So, I have an ex-friend at work, whom I told about myself after knowing him for a few months. He knew about my surgery, etc, but also knew not to tell everyone about it -- especially at work -- because, really, it comes down to a safety issue.

Anyway, just before I left work to take time off for surgery, I got some really weird questions and one person remarked, "hey, if you were a boy we'd call you *old name*." The only person at work who knows my old name is X friend. I was pissed and asked him if he told, which he swears he didn't... and I thought I could trust him because we got a long great and he's gay, so you'd think he'd respect me. Alas, he didn't.

Anyway, I went to work last week to set up my schedule for next week when I come back. While at work, I had people asking if it was true what X friend has been spreading around, and actually listing off details only he'd know. Of course, I'm not happy. This, of course, broke up our friend ship and when I confronted him about he just was mean to me. It's hard when someone tears down a level of trust like that.

He was a friend until he knew, and then back stabbed me in the end... a story that seems common with me, sadly. Part of me thought I could trust him because he's gay and he'd understand (not always true... in this case, he became an instant a$$hole).

I'm not sure how things will fair when I get back to work. I work retail, so gossip goes around very fast. I'm not looking forward to being bombarded with questions, and I'm not looking forward to running into co-workers who had no clue getting up set that I some how "fooled" them.

I've had this issue before at other jobs, and ended up leaving those jobs because the harrasment got out of hand, and even with reporting it, the damage was done. And often, not a whole lot was really done with a report. And really, once the word is out there's not a lot you can do. It's like putting black paint into white paint and giving it a good stir; it's difficult separate the grey back into the original black and white colors.

At other work places, word got out and gossip got around: Some people didn't care, some people kept asking me uber personal questions over and over. Some kept telling customers (dangerous, cause you don't know who they are talking to). Some got angry at me (especially men who had crushes on me). And some stopped talking to me or treating me with any respect. And then there are those who feel that they must tell every new employee and customer because it makes them feel better about themselves some how, often putting me at risk as they don't know who they are talking to (could be someone who doesn't care, or could be a psychopath, who knows).

I'd say most people aren't going to do anything, although I always worry about the 1% who would (and I've ran into those, and it ain't fun!).

People tell me that I'm "lucky" because I pass. I guess it has it's positive points; although, when you are discovered people instantly get the idea that you've been trying to "fool" them. That you have some how been lying to them, and they feel hurt and they react in various ways.

I'd say the worst is men who get crushes on me. I don't really see myself as uber attractive, but a lot of people seem to think I'm attractive. I get hit on a lot. It's annoying (I'm not attracted to men). Some men get very angry, even if you've made no move on them, ever. Some men feel that you tricked them some how. I've even tried to look more dykeir, and more tomboi-ish -- thankfully I get a few less looks, but I still get hit on a lot. I haven't a freak'n clue why.

I think the worst comment I've gotten at work so far  -- and I'm not even back, I just walked in there to get my schedule -- was, "You totally had me fooled, I would have never thought you were a guy unless X told me." And then a laugh (this was a woman who mentioned this).

Hahaha, boy, I had you fooled -- congrats! You win the prize to humiliate me in the middle of the store with 6 customers standing around listening to the conversation.

Now, women can also be nasty at times. Some women feel a sense of violation because I've been using the womens washroom/change room. So it can be pretty difficult. I have run into nasty women, although most of them handle it differently than men. Rather than direct in-your-face attacks, many women are passive-aggressive in how they show their disappointment. And believe me, at times that passive-aggressive style can be just as nasty as a punch in the face, and sometimes even worse and much more hurtful. Especially because a woman knows how to hurt another woman really badly, and ruin her really bad. It's often easier to heal from a broken nose than a woman's scorn.

In the non-work environment, I tend to have the "trans" label stuck on me a lot. I have friends (or x-friends, or people I don't even know) that have gossiped about me. At this point it's pretty much out of control -- a lot of people know about my past because I still go to the same clubs and have the same friends I had two years ago when I transitioned. Now, my friends are pretty respectful, but not always quiet (but have gotten better in the last year, thankfully). But, yes, I've walked into a club and had complete strangers come up to me and say "OMG, so and so said you used to be a guy, but you totally don't look like it -- is it true?" And I've had men hit on me, only to come up to me at some later date with a balled up fist uttering threats.

In lesbian circles it's hit-and-miss. Usually, if they don't like the idea and find out, they stop talking to me. Younger ones seem to be okay with the idea, although they sometimes get bugged for dating me. Now that I've had surgery the dynamic has changed because I have a vagina... all of a sudden I feel like I'm fresh meat, although I'm still cautious. But I have noticed a change in attitude with some who knew I've had surgery. I really haven't gone out much yet to really see the full effect, so I'm not sure of the entire dynamic yet.

I have had a few guys who knew of my past -- wouldn't touch me before at all -- but now all of a sudden want to buy me drinks, flirt with me, and etc, etc. It kind of feels like an insult. Now that I have a vagina, I'm okay and no longer a threat and they can now sleep with me and are looking for a cheap lay because I might be so desperate for affection -- I don't think so!  Yes, I've actually had men who know about me, were friendly in the past but wouldn't dare touch me, all of a sudden say, "Well, I heard you had surgery. *grins*"

So, passing is a double edge sword. There are a lot of benefits, and you really notice the difference between those who pass and don't pass (and compared to earlier on in my transition when I just looked androgyny and people couldn't tell either way). When I hang around my transfriends who don't pass, I notice how different they are treated and I notice the stares they get. I know how difficult it is for them, and how much they admire me for passing.

Although, I get annoyed when they think my life is perfect because I pass, because it's not... it's just a different set of problems.

When you don't pass, it's no surprise. People don't feel fooled by you and when you make friends, they are accepting you as you. It takes a lot of bravery to walk down the street with the stares and your head up high. I admire that. The difficulty, of course, is that every day is difficult and sometimes lonely. You are treated differently, you are looked at as a weird do, and life is difficult. You long to just fit into society, just life your life and enjoy it. I know how it is.

When you pass, of course a lot of things in life is easier. You feel as if you belong and you feel as if you're normal. You are treated a lot better, and the stares you get are people checking you out, not freaking out. But, you also feel the fear of being discovered. And when you meet people and become good friends or lovers, part of you wants to tell but the other part is too scared too. You remember the times when you've told others and had bad reactions, including violent ones. Although there has been acceptance at times, there's been many times when people accused you of lying to them (as if you need to wear a t-shirt saying your trans so people don't feel that you're lying to them). You live in fear of being discovered. You fear losing friends, loved ones, and your life in general.

So, positive and negatives to each side of the fence. You trade one set of problems for the next.

I'm dreading going back to work next week. I've already tasted what's coming (and I've had it happen at other jobs). It's difficult to know what to do. I work in retail, so retail jobs are a dime a dozen here and easy to get; I could find another job in a week or two. But I really don't want to run, yet at the same time I don't want to be harassed at work.

I want to find a non-retail job that I'd enjoy (I'm sick of retail). But I want to find one on my own terms, and take the time to find one that's worth it. It also takes time to get, say, an office job. I want to leave work on my own terms, not because I'm being chased out again. It's frustrating. I already haven't been working for a couple of months and I need to work to pay the pills, so I need to work. I was just hoping I could ride out my current job for a bit until I find the better job. It's going to be a tough ride, it seems...

--natalie

stealth is the only way my friend.I will state that until i die. We spend so much energy and money to become what we really are, and a foolish cow (man or woman) ruins everything, just because his life is such a boring sterotype.
I do not want to hate people.I just do not trust them.Half of them are mean, and the other half just stupid.
Not even our parents can not keep such secret.Why a stranger should/could
i respect trans people who state what they are, but i would never jeopardize my hapiness after srs by telling i was born male.
call me eccentric, call me strict.
This is me.
Best of luck at work.Although i would walk away, blaming my self for being so stupid. However, if you can deal of being the ''half person'' at your workplace, the one you so much fought to complete, then it;s ok.your call

Wow, Natalie. First let me acknowledge your bravery in making this post. The things you've spoken of here are so ouchy that I rarely poke them. But boy, do I understand them.

The only time I've ever had a really ugly incident as a result of my trans-ness, was because someone with a big mouth told the wrong person. I thought I was going to get hurt at the very least, but these people are cowards, and when my old male training kicked in, I was able to not show my fear and back them down. (I went to pieces later, alone) I have the advantage that I work for the government and I was on the job when this happened. He got a visit from large men carrying side arms, and never bothered me again.

But work, ugh, work. I have been at my job for 22 years, and transitioned on the job. The worst period was just before I came out at work, which I did at the time of my surgery. When I was assumed to have "turned gay" (wtf?) I got a certain amount of flak from both men ("hey, it's Mr. Alternative Lifestyle!") and women ("He's got nice hair." "Eww, it's too long!"). The day I walked in for the first time as a woman, the first thing i saw was two men standing there snickering at me. But I also had women I barely knew come up to me and offer their support. In fact, four of them, including two dear friends of mine, came up to me and gave me this HUGE make-up case they had bought for me. It had EVERYthing in it, but it was the gesture, their thoughtfulness, and their warm smiles that day that I will never forget.

Most of the men of a certain age acted like their things would fall off if they said hello to me, but I had expected that, and they weren't friends anyway. In the past few months (after all these years!) two different male co-workers have told me "nice legs!" I was so surprised, I laughed, both times, instead of saying thank you, or smiling, as I would do anyplace else.  I thought I would never hear that at work if I worked there another thousand years.

There are also a couple of religious types who were friendly before, who havent said a word or even looked me in the eye in all the years since my transition. One of them even called in sick the day I came back as a female, out of some sort of protest.

I know that for some--it's a big place--I will be "him" if i work there til Armageddon, but they know better than to say it around me because they know they'll get an earful. I treat it as the insult it is.

I only spend mornings in the office, and am out with the public in the afternoons. People there take me as female, period, except the one that was tipped off, that I mentioned.

I still get co-workers I don't know at all calling me by name, so do the math. But I need the job, and the benefits, plus I am just stubborn. It is my job, my place in the world, and I'm good at it, why should I give it up? So I didn't.

So, I've just learned to live with there being this "split" between work and every place else. And after all, it is only half my workday, besides. (ok ok, I'll confess that I'm proud of blazing a trail, too. The next trans will have it easier than I did)

I know just what you mean about friends and lovers, though. I used to suffer the tortures of the damned about whether to tell on myself or not, and I got the whole you-lied-to-me thing (what exactly have I lied about???) and I have lost love interests too. (I lost my family right from the minute they found out i was trans)

Now, this is how I feel about it....I'm a woman with a trans history, and that's not your business unless I decide that it is. (thank you, Tink and others for that woman-with-a-trans-history perspective. Yes, I picked that up here) I'm not less-than, I don't have to answer rude questions, and I owe no one my life story. I am Stealth, hear me RAWR 

Stealth

Well Natalie, it's CRAP but that's the way it is.

The majority of people haven't got a friggin clue and see it as some kind of "choice", for which they are often free with their criticism.

Sorry for the "outting." I hate to be this blunt, but (rule-of-thumb) never tell a gay male anything you don't want to be repeated. Perhaps not all tell everything they know, but enough do that you may as well decide to generally take an full-page ad in the local paper as to tell them. Gossip-whores. Yes, a generality and a stereotype, but one that's true often enough that the rule-of-thumb makes perfect sense to me!

Yes, there is a noted difference between the ways that "non-passing women of a trans history" and "passing women of a trans history" are treated. That, as well, is just a fact of life right now.

And yes, men who find out often blame you for "trying to lure them." You've got to do nothing to at all to lure them to have that laid at your door. *sigh*  This is three years old but pretty much sums-up that whole syndrome nicely.

All that said, I'm sorry that this has all occurred for you. IMO, the best way to deal with it in daily life is to simply not tell anyone anything about one's past. Make your friends and go about your life as just another woman. The rest, forget about. 

Nichole

QuoteYou long to just fit into society, just life your life and enjoy it

Oh! That sure is how I feel most of the time, but I'm sure it is how most ppl here at times feel.
Good luck with work there.

Nat, i know just exactly how you feel, i'm going through exactly the same thing at work too. only my boss is the one who's gay and he's really cool about it. and if i have problems when he's there, everybody knows not to mess with him cuz he's 6 foot 7 and like 280 pounds with a massive temper if he needs to. he's got my back. plus, my wife admitted to me yesterday that she'll never see me as a woman, if i get surgery done-maybe. but i seriously doubt it, in public she has done seriously terribly with pronouns as she refuses and thinks it won't get me killed and ifit does it's ALL MY FAULT. i don't really go out with her much anymore because of it.


Warrior Princess Mickie

I just wanted to say how powerful this thread is; it's bringing tears to my eyes.

I love my job, but I may eventually have to leave it for my own piece of mind.  It sucks.

Co-workers are respectful to my face, but I can't help but feel like this    sometimes.



p.s. FTR I transitioned on the job almost 3 years ago, I'm 9 months post-op and still at the same job.

but (rule-of-thumb) never tell a gay male anything you don't want to be repeated.

I would not tell anyone anything I would not want repeated unless I was in some sort of clerical/clinical situation.  Simply put, others do not have the responsibility of holding secrets for you.

BTW, I'm sure if you told one of the women at work, at least most of the other women would know pretty fast.

Three can keep a secret if two are dead.

Hi Natalie,

I can sooo relate to everything you wrote.  I think it's sometimes assumed that life for those that pass well is all rainbows and unicorns, but it certainly comes with a heaping mound of paranoia on top.  I'll admit I'm still working on my self-confidence issues, to be sure.

Please keep us filled in on how it goes at work.  I'm terribly lucky on that front since I work at a university and things have gone smoothly, but of course I can't stay there forever.

My post-SRS experiences to date haven't been bad, with the exception of one event.  At a party, an old friend of mine asked (very nicely, too) if he might see the "result."  Since we're a close sort of friends, I obliged.  Later on at the party, an acquaintance of his who he had apparently talked to about me walked through the door, causing him to yell out across the room, "I saw the new vagina!" 

Lia

Quote from: deniz on July 30, 2008, 06:15:08 AM
stealth is the only way my friend.I will state that until i die. We spend so much energy and money to become what we really are, and a foolish cow (man or woman) ruins everything, just because his life is such a boring sterotype.
I do not want to hate people.I just do not trust them.Half of them are mean, and the other half just stupid.
Not even our parents can not keep such secret.Why a stranger should/could
i respect trans people who state what they are, but i would never jeopardize my hapiness after srs by telling i was born male.
call me eccentric, call me strict.
This is me.
Best of luck at work.Although i would walk away, blaming my self for being so stupid. However, if you can deal of being the ''half person'' at your workplace, the one you so much fought to complete, then it;s ok.your call

I didn't say that I was okay with being a so-called "half-person." Of course it bothers me, and I told before my SRS, but it's coming out know. As for stealth, I'm under lease at my apartment, I have a lot of friends, so it's not like I can pick up and leave the city ASAP. I would also need money to move. 

Posted on: July 30, 2008, 05:45:47 PM

---

Thnx everyone. it is difficult, although I've been through it several times and pretty sick of it. On top of that, it's kind of hard to avoid people in this city, as I mentioned -- I know a lot of people and a lot of people know me. I'm the type of person who walks down the street and I'm bound to run into someone I know (one of my ex's commented one time, "What, are you a freak'n rock star?").

Although, with many of my friends, they are now to the point that they can't even envision how I was like in my past. They usually don't ask about it and respect me very much, even with knowing my past. Perhaps it is because I stoop up for myself so much in the past, and didn't care what others thought.

When people find out, however, it becomes a big sensation. Although my job isn't that great, and I want to start looking for another/better one in a couple of months when I'm ready, I don't like the feeling of having to leave because of people being jerks. I'd rather leave on my own terms, then bend to the wills of everyone else and be pushed around etc.

In the past I have been involved in trans activism, although this year very little and now after SRS I really don't think or talk about it. Others have taken my place, and I'm not longer the one always helping out other trans women starting out. Although, a few that I'm close to I have, and I'm good at what I do.

I'm a goth-punk girl, too, so I'm not used to blending in and being like everyone else -- I stand out, I be my own person, and I fight back. Although, at times, it can be difficult when you're picked at your sore spot.

I'll always have the rebel spirit inside of me, but that doesn't mean that I always want to be in the forefront battling it out for individuality. I think that the thing that bothers me the most is that the label prevents some people from getting to know me as a person -- they think of the label, the stereotype, but not the person. Although, in the past, I've been pretty good at educating and getting ppl off my backs about the trans issue, but that gets tiresome.

The other issue is that I'm popular. *shrugs* I don't know why. Maybe it's because I do something that very few people do -- be myself and say F*&k-it to the world. Of course, that also brings enemies and jealousy and people are bound to find something, take it, and run with it in order to hurt me... it's happened plenty of times before.

Because I'm popular, I think that's why the gossip around me also spread so quickly. People also get jealous over me and turn on me sometimes. I hate the popularity contests -- it's not like I seek to be popular or liked. I just am. I have no idea why. Although, i get away with a lot of stuff because of it.

When I was younger I wasn't popular. I was the weird kid in the back of the class wearing black, putting on eyeliner, and writing stories about vampires and zombies and weird stuff. I was the outcast. I was the individual who didn't want to be a robot like everyone else. (And this was back in the '80s - early '90s, way before Emo was popular poser culture, and I lived in a small tiny Christian town full of sheep who all thought alike).

Now that I'm an adult, I'm still like I was back then (but a more extrovert, with more confidence and a bit more fire). Now I either have people who think I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread (wishing they could also be an individual, but too afraid to be so) or still afraid of me because I'm still aan individual and it reminds them how robotic and lame their life is.

So, it isn't like I've never been rejected or anything. Or that I have never stood out before. I always have to some degree. Now that my SRS is done, I don't think those elements are going to change and I'm going to become a sheep -- but at the same time, I don't feel trans or identify that way. Yes, I have a trans history and that I cannot deny, but identifying as trans doesn't seem to fit anymore. It feels more like an enslavement term, rather than a liberation term (and transition is about liberation, not enslavement). So, maybe that's why I hate that label, because it isn't me and I'd rather people get to know me as me. I transitioned to be free, not enslaved.

I don't know what I'm going to do next. Running isn't really my thing. I want to leave my job because I have something better, and not become some a$$holes decided to be jerks. I don't want to live my life in fear. And I don't want to be a sheep in this world. It's probably a much harder path to be an individual, but hey, maybe something good will come out of all of this... maybe someone in the store will see me stand up and realize that "trans" isn't some kind of monster, but a human -- and that person will change another, and another, and the world will be a different place.

If Rosa Parks would have gone with the flow, maybe the world would be a different place now. It just takes one person to stand up and say, "f#ck you! Were not gonna take it anymore!"

And maybe that's the relevance to it all. I don't want to be the slave to the trans stereotype; I don't believe in slavery in any form. And so I refuse to let others use my past to enslave me and get there way. I want to enjoy life like anyone else and not be bothered, but sometimes you just have to hold your ground rather than shrink away.

Liberation, baby! Liberation!


--natalie



Posted on: July 30, 2008, 06:38:35 PM

---

PS  A slave to society is never free.

The biggest problem with stealth is having to constantly watch your back.  Life's a whole lot easier if you don't have to hide.

When I was younger I wasn't popular. I was the weird kid in the back of the class wearing black, putting on eyeliner, and writing stories about vampires and zombies and weird stuff. I was the outcast. I was the individual who didn't want to be a robot like everyone else. (And this was back in the '80s - early '90s, way before Emo was popular poser culture, and I lived in a small tiny Christian town full of sheep who all thought alike).

Yeah, back in high school when the football guys and basketball guys were all cock of the walk and all, and I was just the little AV nerd....  But, I'm still the AV nerd.  Its just that I get huge soundsystems and LED lightwalls and not a filmstrip and a speaker anymore.  As for their football/Bball, well, none of them went pro, but I did.  So, 'ya never know.

I was the hippie, they were the straights.  They've all been to rehab, I've never been near it.  Odd.

But at every step along my life, I've lost people and gained people.  It evens out somehow.  Went I went to college, I lost some people who did not.  Same with grad school, same with leaving the academy, and when the most popular woman who ever lived divorced me (so she could run away with a kid half her age (really))  I lost almost everyone who was not in my work life.

My life has never been better.

Quote from: tekla on July 30, 2008, 06:59:29 PM
When I was younger I wasn't popular. I was the weird kid in the back of the class wearing black, putting on eyeliner, and writing stories about vampires and zombies and weird stuff. I was the outcast. I was the individual who didn't want to be a robot like everyone else. (And this was back in the '80s - early '90s, way before Emo was popular poser culture, and I lived in a small tiny Christian town full of sheep who all thought alike).

Yeah, back in high school when the football guys and basketball guys were all cock of the walk and all, and I was just the little AV nerd....  But, I'm still the AV nerd.  Its just that I get huge soundsystems and LED lightwalls and not a filmstrip and a speaker anymore.  As for their football/Bball, well, none of them went pro, but I did.  So, 'ya never know.

I was the hippie, they were the straights.  They've all been to rehab, I've never been near it.  Odd.

But at every step along my life, I've lost people and gained people.  It evens out somehow.  Went I went to college, I lost some people who did not.  Same with grad school, same with leaving the academy, and when the most popular woman who ever lived divorced me (so she could run away with a kid half her age (really))  I lost almost everyone who was not in my work life.

My life has never been better.

Yeah, if you lose people they aren't worth your time anyway. I have to remember that people know about me and hold me in the highest regards and not only see me as a beautiful talented woman, but know I'm a talented woman.

If people bug me at work, then I'll just tell them to F-off. Who knows, I might inspire someone... You never know who you inspire. I've had plently of people come up to me and say they were inspired because of me. I've had several friends come up to me and actually change their lives because they've seen me stand up to be myself.

It's not like I've never been in this situation before. I've had 4 jobs in the last two years, and I've gone through this before (although, I'm pretty tired of it). But I've always left on my own terms. The only job I left not on my terms was the one I first had at 7-11 when I started going full-time. I had people bug me, and I stood up to them. I had customers bug me, and I stood up to them. I worked the grave yard shift in a dangerous part of town with a bar beside us -- the bar actually had a bet going to see if I was a "girl or a boy" because at that time I was pretty androgyny at the time and just started my HRT.

Even after someone tried to rape me, and the guys refused to let me have the phone to the call the cops, I still stood my ground. Even after the manger told me that it was my fault for the attempted rape because I'm "trying to be a girl," and maybe I should stay a boy, etc. I stood my ground, and actually told my manager to F-off. It only ended when we got a new manager who took away all of my shifts, but didn't fire me to avoid legal action. I had no choice but to seek another job, basically, because the labour boards couldn't do anything.

In the end, I actually had a few customers tell me how I inspired them including a couple of co-workers. I was just being myself, not expecting anyone to admire me.

As much as I've had ppl try to tear me down, I've had people cheer me on and be inspired. (I had a long talk with a friend about this tonight, and she reminded me of this and encouraged me to stand my ground).

Plus, I could have fun with all of this and take control of the gossip by starting wacky stories of my own about myself, so that people don't know what to believe and I can mess with their heads. *evil grins*

I refuse to let others have power over me like this, and to push me out of my work place. If I leave, I leave on my own terms and to a better job that I'm going to enjoy. I will not leave out of fear. Yes, I am tired of the same BS yet again, but no, I will not be beaten. I won't be a slave to fear, taunts, or unjust harassment.

I think things will work out in the end.

At work (an Air Force base) almost everybody knows about me, because I transitioned right here. 

The people who know me AND my trans-history are very few in number though and most of them are allies.

And I'm acquainted with a lot of people who don't know I'm the trans person they were told about. 

I don't wear it on my sleeve. 

I don't out myself each time I help a customer. 

Is that 'stealth'?

Karen

Quote from: Karen on July 30, 2008, 10:21:30 PM
At work (an Air Force base) almost everybody knows about me, because I transitioned right here. 

The people who know me AND my trans-history are very few in number though and most of them are allies.

And I'm acquainted with a lot of people who don't know I'm the trans person they were told about. 

I don't wear it on my sleeve. 

I don't out myself each time I help a customer. 

Is that 'stealth'?

Karen

I'd call that a fair degree of assimilation.

There's a spectrum to lived experience:

"Out and proud"--------------vast middle area that are degrees of Assimilation----------Stealth-----------Deep Stealth (not really possible in the digital age.

Quote from: Beyond on July 31, 2008, 06:41:04 AM
----Stealth-----------Deep Stealth (not really possible in the digital age.

Well....

My mother always told me I was impossible. 

Quote from: Stealthgrrl on July 31, 2008, 03:04:51 PM

Quote from: Beyond on July 31, 2008, 06:41:04 AM
----Stealth-----------Deep Stealth (not really possible in the digital age.

Well....

My mother always told me I was impossible. 

I'd say she was pretty much right!

N~

Maybe we need another word, as to me "stealth" sounds like someone going waaaaay out of their way to intentionally hide their past by cutting their ties to anyone who knew them from before, moving to a new city, getting a new job, etc.

On the flip side, there are people who are "out and proud" who WANT people to learn and accept diversity.

But whadaya call someone who just lives their life, NOT worrying about hiding it OR proclaiming it? When the whole "hide" or "proclaim" way of thinking just doesn't really apply?

~Kate~

Kate?

N~