In just a few weeks i'm going back to school for my second year of college. I'm going to have to email my professors about what my name is supposed to be. (Turns out if you work for the university ever then HR files will override the registry records, i.e. my name is my male name until the paperwork is official.) I also have my sister who has been spreading it around about my trans status. Not to mention I also have the people from the panels that I somehow let myself be talked into doing. At work as well my friend inadvertently had let it slip that i'm trans, I trust her that it was an accident and nobady has even hinted at being upset about it. I also found a girl to rent with in a two bedroom, but I haven't told her of my status and I plan not to unless needed.

But in the end it means that around town my status is becoming an open secret. I have no doubt that a lot more people then I would like know about me. Normally people wouldn't question me, but with my height and structure the rumors are more likely to be believed. I know I pass, and I have been told if it weren't for my height it would be unquestionably so. But this is Laramie, a small town.

So my problem i've been debating is whether or not to just be open about it. I mean if everyone is already suspecting, then what do I have to lose? Everyone keeps telling me that this probably is not the best place for me to be transitioning. Despite that fact I can't think of a 'good' place to transition I would disagree. Whether or not Mat Sheperd was killed him for being gay, people tend to be alot more tolerant of 'alternative lifestyles' here. I won't lie and say its easy, job searching alone has been an eye opener.

I don't want to be open, but I don't want an 'open secret' either. Problem is, there is nothing I can do about the rumors that I can think of, and the campus has already shown me how much they plan to help me with some of the nastier ones, such as implied death threats. Translation: zero. Never mind the bathroom situation, which I feel is totally unfair but can't seem to do anything about. Either I use the men's room and out myself, or search the campus for the five unisex bathrooms that are always in use and disgusting. I'm not sure if I can be expelled for being caught using the woman's restroom but i'm in no rush to find out.

I'm really worried, anyone have ideas or advice on how to deal with this?

I'm pretty sure that the university (or college) has to use your legal name, and in most states it takes a court order to get them to change it.  (A court ordered name change is enough.)

As for telling people, well, if you want to start going by another name - and most people in college will call you whatever you want.... then is that not outing more or less?

Angel,

I have been an open secret for the past year - thanks to a local TV crew - so I can empahtize with what you are going through.

Let me ask you this.  Do you want to stay at that school?

Is it better to stay there for the rest of your degree, or would it be better to transfer and start afresh?

If you transfered, you could be you from the very beginning.

It may mean spending the next semester or year in male-mode, but you can do it.  This gives you time to get everything in order so that you can start your life fresh.  I know that for me, delaying everything by a year turned out to be a real blessing.

Just my thoughts.

Chaunte

Quote from: Chaunte on August 04, 2008, 05:44:22 AM
Do you want to stay at that school? Is it better to stay there for the rest of your degree, or would it be better to transfer and start afresh?

The problem is that right now my grades in the past semester were abysmal. This was because I got so indulgent of being a girl and passing as a girl, something I never thought would happen, that I let my grades slip. If I retake one class and do well in the others it won't be an issue. So right now i'm full time as Rachel, and use my legal name only when I have to. Usually I just tell people that my parents forgot to put the 'a' at the end of my name at birth and decided to be rebels and keep it like that. *shrugs* People seem to buy it and I only use it if it is an issue.

The real problem is money. Right now I get in state tuition, which in Wyoming is the cheapest education I can get. Considering that their Geology is also 3rd best in the nation, getting a science degree from here is actually worth something. I'm not sure where my teaching degree will be good outside of the state, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Right now i'm getting a duel degree in education that will allow me to hopefully take out less money then most university students are across the nation. Thus as a teacher, since I won't be making a lot of money, will actually be ahead as far as loans. As a bonus, I can use the extra money alone from my loans to pay for surgery. I might be able to get surgery as soon as next summer if I go overseas.

The other problem is the perks I give up if I leave. I want to teach/learn overseas, and Wyoming actually has the cheapest program for doing so. It also has a fencing team, as far as I know it that is rare for midwestern/cheap colleges. The biggest thing, strange enough, is the murder that occurred. Because of it i'm less likely to have anyone be physical or verbal about their disapproval of me. In a way, I might actually be safer here then in say Los Angeles. Heck the school insurance pays practically for my medication, what I pay is dirt cheap. This alone has been a huge help.

Its not so much that I want to stay here, its if I can really afford to go elsewhere. That's why i'm debating the best way to defuse the buildup. It may only be rumors now, but if it builds more people might start getting stupid.

I have no idea. I'm going to start using my new name at the college fall semester. I don't know what it's like to have people "suspect" me.  I think I'll get my first taste of it this fall.