Welcome Jennifer,

I think I know what you meant by "moving towards TS". Although I knew that I wished I were a girl from a very early age and I enjoyed crossdressing occasionally when I was younger, I tried to convince myself that I was TV rather than TS. That would have been much easier to deal with. I even convinced my wife that I was only TV when we were first married. Over time, I came to realize that it was much more than that. As I got older, I saw that:
1) Crossdressing alone wasn't particularly satisfying for me. I felt more relaxed and relieved while crossdresing than arroused.
2) I really wanted to interact with others and be accepted as a woman rather than dress like one by myself.
3) I wanted to have a woman's body instead of what I was stuck with. The physical pain and emotional ordeal of changing my gender was worth being able to live as I felt I needed to. Having a body that matched my mental image of myself was important.
4) My therapist diagnosed me as TS.

It was only about 4 years ago that I finally accepted that I really was TS even though I think I knew it from when I was little. Now I'm still struggling with what to do about it. A big factor in my decision is my marriage of 30+ years and my deep love for my wife and children. Unlike others, I think I do have a choice. Unfortunately, neither option is easy or entirely satisfactory. For the present, I'm trying to live with myself not transitioning. It isn't easy, and I may find eventually that I really can't. I probably won't know if I'm successful until I'm in my grave.

Regardless of what you do, I've found this forum to be a good resource with friendly people who care.

Welcome to the group,

Steph

Thanks for your p.o.v. Steph. I share your feelings almost to a tee. Thanks to Melissa's thoughts and Stephanie's link to the wiki, I have just begun to accept my trasnsexuality. It has been only a few days, yet I am much happier now. I don't think that I have completely accepted myself yet, but am making progress. It is difficult especially now, for every time I look in the mirror I see myself, the woman, not the man. I can actually see myself as Jennifer (almost hallucinagenic quality). All of this has just kind of snowballed down on me in the last week. I don't know if this is what everybody else has experienced, but it seems soooo fast! Steph, I'm glad that you see that you have a choice. I think that we all do, it's just that when we have wives and children that makes it so much more difficult, in the end we have to do what makes us happy and whole. I think that there are a lot of people who are not willing to face their choices and say that there is none. It may be, also that we may have choices that aren't in sight yet too. I'm not really sure. Just as I know that I will eventually have to tell my parents that I am TS. I don't like it, but if I want to be happy then I must tell them, if I don't then I'm sure that I'll never be happy. I am willing to do whatever it takes, no matter how hard the consiquences to be happy in my life. If you have that much love for your wife and kids, I would hope that it is reciprocated and that they will understand and love you no matter what. I know it isn't easy. I know how hard it is for me and I'm just at the tip of the iceburg.

I'll add my welcome, too, Jennifer.

I think many of us were in denial at some point. 

I can trace my GID back to age 9 but, having been almost caught in my mother's clothes, I put it in deep denial.  For decades I thought I just had a lingerie fetish.

It was beginning to walk on a spiritual path coupled with joining the Internet generation that brought my breakthrough at age 58.  The "I'm a crossdresser" phase lasted two years.  I started counseling at age 60 to understand my strong urge to wear women's clothing.  After 4 months, the therapist said, "Robyn, I have good news and bad news."

"What's the good news, Doctor?"

"You're not a cross dresser."

"Hey, great.  Maybe I can save my marriage after all.  Um... What's the bad news?"

"You're a transsexual.  What are you going to do about it?"

The rest, as they say, is history.  Two years later, I had SRS, and I've been married to my husband for 6 years now.

Tomorrow night, we'll see my ex at a birthday party.

Life goes on.  Enjoy the journey, which doesn't end with transition.

Thanks for the welcome, Robyn! I have been able to remember down to about highschool age. I think that I was about 16 or 17. I never did go to my prom, but I do remember looking at all the pretty dresses and wishing that I was the one going to the prom in one of those lovely dresses. Heh, it's funny how I never really figured it out untill now. Deep denial, I suppose. I'm not afraid to transition, I was serious when I said that I will do whatever it takes to be happy! I almost forgot to say, thanks for your inspirational words Robyn. It does take a lot of courage to make the transition.

Jennifer