Hello all. I'm an 18 year old MTF...you can just call me Cathy.

Well anyway, the main reason why I'm here is because I'm trying to help my friend. Basically a few months ago I met this girl in my class, let's call her Amy. She's quite butch and tomboyish, and it was only recently when we started getting closer did I find out that she actually dated lots of girls. When I told her that I'm actually transsexual, she actually started to tell me about how she wanted to change her sex to become a guy.

Her story: Some time back, she started pretending to be a guy on the net and started to flirt with girls, and it so happened that she actually managed to sustain one relationship with a girl. They've never met, but she has learnt to disguise her voice to sound like a guy, and they've talked a lot on the phone, and sent stuff to each other. Their relationship has been going on for almost a year already. She also then confessed to me that in a sense, it just looks odd for a butch and a girl to be together, whereas she thinks that it's okay to have a trans-guy together with a girl, as long as she's able to look like a normal guy. She's sad that as a girl, she's unable to get some other girls to love her, when she feels that she's much more capable than the average guy to win over a girl's heart. She also told me that at times, she feels inferior to guys simply because she's born a girl and that guys are born guys. She doesn't really feel that she fits in under the catagory as a 'girl', and she thinks that she would be much happier as a guy.

Amy wishes to take hormones...so she's able to look more like a guy, and have what would appear to be a normal hetro relationship to everyone else. Now as a transsexual myself, I'm quite against it because honestly speaking, her issues don't really seem to be trans-related, and I don't believe that this is at all the right decision for her to make, and could only lead to further unhappiness. (though I could be wrong...I don't have many FTM friends). But she's seriously considering it, and she's really confident that this would make her happy.

Can any of you guys how should I help her? I'm not really sure what to say to her, how to help her out of it...I figure that your might have encounted similar situtations before...perhaps your own experiences, or with friends...and maybe your could help me out a little.

I really just want what's best for her. Something that will make her happy and not regret it... =/

FTMs come with lots of different backgrounds and stories.  I'd suggest he see a gender therapist to sort things out.  Could very well be he is ftm, or he could want to be a guy for the advantages he feels they have.  In any case it's not our place to judge someone's motives.  He could have been grappling with gender issues for a long time and just not expressed everything to you.  He also very well may be ftm and hetero, and wants to present as the guy he is and date women.

I want to present as male because I am male, just as I presume you want to present female because you're female, despite your anatomy.

Jay

Have him read, study, talk and listen.  I'm not the biggest supporter of 'get into therapy right now!' favoring a course that leans - at least in the beginning, on talking to others like yourself (or his-self) some social, or support group and see where it goes from there.

I like tekla's approach. Makes it easier on the therapist as well!

If "Amy" is FTM I think accessing places he can chat with other FTMs, ummmm Susan's, would be an excellent idea. Tell him about the site. He already sounds pretty well-versed in internet discussions. And another FTM or even another lesbian is not a bad thing for the board!!

Nichole