda & to you others   as well .  ill use one word ....trust.... do we have this here well what i see .    yes . there are some . how do you have in letting  us have a insight in to your life & your wife s.   .that takes trust   i talk to others on other forums in the u k aust & here in n z most of us trust each other now .that has taken time you may ask am i real .  well you can check on that as i have been on t v the net & papers so what do i have to lose nothing so have a look please  go to google   use my name noeleena Lochhead then have a read .then youll know  yes i am a kiwi . then youll see   thanks ...noeleena...
Hi. from New Zealand, Im a woman of difference & intersex who is living life to the full.   we have 3 grown up kids and 11 grand kid's 6 boy's & 5 girl's,
Jos and i are still friends and  is very happy with her new life with someone.
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Moira Midnigh

I think it's natural for us to want to share our emotions, as Nero says.

Sometimes, true, you will make a post because you want attention. Sometimes, you'll make a post because you need to get something down on 'paper' and you don't really care if anyone reads it. Sometimes, you make a post for others, sometimes you make a post for yourself...sometimes, you want them to reply, and sometimes you hate it when they do.

Sometimes, you will read a post that makes you feel inadequate. Sometimes, you will read a post that gives you hope. Sometimes, you will let your feelings influence your reply and sometimes you will say what the person wants to hear and sometimes you will tell the truth...

In any case, the only thing that should keep you from posting is if it is something better left unsaid.

Like a hurtful comment, a piece of non-constructive criticism, something that no one needs or wants or likes to hear. I know that the truth can hurt, sometimes, but people need to hear it.

You post doesn't -have- to be constructive, fun, encouraging, truthful, important or anything at all. It just needs to be.

I, for one, would like to share a lot of things, and I would love to know what the stuff I share makes others feel.

But I'm rambling, of course.


My point is this!


You make a post because you feel like it. You can't know how people will react. Maybe they will care. Maybe they won't. What matter is that -you- care. And I am sure you have not been let down by the people here yet, when it comes to that. 'Cause my feeling is, they do.

So, all in all, practically what Tekla said, but I guess I needed a few more words to say it.

Share if you feel like it. Don't share if you don't feel like it. Let us decide whether we want to read it. Let us decide whether we want to care.


I truly enjoy reading about every single small victory that people have. I am really grateful that they trust me enough to let me in on their most personal thoughts and experiences.

But I want to hear the bad stuff as well, even though that it harder. It is always easy to say you're happy for someone. It's much harder to say you're sorry, and really mean it too. I think that takes a lot more trust, though, and some of it might be better kept for those truly close to you.


I appreciate beauty where I find it. Your thoughts are as beautiful as any, Amanda.


~Moi
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Shana A

I don't respond to 90% of what I read here, but I do read and appreciate it all. When I think that something I can say from my own experiences might help someone else, I post it.

Occasionally I've posted my thoughts like writing in an online diary <ack, 1000s of people reading my deepest feelings  :embarrassed: >, writing them out loud, so to speak, helps me sort out where I am with my feelings.

Share all you want Amanda!

Zythyra
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde


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Kate

Please keep sharing Amanda, both the good AND the bad!

When I first joined, it was reading about people's "successes" that probably saved my life. I really didn't think transitioning "worked" up until that point. I figured people were just deluding themselves, or growing a thick skin to deal with being a "man in a dress" to society. The concept that someone could transition and just be an ordinary woman was just too much to hope for.

But the more I read, the more I realized it was at least *possible*. Maybe not likely, but it was a CHANCE.

Of course, the horror stories (especially the news articles posts) scared the heck out of me too. But I felt I was finally able to have a realistic grasp of what I was getting myself into.

On the other hand, I feel bad about posting good news sometimes too. I worry it comes across as "gloating," and heck, maybe I am sometimes. But sometimes it's just so incredible, and it just bubbles out, you HAVE to share it, know what I mean?

The downside is I have a bad habit of insisting that because something worked for me, it'll work for everyone else too. The more I read, the more I realize my situation, experiences, goals and even motivations are somewhat unique... and I'd hate to think I led someone into a bad situation because of my arrogance :(

~Kate~
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JENNIFER

A very interesting thread Amanda and I can clearly see that you speak from the depths of your soul and from your heart.  I recall just recently that you contemplated leaving us due a crisis of confidence and yet you stayed with us. 

We are immensly fortunate to have someone with the writing skills that you possess.  When I read your opening lines last night, I suffered because I had very little sleep owing to my mind being put through a wormhole of emotion and self examination.  It was long overdue and I honestly believe that I have benefited from it.

Today, whilst doing my face before going out for my weekend shop, I saw a new Jennifer in the mirror.  A combination of light, angles and reflection in the mirror presented me with an image of a woman that I would chase down and beg at her toes for friendship if I were a man, it stunned me to the extent that I messed up my eyeliner and I forget to swap my slippers for shoes when I stepped outside  :embarrassed:.

This is what could be what you spoke of, one of those little victories that make transition so worthwhile.  Heaven knows we need those triumphs when we so often suffer ignorance and hostility because we seek to live as we feel.

Today I had a good day, I feel honoured to be able to share it with you Amanda and to all of you reading this i say ' Keep the faith, you are doing the right thing and never let anyone tel you otherwise'.  :) 
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Just Mandy

I stole this format from someone...
I can't remember who...
I thought it unique...
Who ever you are...
Thank you for letting me use it...
It works well sometimes...
But now I'm ready...
For complete sentences...
But not just yet...

Yesterday was a bad day...
And it carried over...
But you all know how that is...
These feelings are not new to many of you...
But their new to me...
But you all know that too...
And I'm coping...
Or trying to...
And then I posted about my childhood...
About my parents...
That was bad...
I need not go there...
It always makes me sad...
But that's not all...
The things that were said by my ICQ friend...
They hurt...
And hurt sets off a chain reaction...
And ends up with...
Why am I doing this...
I don't have a choice of course...

Meghan...
You have a heart of gold...
You need not post all that...
It can be unsaid...
Because I feel it from you...
You are my friend too...
I agree too...
There are people we might not be friends with...
Other than here...
But that's OK...
Because we need each other...
Thank you Meghan...
For just being you...
Your words always brighten my day...
Jane... you're right...
Happiness is not a crime...
It just feels like it should be sometimes...
But I'll try not to let them get me...
Lori... I did not explode...
I wanted too...
As usual you and everyone knows...
That of course it's not just the caffeine...
It's hormones...
It's my ICQ friend...
Thank you Lori for reading my posts...
And you feel like you belong? ...
That makes me smile...
Thinking I might have played a small part...
That makes all this worthwhile really...
Deviousxen, I can't wait...
To hear the good stuff from you...
I'm going to be watching for it...
And I won't forget... mom...
lacitychick21...
Or is it just chick?...
Your not just a pretty face...
And pretty it is...
No... you have wisdom beyond your years...
Meghan is lucky to have you around...
And you are lucky too..
I'm glad you joined susans...
I just wish I knew your name...
Because lacitychick21...
Seems so impersonal...
And you seem so personal...
You should share your successes...
I want to hear them...
From this thread...
I think i can speak for others...
We all want to hear them...
Gina, please do post...
I like what you say...
You're fun...
And yes... it comes from the soul...
Things I've wanted to say...
Things I needed to say...
It all comes out now...
Mickie... thank you...
I want to hear yours too...
Sheena... you make me smile...
When you feel my excitement...
That's cool...
Rei...
It made sense...
And yes, you are right...
It's hard to see how I affect others...
And I know how I affected my ICQ friend...
Not good I assume...
But thanks...
Tekla... me too...
I'm pleasantly ignorant about that...
I've used that before...
Not in so many words...
So yea... I totally get what you're saying...
And you have a lot of good posts...
Don't sell your self short...
I don't...
It does take trust...
Noeleena...
I googled you...
A whole page of results...
Wow...
And you are famous...
And real...
And here for us...
Thank you...
I do trust you...
And I trust all of you...

Moi... yes, yes and yes...
I agree with all that you say...
But I have to disagree...
On one thing...
My thoughts are only half as beautiful...
As yours Moi...
Thank you...
And Thank you Zythyra...
I'll will share...
Dear Kate...
I can't thank you enough...
For just being here...
You know I don't want to...
Be the man in the dress...
That would be bad...
But there is one thing I've NEVER thought...
That you were arrogant...
But I'll keep that in mind...
That you are unique...
Because you really are...
Jennifer... the writing...
It's no skill..
It just comes out...
From the heart...
Good or bad...
I can't tell...
But it's things...
Things I could only dream of saying...
Before...
Like...
I love you Jennifer...
For sharing that little victory...
Letting me be a part...
Today is a good day...
And I will keep the faith...
And thank you for letting me smile...

Thank you all...
I hope I got everyone...
If I did not it was not a slight...
I feel closer to you...
I hope you can feel closer to me...
I'm sorry...
I need you girls now...
But I don't want to be a burden...

So one last thing...
Prom dresses...
That's what I talked about this morning...
With a client...
For over an hour...
Her daughter was going to the prom tonight...
And we talked about her prom dress...
She just knew...
Somehow...
That I would be interested...
That was awesome...
It reminded me of who I am...
No...
What I am...
Female...
And...
That is my small success of the day...

I love my life

Amanda

P.S. Thank you Meghan for that wonderful closing sentiment.

Something sleeps deep within us
hidden and growing until we awaken as ourselves.
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JENNIFER

AMANDA,

QuoteSo one last thing...
Prom dresses...
That's what I talked about this morning...
With a client...
For over an hour...
Her daughter was going to the prom tonight...
And we talked about her prom dress...
She just knew...
Somehow...
That I would be interested...
That was awesome...
It reminded me of who I am...
No...
What I am...
Female...


Just wonderful.  :angel:   I have a neighbour, she is stunning, if I were a man I would give her my life and her babies but she is also the last woman I would consider feminine.   She is what we Brits call a 'TOMBOY' forever wearing jeans and T shirt and training shoes. She is also a mother of 7 children and I can understand why because she is one of those women that devotes her life to children.

Anyway, she came to me recently because she was invited to a function where she would not know many people if at all, she wanted to reaquaint herself with what is good wiith female fashion and she confessed that I seemed to know more on this than she did.  :icon_eek:   She asked me to go shopping with her to choose clothes..... :angel:.......that moment gave me such a boost I almost cried.  A woman asking me how to dress for a function where women needed to be 'traditionally dressed' etc?   One could not have expected this situation when starting out on the road of transition but the feeling that followed being asked for advice was wonderous.

Transition is a fantastic journey, it is rough, riddled with hazards, it places ones senses at their peek and often becomes an ordeal but the outcome is perhaps best illustrated by the same transition process as that of a Caterpiller into a Butterfly. Utterly wonderous and I cant wait for the day when I finally awake from surgury knowing that all trace of my male identity has been dealt with  :)
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Alyssa M.

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on May 16, 2008, 01:59:37 PM
I stole this format from someone...
I can't remember who...
I thought it unique...
Who ever you are...
Thank you for letting me use it...

I think you have Sara(h) in mind. (She uses the "h" only in her profile name.)
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

   - Anatole France
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Just Mandy

That is an awesome feeling I bet Jennifer... I'm happy for you.

Thanks Alyssa and thank you Sara, I hope you don't mind sharing.

Amanda

Something sleeps deep within us
hidden and growing until we awaken as ourselves.
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JENNIFER

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on May 16, 2008, 02:51:52 PM
That is an awesome feeling I bet Jennifer... I'm happy for you.

Thanks Alyssa and thank you Sara, I hope you don't mind sharing.

Amanda

AWESOME?  Yes, I guess that it is and it is one that will come to you when you least expect it, I am always stirred when a new experience comes my way and it because I project a female persona....just wonderful ,  it will come to you Amanda just dont expect it on demand, nature is a wonderful beast and has our best interests at heart. 
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gina

Thanks for sharing girls....Jennifer may that feeling you had today stay foever...(hug)
And Amanda I'm sure you picked a Prom Dress that some girls could only dream about, but never have...(hug)...Congratulations to you both.. :icon_flower:

gina
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Suzy

Amanda,

Thanks for sharing what you do.  Why should you apologize?  Really you have made yourself vulnerable by opening up and showing us what's going on.  Some won't like it I suppose, but most will appreciate it and be inspired by it.  I've shared the good, the bad, and the ugly here and it hasn't bothered you, has it?

Kristi
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NicholeW.

QuoteI am fragile...
And things hurt...
I'm feeling my way along...
It's a dark tunnel...
But I know I can make it...
As long as I'm here...

Amanda's Joy

Pink cherry blooms
Rain-washed black branch
Dripping after storm
Shaken in the breeze
Sun through clouds
:)

Hugs,
Amanda



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Laura Eva B

I thank everyone for "sharing" as otherwise this forum would be a really "dead space".

Sharing private experience is no less worthy than sharing practical advice .... and it helps us re-inforce good feelings about ourselves.

Just that so often (well almost always lately) I refrain from telling about what made me feel good that day ....

Like "didn't I just meet the cutest guy, we chatted all evening, cuddled and kissed and he still had no idea that I was any way different !", or "Asked out by XYZ",  or recently "Wow .... that was my first proper date as Laura and he's mad keen on seeing me again !" .... as I DO feel I would be kind of "bragging" ....  :( ....

But I do sort of want to relate my experiences just to say you don't have to be a 20 year old "cutie" to get to the point of being beyond "concerns about passing", to forging relationships, and making a successfull life as a woman.

And often when girls here post stories of their small successes I think "is that all ?" .... and then "slap myself on the wrist" as I know how important these things are in early transition, and feel happy that things are working out for others.

So please, please, keep on sharing ....  :) .... !

Laura x

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Blanche

I don't give out personal information.  Blanche's my nom de plume & I'm so far away from America.  Who would come here to look for me?  If they see my piccie, what were they doing here to start with?  What could they do to hurt me?  kill me? arrest me? mock me? tell my acquaintances I'm a transsexual woman?  Who's going to believe them?  They will need to have solid proof and a piccie on an American transgender website isn't enough to make "false" accusations? ;)
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Laura Eva B

Quote from: Blanche on May 17, 2008, 04:34:02 PM
I don't give out personal information.  Blanche's my nom de plume & I'm so far away from America.  Who would come here to look for me?  If they see my piccie, what were they doing here to start with?  What could they do to hurt me?  kill me? arrest me? mock me? tell my acquaintances I'm a transsexual woman?  Who's going to believe them?  They will need to have solid proof and a piccie on an American transgender website isn't enough to make "false" accusations? ;)
Blanche, guess you misunderstand ?

This thread is more about sharing our experience and feelings (without overtones of being "superior" or "better" than others) .... not about sharing information that could "out" you ?

Laura x
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JENNIFER

QuoteThis thread is more about sharing our experience and feelings (without overtones of being "superior" or "better" than others) .... not about sharing information that could "out" you ?

Whilst being outed is probably the most traumatic thing that can happen for anyone with gender identity issues as opposed to sexuality issues,  I have found that being open in the community as myself is immensly liberating.  However, being 'out' requires extensive thought and planning if one seeks to be able to fit in with ones desired gender community.  Obvoiusly it is an individual decision based on circumstances, it was with me because all things came together in my favour at the right time although without warning  :laugh:, I took advantage because the time was right for me and it has been relatively easy for me as a result.

The plain truth of it is that I am OUT, living a female life with a female identity, forging new friendships and now struggling to remember why I waited so long to make the decision to change my life for the better.  :)
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