Well, the Cami I have is working fine for now.  When I wear it, you really can't tell that anything is different.  In fact, it looks flatter than before I started HRT.  If people start noticing anyway, then that's fine.  However, with my timetable of how I want to do things, I only need to hide it for another month or 2, then I don't care.  If I got one of those compression tops, my guess is that it would probably hurt.  Man boobs are not sensitive and they don't get sore as easily, hence the reason it would work for that.

Melissa

Thanks for mentioning cami's.  I did a bit of web research and found

http://www.shadeclothing.com/Camisole.aspx

Shade Clothing specializes in, erm, 'modesty enhancing' clothing accessories for those women who, for various reasons (religion comes to mind) don't want to show midriff or clevage but still want to dress like other young women in jeans, bigshirts, etc.

The above cami is high, long and very formfitting (thanks to spandex).

Karen

just to add a possibly helpful note: playtex now has bras in "half sizes" EG: nb, for nearly b.

Someone in a previous post talked about the pencil test. I wear a 38B right now but I tried the pencil test and the pencil doesn't stay there. My breasts don't sag, yet. My wife said that give it a few years and they will. She said what does it for most women is when they get pregnant. They start sagging from then on. She said that eventually I will get the sagging part. My doctor told me that mine were very firm. It must be from all those bench presses I did early on in life.
Sheila

Ok, this is getting scary (not literally).  My breasts keep getting bigger and are now pretty sore most of the time.  The camisole I have now makes them hurt, but if I don't wear it, they are pretty noticable and if I wear a real bra, they are very noticable.  This is even the case for wearing loose shirts.  Maybe I'll just have to bite the bullet, not wear a bra or camisole and let them be noticable.  Don't get me wrong; I love having breasts. I just hate hiding them.  At the rate I'm going, I may end up going full time sooner than I had originally anticipated.  Not to mention that the gender dysphoria is catching up again and I start wishing this whole thing could go so much faster.  I need to get rid of my facial hair first though.

Melissa

Quote from: jan c on March 22, 2006, 11:53:31 AM
just to add a possibly helpful note: playtex now has bras in "half sizes" EG: nb, for nearly b.

is na    not applicable?

Quote from: beth on March 22, 2006, 01:51:17 PM
is na    not applicable?

Makes sense to me.

Melissa


Posted at: March 22, 2006, 12:30:40 PM

---

Ok, I just made a mental decision.  I am tired of hiding this.  I am going to dress androgynous and I don't care about hiding my breasts.  My Dad knows I am looking for another job and as far as I know, has no idea I'm on HRT.  I am having trouble functioning mentally.  I keep having anxiety about how long I will need to keep hiding myself, plus the breast ache from the camisole is a constant reminder that I am going against my own grain with hiding this.  Sometimes I just want to break down and cry.   I think the stress from this has been causing to to feel unwell lately.  I've had to leave early the last 2 workdays plus I stayed home all day on monday.  I'm sorry for this rant, but I just needed to get this out in the open.  I feel like hiding this is making me go crazy .  I just can't stand this anymore.  My patience has worn thin.  I don't know how anybody waits so long before they can go fulltime.  Maybe I'm just not getting out enough as female in the evening.  I don't know.  I hate living as male.  Maybe it's my medicine that's making me be so impatient.  I don't know.  It's really hard to say.  I think it is my medicine.  I hope it stops.  Maybe I'd better call the doctor.

Melissa

Hey there Melissa.

It's not usual for your meds to affect you that way but not impossible.  If it gets too much to handle though I would definitely see the doctor.  However I think that you are experiencing what we all have until we went full time.  You are sort of stuck in limbo right now with parts of you starting to sprout but you are still taken for a male.  Going androgynous is a good solution.  I did that before I went full time and I found that it helped a great deal.  While cloths do not make the woman they go along way at easing the tension that transsexuals find themselves confronting, along with the constant switching back and forth.  Like you it drove me crazy.  However the only real relief is when you finally go full time and you can be the person you are.

Steph

Thanks Steph.  I was having a reaction to the antidepressant I was taking.  I was on one antidepressant last week and after having a manic episode, I switched over to a different one last Saturday.  I was having another episode albeit less severe when I was typing that last message.  I called my doctor and she wanted me to discontinue.  I now need to talk to my therapist (also a psychologist) about the possibility of having bipolar disorder.

I do normally go for the androgynous look on weekends, but I might start doing that at work as well.  Actually, when I have had to work on weekends, I have gone in wearing some andro girl clothes and nobody seemed to bat an eye including my parents.

I still do feel like I'm going crazy inside, but I think my medication made it more amplified and made me more verbal about it.  After re-reading it however, it did make sense.  I may still start dressing androgynous, but I'll be a little more prudent about it.

Melissa


Posted at: March 22, 2006, 08:07:00 PM

---

Well, I didn't wear anything today.  I'm such a rebel    The thing is that my male shirts are ALL loose on me because I used to weigh more, so my boobs don't show up that well anyway unless you're looking for them.  I did this diet thing about a year ago and I've pretty much kept the weight off since.  I am now getting smaller due to hormones (muscle mass I think).  Anyway, since I am not motivated whatsoever to buy more male clothes ever again, I am just wearing the big stuff.  I may get some androgynous shirts though and wear those.  The problem is when I go shopping it's hard not to buy the cute stuff.

Melissa

hey Melissa - it has been my experience that one be very careful about accepting a "bipolar disorder" diagnosis. The treatment is often worse than the condition. EG: drugs like Depakote, for one example, will make a person very sick. What I am trying to say is it may be better to take life with its ups and downs, mood swings etc, than be entirely without affect, which is what these drugs are designed to make happen. A truly manic person does things completely out of control and is a danger to self; EG: i got a little hyper for awhile and ended up on medication that utterly zombified me. My niece was on lithium for years; after her mom died, she got a little weird, now, fortunately is back to the ranks of the living after getting off that stuff. Unless you are, for instance getting on jets, flying around the world on your credit card, or ready to go out on a spree shooting the world up, be very careful about thinking you are 'manic'. I ended up 'manic' after taking antidepressants for depression (you know what that problem really was) - i did not exist for a time after that. These are dangerous drugs, sweetie, poison. Caveat emptor.

Thanks Jan.  I may just live a life of ups and downs.  Right now I feel pretty good and I'd like to always feel this good.  No depression today and I'm not hyper.  I feel normal and like that feeling.  It makes GID much easier to deal with.  The other side is that HRT may be helping my mood.  It may have just been taking a while to kick in.  I may not need to do anything at all.  The reason I sought treatment in the first place was because I was getting suicidal from my depression and almost tried to kill myself a couple weeks ago.  I went to the doctor to treat my depression and started having a bad reaction to antidepressants.  Years ago, I was put on antidepressants and I had forgotten why I went off of them...until my recent experiences.  I just can't take antidepressants.  Being zombified also does not sound like much fun.  So hopefully I am far enough along in my hormones where I won't feel suicidal anymore.

Melissa

glad to hear it Melissa. "Ah got mah ups an downs", like Otis Elevator, sure beats the other, which is no feelings at all. Stay cool.

Be careful with that thought.
What pushes you that close will probably still push... harder.

I figured that one out the hard way.

When my Mother's Puppy died I did not take it well. At all.

Previously to HRT I could at least deal with the situation ... not well but I could deal. I am not so sure I can anymore.

Now, if it is just GID related terminal thoughts you'll probably be fine, unless something happens.

^*shrug* As I see it from where I sit anyway, for what it is worth.

Yes, definitely GID-related thoughts that caused me to become suicidal.  I was feeling like I couldn't live as male or trans-female and that it would better to just end it before really getting into the depths of transition hell.  However, maybe this is transition hell in the first place that caused me to go that far.

One thing I have to my advantage is youth.  In a way, I think it's easier to transition at a younger age because the older you are, the more tohers tend to think of you twisted and treat you accordingly.  Plus, people will have known you longer as male and have a harder time adjusting.

Melissa

Melissa,

Please try to keep your spirits up. As a newcomer here, you've already helped me with your feedback and encouragement. From reading of your experiences and seeing your photos, I think you're making amazing progress. You're already a beautiful woman with much to look forward to. I'm sure life in transition is hard, but it's got to be better than not transitioning. Keep you're eyes on the journey ahead and don't let the bumpy road distract you.

Take care,

Steph

Well, I lost enough of my belly and my breasts got large enough (just a little more) where they were becoming obvious anyway.  Also, I couldn't imagine wearing a sportsbra anymore because they hurt all the time.  So, I decided to start wearing a regular bra now. I'm a solid A-cup.  It actually hides them a little by wearing a normal bra, although not much, but at least my nipples don't stick through my shirts anymore.

Honestly, at this point if somebody did notice my chest, I wouldn't mind coming out to them, since next week is my last week at work.  Oh well, might as well start getting used to wearing a bra from now on.

Melissa

Hi Melissa!

I hope it's okay if I reply since I'm a GG and not a TS (I cruise this page occasionally to see if anything good comes up that I can mention to Jocelyn)

I think you should go ahead and start getting used to bras.  I got breast buds around 9 yrs old (I remember, because it hurt!) So  my mother took me shopping for a "training bra" (I still don't know what I was training my breasts to do, alas!) Just kidding.  Training bras are worn to get used to wearing a bra, not for actual support. This is because bras aren't all that comfortable when you first start wearing them. Eventually you may feel naked without one, but the amount of hours you can go wearing one will increase with practice. Anyway, the training bra is very much like a sport bra but it has a clasp instead of a racerback, but now they're making sport bras with clasps so you may want to try that instead (I noticed that those don't squeeze so much). 

Just make sure you're wearing the right size (if you're losing your belly, the band width may also decrease over time while the cup size increases. I've made the mistake of wearing a 36B when I was really a 34C after significant weight loss) Don't worry, when your breasts fill out more they won't hurt so much! Good luck!


Posted at: April 17, 2006, 07:30:13 PM

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Melissa, I'm so sorry!  I responded to your first post without reading too far ahead into the thread! Please don't think I'm heartless because of that last post!

I really hope you feel better soon. All I can say (that I know from experience) is that you are going through puberty as woman now, and it's not all that fun, but it does get better.  The breast pain is a total nuisance but it will eventually go away, and I know that's nothing in comparison to the mood swings but please try to remember that your body will settle down in time. It's a transition because it isn't permanent.

I really admire you for deciding to come out and stop hiding.  I've seen Jocelyn do it and I know it isn't easy, but things seem so much better for her now that she doesn't have to constantly worry about concealing her true self.  I hope it does the same for you.  Feel free to drop me a line if you ever are inclined to do so. 

Best wishes,
Kelly

Thank you for posting Kelly.  It's definitely ok to post.  I like hearing advice from a GG, as they typically have more experience living as a woman.  I started wearing my bra last week and it seems to do fine.  As for coming out, it was really a necessity and keeping it hidden had just become too hard.  As for mood swings, yeah, I've had my share of those.  It really can get hard sometime.  Sometimes I'm like the weather can can suddenly change.  Thanks again for your post.

Melissa

^*pout*
I feel left out!
My moods are about as fluid as they were before, I think.
^{*thoughtful look*} I haven't noticed any sudden shifts, and what shifts there are, are all results of triggers. ^*ponder* At least I think.
^*shrug* I probably should not complain

Also, just to chime in, I also always like hearing from the GGs, regardless of the topic.

Usually there is a trigger for my mood swings, but it tends to change on a daily basis.  Today was good for most of the day, then it suddenly turned and I felt very gloomy and bored.  If you don't feel any mental changes from hormones, you may want to get your levels checked by your doctor.

Melissa