Quote from: sneakersjay on June 12, 2008, 07:52:03 PM
Regarding my ex again...

He went to his therapist and told her that I was trans, and he said her jaw hit the floor in shock, and then recovered and said, so, you were married to a man for 15 years?!

And my ex said NO, I was married to a woman who is the mother of my children, and your reaction is proof of why I don't want to tell anyone.

And then he goes on and says to me: I hope you're not going to *do anything* meaning hormones, that I should wait until the kids are grown, this is going to eff them up, my 9 yr old son will be scarred for life when it comes to women, yada yada, traditional psychobabble B.S., which he got from this uninformed therapist he sees (which, btw, was the same line my non-gender therapist fed me, that my kids were going to be effed up if I transitioned).

My current gender therapists told me that open honest communication with my kids was key and already we have a relationship unlike what most kids have with their parents, and I can't see them being effed up.  That kids are resilient and more accepting than most adults.

What say you ladies and gents who have gone down this road before me? 

My ex really, REALLY does NOT want me to take T or transition; he thinks I should be happy I know who I am (male) and accept that and not go any farther (like gee, I never thought of that??  If that were possible I never would have told ANYONE!!).

Of course I already saw my therapist this week, and we're in the middle of 'official' stuff for the T letter (and I'm not delaying THAT!)

So do my kids need to talk to a therapist (obviously not a bigoted one!)?  Are they going to have issues with their own sexuality/gender??  My ex is totally paranoid and needs to be educated, stat.  Because he said that his gf said that maybe he should try to work from home more to have the kids more so I could *find myself* B.S.

ARGH!!!!!

Jay

Evening Jay.

I'm not on T or have kids, so take with a grain of salt. I think kids handle things like this a lot better the younger they are. Teens and adults have a far more difficult time adjusting and accepting something like this. Because then their own identity is forming and stuff. And teens and young adults tend to take things hard. So you shouldn't wait till they're grown or whatever like your ex wants. The younger your kids deal with this, the better off they'll be.

No real experiential advice having not had the same set of experiences, but I'd say that a therapist isn't a bad idea for your kids.  Part of it depends on whether they want it, or whether they need it.  Having an educated person for them to talk to with no fear of reprisal for "saying the wrong thing" might be comforting. 
As for them spending more time with their Dad, that's good if he wants to spend time with them, but it shouldn't be motivated by anything you do, such as "finding yourself".  From the sound of it, you've already found yourself. 

People always trying to give us excuses not to transition, so that they don't have to deal with our decisions.  But hey only have to deal with their own feelings.  They don't have to deal with all the choices we have to make along the way.  I think it is a form of denial.

As for your kids, Jay.  It sounds like they have a good rapore with you.  The one that will screw them up is their Dad, but I don't think he'll do it out of hate.  He'll use them to get to you.  Fact of life after divorce.

Just keep talking to them truefully and they should be aright.   Good luck on the histo.

Love Babe,
Janet

I'm not telling him I'm having a hysto or starting T soon.  Not his business.

I should send him a link to Buck Angel and tell him that he's my hero and I wanna be a porn star! LOL  Unfortunately he'd take it the wrong way.

Yes, he doesn't want to deal with this, but first, I doubt my kids would go along with any schemes he could concoct to deny me access (we have 50:50 custody), and THAT would eff them up much more than this ever will.  I do have a great rapport with both of my kids.  and we can talk about anything.

I'll probably wait til I've been on T for like 6 months before I tell anyone else.  So with the rate things are going, that should be about...christmas.  LOL  Merry Christmas everyone!

Jay

buck angel - yeah you should totally tell him that.  >

Quote from: Nero on June 13, 2008, 11:04:40 AM
buck angel - yeah you should totally tell him that.  >

I should tell him I want Buck's tats and nipple piercing, too...for added effect.   >

LOL

Jay

yep.  >

Quote from: sneakersjay on June 13, 2008, 11:07:59 AM

Quote from: Nero on June 13, 2008, 11:04:40 AM
buck angel - yeah you should totally tell him that.  >

I should tell him I want Buck's tats and nipple piercing, too...for added effect.   >

LOL

Jay

OMG, I snorted.