what is the Truth? does the Truth ever warrant disclaimer? is the Truth a matter or perception? can the Truth be altered by viewing It from different angles? can the Truth be marginalized? or is the Truth the only real absolute?
it has recently been suggested to me that the Truth is not a constant. that the Truth is in fact altered by perception and disclaimer is in order. i would not see Truth in this manner. just as there are two diametically opposed methods of reading scripture: some read to learn the Truth and some read to find a truth to verify their own veiw of reality, there seem to be the same views of reading the truth. some seem to think that the Truth can be altered; misread in a manner that justifies action or inaction. i read scripture to learn to practice christianity not to justify my own view of worshiping God.
to relate this to everyday life: on the day of my transition i had not faced the Truth, i was lost...i didn't know what the Truth was. the Truth was there, i just didn't see it. i learned that if i wanted to know the Truth, i'd have to lose my biases. it seemed to me that as long as i held out a version of the truth that seemed to be of my liking i would never find out what the Truth was. just as we see all of these on line tests to determine one's gender i wanted to take a real test to verify my own vision of my gender at that time. those tests are designed to produce the desired result, just as we do ourselves when we accept that the Truth is a matter of perception and not a constant.
to be blunt: when one believes themselves to be of one gender and yet present to the world as the other, they simply are not telling the Truth. for 53 years i ran around not telling the truth, in fact for most of that time i was lying. during the periods of confusion, when i wasn't sure of my own self, i was not lying, i did not tell the Truth because i didn't know what it was. there are many reasons for not telling the truth. ignorance is certainly one. being ignorant, though, does not alter the Truth. one can be in certain sets of circumstances where telling the Truth can be very harmful to ourselves and/or others. the Truth remains. the illusion of truth we tell is just that...illusion.
it may not always be appropriate, advantageous or even practical to tell the Truth, but the Truth is still what It is no matter how we dress It up. my therapist would not allow me to make assumptions. when i identified myself as transsexual, she asked me what made me transsexual and not ->-bleeped-<-. before i could answer that question honestly i had to learn to see transvestism and transsexualism on equal footing. saying that i was transsexual because i would rather be transsexual then ->-bleeped-<- wouldn't cut it with her. it really took about a year of intensive therapy to get to where i could answer the question. our biases are deeply held behind many locked doors and illusions. but, when it came to be that i saw ->-bleeped-<-s and transsexuals as equals, not the same by any means, but of equal value before God that i could finally determine where i honestly fit in that particular binary equasion. of course, my answer was the Truth now, not a guess, a specuation or illusion or "wannabe", it was just as it had always been only now i knew what it looked like. it is my Truth. others may be different, others may be ->-bleeped-<-...that is the Truth about them, and it is as inalterable as is the Truth about me. when we sell ourselves as what we are not we are not accepting of equality. if a ->-bleeped-<- says he is a transsexual because he sees transsexualism as higher on the foodchain he is not telling the Truth. is he lying? not necessarily at all. he may very well be as confused as he can get, which is why he chooses the path of least resistance in the first place. but i would forward that when he too loses his biases and identifies himself for what he is, the Truth about himself, he too will have a chance at being a happy and fullfilled human being. in other words, what the Truth is is not as important as us seeing It for what It is and accepting It without shame or guilt, but with dignity, real dignity. the dignity that is the offspring of the freedom we speak of when we say what Truth will make you.
much love and hope to all, pj
