I was chatting with some friends this evening on AIM, and I showed them some links to some clothes I was thinking about ordering from Chadwick's.  All three of them were like "Those are too old for you" and then we got into a discussion about how I dress too old for my age (I'm almost 25) and that I'm "in college and should go crazy," and my current wardrobe is "too professional" looking.

I'm so disappointed in myself, as I've been full-time for almost a year and I've messed up the most important part - clothes.  I can't tell you how much I spent on my current wardrobe, maybe $1K total over the past year.  With my orchi coming up soon I can't afford to replace all my clothes.  Some are worth keeping because they're ok, but the majority would have to go.  This is terrible news and I'm really, really upset.  I wish my friends had spoken up sooner, this is the kind of advice I could've used while shopping for all this stuff. 

Probably the reason why I've yet to find a partner, everyone thinks I'm too old...

I'm going to sleep, I'm exhausted and can't deal with this right now.

Jenn

Don't listen to them, they're stupid. The best thing you can do is wear what you feel comfortable in. I like that you're rockin a more dignified, distinguished style. It will help you professionally in your career, and at your age it isn't too soon to start. You're not a little girl any more, you're a grown woman. When you're 25, it's totally time to grow up. They're just jealous because you are acting your age with grace and dignity, and by contrast you make them look immature in their overextended childhoods. You rock, girlfriend, just be your beautiful self as you please.

In a way, I can sympathize with their finding it hard to let go of girlhood and embrace maturity. It can seem like a loss in a culture that fetishizes youth, where old women become invisible and devalued. It can seem scary to leave the past behind and face the future. But I feel glad for you that you're in tune with your authentic self.

One of my friends, a musician named Irene Jericho, wrote the song "Persephone" in her early 20s as she faced this issue.

You can't be Persephone forever
May must give way into June
No, you can't be Persephone forever
You age with each waning of the moon

The time of Demeter comes for me
I couldn't stop it if I tried
I must learn to walk the women's ways
Childhood falling to the side

I like how she dealt with it in a realistic yet mythic way.

Amen to that!!

I'm with Hypatia on this. Telling you that you're "in college and should go crazy," isn't exactly the most mature advice. If you're comfortable with your look, and if it's "working" for you, then by all means embrace it.

I will admit that "too professional" looking might be a problem in social situations though. Not that you look too old necessarily because of it, but maybe sorta unavailable?

~Kate~

I always think of it in the way that, if I think I look good in it, I'll wear it! I don't care what other people think.
xoxo
Ali

Have you ever heard of the "committee of they?"  As in, "they say this" or "they tell me that?

You are the one who is writing a gender wrong, not they.  How many of them are in-line for an orchi?  Are they also transsexual?

Dress as you feel comfortable, commensurate with where you are and what you're doing.  Dress for work as you should in the workplace and dress for fun in a way that allows you to enjoy it.

When you meet them walking the same path as you, at your side, comparing notes about their transitions or cheering you on, then  you might want to hear from the committee of they.

Sincerely,

Wing Walker, Borrowing Cindy's Computer
Listened to the committee of they too long

Posted on: July 20, 2008, 01:42:52 AM

---

Hi Jen, I just learned rather quickly how to dress and how to dress for what ever the occasion. For example, I wore what ever the other girls wore at work; how to dress for just knocking about, how the other ladies dressed in the supermarket and down town. I learned pretty quick how to coordinate colors and such. I never consulted with other people on what I should wear. I was learning as country girl I wasn't much into listening to the committee of they, and still don't now that I live in the city.

Cindy       

Screw your friends, dress how you like to dress.










Removed profanity -- Nichole

Quote from: fae_reborn on July 19, 2008, 11:09:59 PM
All three of them were like "Those are too old for you" and then we got into a discussion about how I dress too old for my age (I'm almost 25) and that I'm "in college and should go crazy," and my current wardrobe is "too professional" looking.

Classic starter mistake. "going crazy" tends to look horrible more often than not, I think.

In the same, I do not find ANYTHING wrong with "too professional"; I do suggest having a few casual/fun things, but personally I find a "professional" woman to be a good thing.


Now, the flip side is if you can actually pull off "sexy" and "crazy" and such like then have fun, but don't fret over it, I think.

All in all, it's your image. If you like the professional vibe, I'd suggest sticking with it...

Hi Gracie FAISE, nice to see you again. Just as purty as ever I see.

Cindy

i love the professional looks. it can be intimidating, sexy and smart. Hehe.

I'd just say to take others' advice into consideration, but not as an definate truth.
dress how you feel comfortable dressing, and if you look good in that style too- it's always a bonus.
*huggles*

College IS a good place to go a little crazy. Well... push some boundaries anyway (depending on the college, YMMV). Trying a new hair colour out? Maybe something unconventional? Not a problem. Dress as a librarian, a punk, or something in between? Again usually not a problem.

You do not need to buy a new wardrobe but do not be afraid to look around at the other gals your age and experiment a bit with the styles. Even though I am long out of college I tend to let my goth side, punk side, or whatever come out and play. Sometimes even at work but then I know what I can get away with there.

Lastly, do not stress this too much. Relax and enjoy yourself.

It makes a good argument for having a friend, or friends to shop with.

Thank you all so much, I feel a little better now, it's just last night hearing this was quite a shock.  I have several things in my wardrobe that are "fun," and a lot of relaxed stuff like t-shirts and jeans, but the majority of it is professional and business-woman like.  My friend that brought this up is 18 and just got out of high school last year, so she still dresses pretty provocatively, like a little girl sometimes.  The other two friends are both my age, and dress a little more maturely and said that I could use some more "fun" articles of clothing but didn't outright bash my style.

But I like the professional, polished look.  As offthesidewalk said, it's "intimidating, sexy and smart."  I think it's very sexy, but some people may be intimidated by my look and think I'm not available or don't need anyone, which I don't.  I want to be with someone. 

Bottom line, I am comfortable with my wardrobe.  I'm really picky with what I buy when I go shopping, either with friends or alone, and I'm careful to see how it looks on me.  I try not to worry about what others think, its just the one friend's comments stung against my sense of style.  I really like the stuff from Chadwick's, it's mature and professional, and at 25 I think it's definitely age appropriate.  Considering that I'll be graduating in December and starting my career, I don't think getting rid of my look is the right choice. 

Quote from: Hypatia on July 19, 2008, 11:20:58 PM
Don't listen to them, they're stupid. The best thing you can do is wear what you feel comfortable in. I like that you're rockin a more dignified, distinguished style. It will help you professionally in your career, and at your age it isn't too soon to start. You're not a little girl any more, you're a grown woman. When you're 25, it's totally time to grow up. They're just jealous because you are acting your age with grace and dignity, and by contrast you make them look immature in their overextended childhoods. You rock, girlfriend, just be your beautiful self as you please.

In a way, I can sympathize with their finding it hard to let go of girlhood and embrace maturity. It can seem like a loss in a culture that fetishizes youth, where old women become invisible and devalued. It can seem scary to leave the past behind and face the future. But I feel glad for you that you're in tune with your authentic self.

Thank you so much Hypathia! That is exactly why I wear professional clothes and didn't choose to go with anything outrageous that made me look like I was 16 and still in high school.  I wanted to look put together and taken seriously in any situation as a grown woman, not as a teeny-bopper, and it definitely helped me pass as soon as I went full-time.

Quote from: cindybc on July 20, 2008, 01:48:56 AM
How many of them are in-line for an orchi?

Thank you Cindy and Wing Walker.  None of them are in line for an orchi, and only one of my friends here at school is transsexual (FtM), but doesn't criticize me or my wardrobe.  I listened to the "committee of they" for a long time before I transitioned, and all it brought me was misery and pain.  I follow my own path now.  When I started transitioning Cindy, like you I picked up on cues to what other women around me were doing, and took a little bit from each woman and formed my own style, and I like it! 

Jenn

Hi Fae_reborn

May God Bless and may your days be successful in what ever business enterprise you decide to undertake. Me I suppose I will always be the house mouse and the rescuer.

Cindy

If you like what you wear then of cause you should stick with it Jenn.

What thing i've noticed from some friends is that some of them can be really quick to criticise things about what i wear or do because they think that they really do know better cos i'm 'just a TS and can't do this stuff properly.'

Its like my best friend used to always criticise me for not dressing my age (i do dress a little younger than i am), but it had less to do with me dressing inappropriately and more to do with me dressing completely differently to her.  Just pointing out everybody my age who dressed similarly quickly shut her up though!

Dress however you want.  I personally find that many near-50 yr old guys dress very dorky and I won't be doing that, LOL.  I dress like I'm in my early 30s.  Technically I'm about to enter puberty. 

Dress how you're comfortable.  I'm counting down to my hysto and T!  And then I think I'm growing my hair out again.  I like long hair on guys.  I've been at a festival all weekend people watching and I think the long-hair thing will fit my personality  better than short.

Jay

Cindy gives Jenny a pat on the back. Well when I first started out I didn't have much in the way of a variety in clothes, didn't realy have that much money. I was quite lucky and I was also  quite appreciate that the girls at my work donated a bunch of clothes for me which at least allowed me for some variety.  After I met Wing Walker I was able to get nice fashionable clothes. Nothing like nice clothes to improve a woman's image as well as self-esteem and pride.

Cindy     

God, I've got the same problem.  I just don't like a lot of the clothes that girls my age wear; most of it looks like they belong on a street corner (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course).

I just wish that clothing trends would change.  The only jeans you can find these days are so low on the stomach that no matter how skinny you are you end up with the "muffin top" effect.  I would kill for some damn high-waisted jeans, but they're certainly not to be found in the Misses section. 

Lia

No one can really tell you how to dress. The way that you dress is a way of expressing yourself. You've chosen clothing that fits your personality, and this is the correct clothing for you to express yourself with.  No one can take that away from you.

I've bought from Chadwicks also. Shoes and tops, mostly. A lot of their clothing can be worn by anyone at any age. It's traditional womens' clothing.

Quote from: sneakersjay on July 20, 2008, 04:56:23 PM
And then I think I'm growing my hair out again.  I like long hair on guys.  I've been at a festival all weekend people watching and I think the long-hair thing will fit my personality  better than short.

Jay

No Jay, I think the Martin Sheen look you have now is totally hot!!    I'd date you. 

But it's up to you. 

Quote from: genovais on July 20, 2008, 05:12:53 PM
I just don't like a lot of the clothes that girls my age wear; most of it looks like they belong on a street corner.

Quote from: April221 on July 20, 2008, 05:13:12 PM
I've bought from Chadwicks also. Shoes and tops, mostly. A lot of their clothing can be worn by anyone at any age. It's traditional womens' clothing.

Genovais, I completely agree.  I don't like how most fashion that's geared towards women today is basically advertising us as sex objects, it's revolting.

And April, yes that's why I shop at Chadwick's too, it's traditional and I guess I'm sort of a traditional woman even though I'm pretty liberally minded and a feminist. 

Jenn