I've had an odd thing (to me) happen in the last three weeks. Three weeks ago, I took a ferry over to Vancouver on Friday. Everyone called me ma'am (and looked at me funny, like that "dyke" look). On Sunday, going back home, everyone called me "sir". Since then, everyone I have met has called me sir. A judge in court, with my real name in front of him and me, with breasts not bound, standing in front of him, kept calling me "Mr." through the whole hearing.

I mean I'm really happy about this, but it's bizarrely unreal to me. It happened so suddenly. I went from never passing to always passing, in one weekend. I got asked for ID at the video store because my account is in my female name and they didn't believe it was me, even when I showed ID.

I got stopped going into the women's washroom a couple of weeks ago (unfortunately I had to go into the women's room because I still have periods and...er...I needed to be there).

It's not like I want to retain anything about being female, but I don't feel confident enough to march into the men's room and take a fully male role yet. I look in the mirror and I don't look different enough to me.

I'm going to have female ID until after August, when I travel to the states, because I do not want non-matching ID to travel there. Hell, I'll go in lipstick if I have to pass as female at customs because I'm going down for chest surgery and (sorry to the Americans) they've just got so bizarre about the gender stuff since 9/11 and the so-called "Patriot Act" that I'm afraid to go there as anything different. I think if that was over with I'd feel a little more confident.

So, it's a mixed blessing for me. I'm very relieved that I'm passing in that I'm doing the full at-work transition in September. But I'm also really anxious right now and afraid to use public bathrooms because I still don't feel confident enough to use the men's room. Also, every time I have to show ID I get really tense, cause it doesn't match up with how I look now.

Dennis

I don't suppose getting your existing ID (existing name and all that) reissued with a up to date picture is an option? You'd match your ID then, at least in theory anyway

Regardless though, that is pretty snazzy Dennis, congratulations to you !

As for the men's room, just go in like you own the place Truthfully that would probably work, but I would not have the guts to try it until my ID matched and all that; Some people have no connection with reality. Still, if anyone bothers you about it, you can always say they won't let you in the woman's room and you thought using the men's room was more correct than pissing in the corner.
I didn't just say that did I?


Congratulations again Dennis, I hope it all works out swimmingly for you

Congratulatioons Dennis, I can tell that your sudden success in passing has you a little confused.  But you are happy all the same so that's what really counts.  The washroom issue is a touchy one.  With you being a lawyer, I don't have to tell you what some of the ramifications are should you be discovered in the wrong room.  The problem is that you come to the point where you are left with little choice but to use the mens.  It is obvious that since three weeks ago, because of your confidence, you are sending out the right signals to everyone and they are now seeing the true male you.  So as Kimberly suggested go into the mens as if you belong there, because after all, you do.  Now don't get me wrong, don't hang around there just do your business and leave. 

The ID is a tricky matter and one that needs to checked into before you travel across borders.  You are right, that in the present climate of anti-terror tactics, people are alittle edgy these days, and maybe a lot less tollerant at the borders.  I would deffinitely get in touch with Canada Customs to find out what their take is, as they have more than likely delt with this problem before, and they will surely have to deal with it again.  They sould also be able to tell you about the US side of the border as well.  There are lots of TS who leave the country for GRS and return as the opposite sex.

I'm sure that there are a couple of people here who have experienced this.

Take care.

Steph

congrats Dennis !!!!   


                   as far as the restroom goes am i wrong in thinking that a FTM in the mens room is highly unlikely to cause problems/complaints? i think as long as it has stall doors no one would say a word.  i have no experience of course, except using the mens as a perceived male, and occasionally seeing women there when the womens has a line. i think the biggest problems would be being harassed by ignorant men (be careful of the location, (i would't try it at a monster truck/tractor pull) and the the totally disgusting condition of mens restrooms in general. YUK !!!!!!     


beth

Lol, yeah, I hear that men's rooms are a little grosser. I have been into single room ones, like at gas stations, but not one with urinals and stalls yet.

Oh, and Steph, I'm not worried about Canadian Customs at all. It's American Customs I'm worried about. Canada Customs is a little more easygoing, as long as you haven't been shopping. American Customs seems more worried about things like looking different or being different.

I am overall really happy about the passing and the ID thing will be resolved in a month, so that should take a good part of the anxiety away. It also makes me less anxious about the work transition in September. Hell if I'm passing now, I should be fine then.

Dennis

Quote from: Dennis on July 16, 2005, 12:00:02 PM
I am overall really happy about the passing and the ID thing will be resolved in a month, so that should take a good part of the anxiety away. It also makes me less anxious about the work transition in September. Hell if I'm passing now, I should be fine then.

Dennis

Hello dennis.

A big part of passing is confidence and you seem to have lots to spare, you are obviously very comfortable where you are now.  Apart from the normal anxieties we all encounter your transition at work should be uneventful for you.

Keep us posted

Steph

Quote from: Dennis on July 16, 2005, 12:00:02 PM... Lol, yeah, I hear that men's rooms are a little grosser. I have been into single room ones, like at gas stations, but not one with urinals and stalls yet. ...

Bah, 9 times out of 10 the places are sanitary and clean, at least where I go. The décor invariably lacks though

Quote from: Dennis on July 16, 2005, 12:00:02 PM... American Customs seems more worried about things like looking different or being different. ...

It is both sad and ironic both that you should say that Dennis Given what this country was founded on and all. I've never traveled over the country lines so I cannot comment on the process I'm afraid, intelligibly at least. From what little I know of the USA to Canadian crossing it did not seem that big of a deal, basically just make sure all your papers (passports, ID and such) are in order

Hello Dennis, Glad your day has been made.  My own experience with this though is that it comes and goes for periods of time.  Must be a "projection" or something depending on my moods.

There are periods where I never fail to "pass" under any circumstances among any people, and there are others where it matters not how much I watch my P's and Q's, I just get looked at, even from a distance and people shake thier heads, adjust thier attitudes and call me SIR, MR. and use all the male references in relation to me.  I just ignore it and continue with whatever it is I'm doing as if I didn't notice.  It's frustrating and I wish I knew what it is that makes the difference, as it doesn't seem to be in the way I walk, talk or dress, as that is always consistant.  I do know it happens more often then not (taken for male) when I am depressed about something or when I'm feeling sad or lonely.

Terri

Hi Dennis,

I'm really happy for your new found experience. I thinkyou will find the mens room experience quite different to the ladies room. One thing that will work in your favour and a rule you need to respect is the straight ahead rule. Don't look sideways look straight ahead. The correct way to answer questions is in short answers and then go about your business. You will find very few who are there to chat. Keep your answers to mmm, ahh and nuh and you will usually disuade any more conversation as to cleanliness my SO who worked in a service station informs me that women can be even more gross than men when it comes to rest rooms.

Good luck Shelley

Dennis, it really can happen like that, you hit a "tipping point" and the software in most people's brains seems to click over into the other category.

it happened to me that way, suddenly the guys didn't ask me for a boys night out, but the women did ask me over for dinner, all in a 24 hour period.

it has happened for you, and i am truly happy to hear this, it is the day when you suddenly see that this is transition, the rest is just details.

so congrats from your sister, kitten 

Thanks folks, it's nice to have a place I can share that. Especially now. My ex is being a nightmare. I cut off communications with her a while ago, but she wanted me to get a divorce. Now I've filed for divorce and she's pissed off because I've changed my name. Called me three times in one day until I stopped answering.

Although my mum thought it was kind of funny. She said we have the world's first gay marriage and heterosexual divorce.

Dennis

Hi,
It seems like my boyfriend suddenly started being constantly called sir too. On the phone everywhere. He is not even on T right now. I think it is about confidence. Congrats, to both of you!
Spike

Yeah, wrote that back in July last year. Pretty well since that time I've had no trouble passing at all. I had a couple of moments where, like Terri said, people took me as female, but that was early on. Except, oddly enough, on the ski hill, when I'm all bundled up. Probably because my ski buddies are women, and obviously so. The last time it happened. I just said 'dude' to the guy and he apologized profusely.

When I'm in my regular work clothes or casual clothes though, no issues at all.

Dennis

I felt like I pass today, I was at the doctors office for my quarterly appointment, the woman taking the co-payment had some forms to be signed (they renew the information every year, today was the day), she asked me "Is your husband here to sign these forms?"

I have to keep the medical records in the old name or the insurance will not pay.

Sarah L.

Dennis,

I was reading back and have to ask is it not cool to read back to what you wrote a year ago! Man when I transitioned they did not have rooms like this, as a matter of fact there was no world wide internet lol  There was computers though. they were Apple II e's lol.

I just think it has got to be cool to read back and see your own words from back then. I am glad to see you still around here to give hope and support to the younger guys coming in, that is just great!


I remember my first time in a male john, I was with my boss, and he said, Oh yea you gotta go in the same john right? I laughed my ass off ....told him, well if I don't we're gonna be in a lot of trouble if I walk into the female one!   At work he and I shared a bathroom and always had.  We had a top floor suite and it was just never an issue for us there. But out on the road we had to go together in there and it really stumped him for a few seconds lol.

Passing was a breeze for me, and back then I still had my hair real long, I was a hippy at heart. The President of our organization that I worked for had told me, you should cut your hair, I asked her why, told her the women love the long hair, she smiled and said, you have a point . 

Now my hair is thinning, saw a guy in the airport today with hair like I once had, and dang it I miss my full head of long hair!  But I guess if I had to pay a price, well I can handle the male pattern baldness setting in ....


Peace,

Taylor

PS, funny quick story....  remember  a few yrs ago, I was in a Barnes and Nobles..... got hit with massive stomach cramp, not paying attention I burst into a bathroom and hit the stall,  sitting in there I hear high heel shoes...and I am like, ok, what's a dude doing wearing shoes making this noise...so I sit and listen to two more sets come in..... then it hit me, man I had flown into the wrong bathroom!  I had to wait it out til the women were all out of there, I just knew I was going to get busted in the ladies room, and I was freakin out stuck in there lol..... I snuck out and got an odd look from some dude standing nearby in  isle, I just keep heading right on out the door! LOL  Talk about a reverse situation! lol

I loved that story Taylor.    I can just imagine.

Melissa

It is sure one of those times in life you don't forget quick lol

Peace,

Taylor

It's good to see topics brought back to life

Steph

1st of all cangrats dennis i hope the surgery goes well!!it always feels good to "pass"
taylor im glad you posted that story it was a really good laugh lol