some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me

Deniz, I feel for your desire and your situation. I hope it all works out well for both of you.

Sometimes we simply weigh our choices and take the ones we feel, even if they are not the best, or even if they are.

Glad to have your update.

Hugs,

Nichole

thanks nichole. i feel so tired of this situation.but love is all i am looking for(through my life).at least the way my parents love me(unconditionally)

Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:55:08 AM
thanks nichole. i feel so tired of this situation.but love is all i am looking for(through my life).at least the way my parents love me(unconditionally)

Yes, that feels wonderful, no? I think we all want that. It seems though as if the world simply isn't overstuffed with people who are able to grant our wishes.

I hope this man can grant that for you.

Nichole

For the love of god I beg you to NOT move in with this guy like he asked. This guy seems really unstable and I don't want another name to be on the list on the day of remembrance.

Girl, you are in so much danger!

What is going to happen if you move in with him?  You say that he is homo/transphobic.  Are you going to always get dressed in the dark?  Or perhaps you think that he loves you so much that he can ignore that little something extra?

Too, too, many of us have been MURDERED because of issues like this!  I fear for your safety, Deniz.  Please be *very* carefull in your continued relationship with him.

You may love him, but he may not love you and feel that you decieved him WHEN you come out to him.  And he could assault or murder you as a result.

And there would be a fair possibility that he would not be convicted of any crime because the defense council would state that it was all YOUR fault and YOU HAD IT COMING!  It has happened before!

Don't become another sad name on our roles of the dead on the day of rememberance.

-Sandy

Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:26:55 AM
some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me

How is he a ts hater? What has he done to show this?

Do you know how dangerous such a relationship is? At the very least, you MUST tell him about you before you move in with him, tell him in a public location with lots of witnesses, and don't get alone with him afterwards if he showed a negative reaction.
Additionally, how do you love someone that hates people like you, and therefore, you? I understand it's not a rational emotion and I'm not accusing you of anything, I'm genuinely baffled.

Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:26:55 AM
some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me

How is he homophobic, yet loving you? That wouldn't make too much sense... Like... Unless you pass already. Then it does.


*hug

Thats never fun to go through. I hope it works out.

OK, folks,

Just so Deniz doesn't take too much heat. She's posted here about this situation way more than once. This link will show you one such thread. Where I am sure most of you will see that she's discussed this at length before.

You'll also find she lives in Greece, not west Texas or Jersey City. I understand the concern. I've had it for her as well. But, at some point she's gonna need to make her own choice. That I hope it's healthy and correct for her should go without saying.

All the very best, Deniz.

Nichole

Quote from: Nichole on June 05, 2008, 03:29:09 PM
OK, folks,

Just so Deniz doesn't take too much heat. She's posted here about this situation way more than once. This link will show you one such thread. Where I am sure most of you will see that she's discussed this at length before.

You'll also find she lives in Greece, not west Texas or Jersey City. I understand the concern. I've had it for her as well. But, at some point she's gonna need to make her own choice. That I hope it's healthy and correct for her should go without saying.

All the very best, Deniz.

Nichole

If you think Greece is an accepting place, it isn't. I know someone there and she says they're violently homophobic.

I would definitely approach the situation with care...

I've had my say.  I'll say no more.

Love to you Deniz.

-Sandy

Quote from: Nichole on June 05, 2008, 03:29:09 PM
OK, folks,

Just so Deniz doesn't take too much heat. She's posted here about this situation way more than once. This link will show you one such thread. Where I am sure most of you will see that she's discussed this at length before.

You'll also find she lives in Greece, not west Texas or Jersey City. I understand the concern. I've had it for her as well. But, at some point she's gonna need to make her own choice. That I hope it's healthy and correct for her should go without saying.

All the very best, Deniz.

Nichole

Thanks for that, that's some very important backstory, I agree, she must make her own choice on the matter, but at the same time, she came here and asked for advice, and people gave it.
Whether to tell him and probably seperate, or to just seperate without telling him is purely her decision, but getting back together with him and continuing to not tell him about her past is very unwise IMHO, because it comes out sooner or later.

Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:26:55 AM
some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me

First of all don't move in with him. I say this for two reasons. For one even if things go fine on the trans issues, then if things in the future sour between you two it will be harder to break off. Second would be the trans issues themselves, until those issues are cleared up between you two it is begging for trouble. All it will take is one accident or mistake for him to find out and if things get messy...well there has been enough case examples as we all are aware of.

Second...well i'm not sure how to put this. I posted this in response to your problem before, and i'll do it again. Yes he has done nice things for you, and yes he has been a sweetheart mostly to you. But these things are brownie points. He is operating of a flawed assumption. Yes you are a woman, but until you have the surgery you are a woman that has something a lot of guys will flip over once they find out. You love him, and i'm happy for you. But until he knows and has all the info, the danger will keep increasing until he finally does know. Then all bets are off on how he reacts.

He has potential, so I would do what alot of ladies suggested last time. Tell him. I would suggest in a public place. Not to public so that he feels set up, but enough that you are secure in your feeling of safety. He might reject you, and that is a real possibility that will hurt. But if you love him he deserves to know the full truth about you. Unless of course you plan to have the surgery in the extremely near future.

Good luck hun, and blessings to you.

QuoteUnless of course you plan to have the surgery in the extremely near future.

A judge in Florida just gave a divorce to a man because his wife lied about being a virgin when they got married. You can not lie about things like that to a potential spouse.

Do not tell him, especially if he is from the χωριο.  It will get violent.  He may end up killing himself.  My family is typical of that area (very religious and close-minded, EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY, lots of gossiping. we also had the large garden, chickens, goats, and cats.  we have long since moved to America, but I still go back to the old house to visit the rest of the family.).  When I told my father that I was ts, he said that he will do everything in his power to keep me from transitioning or he will kill himself because the family and everyone he knows will disown him just because he spawned someone like me.  It will probably be the same for your boy.  He will be utterly miserible and will fear that if someone founds out that he dated a ts, even if he did not know it at the time, that he will be harrassed/disowned/riddiculed because that is the attitude of everyone around him. 

Quote from: lisagurl on June 05, 2008, 04:40:06 PM

QuoteUnless of course you plan to have the surgery in the extremely near future.

A judge in Florida just gave a divorce to a man because his wife lied about being a virgin when they got married. You can not lie about things like that to a potential spouse.

I was being sarcastic, I don't condone secrets from spouses in (almost) any form.

Quote from: noxdraconis on June 05, 2008, 09:43:52 PM
Do not tell him, especially if he is from the χωριο.  It will get violent.  He may end up killing himself.  My family is typical of that area (very religious and close-minded, EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY, lots of gossiping. we also had the large garden, chickens, goats, and cats.  we have long since moved to America, but I still go back to the old house to visit the rest of the family.).  When I told my father that I was ts, he said that he will do everything in his power to keep me from transitioning or he will kill himself because the family and everyone he knows will disown him just because he spawned someone like me.  It will probably be the same for your boy.  He will be utterly miserible and will fear that if someone founds out that he dated a ts, even if he did not know it at the time, that he will be harrassed/disowned/riddiculed because that is the attitude of everyone around him. 

That is a bit extreme, and not everyone in the military, even the army, is like that. My Petty officer was quite understanding, and even if he couldn't do much, did try to make sure I talked to the right people.

Yes, the prevalence of machoism in the military is staggering. But I still think he needs to know if you plan to continue dating or even the thought of marriage. Especially marriage. He might take it hard, he might even break it off. But if he is worth anything, and loves you despite being 'weird' then he will come to understand who you really are and still come out of it loving you. I would say take the risk. Just be very careful in how you break it to him.

both my gf and I have been in situations like this -- it gets pretty hard. Hopefully he'll love you for who you are, no matter what.

"I would do anything for Luv"

                                         Good luck to you, it will be an Experience!!!

Quote from: Angel on June 06, 2008, 11:26:03 AM

Quote from: noxdraconis on June 05, 2008, 09:43:52 PM
Do not tell him, especially if he is from the χωριο.  It will get violent.  He may end up killing himself.  My family is typical of that area (very religious and close-minded, EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY, lots of gossiping. we also had the large garden, chickens, goats, and cats.  we have long since moved to America, but I still go back to the old house to visit the rest of the family.).  When I told my father that I was ts, he said that he will do everything in his power to keep me from transitioning or he will kill himself because the family and everyone he knows will disown him just because he spawned someone like me.  It will probably be the same for your boy.  He will be utterly miserible and will fear that if someone founds out that he dated a ts, even if he did not know it at the time, that he will be harrassed/disowned/riddiculed because that is the attitude of everyone around him. 

That is a bit extreme, and not everyone in the military, even the army, is like that. My Petty officer was quite understanding, and even if he couldn't do much, did try to make sure I talked to the right people.

Yes, the prevalence of machoism in the military is staggering. But I still think he needs to know if you plan to continue dating or even the thought of marriage. Especially marriage. He might take it hard, he might even break it off. But if he is worth anything, and loves you despite being 'weird' then he will come to understand who you really are and still come out of it loving you. I would say take the risk. Just be very careful in how you break it to him.

The χωριο is like a village/farm/empty country-side sort of area (I have a hard time translating/defining things).  It is like going back to a different century there.  Everything and everyone is backwards.  No computers, stone floors, outdoor brick ovens, no indoor bathrooms (we use those little out house things instead).  The people there hate it whenever something breaks tradition or is considered abnormal.