Ok this question may be too sensitive for some and to those I'm sorry my intentions of this question is not to hurt. Please try to keep it with respect as I belive all parents deserve. I'm curious of what kind of result this thread will get as talking to others like us I often found out that the dad was the typical alpha male type and I wonder if there's any correlation to this in higher percentages.

I'll start....
My dad was a hard tough rough hard working man. Being italian and being raised the old fashion way by his dad left his mark physically and mentally in so many ways. My dad was not like that but he was one tough man....cross him and you paid for it. He wanted me to be all he was....and of cause I could not, because of my GID (which was unknown to me at that time) When I was about 8 and he found out that I urinate sitting down he blew up. He caught me once playing dolls with a girl once, and I couldn't even have her for a friend anymore.
If I cried, that was a weakness in his eye's and I had to control and stop it as fast as possible. I never forget this he told me when I was small and having problems with another boy in my class "If you ever come home beat up and loose the fight from another kid..your also going to get it from me also...." The results of this was quite successful as I never did loose a fight of any I had..as nothing could be as bad as coming under the wrath of my dad. Anyway's sorry for the long rant but you could have an idea of what it must have been for me be a man when really it was not part of me but sort of programed that period of my life. He never knew of my problem, as well as my mom, they are both decessed.

gina

Does a deer hunting, wrestling watching, construction worker count as an alpha male? lol...

And yet, instead of forcing me to be masculine, he actually always treated me like I was "cute" and fragile and adorable as a child. I loved it, and yet it embarassed me at the same time, as I always worried he was giving my "secret" away to my friends. But it was nice to feel like a daughter to him - even if HE didn't realize what he was doing at the time.

As I got older though, we grew apart... as he really didn't know what to make of me. The coddling was ok when I was a child I guess, but not when I got to be a teenager and all. I tried to relate to him, tried to get into hunting and stuff like that to keep us close, but I just don't have it in me to kill things for fun. He never pressured me to do it, but I wanted to keep that closeness alive so I tried whatever I could to keep his interest and attention. But we drifted apart.

I guess the best word for me to him would be "dissappointing." Not that he isn't proud of me or anything, but just that I wasn't the Big Manly Hunter son I think he so badly wanted to share HIS loves and interests with.

~Kate~

I can see now that my dad had his own demons haunting him and it often came out aimed at me in explosive ways. I was not exactly the alpha male boy growing up, more the quiet sensitive bookworm type with a slight frame and i'm pretty sure that dad did not know how to relate. So he would pick on me in small ways verbally when I was doing something that in his estimation was not manly. I can still hear his words and still remember how they cut. Of course now I know more about myself and my GID and i'm sure that played a huge issue in our relationship growing up, we just didn't know it at the time.

Daddy was what he was: a fundamentalist Christian who felt he had to 'save' me from Hell. He was intent enough on that that he beat me pretty badly to 'beat the sissy out of me.' I never spoke about it again until I was out of the home and he was dead.

But, I miss him and am not filled with hatred. I think he did the best as he saw it. It was pretty painful for me.

He died when I still a teen and a few months before I was raped.

I miss him almost every day although he's been gone for over thirty years. *sigh*

I wish he could have met Nichole. Better go.

N~

My father was career Army.  Growing up, I was supposed to either be Commander of my ROTC detachment in college or win an appointment to the United States Military Academy.  That way I could one day be either a General or die gloriously in battle (I don't think he cared either way) and therefore vindicate him for never moving beyond being an alcoholic Staff Sergeant.  Needless to say I was quite the disappointment to him, not that I cared since he was always a disappointment and embarrassment to me.

Beverly

My father was a character, part multicultural, part Archie Bunker. He was the mayor of the block, self educated, had no interest in the standard things men do like sports and hunting. He enjoyed working and building things. As for me he took advantage of me being naive and teased me a lot. He let us do whatever interested us and help create opportunities sometimes. He sent me to a shrink at the age of 8 but I was too embarrassed to talk. One thing he taught and that was to be independent, so I left home at 18 and only returned to visit. He was proud of me but we just never connected.

Posted on: May 14, 2008

My dad was a deer hunter, military officer, alpha male. He was very successful and it was his way or no way. And
I think the fact that I was not a rough and tumble all male boy really ate at him. He REALLY could not handle
my crying even when I was young. Men do not cry. Period.

Don't get me started about field dressing a deer at around age 8.... WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

He really tried to toughen me up. I was about 6 or 7 and he tossed out all my stuffed animals... sounds
so simple but it was horrible... they were really my friends. Peeing standing up... oh yea I remember that
too. Dad tried to make me play all types of sports and later in high school I did get into a couple of individual sports.
But when I was younger he bought me boxing gloves and made me take lessons, that lasted about a month or two. Then
there Judo... lasted longer and I actually excelled... but Judo is so much more about the mental game than physical. He
would take me out in the yard and play football and tackle me. I hated any kind of contact like that and still do. I was never
in any fights, I would not provoke them and no one ever picked on me. I guess looking back I must have been pretty
girly... but I don't think I felt that at the time.

Disappointing was the word Dad would have used for me too... until I got married. There was a HUGH divide between us
in my teen years and early twenties.  The first thing he told me when he found out I was getting married
was "I didn't think you had it in you". That hurt at the time but I would have agreed with it. I did not know what I was
then... but apparently his perception was maybe close. He really liked my wife though... she picked on him until
he bleed LOL. She could (and can) turn anyone into a friend. After that things started to thaw but dad and I did not speak
much, she would need to be around as a buffer. I would call my age 8-16 the worst years of my life. My relationship with
my mother was much the same and more distant in some ways, even though I felt closer. I did tell my mom that I thought
I was a girl the summer before the 7th grade. I'm not sure I really believed it at the time. It was a horrible scene in a store
that I won't repeat here. The bottom line was I never felt accepted or loved by either of them. But I have to remember
that the 70's were a different time. No internet, no information on GID, a very closed, repressed society I think in a lot of ways.
Gays had not come out for the most part. So I guess I don't hold a lot against mom and dad and I forgave them a long time ago.

Great topic Gina   I would love to add to this and hear about relationships with mothers too if anyone wants to share that.

Amanda

All of my friends as a child and teen were other girls. I was so totally socialized as a female, that I never developed any male social skills which resulted in the total shredding of my adult life. All that my father wished for, was that I would be a son. The other girls named me "April" at the age of 6, (we were discussing birthdays,) and they would phone or visit me and ask for "April." My father was always correcting me, hand gestures, the way that I spoke, my vocabulary-every sentence seemed to include "really," just everything that I did was wrong. My speech was so bad that eventually I had a year of speech therapy in school to alter the way that I would speak with inflections.

My mother once said to me as a teen that when I was born, she thought that she had a boy. Then she looked down, and said, "I didn't." My relationship with my father improved over the years, but all that he ever wanted from me, was that I would be a son. He knew about my cross dressing from the age of 6, and he knew that it continued until I moved out and had my own apartment. He knew that nail polish made me feel pretty. My father was painfully aware that I was really his daughter, not just an effeminate son, and sadly, all that he ever wanted was the son that he thought that he had at birth.

Very interesting and sad at the same time... as I could feel the emotions of all of you as you describe your dad. A group hug girls... . Well it seems like half so far fall into the alpha male macho category, this will be interesting if the thread continues, I guess we will see. And Amanda its a great idea to add one for mothers also....I will gladly post my relationship with mom also, start the thread hun....

gina

Interesting life stories. My Dad was also a career military officer and had his own life as did my Mom as an officer's wife. Being the third child they simply ignored for my upbringing, either to my siblings or a nanny, and only acknowledged me at holidays, reunions or family events. When I was 12 I did something with my brother that accidently permanently injured him and he never forgave me. When I was 18 he told me to leave. A few years before he died he admitted they only wanted two children. I was unexpected and they didn't know what to do with me, leaving me to others and myself to grow up. As it turned out, my Dad did to me what his Dad did to him. He died with his own demons about his own father and life.

Dad is a Saint (still is ).  Despite his strict Catholic beliefs and his former military career, he has always been much, much, much more flexible than mom.  When I told him about my plans to transition, he was like "Oh okay"...needless to say I was atonished but very happy and relieved at the same time! 

tink

My dad either left or was kicked out when I was 7 or 8. I would only see him once a month to give my mom the check. This was in the late 50's and 60's. He was nothing in my life. In fact, I didn't have any male role models. My grandfather, I would see him maybe 4 or 5 times a year. He taught me to shoot when I was 5 and bought my first gun at that age. I would go hunting with him and my grandma. I was closer to my grandma than anyone. I guess she was my role model. My uncle would call me sissy all the time as I just didn't do the things that boys were suppose to do. I did try though. He suggested to my mom to buy a set of weights. I got into weight lifting and was pretty good at it. My uncle did buy a go cart for me, thought I would learn auto mechanics. I only tore the tires off it by driving it too fast and sliding it. I blew the engine in it and was told to fix it. My brother fixed it and built a mini bike from it. I think he was 7 at the time. He is 7 years younger than me. He now owns a muffler shop in Downey Ca. I was like a house keeper and maintenance worker at home. I fixed the plumbing and mowed the lawns and just kept the house up while my mom worked. I never really saw her nor did we really talk about anything. I raised myself. I learned everything the hard way. I earned my own way since I was 9. My dad is dead now. His wife called me to tell me that he was on his death bed. I told her good riddance. I hope he rots in hell.

My dad was a very special guy.  Never raised his hand to me, just his voice a few times.  He was not the alpha male type, but loved to cook, and taught me every secret he had.  He was also an EE, and he wished I had been, but supported me in my career choices of biology and chemistry, and was proud of me.  He was good at repairing things, as I am, and in finding creative solutions of all kinds.  He loved music, and played piano and organ, as I did, as well as several other instruments.  During a certain span of his life, he liked to drink, as I did.  He quit, as I did.  I wondered sometimes why he drank.  I know why I did, and I wonder sometimes if he had the same haunting thoughts as I did.  In his old age, when I took care of him, I learned he didn't like underarm hair either, and shaved, as I did.  Never said a word about it, but he tried to hide it.
I loved my gentle dad very, very much, and I never try to hide it.  I'm sure if he were still here, he would be proud of me.

Son and Daughter,
Michael Beverly

My dad was useless It's not a good relationship. He wasn't a parent or guardian he was however happy with his drink and of verbal and emotional bullying I just don't think he can empathize with anyone who isn't himself he claims he was just joking.

But you can't behave like that for years and not realize what your doing. You can't not notice you referred to me as "animal" for 2 years and pretend it's affection.
And one day he left... he went to live in Holland away from the family he never contributed financially my mum did all that and the support.

Now it's incredibly awkward because now the hard bit of raising us is over he wants a relationship with us. And his attempts to do so are transparent and make me ill. I don't like him, I certainly don't love him the only reason I pretend to be interested is because everyone else has rejected him for his actions.

I mean he never beat or sexually abused us he could have been alot worse, And of course if I did cut myself off from him then that runs the highly likely risk that he would be completely alone in his old age as everyone else has pretty much disowned him.

I mean yes he was completely useless not a father figure, I have countless miserable memories and no happy ones of him, As a friend he's ignorant and unsympathetic to any situation beyond him... But I'm not vicious enough to condemn him to a solitary lonely old age and death.

His presence makes me miserable, He's now somwhat aware of the fact how you cannot ignore kids during childhood and then be there dad later on. He thinks he gets along alright with me I never say much in person anyway but it's only cordial on his end. I don't like him I certainly don't love him.

He has attempted to make amends to me with financial gestures and I've always rejected them... I may not be vicious enough to cut him away despite the fact I can't ever even accept him either, But I won't fuel his delusions that I'm like him... Or that he can buy my childhood back... The suggestion is sickening.

My father always expected me to be like my older brother. Always wanted me to be this hunting, fishing, "man's man". I always wanted to stick around my mother and learn things from her. The idea of being a manly person disgusted me as a child, as it does to this day. My father was a womanizer, so he expected me to be the same way. My brother later joined the Army, so when I was of age I was brainwashed by my parents to join. Biggest mistake ever. I hated every minute of it. I went from being around two stereotypical men to hundreds. So, my father's image was definitely not my own.

Based on that, it's gonna be really hard to explain to him being TG. May the gods help me endure that episode.


          -Rei

My mom was the butch in the relationship. She had my dad on a leash. It really didn't or doesn't matter what my dad thinks, cause she'll only back up what he says if she believes it too. Thats another reason I haven't bothered telling my dad about any of this. He's a weak immature wimp. I'm SO MAD at him.

My dad, thankfully, did not ever want me to do anything too masculine. No sports (like boring baseball -_-) or anything like that!

However, he probably would not support me if he found out. 

I really haven't the faintest idea of what "image" my father wanted me to have growing up. He never expressed the slightest encouragement nor criticism of my behavior as far as gender is concerned; nor did my mother for that matter. I don't think my sisters got much feedback about "image" either. My father seemed happy enough when I expressed interest in sports, to the small extent that I did, but he didn't try to get me to watch baseball with him or anything like that, even though I do enjoy a good game every now and then. I guess both my parents wanted me to be well-read and good at math ... but they wanted that for my sisters too, and it just reflected their own overeducated selves, not some kind of "image."

I really love my father, the sphynx that he is. I never doubted his love, which is what counts in the end. Feed your children, clothe them, keep them healthy, and provide for an education, and most importantly, love them unconditionally -- the rest doesn't matter much.

My dad died when I was just ten years old ...   ...

Really wish I knew what he "wanted of me" and how he would have felt about my transition ....

I know he was happy with me being not a typical "rough & tumble" boy, that he liked that I had my "face in books" all the time, that at nine I could match him in a game of chess !

I know he wondered what my delicate, long and slender fingers would be doing to earn me a living .... know his hopes were that I might become a doctor, surgeon, artist, architect ....

He knew he was dying and that he would never see me as an adult .....

He never pushed me into a male role, and knew I was a "soft" and feminine child ....

In 1969 the concept of transsexualism was hardly known, (likewise heart transplants or even bypass surgery which might have given me an extra decade or two with my dad), but I know that he would have been as supportive and proud of me as my mum was when I "came out" ....

Laura x

my dad is all about talk and sales, his phrases...

never say you're sorry.
if you have nothing to say work twice on presentation.
It doesn't matter what you think of yourself, it matters what other people say about you.
I am your Dad, not your friend.