Hi Girls and Boys:

It has been awhile since I last posted so I wanted to reconnect and to give an update on how life has been going.

Since coming out to my SO I have been on a wild rollar coaster ride.  There have been good days and not so good days, but on balance things are going better than I thought they would.

My wife is really trying to understand, accept, and to find a way to make our relationship work - that is all I can ask.  She is still here and we are still talking.

I am still in therapy, have started laser treatment to remove facial hair, and have simi-dressed at home, all with my wifes approval.  She still is not wanting to see me all made up (wig, make-up, etc) but has said in time this can happen.  In fact she went with me to my first laser session for moral support.

I must say this has been quite a ride.  It has been less than a year since I finally (after a lifetime of denial) accepted myself as TG and only a few months since coming out to my wife.  In that rather short time I feel like I have lived a lifetime.

I have spent many hours thinking about and wondering how I have come to this point in my life.  Like many of the stories I have read here, I have always known I was a woman and now my wife readily admits that for her, she has come to understand that I am a woman, but she doesn't want to lose her "man".  Somewhere in there is a compromise where we can both have enough of what we need to be able to live, but still not lose the relationship we have that is special.  I love my wife more than ever for really trying to come to acceptance and understanding.  Given how much ignorance and intorance there is in the world, I feel blessed for the moment.

Last week I was feeling really depressed and didn't know how I could go on.  I was considering all kinds of acts that are not emotionally or mentally healthy.  But then I think how can I let what other people believe override how I feel and what I believe.

Anyhoo, as my father always used to say, this is my story and I'm sticking to it.  I truely value the support that everyone here at Susan's provides and I don't think I would be where I am today on my path to living as Molly if it weren't for all of you.  I have said this before, but it bears repeating, I don't think I would be sane, or maybe even alive today, if it weren't for all of you - thank you.

Molly

Hello Molly.

I'm so glad that life is proceeding some what normally so to speak.  As you have mentioned and something I always preach, communication is key to any successful relationship as you and your wife have discovered.  By doing that and being honest you will definitely find that your issues will be easier to face as a team, as trying to solve them in isolation is fraught with dangers.

I'm so glad that Susan's and her members have been of help to you though this, just remember that we are always here, just knock on our door and it will open.

Take care.

Steph

Hi Molly

Hey;way to hang in there!   I was so impatient to get on with the process, and could only progress one step at a time, that I often thought I would never make it.  When I look back now I can see the progress that was make and wonder how I got here. 

During the process (keep in mind for me this will be a never ending process) I tried to remember one time while driving through a small Eastern European town I saw an old crippled man moving a sizable pile of coal from the street to his house.  The only tool he had was a metal Pail.    As I continued on I resolved when I got out of work I would grab my boys and go back there and help him, but when I returned I was surprised to see that the entire pile was moved, and he had done the entire job himself one pail full at a time.

I understand that that this example aids me and may not help others; however, the idea I would convey is You seem to be laying a solid foundation to build your future on and maintain the family relationship you desire.  You seem to be making solid progress and will get where you want to be.

Congratulations on your progress and hang in there you are doing Good.

Caitlyn

Thank you Stephanie and Caitlyn for your kind words and encouragement.

Steph you are exactly right about how important communication is.  It may not result in the outcome I am hoping for, but without it there is no chance for maintaining the relationship.  So we talk, and talk, and talk more, and that is what is required right now.

Caitlyn I competely understand how you relate to the man with the pail story.  Right now it seems like everything is taking so long and that I will never reach my goal, but as I look back over the last year I realize that one pail at a time Molly is being born, e.g. shaving, laser, hanging clothes in the closet, partially dressing at home, support group, etc.  Patience is a virtue I've been told.

On days when I'm feeling really down and blue, I enjoy reading the post here at Susan's to get me grounded and to improve my mental state.  I have really good days and I have some really down days, those are the worst.

Molly

Quote from: molly on April 10, 2006, 12:07:33 PM
I am still in therapy, have started laser treatment to remove facial hair, and have simi-dressed at home, all with my wifes approval...

...she has come to understand that I am a woman, but she doesn't want to lose her "man".  Somewhere in there is a compromise where we can both have enough of what we need to be able to live, but still not lose the relationship we have that is special.

This is exactly where my wife and I are at as well. But I'm curious: are you considering HRT in the near future? And if so, any idea on how the heck to bring that up? Do you think that would cross the "doesn't want to lose her man line?"