When I walk with my friends in the street, they say that nearly everybody watches me. After walking together in the street, one woman once said to me that she thought people looked at her because of her new clothes, but later she realized that they actually looked at me. She commented that I typically look queer. I seldom heard that people look at me because of my beauty. Several weeks ago, my male friends once commented that I look like a model and people look at me. But, in most cases, my close friends and colleagues comment that my appearance is unordinary and unfashionable. I usually have to agree on it.

It's Sunday. I got a cold after wearing very short tees yesterday night, but it became hot after noon.

I went out with athletic short pants and my favorite cold-shoulder tees for juniors. I sat on the bench to wait for a public bus. It was a crossroad with traffic signals. Traffic was rather heavy, and cars passed me after finishing their weekends. I noticed that about half of drivers in the car watched me through car windows. Also some women in cars studied me. A few people even turned their heads back to me. I wore a sunglass and they probably did not realize that I also looked at them.

On the contrary, one guy who waited for the bus with me never dared to look my eyes, but he sat next to me. I thought that the car window functions as a kind of fence and they dare to look what they ordinary hesitate to do in the street. It's like a TV screen.

I rode on the public bus. It was crowded and I stood. Despite my unusual height as a woman, passengers daren't glare at me. They responded to me as if I am an ordinary passenger.

I took a walk along the beach. It was more crowded than I expected. The beach was just opened. Some men looked at me but they quickly avoided my eyes. Some women looked at me for a longer time than men. A teenager riding on his bicycle nearly bumped on the wall while looking at me.

I also study expression of people who look at me. Some become strained Some people smile at me. I guess that people smile at me when they consider me as a woman. In other cases, their expression look gloomy.

What I wish is people look at me because I look beautiful. But, in the real world, I think it is a mixture of my queerness and hopefully my beauty.

It was a nice Suday.

Barbie~~

Hi Barbie,

...6ft tall, slim, long dark hair, and fashionable....Any genetic girl in the western world would get stares with those attributes...

As I live in the UK, I can just about get away with my 6ft height by wearing flat shoes almost all the time, but I guess in your country (as seen in your pictures) you are also above the average height for most men.

...So there is probably no way of avoiding the stares, but as a perception I would substitute the word "Unusual" for the word "queer", as I think many people will be secretly jealous of your looks and western fashion sense.



Chrissty

Thanks, Chrissty,

Yes. Stewardesses in international airplanes usually first speak to me in English. Even in the U.S., some girls in the street used to hello to me, commenting that I am very tall.

Last year, one of my female colleagues told me an interesting story.

She was in a domestic airplane after finishing her job. A group of woman passengers were behind her. They chatted loudly and she could not take a nap.

Suddenly an interesting gossip reached to her ears. They saw an interesting person who ran for exercise along a road. They splitted on regarding the gender of person. Some said the person was too slim to be a man. Others said the person is too tall as a woman. And etc.

The female colleague thought of me, because they seemed to have driven and noticed me along the road where I usually exercise for marathon. They seemed to visit my area just a few days before I ran for a full-course marathon. At that time, I ran 40 km for about 5 hours for practice.

She nearly told them that she knew the person and the person is a man. Anyway, she said to me that they all agreed that the person was cool in shape regardless of gender. She added that they all seemed to be very interested in their own fashion and shape. They were generally slim and wore clothes looking young compared with their ages. Some of them were wearing all kinds of fashion accessories.

She joked that I may become a national celebrity in the near future.

Barbie~~

They are looking at you because you are very striking and pretty 

Thanks.

I should admit that I look striking especially when I wear high heels.
Last Friday night I met my friend in a downtown area. I went there by subway.

I wore 3-inch heels and one-piece dress, but I hit the top of entrance of the train on the head as I was not adjusted to wearing heels. My head bumped again a strap in the ceil. Not so many people looked at me in the train as I sat down on the chair.

Once I walked in the downdown, nearly everybody in the street looked at me. I think my height alone attracts people's gaze.

When my friend tried to take photos for me, passersby made room for me. One male college student walking with his girld friend smiled at me.

One of my friends commented that my one-piece dress looks too short for me, because it is made to be fit for standard height women. I am not quite sure whether it is a serious talk, he applauded my beauty. He added that polka-dotted dresses would fit very well to me. I lamented that they are absurdly expensive in this country (> US $200). The one I wear was just ca $35.



Barbie~~

Hi Barbie...

I'm almost new here,so i don't really know how to write to you,so i take the chance to post my questions here...

I'm a 24 years old tg-androgyne...I do want to live full-time as female,but without hormones and surgeries.
Inaide,my female part is more present,but i also kinda have a male part as well as a androgynous part,like a mixture of male and female and beyond...

I as wondering if you were the same as me,so not wanting to takes the hormones,etc,and mentally androgynous...

Thanx,Bibi

Barbie:

If I saw you in the street, I would stare at you, too. You are lovely.

Quote from: Bibi on July 14, 2008, 03:26:09 PM
Hi Barbie...

I'm almost new here,so i don't really know how to write to you,so i take the chance to post my questions here...

I'm a 24 years old tg-androgyne...I do want to live full-time as female,but without hormones and surgeries.
Inaide,my female part is more present,but i also kinda have a male part as well as a androgynous part,like a mixture of male and female and beyond...

I as wondering if you were the same as me,so not wanting to takes the hormones,etc,and mentally androgynous...

Thanx,Bibi

Hi, Bibi,

I think you and I are similar. I also think that I am androgynous because a gender psychology test said so. In addition to my psychology, my body is also androgynous, which I had to hide since my childhood, but nowadays I rather takes pride in having it.

Sometimes I fancy taking hormones or undergoing SRS, but in my real world, it's nearly impossible, and it would cause a lot of problems in myself and my family. I cherish my kids, and they are far more important than making me look like a woman. So far, I can enjoy a small part of what I wish. When I wear lipstick, my little daughter sometimes calls me 'mommy', which means I look like a woman. But she calls me daddy all the time when I play with her.

Some crossdresses say that I am lucky as I have feminine body. But, my wife sometimes says that I need a rather thicker waist, at least 28 inch. Some women talk to me that a man should be like a man, and etc. Most men say that my body is very feminine, but my face is rather masculine. I also think that my face will be more masculine with my biological age. Recently I take care of my face, applying suncream and massaging with ice.

So far, I have been able to enjoy crossdressing without hormone, and will do. I have enhanced my makeup skill slowly, although I am still far behind typical women.

Barbie~~

Hi  Barbie. Been a while since I last chatted with you. I was going through threads at random and came upon this thread. Well how has life been treating you? I do pray all is well.

About people staring at you, well I had that experience for a good many years, even before I started transitioning. There is nothing unusual in how I look, I pass well as a middle aged woman certainly not a beauty queen. As far as I know I blend quite well with any other walking on a busy down town side walk. I realy don't pay to much attention but every now and gain I will see people looking at me, even from across the street. Little children are actually drawn to me, and I also attract animals both of the wild and the domestic type. To me this is a common occurance I have experienced for a good many years, don't remember just when it began.

Cindy   

Quote from: cindybc on July 15, 2008, 03:17:55 AM
Hi  Barbie. Been a while since I last chatted with you. I was going through threads at random and came upon this thread. Well how has life been treating you? I do pray all is well.

Hi, Cindy,

I have seen you around here. I sometimes become too busy to visit this site. It's summer and I became rather lazy to enjoy and *study* outdoor fashion.

A few people at my work place encourage me to wear full dress including skirt and heels. I replied that as tastes of people are so diverse, some people would not like my wearing skirt or heels at my work place. Responses of people to my crossdressing at work place vary greatly, but I think skirt and heels are at another dimension. Anyway, compared with 2 years ago, people here accept and understand more my crossdressing.

On the other hand, I wonder whether I am too cautious on my crossdressing. Probably people may accept my wearing skirts and heels at my work place. I am still not quite sure. One of my old male colleagues who will retire soon suggested to me a few days ago that I wear full dress. He said I can do it because I can pass. I also now think that *passability* is a critical factor, probably more important that legal codes. Recently my facial condition was improved slightly compared with 2 years ago, and I feel that less people oppose my crossdressing. Nowadays, I always massage my face with ice after returning from outdoor exercise.

In any case, I try not to hurry. Slow moving is always safe.

Regarding public gaze, now I may enjoy it in this summer. As my self-confidence grows, I will less fear public gaze. A lot of children at my apartment speak to me, and I now think I am lucky because children do not fear me. Some children laugh loudly behind me, or ask their parents whether I am a man or a woman. Anyway I make them laugh and wonder. Some cute girls with their parents say hello to me with big smile. They probably heard my backgroud from their parents. I mostly do not wear skirts at my apartment, but some kids, including a friend of my eldest son, have seen me wearing full dress when I go out.

Barbie~~

Hi barbie well it feels good to know that I  am not alone in this experience in attracting grown up peoples attention as well as children, I find them cute as well especially when they stand right in front of you and stare at you with those big eyes. Like I said I attract animals as well. I wonder what they see that attracts them like that. I have a theory but I will save that for another place to talk about it.

Now I have been on HRT for 8 years so I know that all they see is a typical middle aged woman, I can say that this type of attraction is not a negative one, and it is not because you don't pass or anything like that. It is more what they feel and what they see when they look you, what it is you are projecting to them. This I have found is a great way to assimilate into the general public. It is not a negative thing

It is amazing what a couple of little pills every day can do. What I love the most it to be able to feel profoundly and seeing what's around me in a much more deep perception. These sensitivities have always been there they only needed to be released 

Cindy

I now realize that one of reasons for crossdressing is thrills.

Two days ago, I went out with 4-inch high heel sandals, black capris, and a tight tee. 3-inch is comfortable whereas 4-inch is thrilling. I looked too tall even as a man. 

When I waited to cross in the traffic signal, drivers looked at me while turning their cars. As I was so tall, they had to look up to me. I worried that car accidents might occur. I was the tallest person in the street. It would be unusual if people do not gaze at me.

My 4-inch heels is not comfortable, but sexy and exciting. It is rather surprising that little shoes can make these effects.

Attracting people's gaze with high heels is thrilling and even addictive. I will wear the heels again tonight. I am now addicted 

Barbie~~

Hi Barbie, well I've gotten use to the staring and don't realy give it much though unless it's a kid and he or she is making it quite obvious that they like staring at what ever it is about me.

My mate Wing Walker is six feet tall but then there are a lot of tall women here and no ones realy pays her to much attention. Darn I can't wear heels, I get cramps in my feet something terrible when ever I tried to wear them.

But then Wing Walker likes to wear 4inch heels. I don't know what it is but after having lived 8 years full time one tends to dress more conservatively, like what most other women wear, but I do like wearing sun dresses during the warm weather.

Seems that the ongoing fad going  here,  sundresses, or shorts and halter tops and long hair either tied back or pony tailed. I like my hair loose most times, or pony tailed when I know that the days activities will require me to do so. Ain't nobody gonna cut off my precious long hair, it's been a part of me for way to long to let anyone get close to me with a pair of scissors, needles to say unless it is over my dead body.

Cindy

   

Hi, Cindy,

High heels are very popular among young ladies and even moms in my country.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a beautiful and slim woman. She wore high heels, big earrings with deep cosmetics. And she was carrying her baby in her back. It was suprising that high heeled woman can carry a baby.

A few days ago, the city of Seoul announced that it will make all sidewalks flat and tight enough for ladies to walk in heels. They call it 'highheel road'. In my city, I found that it is not easy to walk in heels, as there are manholes and other obstackles along sidewalks. I should be very cautious to avoid them.

I noticed that many young ladies have scars in their heels, caused by wearing strapled high heels too much. I do not have such scar, and probably am more qualified for wearing high heels than them  .

Next week, I will travel a city very close to Vancouver (just south of the border). I am excited as I will buy a lot of fashion items that I could not get in this country, such as US size-10 women's shoes and inexpensive tees and jeans. Clothes and shoes are too expensive in this country. A polka-dotted one-piece dress is > US $1,000 in this country, and I think it is absurd. I could purchase a similar item at just $20 in the U.S.

Can we meet together by chance? If lucky enough, you will recognize me.

Barbie~~

Hi Barbie would that city happen to be Seattle WA? Hey if it is let me know, maybe we could meet somewhere for coffee and eats. We have known each other for a while it would be nice to meet in person.

Cindy

Hi, Cindy,

We live together very close in modern time. I will let you know later after I arrive there.

Yesterday night I wore 4-inch heels with short pants, as I think black capris makes me look more masculine. As I emphasized my leg lines, I felt as if less people gaze at me. Wearing trousers seems to make me look rather aggresive. I think short skirts and pants can make me cute rather than aggresive. When I date a woman, I may wear trousers with high heels as I should protect her 

In the US tall women are striking because they are tall and in my opinion carrying themselves well. If I saw you on the street I would say that you are a woman.

Gennee

I must say, as either a female or a male, I would find you a very striking, and beautiful person. I think for every bad stare, there is a good one to go with it.

As an artist, I've noticed that there are certain objects and people who just seem to attract the human eye naturally, you seem to me to be one of those people, if I were to draw a portrait I would more than happy to have you as a model. 

I think that It may not be so much that your stared at more when your a woman because they suspect you of being a man, but more that your stared at allot in general, and simply notice it more because your crossdressing. I'm sure most people have that feeling when they are first going out in public that everybody knows and that they're looking at you when your back is turned. and I think that even as you become used to going out in public, that little doubt in the back of your mind will never truly disappear.


   

I know I'd look at you because you're tall and you wear interesting clothes. I also think you're quite pretty... People might be looking at you because you look interesting. You look quite stunning in the blue dress.

Quote from: Haru on July 25, 2008, 06:36:08 PM
As an artist, I've noticed that there are certain objects and people who just seem to attract the human eye naturally, you seem to me to be one of those people, if I were to draw a portrait I would more than happy to have you as a model. 

Hi, Haru,

Thanks for compliments and interesting view.

While I was in Seattle and when I returned to my country, I noticed that East Asian people tend to gaze at me more than other ethnic groups. Even when I wear casuals, Asian women showed more interest in me.

Tonight, I waited a public bus to my home. A sexy-looking girl sat on the bench next to me. She was beautiful. There was heavy traffic because it is Saturday night near the beach. I stood up to smoke. It is unusual that a women smoke in public in my country. Nevertheless, there are a lot of foreigners in this area and it is not unusual that alien women smoke in public. People inside passing cars gazed at me, not at the young girl.

A family was in the passenger car passing slowly just in front of me. The driver (husband) gazed at me, but he was busy driving. Then his wife and son gaze at me. The woman continued to look back at me even though their car passed me by about 10 meters. Fortunately she smiled at me. I also gazed at her. And suddenly she winked at me.

At first, it was perplexing. But nowadays, I realize that people may think I look funny. They do not have any evil intention. They probably think I am a kind of entertainer or star.

I will be glad if anybody would employ me as a model even without pay. People who take photos for me are all amateur. Sigh~

Barbie~~


Barbie~~