It was really weird and a little disheartening.

Apparently some alien disease found way to earth that grew around vehicles and animates them to life. I was drafted into the military to combat the alien invasion because I was still listed with "the big fat 'M'". In the dream, something died in me and I forced myself to be male again and my family had a big dinner thing. My parents were scared but so happy and proud of their "son". And my little brother, who currently is disgusted with every inch of me and very macho, was crying because he didn't want to lose me to a war.

The thing is... if I never came out, this is how my family would still feel about me, and while reflecting it made me a little sick to my stomach (literally) that they seem to not anymore.

Hmm...

I could imagine that would be a difficult dream to have, Gracie.

I often have dreams, where I'm presenting myself as male but there is no surgery done. IRL I have been 'sir'ed a lot and I don't even have surgery or am I on hormones, so I guess when I'm in a dream my subconscious presents me how I am now. So in most of my dreams I am trying to hide my breasts and my voice, but apparently no one notices them. And in these dreams I am trying to find the affections of a woman's heart but I am so afraid she will find out I have a female body and I am not 'biologically' male. In a lot of cases I am rejected by the female and she is furious with me and casts me away. Other times I am paranoid throughout the whole dream of being 'caught'.

I wonder if our dreams are our subconscious fears leaking in. What we might think inwardly but don't have a chance to express outwardly. Whether or not these fears are realistic or in some cases, come true, we cannot say.

But if it helps and gives you any comfort... I'm sure there are others out there who would be happy and proud of you, regardless of what you do or who you become. There will be people who will be sad if you die and would fear for you if you went into something dangerous, even if those people turn out to not be your family.

For me, back in 1974, life after SRS was amazing and glorious, in stark contrast to an absolutely miserable and black existence before. For about a year after surgery I would occasionally awaken in a cold sweat and absolutely terrified, sometimes screaming! I dreamed that surgery and life since was only a dream and that reality had not changed. Thank god the nightmare eventually went away.