So I thought I would let everyone know what has been happening lately. 

Well I ditched my therapist after a year and half.  He wasn't bad but the phone consults just weren't doin it.  Also with the distance thing, It seems that alot is lost "in translation" over the phone.  For example during the last session he asked me if I was fulltime.  I was like WTF I've been fulltime for the last 9 months.  Also he was pushing me to go to thailand for SRS.  Now don't get me wrong I'm sure there are some great SRS surgeons there, but he was making out North American surgeons to be hacks.

  So I definitely needed some second opinions on the matter.   I need to find someone local to go see in person.  A friend of mine (FtM) is seeing a guy here in town that he likes and is familiar with gender issues.  I might go talk to him and also to get my scrips for my meds.  I think my insurance might cover it which will save me about $800 a year, so not bad.  They might even cover therapy as i need to go for social anxiety.

I've always suffered from social anxiety.  More than three people and i am out.... 
Its weird, and I really can't help it, but when i am around alot of people I basically freeze up and can't function.  It makes it nearly impossible to be in crowded areas without nearly panicking.  I have finally decided to do something about it.  Basically we had a mothers day party at work for the residents and their families and I freaked, I basically hid in the kitchen and made myself scarce.  I only made an appearance after people were leaving.

It is making me really depressed and that doesn't help matters at all.  I told a "friend" about it and she was a total bitch.  She made no effort to understand how I felt and basically told me it was my prob.  Yeah some friend. 

Anyway I feel like I am going crazy, and like I am headed for a breakdown.  So yeah I think I'll go in to the clinic tomorrow if I can get up the courage.  Could I go to a "same day care" place for that I don't even know where to turn.

Audrey

Quote from: Audrey on May 22, 2008, 02:04:23 AM
So I thought I would let everyone know what has been happening lately. 

Well I ditched my therapist after a year and half.  He wasn't bad but the phone consults just weren't doin it.  Also with the distance thing, It seems that alot is lost "in translation" over the phone.  For example during the last session he asked me if I was fulltime.  I was like WTF I've been fulltime for the last 9 months.  Also he was pushing me to go to thailand for SRS.  Now don't get me wrong I'm sure there are some great SRS surgeons there, but he was making out North American surgeons to be hacks.

  So I definitely needed some second opinions on the matter.   I need to find someone local to go see in person.  A friend of mine (FtM) is seeing a guy here in town that she he likes and is familiar with gender issues.  I might go talk to him and also to get my scrips for my meds.  I think my insurance might cover it which will save me about $800 a year, so not bad.  They might even cover therapy as i need to go for social anxiety.

What the hell? A pushy therapist has to be a real turn off.  I think it's a good idea to change to someone with a more balanced outlook.

Good Luck!

Well today I feel better.  My brother in law and I had a bonding moment last nite.  He told me that he was beginning to see me for the girl that I am.  It helped me to feel a little better about myself.  I still have to find a new therapist next week for my anxiety.  With my brothers wedding coming up I am going to need some help.

Audrey

Hi Audrey,

I meant to respond to this thread yesterday. I kinda had what you described when I was younger... I
eventually grew out of it. But at the time I hated crowds of people... one on one I was fine.
I know you are older than I was at the time... I was around 16 so maybe it's a little different.

Anyway... you are so cute and so female looking... you should try to relax and KNOW that you look fine...
but I know that is SO easy to say.

Good luck,

Amanda

It just is impossible to function socially though.  I completely "freeze up" when there are alot of people around.  It is getting worse as I get older it seems.  I don't think that it has much to do with transistion as i have always had it.  It gets to the point when I leave a crowded room I feel enormously better.  Even at meetings at work.  Its only my coworkers but it still happens to me.  I feel totally comfortable around them normally. 

I would like to go on something to help me through those difficult times.  So I am definitely going to see someone about it.  I can't live in fear any more.

Audrey

Do you have a regular doctor? They can prescribe something which might help too. A lot of the newer drugs are supposed to be able to help with Social Anxiety Disorder.

~Kate~

Wow, I also tend to become really shy when I'm talking to more than one person at a time. I love one on one talking, but, when the ratios are ill-balanced, I tend to just become dead quiet. It seems to me that you are quite gorgeous looking if your avatar is you. Far better looking than me; I look more like a gremlin or something. Anyway, I hope you find what you are looking for.