Crawling forward

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6/10/2008

"Just before I went out grocery shopping last night, I looked in the bathroom mirror. I started to see that I might have reached the point where other people will more readily read me as female. I was wearing large hoop earrings but no makeup, and even so the face no longer looks as masculine to me as it did. Still, I want that process to move along more quickly. Of course I do! I'm never going to be beautiful, even for my age, but I do want to look as feminine as possible. It never happens quickly enough."

Did you look good enough in your own eyes and mind so that you could go out shopping?  I ask this question because it is often the case that we are our own harshest judges.

I am guilty of the charge of being troubled with how I may look to others, as if they actually care 

I constanstly battle with my own perceptions of my face due to having an intimate relationship with it for the whole of my 48 yrs of life. If I had a face transplant from a most delightful female supermodel or actress, it is likely that my eyes will see a man and that my mind through my brain shall see a man.  The rest of the world would see a gorgeous woman and if my brain would accept it, then life would be so perfect.

Sadly, I still need make up to help me before I ventue outdors, my facial skin is rather battle harded from a long male existence