Not sure if this should be coming out forum or not but every post seemed to be be actual coming out
posts and I didn't want to go against that.. anyway on with it


Some of you know I'm following/making a plan, If I go through with a MTF It would be 2 to 4 years time.

I personally don't think I will come out until I can no longer hide it anymore. So if it all went to plan
I'd be seeing a councilor and even started HRT before the key ppl in my life know, my parents and my
best friend. I'm not close to most of my more distant family so I'm not bothering to ever say anything to them.

Anyway as usual I wake up early one morning and go hang on since when has a plan I've ever done
EVER gone to plan. I've hidden this a long time I thought I was good at it but now not so sure how good
I am at holding that mask.  I recalled some things that puzzled me, why did one of my former bosses think
I was gay?...gulp  why did customers in my former retail work have a tendency to tell me all about there
gay son's or daughters (at least they actually seemed happy and accepting) out of the blue right there
at the counter???. I just assumed it happened to all staff at the time... but well no it wasn't.

Ok so i'm obviously not hiding it as well as I thought somehow I'm not acting like a bloke as much
as I think I am somehow giving hints that I'm not what I look like, people are reading it as being gay.
I'm giving it away to at least ppl who are trained to spot personalitys (former boss
had training from previous career on reading people) or have a personal
family history with it.  Well they don't see the truth I'm a girl inside but its close enough for me to have red lights flashing.
(I guess one benefit is when the day comes acting myself will actually be normal then)

Anyway if people who I may have worked with have clicked onto something if complete strangers have sometimes
hit too close for home.

How many of you have found your family knew? they knew something was up at least?. or they weren't surprised?

Frankly I secretly want my mother or best friend to pull me over one day and say, Look I know I know it all
but does it happen?. Did that work out better in the end?. I think theres a decent chance of mum or friend
working it out. Sometimes I wonder when around them does she know?, does he know?  they know don't they why wont
they just ask me and save me the stress!!  arhghghggg... IF two ppl know me best its those two.

Do others have these thoughts around friend and family?

My dad I think would be the most shocked, I would truly be surprised if he ever figured it out before
I said anything.

Anyway the plan works they dont work it out I make it the day has come when I look in the mirror and think... oh crap
I cant hide this, its time.

I tell them I think i'd tell my mother first on her own, I don't know how I could tell my dad he's a great dad I simply
think it would be shock a huge shock to him. Thats why i'd tell mum she would probably be the best person
to help me tell him. But I know them and the reaction would be panic they'd think I was brainwashed i'm
under the influence of someone anything but this is infact who I am. I haven't had much that they could
blame, noone ever dressed me as a girl as a child, I was never treated as one, I cant think of anything
they could blame themselves for or did when I was growing up. Infact growing up in the country I never
met or had any contact with gay or transgender culture. So they'd turn on these two things for sure

1.They'd blame the internet they know I'm a net junky I got all my idea's from that been chatting
to some cult!!!! (except I've deep down known I was like this before I even had a pc let alone a net con)

2. What I fear the most and worst case, they will blame my best friend and turn on him,
he knows nothing we've been friends since high school and thats what terrorfies me the most of all.
I tell them and they get into the car and visit my friend and rip into him for warping
me and filling me with idea's. (even more horrible if I haven't come out to him yet either!, imagine what he'd be thinking)

Anyone had this scenario actually happen? As far as I know they will have nothing in my history they can
blame besides those two points. Did you have a way to manage it?. I was originally thinking
I would take them to a councilor and come out to them there and the counciler could work them through it.

But then I realised they'd think and then blame the councilor for warping me and things just go down that
path again with a councilor taking the brunt instead. "How long you been talking to my son!!,
Why did you convince him his a girl!! and then screaming and possible violence...sigh..

So any of you have parents you think would act like this?. did they?. I'm only
great full I think my friend wouldn't care either way.

Oddly enough it never turns out how'd you expect no matter how many times you play it out in your head you simply don't know how they think on such an obscure issue the exception might be if another one of your friends is transsexual in which case you can expect much the same response the gave to them.

I've never told anyone per-say however I know that at least two people know although I make clear my discomfort discussing the issue, because I'm not certain what's happening myself or if i'm "legit".

But an old friend of mine (since we were 4) knows, He suspected for awhile and it was obvious with him "probing" my responses around the topic of transgender issues at first. Then eventually he accused me and I just didn't deny it. He's well aware that it's responsible for alot of my strange behaviour, and it's obviously not a good place for me to be but is at a loss at what can be done... which is oddly my position aswell.

The other person is my sister, Who actually only accused me two nights ago. She basically said.
"Do you want to be a woman?" I did kinda deny it, explaining how torn I am on the issue. She came to this conclusion realizing how hostile I am towards my body in general but centred on my masculine characteristics.

But yeah I get many strange accusations from people. Most are accusations that I'm gay, But some are that I'm Asexual, Or jokingly accusing me of begin a robot. And these accusations are alot more common.

At work I spent two years getting gradually more and more feminine before I finally transitioned. By the time I was ready to transition, I was wearing makeup every day and tight t-shirts which did not leave my tits to the imagination. So rumors were rife around the office that I was "gay." I was told what some guys from Afghanistan were saying behind my back -- that they thought I was a woman, and they wanted to f**k me. Where they come from, society is heavily gender-segregated, certain male persons dress as women and are treated as sexual playthings, while the genetic women are locked up or hidden inside burqa`s. When I came out to the boss, who was very supportive, I reported those guys for sexual harassment. On the day I transitioned, he called an all hands meeting to announce it and said that anyone who harassed me would be immediately fired.

I was just so sick to death of the whole male thing, I pretty much abandoned any pretense of it several months before I actually transitioned.

At the salon where I got my hair styled, the Mexican lady washing my hair started talking about the gay guys she knew and how nice she thought they were. I said that's nice, I think well of them too, however I'm not a gay guy, I'm a transsexual woman. Sigh--I wish people could understand that right off the bat without my needing to explain it. Everyone has a slot in their cognition to file the concept of "gay"-- but so many people are so ignorant of transsexualism they have nowhere to file it in their conception of the universe, so they try to make it into something else that they're already familiar with.

This was all pre-transition. On the day that I transitioned to full time, some mysterious magic went into effect along with it, and I immediately started being ma'amed and she'd everywhere, ever since.

Yeah I guess like I said in the post nothing I've ever planned go's exactly to the plan, and
I suppose when the day came my parents wouldnt exactly do everything I expect them to.

Its just the realisation that my friends could take the blame as they seek something to
blame anything when I had accepted any screaming at me would be fine. 
I hope your right and when the day comes they surprise me. My main fear
of this happening would be when I'm exposed early something gives me away i'm scared
of a Freudian slip. Its always on my mind, they say males cant go 30 seconds without
thinking about sex, well since I realised I was this way I cant seem to go 30 seconds without
thinking about my gender, and the danger of a Freudian slip just increases. And I mean SERIOUS
Freudian slip I've had a big one in front of my mother once I still cringe in horror from time to time.

I was 17 something bad happened I cant remember what it was, I was really down my mother
sat down next to me put her hand on my shoulder and was cheering me up she asked a question
"What do you want in life?" and I dont know why but It was like I was hypnotized I couldnt stop
it I even said it in a slow weird (trance like) way "A sex-change"..... It just came, I dont know why I said it
I didnt come out to myself for another 12 years!!. I cant explain it , she laughed she really laughed
and I cracked up also and we've never mentioned anything like it since. 

Now I actually have a wicked sense of humour but to this day I dont know if she thought it was that
or knows the truth all this time. It kind of makes me paranoid now, when she says things like
"when you were a boy"  my mind races and I go what  hang on she just mean when I was young shes
not referring to that....  start sweating..

So how many of you found your parents knew in the end or they suspected something?.
Basically they weren't surprised when you thought you were good at hiding it until then.

Yeah Hypatia until now i've been at least my conscious mind has been in denial when people
start talking to me about gay son's and daughters out of the blue and i'm not kidding its
people I do not know. I would just be surprised and think everyone got it. I'm not
ready to transition yet I have alot of work to do yet and so I do not in any way
look female, only some of my behavior gives me away. So i'm not surprised people
read it as gay rather then what it really is. Obviously my subconscious mind
has known and wanted me to do something about it....if I had listened.

Oh and thankyou both for responding, This board is a little slower then
other forums (given the topic no wonder) But my confidence seriously bottoms
when 2 days go by and noone responds lol I start thinking oh crap I've
said something really abnormal !!! should I delete!!.

How did they react?  What did you do?

With the exception of my sisters who had estranged themselves from the rest of the family, I told everyone in my life face-to-face.

My older bro wants to remember me as I was.  We haven't really talked since 2003,  His wife and i get on fine.  We always did.
My younger bro is a f***ing sociopath whose opinion means nothing to me anyway.
My two sisters were surprised when one of them called me at the office and I answered using my female name.  They were surprised and asked me how long I "have been like that."  I told them "all of my life," and hung-up.  I never missed them and I never will.  Pits on them.

Over time I became sufficiently feminine in appearance for a trusted friend and co-worker to come into my office, close the door, and ask me how my complexion became so young-looking.  She asked, chemical peel, dermabrasion?  Nope.  Estrogen, two tabs twice a day.  She gave me a wonderful hug and left my office quite happy for me.

In the beginning I lived as myself after work and on weekends.  I got a little crap but never enough to deeply disturb me.  I never looked for "T-friendly" anyplace.  I shopped where I wanted, had my nails done at a shop where I got a good deal for the price, and ate wherever my palate and wallet took me.  I never had a problem.

The workplace is a strange mix of forces at work.  Generally I found males avoiding me and women most accepting, but be careful as there is always someone of the female gender among the staff who has a problem with you using the women's restroom.

Enjoy your life to the max.  Try to be prudent in all of your decisions, and don't let anyone piss on your parade.  It's not so much how they react as it is how you react.

Wing Walker

Hi, Yip, hon,
I believe my mom suspected it.  She use to refer to me as her little berdache.  That was pretty obvious.  Back in the late 60's and 70's transsexuality was unheard of or not very well known. People would most likely classify gender variance as sexual variance instead, such as gay or ->-bleeped-<-. They were the two better-known words that covered the whole lot. I certainly wasn't about to tell anyone I was gay or ->-bleeped-<-.

But my mom and I used to touch on the subject closely enough through fairy tales with fairies and princesses, things like that.  I would often play with my sister's stuff and no one appeared to mind. This behaviour most people would call "play acting." I loved play acting because at times it included getting dressed-up.

Unfortunately, after I grew up I stopped playing girl games and all would remain repressed and dormant inside of me for the next 25 years. It would still not be for another two years before I found out what the magic word was, *transsexual*. It took me another two to accept who I was before I began my transitioning.

When I came out my family turned their backs on me and I dedicated myself to my job even more and by doing so I made more friends than I had ever had in my entire life. It's unfortunate, but it appears that for the most part family will let you down. Often though, I believe that if anyone in one's family were to accept them it would be one's mom. But because the mother will feel she is the cement that binds or holds the rest of the family together, she will favor the family.  This is not a rule and there are exceptions.

Cindy   

My sister and I had a split a little over a year ago we don't talk and relation's have only gotten colder since,
My parents are the only family I really care about at this point. I don't think I could handle letting them
down like my sister has. She has seriously given them enough stress already...

So it sounds like this could make or break everything between us. I just wish if my mom did know
she would say it to me, nothing worse then a massive secret like this and no one to share with
near me. The people who talk to me about there son's etc seem so happy and understanding..
actually since they are talking to a complete stranger about it maybe a little too accepting for my
liking (my parents telling everyone within hearing distance omg!!). 

But I doubt the ones who handle it badly would do this and so I'm only seeing the ones who
took it well and supported whatever their kids wanted in life. I just pray I can get somewhat close to that
kind of result. I'm very close to my parents I've never had a stage in life where I ignored their advise and
they have always trusted me a great deal because of it (I'm a polar opposite of my sister).

Thats why I'm a bit at a loss as to why they haven't asked me the question. The hints have been
there more then I thought they were. They observe things my sister did and just let it go
because she's their daughter and I spent nights laying awake wondering what are they
letting pass with me?. Surely they know!!. At the very least how could my mother not know
surely a mother knows things somehow in some way???.

At least my sister has given me an idea of what their limits are and frankly I don't know
how they can tolerate what they have, Its far greater patience then I possess.

You know another reason I'm dying to know if they know and I secretly wish my mom would pull
me aside and ask the truth.  I was born before the option of knowing what sex a child would be,
From that line of thinking its fair to assume they had names for possible outcomes,
and I'm dying to know what would the name have been what could my name have been?.
That one's really starting to get to me, since It feels like I dont actually have a name yet.

Its interesting cindybc on what you did as a child, My childhood was strange in that I didnt do any of
that its begs the question did my upbringing influence me? was I born like this?. Have I just snapped and
changed?, is it spiritual?.  I actually have another question along this line I want to post next

yip, i highly doubt your parents will pull you aside and ask you.  Its a hard conclusion to come to no matter how many hints you seem to drop, there are many other conclusions that are... less intense?  Depending on how perceptive they are, you'll probably get something along the lines of "well it crossed my mind once or twice."

When I came out to my wife, I had been wearing female clothing like 90% of the time while at home.  I had made plenty of hints and joked about it and whatnot.  She even mentioned something along the lines of "just no going and doing stuff to your naughty bits, i like those"
I figured she knew.  I couldnt figure out how to tell her, and i kept hoping she would just ask me one day... but that never happened.

After coming out to her, i asked if she knew and she was like 'well, i guess im not surprised, you dropped plenty of hints... but no, i never really suspected it was anything other than crossdressing"

Yeah I know chances are if they suspect they prob just think just let it pass
and maybe we are wrong. But still the wish to have them somehow know and
just force me to say it. I cant lie well, i'm very honest and frankly it hurts me
in many ways but if they confronted me I will say it all
and put me out of my misery on hiding it which is so great. In some ways its funny
I have moments when I just want to snap and say it blurt it all out and other
times I think... well theres other things I could say thats worse then "hey mom dad
i'm transgendered and i'm going to Thailand in 3 months to be a women" Like
"I've changed my political views!!"(Which I haven't just example) theres always more
scary things to tell them that they'll take much worse....

Hi Yip hon. It is suspected to have all begun while the fetus was formed and the developing brain being doused in estrogen or testosterone, what ever the case may be, but that has not been conclusively proven yet by science. I can only say that for me the tendencies were there from the age of three, as far back as memory can reach. The need just gets more intense and urgent with age as you grow older, to the point of I enjoyed doing girl stuff.

In my case I got along well with my sister and we played well together. She was four years older then I so doing girl things with her and the next door neighbors girl, playing house and dress up, was as normal as doing boy things, flipping from one to the other. This was from preschool and public school right on up to the high-school years. The biggest problem during the public-school and high-school years I never realy stopped to think there was anything wrong in feeling and expressing that side of me, and that did bring me a lot lumps now and again. Some kids can be down right crural. My self esteem and pride went down the toilet which hurt more then any physical lumps I could receive from the guys.

As for your parents maybe they do suspect but are not saying anything in fear that if they did they would be acknowledging their fears. But if they do suspect it will react as a cushion to what would have been shock if they didn't know, like most people would react not suspecting. Either way there is going to be disappointment of sorts no mater which way you tackle it. But I will say that any threats from the people out there was next to nil in my experience, maybe I just got lucky, or just quick at learning how to behave and how to be a lady. After all it was the other part of me that had never existed, was the way I looked at it.

People that don't know or understand what TS'sm is would rather pretend it dont; exist because it is to much for them to quantify, saying, oh that will never happen to our child because of this or that. I do think that you should approach you parents as soon as you can. Don't wait for a better time because their is no such thing. But to tell your folks in the early part of your transitional time gives them time to accept your situation sooner. I can't realy tell you which way it's going to go unless I knew your folk which I don't.

Much love to you and I will send prayers that all will go as it should be. Correcting an error of nature is not always the easiest task to undertake.

Cindy 

I did get along with my sister once we never really fought or had the sibling rivalry that seems to happen with most kids, My sister is older then me
So she was past the toy's and dolls stage and was teenager and music by the time I was old enough to do anything at all. I
respected my sister alot in-fact she was a hero to me once and I frankly thought noone could be more perfect she is so smart
and had such a bright future. But she's changed now and not the person I know anymore she's hurt our parents so badly
and ignored my warning's on what she was doing (leading to our fight and split).

Anyway I was going to do another post asking this but, where did it begin? why did it happen?

I'm sure everyone asks themselves these things often. I think I was "normal"... mostly well in preschool when other kids built
walls with wooden blocks I somehow built a upright rocket that was the height of an adult used the entire school supply
and was so good they chained it off and displayed it.....
Still proud of that yeap... anyway I grew up in mining towns not much to do no matter what gender you were
mostly outdoor things like playgrounds and bike riding I guess and sis had nothing girlish to play with being
a teenager except giving me a passion for 80's music I still have today.

My differences came out in school , which made me pretty much exiled by the time I was in my 10th
year my confidence had hit rock bottom I skipped school at any chance or suffer panic attacks if I
stayed (I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time). Always gay labeled sooner or later no matter
what I did or said, you can not get rid of that once it starts, It just snowballs.

But I cant think of why I can not see any environmental thing that could have changed me. I do wonder
about one thing its kind of a crazy theory since its almost spiritual. My parents have sat on a very big secret (like them I'm
passing on things also). But they cant hide the documents like my birth certificate or my sisters etc.

I was a twin!, I was born with a girl but she didn't survive, This is why I don't dare mention it its obviously
painful for them and thats why they have just never said anything about it. But I've heard things about twins
no one can be closer then twins some twins are meant to be so close they are almost one person.
I often wonder lately if this is my cause, I'm missing this and its affecting me and making me feel this
empty hole and need. Maybe I wasn't supposed to go through life alone and why I have a growing
need to fill it...Maybe I'm not trying to change sex I'm trying to be the other twin. I'll never know really.

Hi  Yip hon, "wow!" I liked your theory about your twin. How can we really know? I believe that all that lives in the universe are as one in spirit. I still love my sister but she has chosen to disown me shortly after transition. Well that is her choice may God Bless. I have a theory of my own which could be spiritual in nature as well.

Why are we here? Why are we to suffer so? Let me ask you a question. What would the chance be for me to be here on a universal scale? on a universal scale life is but a flicker of light which could occur anywhere in universe. Before this flicker, what if we were the ones who chose what we are to  experienced here on earth? All has a reason and all goes as it is meant to go. We decide what will be as we go, with our own free will. But what about a pattern or the reason why we are here? Well this is where I believe that along the way we have these tests that we have to undergo in order to graduate to where ever it is we go next. I believe It can be a really beautiful place or a very bad place, again this is decision or choice to make.

Being who we are, I feel that we were given a bigger portion on our plates then most. Why? Well maybe we are special. I believe that each step that I accomplish will decide on what we are creating for ourselves in this other life in another dimension. After all our greatest desire is to be our true selves, to the point that we would off ourselves if refused to do so. I think that is a pretty heavy driving force within ourselves driving us on. But I don't think of myself as being driven any more. Nor is what I am doing bad, I am merely the final product of what I seeked from the beginning. It's just to bad that many are blinded by the illusion of materialism and false promises and fear. To finally embrace the inner self and to be true to ourselves and not just accept the lie that confronts us every day when we step out the door of our homes.

Einstein once quoted; In the beginning there was only thought, then thought willed light in the dark void, this light was the big bang that came forth from the ether of creation.

My theory is that;  The primordial soup of the early universe you will find the seeds of all that is that you see in the present universe today. The seeds of all matter and energy and life.

Are you connected to your twin sister?

Is not all that came forth from the big bang still here somewhere in the multi verses? Energy can not be made or destroyed, only reformed. Hun that would be so super if you could become as one with your twin sister. That is one of the greatest miracles that universe allows us if we so desire it. When I was a kid I was a loner most time but never alone. Even at my age I still have a very fruitful and vivid imagination, where I can create my own magnificent worlds and who knows, maybe some day it will manifest for real.

So just be what you feel is real to you, invent your own two spirited being and live it and it will manifest.

My goodness with all those rambling thoughts, I do hope I have answered some of your questions.

Cindy         

Posted on: June 23, 2008, 03:01:25 PM

---

Have you ever heard of the children's short story of Little Soul?

Cindy

No I haven't heard of that story but its interesting how you suggest this is a challenge rather then a mistake.
Oh dear did I know what I was getting into if that is the case!... I'm not a very spiritual person I'm not
with any religion and in fact whether something is there or not I'm not decided, Frankly when the day comes
I wouldn't be surprised either way anyway I've always tried to stick to science so its ironic my only theory
happens to be that one. Talking always helps me I talk alot (another thing not normal for a "male").

I'm still venting alot of suppressed emotions on this topic and from what others have said It wont all be out
of my system for quiet a few months at best. For instance I cant seem to browse or type on this forum
without shedding tears  I cry a little every time and it wont stop. I think thats the whole point of it flooding
back after years, you cant control it its just full on or off. Although i'm finding it frustrating to not be able
to read and reply to this forum without getting teary eye'd its my only outlet so your conversations are
helping me get it out. So many questions !! and every one I find it seems many more pop up, but its been
great to be able to ask them I go from day to day shifting from, Its too big I can't go through with it!!
to, do I need to?  to  oh crap I cant handle it and back and forth, its a roller coaster ride alright!!.

Hi Yip hon. There is nothing wrong with emotions. they can be used  when sad or reminiscing, they are good for releasing the poison within. For sentimental reasons, joy, happiness, beauty, there are more emotions in our beings then there are colors in the most magnificent of rainbows. Inside that is what we are, the rainbow children.

"Hee, hee, hee" I never thought there was anyone else chatier then I, I got to sleep chating my soul mates ear off. When I was little my mom and dad use to shuttle me back an forth taking turns to listening to my chater. But you know what? I have learned much having been a chatty individual and I certainly never let anyone get board.  Well anyway here is that little story I told you about. It's realy a cutsie little story but does hold a lesson, if you listen for it.

Little Soul

There once was a little soul who knew itself to be the light.
"I am the light" it said. "I am the light"

Yet all the knowing of it and all the saying of it, could not
substitute for the experience of it. And in the realm from which this
soul emerged, there was nothing but the light. Every soul was
magnificent and every soul shone with the brilliance of God's awesome
light. So the little soul was as a candle in the sun. In the midst of
the grandest light, of which it was part, it could not see itself,
nor
experience itself as Who and What it really is.

The little soul yearned and yearned to know itself. So great was it's
yearning that God one day said, "Do you know little one, what you
must
do to satisfy this yearning of yours?"

"Oh, what, God? What? I'll do anything!" the little soul said.

"You must separate yourself from the rest of us" God answered, "and
then you must call upon yourself the darkness"

"What is the darkness?" the little soul asked.

"That which you are not" God replied and the little soul understood.

God said to the little soul, "You may choose to be any Part of God
you
wish to be. You are absolute divinity experiencing itself. What
aspect
of divinity do you now wish to experience as You?"

"You mean I have a choice", asked the little soul.

God answered, "Yes. You may choose to experience any aspect of
divinity in, as and through you."

"Okay," said the little soul, "then I choose forgiveness. I want to
experience myself as that aspect of God called complete forgiveness."

Well this created a little challenge, as you can imagine. There was
no
one to forgive. All God had created was perfection and love.

"No one to forgive?" asked the little soul, somewhat incredulously.

"No one," God repeated. "Look around you. Do you see any souls less
than perfect, less wonderful than you?"

At this the little soul twirled around and was surprised to see
himself surrounded by all the souls in heaven. They had come from far
and wide throughout the kingdom, because they heard that the little
soul was having an extraordinary conversation with God.

"I see none less perfect than I!" the little soul exclaimed. "Who,
then, shall I have to forgive?"

Just then another soul stepped forward from the crowd.

"You may forgive me" said this friendly soul

"For what?" the little soul asked.

" I will come into your next physical lifetime and do something for
you to forgive," replied the friendly soul.

"But what? What could you, a being of such perfect light do to make
me
want to forgive you?" the little soul wanted to know.

"Oh," smiled the friendly soul, "I'm sure we can think of something."

"But why would you want to do this?" The little soul could not figure
out why a being of such perfection would want to slow down it's
vibration so much that it could do something 'bad'.

"Simple," the friendly soul explained, "I would do it because I love
you. You want to experience yourself as forgiving, don't you? Besides
you've done the same for me."

"I have?" asked the little soul.

"Of course, don't you remember? We've been All Of it, you and I.
We've
been the Up and the Down of it, and the Left and the Right of it.
We've been the Here and the There of it, and the Now and the Then of
it. We've been the Big and the Small of it, the Male and the Female
of
it and the Good and the Bad of it. We've been the All of it."

"And we've done it by agreement, so that each of us might experience
ourselves as the grandest part of God. For we have understood that...

'In the absence of that which You Are Not, that which you Are, is
Not'.

'In the absence of cold you cannot be warm, in the absence of sad you
cannot be happy. Without a thing called evil, the experience you call
good cannot exist'.

'If you choose to be a thing, something or someone opposite to that
has to show up somewhere in your universe to make that possible.' "

The friendly soul then explained that those people are God's Special
Angels and these conditions God's Gifts.

"I ask only one thing in return," the friendly soul declared.

"Anything, Anything," the little soul cried. He was excited now to
know that he could experience every divine aspect of God. He
understood now, The Plan.

"In the moment that I strike you and smite you," said the friendly
soul, "in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could ever
imagine - in that self same moment...remember Who I Really Am."

"Oh, I wont forget!" promised the little soul. "I will see you in the
perfection with which I hold you now, and I will remember Who You
Are,
always."

Authors Details: Neale Donald Walsch
from Conversation with God.

Love

Cindy


   

Thank you for the story I've got alot to think about from our conversation I guess we all do, On the subject of why.
One day hopefully it will all be answered. I've got even more questions But you seem to see this
as a challenge rather then a mistake which takes a lifetime to correct. I hope one day I can get up in the morning
and look myself in the mirror and see a challenge to better myself rather then a mistake.

I had to come out to my family because I started harming myself. That's the only reason I came out, and I kind of regret it.

My mom says, "I am 99.9% sure you don't have GID." She's going through the denial stage. It's really hard for me. My dad thinks I'm hypochondriac, and that my GID is a facade. I have 0% support/understanding from my family.

My mom blames websites like this. They said transsexuals do form "cults" and that they've "converted" me. She implies that I wanted to "feel different" so I brought this upon myself.

My family is fantastic. My dad still has some problems with it, but thats probably because we hardly talk to each other. My mom said that she had seen "the signs" and that she was waiting for me to come out. Now, we'll sit and discuss mastectomy results and whether or not I will look like the men in my moms or my dads family when I start T. She's absolutely awesome!

Hi Drik, my goodness thank Great Spirit that at least you have your mom in your corner, we all should be so lucky, if we had one family member or another to be there to support us. I had nobody when I first started out but as time went by I ended up being friends with most of the women at work and a few of the guys. It can be done it's just that sometimes you may need a little more time before you can scrape up the courage to do it. This is certainly not a game and if you have any doubts what so ever, I would hold back on transitioning for a later date when you are certain beyond any doubt that this the way you *need,* not want, then resume moving forward once more on the journey of discovering the, in this case *F/M* who is within. 

Hi Yip, my friend. You would be surprised to see just how much of science is incorporated in exploring the infinite potentialities of metaphysics. All there is in universe and the multi-verses are made of different frequency and levels of energy, all is made of energy including our bodies. There are different densities of energy, like a gigantic hologram.

I believe that we manifest into this reality that which we have been creating for ourselves in our very own minds. Like magic, but then magic and fantasy are kind of a hazy area between the two, like the missing link in the evolutionary processes of human kind. Magic and fantasy consist of a similar energy fabric and Universe does not discriminate what is positive or negative, that is left for us and our free will of choice as to what one will choose for better or worst, positive or negative. In this particular reality it all falls back on the choices we make.

Now I am only scratching the surface of scientific fact about the phenomena and nature of our world and universe. Some call it quantum physics and some call it metaphysics, metaphysics is understanding the science without the use of math to do so.

Cindy   

Quote from: Elwood on June 26, 2008, 11:04:07 AM
I had to come out to my family because I started harming myself. That's the only reason I came out, and I kind of regret it.

My mom says, "I am 99.9% sure you don't have GID." She's going through the denial stage. It's really hard for me. My dad thinks I'm hypochondriac, and that my GID is a facade. I have 0% support/understanding from my family.

My mom blames websites like this. They said transsexuals do form "cults" and that they've "converted" me. She implies that I wanted to "feel different" so I brought this upon myself.

This is exactly what I fear mine will do, they will think I've been influenced, I'm worried they'll blame my friends.

4 year's ago I had a tropical mosquito virus thats from the pacific region, it wasn't diagnosed at the time (doctor after doctor took wrong path I guess it being from the tropics is why they didn't see it), But it crippled me slowly over little more then a year, I lost my ability to walk then use my hands, then arm's. I needed help to go to the toilet. after a year of this and remember I had no idea If it would ever get better... I came to my lowest point when I realised if it kept going I'd soon not be able to kill myself even if i wanted to. 

No matter how bad it got for me, My family didn't seem to understand I couldn't even walk, If i was on the ground or even a chair I could not get up. The puzzled look on there faces
when ever I was unable to do something frustrated me and I just wanted to die rather then be crippled forever. I'm sure they wont understand this in the same way,  and I'll see that look again that infuriated me so much....  as for the virus thankfully it did pass and I'm immune now but I'm left with permanent damage to a ankle to remind me of it every day thanks to one doctors wrong diagnosis...

The real disturbing thing is when I first came out to myself about GID, I thought I could think back to that experience and go hey at least your walking again. But
I'm finding GID in its own way really gets to you and that experience isn't helping me cope as expected.

Quote from: Yip on June 26, 2008, 04:46:52 PM

Quote from: Elwood on June 26, 2008, 11:04:07 AM
I had to come out to my family because I started harming myself. That's the only reason I came out, and I kind of regret it.

My mom says, "I am 99.9% sure you don't have GID." She's going through the denial stage. It's really hard for me. My dad thinks I'm hypochondriac, and that my GID is a facade. I have 0% support/understanding from my family.

My mom blames websites like this. They said transsexuals do form "cults" and that they've "converted" me. She implies that I wanted to "feel different" so I brought this upon myself.

This is exactly what I fear mine will do, they will think I've been influenced, I'm worried they'll blame my friends.

4 year's ago I had a tropical mosquito virus thats from the pacific region, it wasn't diagnosed at the time (doctor after doctor took wrong path I guess it being from the tropics is why they didn't see it), But it crippled me slowly over little more then a year, I lost my ability to walk then use my hands, then arm's. I needed help to go to the toilet. after a year of this and remember I had no idea If it would ever get better... I came to my lowest point when I realised if it kept going I'd soon not be able to kill myself even if i wanted to. 

No matter how bad it got for me, My family didn't seem to understand I couldn't even walk, If i was on the ground or even a chair I could not get up. The puzzled look on there faces when ever I was unable to do something frustrated me and I just wanted to die rather then be crippled forever. I'm sure they wont understand this in the same way,  and I'll see that look again that infuriated me so much....  as for the virus thankfully it did pass and I'm immune now but I'm left with permanent damage to a ankle to remind me of it every day thanks to one doctors wrong diagnosis...

The real disturbing thing is when I first came out to myself about GID, I thought I could think back to that experience and go hey at least your walking again. But I'm finding GID in its own way really gets to you and that experience isn't helping me cope as expected.

The might... they might not. My mom is so focused on blaming the internet that she still blames the internet after THREE separate therapists have said that it's impossible.

I was in denial about my feelings about my gender identity for a long time. I'd make up excuses or try to make it make sense. I'd call myself a 'tomboy' because it was a word that both I and the rest of the world seemed to be comfortable with. But when I was 17, I started having body dysphoria. Before my gender identity only caused internal feelings, but it eventually caused me negative feelings about my body and myself. That's when self harm came into the picture and that's when I realized I had lost control of my own life.