So I'm in the process of coming out, seeing how I will be getting my T letter in another week or so, and I have scheduled some doc visits in anticipation of having a hysto as well.

All in all people I've come out to have been very supportive.  Last night I came out to my ex, and he said something that has been bouncing around in my head for the last 12 hours: "You're not going to do anything, right?"

Then I realize that my old college buddy I came out to said a similar thing, and my best friend online.  Like people are totally cool with me being trans AS LONG AS I don't ::gasp!:: DO anything to transition.  I mean, seriously, do you honestly think I'd be telling people this personal stuff IF I WASN'T GOING TO TRANSITION?

Sorry for shouting.  I mean, I realize that they don't want their neat, tidy, little worlds up-ended, but geez, like this is easy for ME??!

End of rant...

Jay

It's going to take some time before they will be really comfortable with Mr Jay instead of Ms Jay, that's only natural.

So far, the reactions from people in your surroundings have been great if I have been reading your posts right, so count yourself lucky.

And yeah, of course those kind of comments can hit home hard. No worries mate, it will turn out right.


Take care,

PolarBear

Thanks, Polar.  I know it takes time.  And I haven't even asked anyone to call me Jay, and haven't asked anyone to call me by male pronouns either.  Ah, well, I won't say anything more.  Maybe they'll figure it out when I grow some facial hair...

Jay

Yeah, I can relate to that, Jay (even though I am MtF but it's still the same idea). When I came out to people they were okay with it, but once I began taking HRT some of them were like: "what are you doing??" *shakes head* Some people just don't get it.

Quote from: Laura91 on June 04, 2008, 12:39:43 PM
Yeah, I can relate to that, Jay (even though I am MtF but it's still the same idea). When I came out to people they were okay with it, but once I began taking HRT some of them were like: "what are you doing??" *shakes head* Some people just don't get it.

And that's what I don't get:  I mean, why would we bother to come out if we weren't going to do something?  For attention?  For pity? Why else than because we intend to transition and we want them to know that in advance??

Jay

I understand, Jay. Had the same reaction from a couple of friends when I started. "You what?!!" I think they maybe cannot imagine doing anything like that themselves and so don't 'get' why you would. *sigh* It can be difficult, but at least they are talking to you. Not all do.

But most never quite 'get' why you would. Some even that you have, or did, etc....

Hugs,

Nichole

Quote from: sneakersjay on June 04, 2008, 12:44:21 PM

Quote from: Laura91 on June 04, 2008, 12:39:43 PM
Yeah, I can relate to that, Jay (even though I am MtF but it's still the same idea). When I came out to people they were okay with it, but once I began taking HRT some of them were like: "what are you doing??" *shakes head* Some people just don't get it.

And that's what I don't get:  I mean, why would we bother to come out if we weren't going to do something?  For attention?  For pity? Why else than because we intend to transition and we want them to know that in advance??

Jay

Oddly enough some people actually accused me of doing this "to get attention and sympathy".  Yeah, that is exactly why I am doing this......idiots.

Quote from: Laura91 on June 04, 2008, 12:39:43 PM
When I came out to people they were okay with it, but once I began taking HRT some of them were like: "what are you doing??" *shakes head* Some people just don't get it.

I don't trust people to make the right assumptions lol, so whenever I came out to people, I always said, "I'm changing my sex and going by the name Kate now" just to avoid any confusion. Normal People don't always understand the *implications* of GID, and won't always know what it "means," or what the consequences are...

~Kate~

My mother and stepfather are onboard with everything. Totally supportive, want me to get top surgery cause they know I've been miserable about it since my first training bra at 11 years old. But any mention of T and my mother cringes. She knows there's no alternative, I'll never pass without it but she would really rather I not do it. Right now I've been too ill to get on with things but once I can, it's going to be very hard for her to see the changes T will bring.

I think it just freaks people out that we're going to change so much. They really don't like to think about it.

Quote from: Kate on June 04, 2008, 01:11:30 PM

Quote from: Laura91 on June 04, 2008, 12:39:43 PM
When I came out to people they were okay with it, but once I began taking HRT some of them were like: "what are you doing??" *shakes head* Some people just don't get it.

I don't trust people to make the right assumptions lol, so whenever I came out to people, I always said, "I'm changing my sex and going by the name Kate now" just to avoid any confusion. Normal People don't always understand the *implications* of GID, and won't always know what it "means," or what the consequences are...

~Kate~

True.  So maybe this is my PRE-coming out, where they get the idea, and then after a few months on T and my legal name change and pronoun change, they'll have been forewarned, LOL.  At my age I don't really care what they want or what they think.  I've been the compliant people pleaser my whole life (well, at least until I had kids and started parenting them unconventionally and schooling them unconventionally and have basically been unconventional...and if they don't get THAT after nearly 14 years they'll never really get this, either).

Jay

Quote from: Kate on June 04, 2008, 01:11:30 PM

Quote from: Laura91 on June 04, 2008, 12:39:43 PM
When I came out to people they were okay with it, but once I began taking HRT some of them were like: "what are you doing??" *shakes head* Some people just don't get it.

I don't trust people to make the right assumptions lol, so whenever I came out to people, I always said, "I'm changing my sex and going by the name Kate now" just to avoid any confusion. Normal People don't always understand the *implications* of GID, and won't always know what it "means," or what the consequences are...

~Kate~

Kate, that's good, real good. Short and sweet i like it can i use it ?

last year people did not take me seriously now i get comments about me looking more like a girl.

I had a biker come up to me like a couple of weekends ago and said he hated to admit it but what ever im doing it is working.

I think once your on T for a few months they will see that your serious Jay. And then "are you sure" comments should start

giggles

Quote from: Robin_p on June 04, 2008, 03:00:38 PM

I think once your on T for a few months they will see that your serious Jay. And then "are you sure" comments should start

giggles

Am I sure?? 

My whole life I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me and why I was such a misfit.  In the past few weeks (I'm just over 2 months into transition now) my confidence level has SOARED and it hasn't mattered, at least this past week, that I don't pass yet.  INSIDE I've become so comfortable and confident and outgoing.  I'm finally FREE to be ME.  A huge part of that is my therapist; another huge part is knowing T is on the immediate horizon also.  And knowing that I probably have only two periods left HURRAHHHHH!!!!!  LOL

My daughter and I were discussing what to call me the other day and I told her my name will be Jonathan legally but I will go by Jay.  And she asked if she could still call me mom, and I said yes, I'll always be your mom, no matter what.  So then she said, wait, in public it will be weird to call you mom, so I said she could just then call me Jay, or her 'parental unit.' And she laughed.

Jay

Yeah, I got the same thing too. It ranged from lesbian 'friends' who wanted me to proceed at the pace they were comfortable with, to my mother, who wanted me to wait until retirement so as not to upset my career.

I ignored em all

My mother saw that there were no detrimental effects on my career. And the lesbians who wanted me to wait for their ok for every step, I haven't seen since I started T.

Nobody did the 'are you sure' thing with me once I transitioned, thank god.

Dennis

I haven't yet come out to my parents (they're divorced); my mother is going through her own 'crisis' and it won't go over well if I throw a new family crisis at her, LOL.  I haven't come out to my brother, because he's closer to my mother than I am, and I'm not ready to tell her yet (not until I start T).

Fortunately I don't have any lesbian friends to dissuade me, but I do have a bunch of uptight straight couples I interact with who will have a few words to say, I'm sure...

Jay

I don't trust people to make the right assumptions lol, so whenever I came out to people, I always said, "I'm changing my sex and going by the name Kate now" just to avoid any confusion. Normal People don't always understand the *implications* of GID, and won't always know what it "means," or what the consequences are...

~Kate~

sadly Kate, i have tried this approach to people as well, and even that doesn't work sometimes. one female associate was like well i call you by your name but i'm not sure about she, well ok then you'll be the one who looks and sounds like an idiot when referring to me with masculine pronouns in the ladies room and around the store, while everyone else is doing completely the opposite. i know quite a few of them still refer to me with masculine pronouns and sooner or later they are just going to have to realize this is what is and i'm not going anywhere.

Warrior Princess Mickie

If you think you get weird reactions about taking hormones, wait until you bring up surgery! My sister called me last night to let me know how her girly doc. visit went (cancer free, yay sis) and kept insisting that I go get one done. She knows I'm trans and am taking hormones, so I had no problem saying "I don't need one until I'm 21 and by then that part of the anatomy will be gone." She kinda freaked out and gave me some bull about ripping my body apart and what-not. Yea, kinda irritating.

I'm not even going there, LOL.  I'm getting my hysto asap and will not tell anyone except whoever drives me, and I sure won't be telling anyone about the chest!  None of their business.

On second thought, maybe I'll just tell them that they do penis transplants all the time now, and I'm getting one next month!  LOL  That will freak them out.  We don't use the P word in my family (though I use it all the time with my kids; we use proper terminology around here, LOL).  And they'll probably be too embarrassed to google it.

Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on June 04, 2008, 03:07:47 PM

My daughter and I were discussing what to call me the other day and I told her my name will be Jonathan legally but I will go by Jay.  And she asked if she could still call me mom, and I said yes, I'll always be your mom, no matter what.  So then she said, wait, in public it will be weird to call you mom, so I said she could just then call me Jay, or her 'parental unit.' And she laughed.

Jay

Reminds me of a Dr. Phil episode I saw where the trans parent did exactly the opposite.  She was MtF and wanted her daughters to call her Mom, although they wanted to still call her Dad.  I think things went too fast for the kids.  It was just really sad.  Sorry to be a downer. 
Anyway, that's so cool that your daughter is accepting of you.  It seems like you're being very responsible about the whole process wrt your daughter.  Good job!

LOL about your uptight straight couple comment.  Too funny. 

Its all part of the process for some people.  I had similar reactions from a few of my friends.  One has come around, the other I think we've pretty much grown apart. 

I'd say its part of the Bargaining phase?

Regarding my ex again...

He went to his therapist and told her that I was trans, and he said her jaw hit the floor in shock, and then recovered and said, so, you were married to a man for 15 years?!

And my ex said NO, I was married to a woman who is the mother of my children, and your reaction is proof of why I don't want to tell anyone.

And then he goes on and says to me: I hope you're not going to *do anything* meaning hormones, that I should wait until the kids are grown, this is going to eff them up, my 9 yr old son will be scarred for life when it comes to women, yada yada, traditional psychobabble B.S., which he got from this uninformed therapist he sees (which, btw, was the same line my non-gender therapist fed me, that my kids were going to be effed up if I transitioned).

My current gender therapists told me that open honest communication with my kids was key and already we have a relationship unlike what most kids have with their parents, and I can't see them being effed up.  That kids are resilient and more accepting than most adults.

What say you ladies and gents who have gone down this road before me? 

My ex really, REALLY does NOT want me to take T or transition; he thinks I should be happy I know who I am (male) and accept that and not go any farther (like gee, I never thought of that??  If that were possible I never would have told ANYONE!!).

Of course I already saw my therapist this week, and we're in the middle of 'official' stuff for the T letter (and I'm not delaying THAT!)

So do my kids need to talk to a therapist (obviously not a bigoted one!)?  Are they going to have issues with their own sexuality/gender??  My ex is totally paranoid and needs to be educated, stat.  Because he said that his gf said that maybe he should try to work from home more to have the kids more so I could *find myself* B.S.

ARGH!!!!!

Jay