Hi,
I'm happy to have found this site. There's been so much activity in my consciousness - continuous lightning flashes if you will - with no where to release the energy. This journey of self-realization has taken ten years and my only regret is that I did not recognize the meaning of all the sign posts thirty or thirty-five years ago. At this stage, I'm feeling there is little I can do but finally let go of the tension of wondering for so long about an "itch" that would never quite wane completely. With two daughters from a marriage ended long ago, being good looking (I'm told) but too masculine to pass, and a world with too much happily in place, it seems to much to put at risk.
Nonetheless, from the aunt who continually chased me to put bows in my hair, to my lithe frame that feels like it's missing the right parts, to always volunteering to play the damsel in distress when playing cowboys and indians, I now understand what I feel. Somewhat ironically, I was "supposed" to be a girl, even to the point that my given name is the male version of the girl's name my parents had chosen before my birth, having wanted a girl.
Certainly, with all this (and much more), I have long pondered "the chicken or the egg" and it is only certain recent events that have made me realize it doesn't matter. Very deeply, I feel what I feel. [I think, therefore I am.] Fortunately, in all other aspects of "self", I am very happy . . . . . if only this unsettling feeling of being in the wrong wrapper would cease.
And with that, I join your company to learn and explore!
Jaclyn
