No you can't come out with a 100% perfect judgment, after all we are all fallible human beings with our good side and our bad sides and we all have a different concept from one and the other about as to what we conceive to be right. We cannot know what makes a person 100% and their traits but you can certainly know the part that is bothering that person at the time they are experiencing a particular block that is preventing that person to grow beyond that point. You can't solve his or her problem for them, that don't work. But you can certainly give them an idea of which set of tracks to follow to help them find their own way.

Fortunately and surprisingly working with folks I have lots of patience, which I quite lack for anything else. When I'm working with another I just forget about the time element stick with them as long as necessary. Most a times they will come out with their own answer to what ever dilemma they were in. *I found myself* through helping others to find themselves.

90% of the folks I worked with was women, and children, even before I transitioned. Even when I was younger I would not turn down a call to go to the aid of a mom and her children in distress, I wasn't even working as a social worker back then, but I did my part when it came to rescue missions whether that be a person, persons or even an animal.

Cindy 

lol..I think that I'd rather not post than waste time fabricating something I'm not; popularity is such fleeting candy anyway.

QuoteI think most of us have difficulty accepting that we sometimes behave badly, think irrationally and lack good emotional connection with others.

We know when we are not adhering to general social rules. It is just that social rules need to be changed to reflect how humans are. It is not that it is difficult, it is just not who we are and why should we be phony to please someone else we do not care about? Not everyone values emotional connection. In fact some believe emotions cause irrationally and need to be tamed. Most times emotions are caused by an imbalance in the body. Proper health maintenance and a strong rational understanding of the world help each of us control our own, regardless of what other's do. This is not a flaw but a skill. Being a choosy critic and valuing your time and energy, applying it to the most valued environment you want is more of a personal obligation. It is not anyone's responsibility to make everyone you see happy.

Quote from: soldierjane on May 15, 2008, 05:50:58 PM
lol..I think that I'd rather not post than waste time fabricating something I'm not; popularity is such fleeting candy anyway.

That seems to be a smart way of thinking about it, Jane.

I think we sometimes need to remind ourselves of Lao Tse's dictum:

QuoteEveryone always tells the truth; you must simply hear the truth he tells you.

N~

What you see is what you get.  My older quote at the bottom of my avatar used to be "perception is reality".  I still believe that.  So, if you are asking me if I'm 'real' on this forum (I don't have the spare time to visit other forums), the answer is, I relate my true perceptions.  In that way, I suppose, you are seeing what I see, which is 'real' to me.

What would be the point of fabricating a lot of things here?  My life is full enough without being 'full of it' here.  Yep, this is me, warts and all.

Bev

Quote from: lisagurl on May 15, 2008, 07:46:32 PM
Not everyone values emotional connection. In fact some believe emotions cause irrationally and need to be tamed.

We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

I keep it as real as possible. There are no one else to talk to about all of this confusing, depressing baggage, except 1 person I know who's busy making her life successful (which I support fully). My family is useless. My mom, the first I told fully to, does not see how important this is, and how miserable it really makes me... I thought that I wouldn't have to complain every single day about my problems. I thought once was enough for a parent who is usually supportive, and not a religious nutcase. I thought thats the point where they let you cry, or hug you and say they love you. Nothing... No tears. No hug. No phonecalls. It was more like this secret meeting for her to make sure I wouldn't let anyone else know or do anything, just so my brothers life wouldn't be "ruined". Well... Isn't that convenient? My life is already on the course of ruin, and I'm to be sacrificed for HIM? His life has never been as hard as mine, and his friends wouldn't ditch him, cause me and him are so different, people think one of us is adopted...

So I try to shorten what I say, cause I don't like depressing people, or dumping my baggage like bombs, cause I feel worse whenever I ruin someone elses day.

I'd tell everyone on here my real name and show my picture if I weren't so afraid of people following links to this from my myspace or facebook or searching me on the internet or just figuring it out. I can't out myself like that...

I'm such a good actor in real life, that no one suspects anything.... And if they suspect anything, they figure I'm gay and keep it to themselves. They must doubt that too, though, cause I talk in their dialect. Politically incorrect, terrible, and mean. Not mean people, just mean words. When in Rome, speak latin...

So you people, and 420chans GID thread are the only things I have to talk to...

I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to be more careful here than in IRL, for people can't see my face or hear my tone of voice.  I think that words are so much harsher without those modifying factors; hence, it's difficult to tell when someone has been hurt (unless they respond to what one has posted)

Also, I can only make comments/posts based on my own individual experience and deep-rooted beliefs.  No one has to agree with what I post, and that is perfectly fine (with me at least).  I don't think that anyone on here is trying to change the way people think or experience things, they are merely expressing *their* point of view/beliefs/stories (not *mine*, *yours*, *his*, or *hers*).  If we can grasp this fact and keep it civil when we respond to threads, I honestly believe that we can save ourselves a lot of drama.

tink

I'm pretty sure I've been completely honest with everything I've said here.

I have no reason to lie... The big thing that I have to lie about in real life I don't have to here...

im fairly honest here...

almost to a fault sometimes.

I give people my honest opinion, in a constructive manner... if they don't like it, sorry. Sometimes the truth hurts....

I will never tell someone what they want to hear, just because they want to hear that.... its unfair to them and me.

I agree with tink... im more careful here with things like sarcasm... the internet is often misunderstood...
R >

If someone on the board is hurting I will go and try to resolve what ever their problem is.  Sometimes I will enter gently and on tip toes for some and simply just share different ideas to help them find their own solution.  But I will not hide the truth to anyone because I believe that the truth might be required to help them solve whatever their problem might be. Sometimes I may use humor, nothing remotely sarcastic. Sometimes all one can truly do is a cyber hug and send a prayer for all to work out for the best. 

Cindy

I never give false flattery, I see what I see, and will comment on that.  I would never tell someone what they want to hear, there is no point to that.  But at the same time, I would never try to bring anyone down either, if someone is attractive, I have no qualms in saying so.  I might be a little jealous, but it won't stop me admiring what is obviously apparent.
I don't always agree with everyones point of view, as anyone might not with mine either.  I try to be as civil as possible as I am in real life, very rarely lose my cool, but I can be a bitch when I have to be.  I think in real life being nice all the time doesn't do you any favours.   

good old lao tsu

Quote from: buttercup on May 17, 2008, 02:09:24 AM
I think in real life being nice all the time doesn't do you any favours.   

in the US, lotsa people feel that way too, unfortunately.
a convincing episode of House last night declared friendliness symptomatic of disease.

but actually it works more like this: it depends on who you're with

if you're with your children (regardless of their age) you better be a sweetheart. or else.
if you're with friends, you had better be nice. or else.
if you're walking in the city, among strangers, you had better be polite and considerate. or else. (but without seeming vulnerable)
if you are spending the day by yourself, walking through the wilderness, you had better be sweet, gentle, and polite. or else.
if you're with your dog, or cat, you had better be a real sweetheart. or else.

the idea that anytime's a great time to be rude and inconsiderate of others' feelings is way over-played and leads to alot of unnecessary unhappiness.

-Ellie{L}

As I mentioned previously, I always speak the truth, as I see it. I'm not the type of person to tell someone what they want to hear, if I thought something could be taken as hurtful, I'd probably just keep it to myself and not say anything.

Perhaps an important question is; do we tell ourselves what we want to hear as opposed to facing the truth?

Z

Quote from: Zythyra on May 17, 2008, 12:10:08 PM
Perhaps an important question is; do we tell ourselves what we want to hear as opposed to facing the truth?

I've always told myself, "believe what you want to be true, not what you *fear* is true."

I'm.... uhm... Purposely Delusional.

Hey, it WORKS for me

~Kate~

Quote from: Zythyra on May 17, 2008, 12:10:08 PM
Perhaps an important question is; do we tell ourselves what we want to hear as opposed to facing the truth?

Z

whose "truth"?  your truth isn't mine and vice versa!

QuoteRe: Do you keep it real on here? Or do you tell peeps what they want to hear?

i never tell people what they want to hear.  you should know better than that!

Quote from: Natasha on May 17, 2008, 01:26:45 PM
i never tell people what they want to hear.  you should know better than that!

O, maybe not, but I think sometimes you manage that anyhow, Tasha. >

Lol Gracie, thats just wild. Personally ever since I started transitioning I have saw no need to be anything but my self. I for one have had enough acting as a male to last several lifetimes. Im here to learn and share my experiences with those who might benifit from them and I think that in time those that are all about BS will be outed. I have in the last year watched sveral people get banned from sites, come back under other names and still get outed as trolls and the like.

The only place I still play a role in is a on line game and my character has always been female and she has just been my feminine side I couldnt present to the world. Kind of a safety valve that I employed.

Quotein the US, lotsa people feel that way too, unfortunately.
a convincing episode of House last night declared friendliness symptomatic of disease.

but actually it works more like this: it depends on who you're with

if you're with your children (regardless of their age) you better be a sweetheart. or else.
if you're with friends, you had better be nice. or else.
if you're walking in the city, among strangers, you had better be polite and considerate. or else. (but without seeming vulnerable)
if you are spending the day by yourself, walking through the wilderness, you had better be sweet, gentle, and polite. or else.
if you're with your dog, or cat, you had better be a real sweetheart. or else.

the idea that anytime's a great time to be rude and inconsiderate of others' feelings is way over-played and leads to alot of unnecessary unhappiness.

-Ellie{L}

Hi Ellie sweets, That was beautiful what you posted above.

Hi Kate, remember the song. All I have to do is dream?



"Hey!" what can you expect from a hopeless romantic?

Cindy