There was nothing of the alpha male about my father.  Quiet, studius, and gentle, he never raised his hand to his children.  That was probably because he was physically abused when he was growing up and vowed not to follow that path.  Politically liberal, he believed in passive resistance ala Mehatma Ghandi, and taught the same to me.  His philosophy was that he could not and would not choose the path his children would follow; he told me many times that I had to find my own path in life because if I followed his, it wouldn't be mine.

I was never criticised for playing with girl toys or doing girl things.  He was happy when I passed my mother in cooking skills.  And this is the man who helped me get a new motor for my sewing machine.

my father's very supportive of me & has never had a problem with the decisions i've made. we were very close when i was little.  something fun or funny to do that we had done together or a funny story or joke he told,  a message he preached, reading the story of jesus' birth at christmas (ya i grew up in a fundamentalist christian family ), singing as a family around the piano at family holidays, playing baseball.  sigh.  i miss my childhood sometimes.  i miss my father's youthfulness; he's getting old & there's nothing i can do to stop it.

My dad is actually a really nice guy, a real quirky personable man. But he is plagued by severe Manic Depression. I feared him growing up because of the violent spells and I learnt to be unseen and quiet. He was often a bit distant too - caught up in his own world. Creative, talented but deeply flawed. We actually had many good times sharing an interest in hunting and going bush. I still go on trips with him every year or so. In many ways we are kindred spirits - our own differences set us apart from the norm and we share a certain glee for elements of life and we are musical in our own ways. I love his odd stories about him growing up and his interesting perspective on the world. I inherited some of that.

Because of the violence, once I was old enough I became my mums protector - this one time I threatened him with a hockystick, when I was 12, and shielding my mum. He said it was 'over between us'. That really hurt, but I think it was the realisation that we never really had anything anyway. This has changed somewhat, we seem to relate as misfits. We get on pretty well really, he helps out with building projects a home and such things.

I actually think he is really accepting, I never felt inadequate except when he was in one of his 'moods' and nothing I could do was right. He has a lot of racist queer jokes but when it comes down to it he seem to take people on face value, I really respect that. Even while he is laughing at some hippy he did a design job for (he is an architect) he still accepts payment in vegetables...

My dad was a funny guy who descended hardcore into the Jesus juice.  We split up because he didn't want me to go to college, didn't like any of the books I was reading, and thought I was an altogether rotten kid.  He didn't raise me, so it was no big thing.  I haven't talked to him sense.  That's something like 8 years now.  I considered trying to track him down recently, just to see what he'd say.  I was his only son, so I get some grim sort of satisfaction in having denied him even that.

My dad was a bully and a coward who used to beat me when he was drunk. My mother was an actress (local plays) and was really the dominant parent and I identified with her.

With my parents, I don't fall far from the tree, I'm like a different fruit, and I prefer this.

My parents had a great marriage, and great relationships with their children. My other siblings are all happily married and for quite some time. This is one of those questions that gets asked often, and I understand that, but I wish it would go away. Being transsexual has nothing to do with parental relationships.

Hmmm, my dad is a athletic type of person. He always expected I would play football or basketball when I got to high school. About the only sport I ever played was little league baseball as a kid. Interestingly, that didn't last long or work out well. I'm not a assertive type personality, but instead I heavily lean towards being passive. Furthermore, I don't like sports at all. When you get a mixture like that, even at my young age, I was more astute to stare at ants that scurried about my feet than to actually attempt to play the game.

Although my dad may have expected I would play sports, he didn't really push me into that. More or less, my dad is open-minded -- a pretty nice guy for a dad. He is the type of person who will go to great lengths to help you out. He is the type of person that doesn't get angry easily at all.

So, essentially, my dad wanted me to be an athlete like him, but he didn't go to enormous lengths to push me into doing something I cared nothing for. He let me be myself for the most part; and so, I respect him for that.

My dad was a Southern Baptist Minister, but was not one of the crazies, he was probably the most genuine person I have ever known in my life, in that he preached on loving one's neighbor and all thru my life he actually did it.
My Father expected me to be an All-American boy, so I did my best to do that even though I felt so different from the other boys and men all my life.
When I finally was ready to become Virginia my Father invited me to come visit him in his nursing home. He was 86, and  his mind was sharp but his body was giving out.He called me the night before I was to leave for the visit, and said  that he was worried about me coming.  I said "Why Dad?.  He replied, "I am not sure whether to introduce you as my son or my daughter".
I told him I did not care how he introduced me, and that I was coming to see him and anyway he chose to introduce me would be fine.
So I arrived, and he proudly introduced me to everyone we met as, "This is my son, Virginia".
It was just perfect and altho' I know he could not quite understand why I crossed genders, he respected me and honored me enough to love me anyway.  Rest in Peace, Dad.

So some of the dad's were jerks like these who wanted their sons to copy them.  I dispise these adds.

Quote from: Lisbeth on May 31, 2008, 12:34:17 PM
So some of the dad's were jerks like these who wanted their sons to copy them.  I dispise these adds.

Yes, you are so right, could this be a little brainwashing going on here ?
Anybody remember this this saying ? : "That will grow some hair on your chest and -alls".....   (when ever there was something you could not eat or drink)  OMG why where they like that ?...

gina

Quote from: Pia on May 25, 2008, 05:46:03 AM
Being transsexual has nothing to do with parental relationships.

agreed.

Quote from: Natasha on May 31, 2008, 05:22:55 PM

Quote from: Pia on May 25, 2008, 05:46:03 AM
Being transsexual has nothing to do with parental relationships.

agreed.

I am not sure about this.  The nature vs. Nurture agruments have validity on both sides.  And it COULD be that some TSs are born that way, and others develop because of their upbringing.
I spent several years chasing my WHY, researching my childhood, etc.  And I still have no clue.
I have just accepted myself as TS and know that I will probably never know the answers, and that is OK.

My dad was (still is) a realtor, and all he did was work, work, work.  Every day it seemed we were sitting in the car while he was showing a property.  If it weren't that, we were all sitting down in some restaurant where he would SURELY run into some former client of his.  Other than the few times a week we ate at home (much of that was fast food), I honestly can not say that we had a lot of "family time".  Although he NEVER went to any of my high school marching band practices or contests, he was at nearly all of the other children's practices and sporting events. 

The only differences I can see in those two things is that band wasn't the "manly thing" to do, and that he didn't want to travel to contests on Saturdays.  Growing up, I was physically abused a lot.  When I cried, I was told to "stop whining like a baby" or "you're too sensitive".  Whenever I tried to do anything it was "that's a good job, now get out of here".  If I took too long to do something it was "you think too much", and if I messed up it was "you don't think". 

ANY WONDER I never figured out how to "grow up" under his umbrella?  Much of my family is like he is, they are that way on both sides.  I think, getting back to the topic, what he wanted out of me was something along the lines of a manly man who shows no emotion, thinks everything through, pleases everyone, and accomplishes everything.  He never taught me how to be a good parent.  I didn't grow up hearing words like "I love you".  Instead, when he  blew up over the simplest things and beat us, it was "If we didn't love you, we wouldn't have adopted you". 

I will NEVER forget him telling me that, and I will NEVER believe that man truly loved me as one of his own.  My biological brother (who was also adopted by the same man) found a note that was given to my father's first born son.  It was something along the lines of "I was never truly happy until you came along".  So, in conclusion, the one image my dad wanted me to have growing up, I did not.  I'm sure he would have liked me to think that he loved me.  The image I had was that he was a real jerk.   Another thing I clearly remember him telling me (I was about 12 or 13) was "I hope that one day you don't think I came down hard on you all the time". 

The one thing that he didn't teach me, I took with me and have carried onto my own son: GENTLE, YET FIRM, LOVE.  All the things my father didn't do for me as a child, I have made it my purpose to do for my son.  My son is only two years old, and while some might say that I live dangerously with him, I just let him be (with a watchful eye).  When I'm pushmowing, he is behind me with his own toy pushmower.  Again, I am very cautious of getting too close to me.  He has been taught to "watch his toes". 

While most parents think children only learn things at a certain age, I believe children learn things when they are ready to learn things, and much of that depends on the involvement of the parents.  I drive down a country lane close to our home (no traffic), it's a very slow drive.  I let my little boy sit in my lap and "steer".  My father, although he adopted me when I was six, never did ANY of these things with me.  He never took the time out to teach me with a firm voice and a gentle hand.  It was with a condescending voice, and verbal abuse if I didn't get it right the first time. 

I guess I didn't grow up to be a successful jerk like he is.  To this day, we can not have a typical father-son conversation.  It is filled with tension and anger of the past.  Sorry if I strayed too far off the topic, this was indeed an emotional subject for me, but I needed to vent

Aeron

My father wanted me to be a leader of some kind, any kind.

My mother wanted me to be a philosopher like Socrates, so that I could spread God to intellectual areas.

I guess their plan failed.

My dad's Italian too, but he was never the super-macho type. He was always just a regular-guy sort of guy. Which is to say a balance of some machismo with some sensitivity, but nothing too striking either way, just sort of average. He was into sports, beer, and backyard barbecuing in a regular-guy way. I hated sports and spent a lot of time in solitude. Both my parents are very Catholic and cared more about conforming to society's expectations than anything else. Of course I was always running afoul of this because the male role expected of me never made any sense to me, and I honestly had no clue about how to live up to it. Plus, they weren't prepared for an intellectual child who devoured books and came up with totally her own ideas on things.

My Dad understood I could never be like him, but he was baffled about what to do with me. I was a mutant far outside the range of his understanding. All he cared about was living a conventional life, but nothing about me was ever conventional. I know this exasperated him, and it drove us apart. His philosophy of life, in his words to me: "You can't buck the system. There are a lot of narrow-minded people out there." Unfortunately in his view I seemed to be always trying to "buck the system" and must have seemed like I was rejecting him. In fact I just never understood the system that he took for granted, and found it impossible to fit into. I was an alien visitor to his planet. I love him and he loves me but we could never connect on anything.

I never knew what it was like to be just an average person, and my whole life I got used to always being the weirdo no matter where I went. I think these issues in my background have a lot to do now with my desire to be as normal a woman as possible, if I could never fit in as a normal man, at least now I have a chance to live as a normal woman. Not that my Dad would approve, but what does he know about this anyway?

My mom was simple-minded and totally without empathy, understanding, or even caring. Both my sister and I were "bought & paid for" (adopted) like a dining room suite and were paraded out to be "shown off" on special occasions. Of course I was "defective" (GID from the beginning), and was frequently reminded of that; "You were defective, I should have taken you back!".

But Dad was a gem! He loved kids and tried hard to be very understanding. He was a man of extraordinary integrity and kindness but he would never overtly go against mom. At he height of the GID conflict with my mom, Dad said "You do what you have to do but I can'y go against your mom."

I was disowned when I went for SRS in 1974 and only saw my Dad a couple more times before he died. The first time I saw him after transition, he looked me up and down and he smiled. Mom was there so he dare not say anything but the smile told me he was proud of who I had become.

I miss my Daddy!