My self-confidence lately has gone down hill.  As most of you read my "The Big 115" post, I am really self conscious about my weight but that's always been an issue.  Lately, it's about not passing as well as I want to.  Not for the public really, but more for myself and mostly for my boyfriend.  He is a very, very attractive guy and I hate feeling like I'm not up to his level.  I know that seems really, REALLY shallow of me but I can't help but think that people in public wonder why we would be together.  I just want to "man up" a lot, for him. 

For example, I swear my binder either grew or my breasts did but I'm no longer looking completely flat chested, esp. because I like to wear tighter shirts.  Perhaps my binder has just stretched over time but should I down size to an XS? 

How do you make your face look more manly (other than T)? Any tips?

Another thing that sucks is my girlish figure.  Wide hips, little waist, big butt.  Its just my bone structure and it sucks.

Any advice on how to "man up" a little?

QuoteHow do you make your face look more manly (other than T)? Any tips?

Another thing that sucks is my girlish figure.  Wide hips, little waist, big butt.  Its just my bone structure and it sucks.

Any advice on how to "man up" a little? 

For the face:  A lot of how masculine a face looks deals with the hair.  Some hair cuts make you more masculine looking than others.  It is important to get a hair cut that would be appropriate for your face shape.  I remember seeing someone post a good website on here about face shape and the right hair cut.  For example, from what it looks like in your avatar pic, it looks like you have pointy sideburns.  This is something that is feminizing.  Square cut sideburns add a more masculine feel to a face. 

For the body:  If your hips are wide, stay away from tight shirts that cover the hips, even if it is just half way, because that draws attention to that part.  Tight shirts are best if they end right at the belt, otherwise it would be better to opt for a looser shirt.   In regards to your butt, stay away from skin-tight skater/emo jeans that look like they have to be peeled off with a knife (I do not know what kinds of pants you wear).  Jeans should hang with a slight looseness under the butt to give off the illusion of  a male butt.  Good pants to wear are loose cargo pants or carpenter jeans.  They always seem to look masculine no matter who is wearing them.

I hear ya.

Yesterday I got my hair cut again in a corporate male style, a bit shorter than last time.  My stylist will be going shorter and shorter over the next few months (her husband is trans so she gets it totally).  I was wearing cargo pants, button down shirt with white tee underneath, belt, men's shoes, I shaved, I wear men's deodorant, etc.  I was feeling very male.

I pulled my ginormous 33' RV into a Subway, got out with my skater-dude son and went in to order, feeling very masculine.  I order in my deep voice (my voice is fairly deep), joke with the guys behind the counter, etc.  Well after the first guy already put the cheese on under the meat, the condiment guy asked what I want and out of habit I said 'lettuce, tomato, cheese' and he said didn't the other guy put the cheese on it on already? so I said oh yeah, he did.  But then the original guy said 'she's sticking up for me! so there!'  And I was deflated...



Jay

Posted on: May 21, 2008, 04:35:44 PM

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Oh, and I have pics of me today if anyone cares to shed light on why I'm not passing... 

Jay

Hey Brady.

If you haven't gained or lost any weight (both of which could make your binder less effective), and you've been using it for a while, it's probably had it. Stretched out.

I like Nox's tips for the butt area. The only thing other than clothes you could do to try to de-emphasize your hips is to bulk up the upper area to balance it out, make it more proportionate. Or just wait for T.

As far as your guy is concerned, you're an attractive boy. If he wanted a bear or gym bunny, he would be with one. He wants a twink and that's what he's got. I wouldn't worry about it.

My best friend just told me it's because even though my hips, waist, and chest are all in a straight line (I don't have curvy hips or butt) my shoulders are 'too narrow.'

I've seen chunky bio-guys with narrow shoulders...

       

Jay

Jay, I wouldn't mind seeing your pics. I'm not much of an authority on passing though. 

Quote from: Nero on May 21, 2008, 07:18:40 PM
Jay, I wouldn't mind seeing your pics. I'm not much of an authority on passing though. 

^^^ I second that.

Thanks guys.  And yes, Jay, I want to see the pictures.

As for calling you ma'am, maybe I can help.

I work at Starbucks and there is this bio-woman that comes in and orders a drink every day.  However, I don't think she is FTM, I think she is just a butch lesbian.  But, I try to avoid pronouns around her.  I do this out of respect because I am transgendered, however, I'm sure these guys have little idea of ->-bleeped-<-, so they probably didn't mean to offend.  I just avoid calling "him" or "her" completely because I'm not sure what to call this bio-female.  I know I rambled, but you get the point, ya?

Stop projecting your insecurity :v

Like Nero said if he wanted a big hairy butch thing he'd be dating one.

You could probably do a lot of ab exercises to help with the hips. Obliques are the muscles above the hip, right? Develop those and it should fill in some, but don't quote me. Look into it though.

First of all, do not CAAAAARE what people in public think about you, your bf, or you as a couple. This REALLY used to bother me, I've always seemed to get lucky in finding very attractive girls to date, be with, whatever you wanna call it. I'm by no means an Adonis, I think I'm "average" in the looks department, but I use to ALWAYS notice people staring, half the time it was probably my paranoia. I then met my ex, who is black/mexican. I am white. And holy s*&^! did we get started at. The first 2-3 months it really bothered me. I couldn't believe in CA of all places, people were that in AWE. After a while, we made jokes about it..for an example..We were out at a restraunt one night, and I noticed these 2 older woman just gawking at us. I said loud enough so they could hear "Hey XXXX do I have a booger on my face, cuz these people are staring?!" They never looked over again. Have fun with it, humans stare, regardless of who you are, who you are with.

That said, as far as your looks go, you look like a little gay boy I work with. Your face isn't very feminine at ALL. And from what I've seen in last posts, your chest looks mighty flat. Not sure how your figure is, but knowing you're small all I can suggest is working out. Cardio, lifting, squatting, and abs. If you beefen up a little bit with muscle, you'll fill out nicely with a smaller frame like yourself.

Thanks for the support yall, really.  It gave me the courage to talk to my man about how he feels and if it bothers him.

To make a long story short, I pretty much have the best boyfriend in the world.

Although I'm no where close to where I wanna be, I'm feeling much better.

Quote from: Autumn on May 21, 2008, 10:34:23 PM
You could probably do a lot of ab exercises to help with the hips. Obliques are the muscles above the hip, right? Develop those and it should fill in some.

Yep, obliques are above the hip, to either side of the front abdominals.  Developing the obliques will help a bit with widening the waist and taking away some curve--this is how it has worked for me, at least.  Only working obliques won't make the hips any smaller, but it will make the difference between waist width and hip width a bit smaller--again, making you somewhat more 'straight up & down' and less curvy.

Check out this site: http://www.exrx.net/Lists/ExList/WaistWt.html#anchor1944764 (I hope we can post links here; I believe I've seen it done before).
ExRx is a great resource for different weight training exercises, organized by each target muscle group; this link takes you to the ones for obliques.  My personal favorite is the dumbbell side bend; I use those circular weight plates (with holes in 'em to grab onto) for this, though, 'cuz dumbbells tend to hit my hips 

Quote from: Brady on May 21, 2008, 01:38:21 PM
How do you make your face look more manly (other than T)? Any tips?

well, your expression has a lot to do with it. back when i was in boy mode, males thought i looked gay or girly if i smiled. so i tried looking more macho by not smiling. and that helped some. but, i don't know, it made me feel more down not to smile.

but, as an FTM, it probably makes you feel more down to use female facial expressions. so, you'll probably feel better by using male expressions.

studying a few macho types might help you see what i mean. when studying male expressions, observe John Wayne, not Joel Grey. observe Russell Crowe, not Richard Simmons.

-Ellie