I'm not sure if I should tell my extended family about being trans or not. As a little background, I've been on HRT for a little over a year; been living full-time for 9 months, and live with some friends in an apartment at school, away from home. My folks are divorced. Both parents (and dad's girlfriend), my two younger brothers, and two aunts know (one on mom's side, the other on dad's side). Mom, and her sister (who lives across the country) are having a really hard time with it. Dad is managing ok, his girlfriend is a big help (she's really supportive of me and helps him see me as his daughter, he's slowly coming around). Brothers are still in denial. My other aunt, who's married to my dad's brother, knows and is ok with it, though I didn't tell her directly (Dad did because he needed someone to talk to, I think she knew already because I always acted like another woman around her at family get together's and she accepted that). Also, my one cousin who I've been friends with since we were really little and playing in the sandbox knows, and is totally ok with it (he's awesome). His dad, sister, and mother also know and are ok with it but they're concerned.
That leave Mom's brother (who had a stroke last year) and his wife, who live in another state. Mom's side of the family is small; it's just her, her sister and her sister's husband, her brother and his wife. That's it. Everyone else has passed on.
Dad's side of the family, is another story. He has one brother, who's married to the aunt who knows and they have two young children, age 4 and 8. Two sisters, who are both married and each have kids (four cousins in total, ranging from 10 to 20 yrs old), and my grandfather (who is our last surviving grandparent). That's the
immediate extended family. Then there's the
extended, extended family. My dad has
countless aunts, uncles, and cousins whom I only see at extended family functions (haven't seen any of them in 5+ years, I get Christmas gifts from one distant aunt and uncle though). One of dad's cousin's is openly gay and lives with his partner, and one of my cousins also lives with them (she also knows and is ok with it).
It gets really complicated...I think there's somewhere in the range of 50-100 people on dad's side of the family, and some can also be considered to be on mom's side of the family, it's really complicated and I can never figure it out. Now here's my problem:
1.) I don't want to tell my mom's brother, because his health isn't great, he's getting better since the stroke but I'm afraid if I come out to him he'll relapse from shock. Same with my grandfather, he's ok health wise, but I'm also afraid the shock would damage his health.
2.) I asked Dad once if he told anyone else (aside from my aunt) in the extended family. He said he didn't and that it was my responsibility to do so. But is it?? Am I really under any obligation to tell any of these people, whom I haven't spoken to in a few years and see very rarely? The last time I've seen most of my immediate extended family was 2 or 3 years ago, but all know I'm going to college.
3.) Once I graduate, I'll be moving to a different state, and it's very unlikely I'll have anything to do with any of my extended family. I don't know what the social norms are, but frankly I don't believe in huge extended families; they're too complicated. I want to live my own life and I'm afraid that they'll just shun me if I do come out to them (most are religious; I was partially raised Catholic and now I'm spiritual/pagan
), so why risk that emotional pain? My friend said that blood is thicker than water, and she also said that you love family no matter what.
But should I put myself out there for 50-100 people, whom I don't even know that well and don't plan on having as part of my life? I doubt once my parents pass away (MANY years from now, but still) that I'll have any contact with them.
What should I do?
