I know this is a a very intricate topic w/many ways of going about it, but can anyone give me any pointers as to what seems to work/ what doesn't? So, whom should I tell first, someone in HR or just management? I work for a very large company with many branches & customers, so I'll ask for a transfer when hormones start to take effect, and go to work as a male at a different location. I'm just not sure how to approach it, I'll have to let my employer know, but they should be the right people... I don't think for instance the president should be the one to approach, but I'm concerned that if the hiring/non-discrimination policy does not explicitly mention "gender expression," (and it does not) they could deny me the right to transition while working for the company. I have a male name, so that would'nt be a problem, and will start T soon, so I'll be able to pass, but since I'm pre-op, I still have an F on paper. So it's basically putting on a tie and showing up for work at the new location presenting as male. I do present as male right now, but I don't pass for my age...hence the gender ambiguity...I wonder what would happen if I started T and didn't say or change anything, just nonchalantly continued going to work, would they just make me wear a tie?

Any suggestions, experiences?

A good friend of mine transitioned on the job and she had this advice.

Go to Human Resources and explain to them about your condition. Bring any relevant therapist letters, information on transsexualism and basically lay out your plans. Make sure they understand what you want and what you are doing. In this way if there are any problems down the road then you can fall back to 'well HR said it was okay.' After that you should ask them how they feel you should approach management on the issue. Another good step is to check the rules and whatnot that your company has in terms of gender identity, if there are none suggest to HR to have that amended so things are more clear. The best thing you can do is be open to them and to their suggestions. (within reason of course)

Yeah, that's something to consider. I do worry however that doing so would complicate things, like they might mess with my insurance (TG raises red flags), and require that my gender-marker be changed on paper, they deal w/ paperwork 1st, people 2nd... they might get all technical on me. On the other hand, if I keep it as small-scale (store management) and private as possible, they might just let it slide,- just put on a tie and come to work at the new location. What do you think?

Thanks for your suggestions!

I guess it really depends on your company and who does the paperwork. This is going to sound silly but you may want to start going to the HR dept and start making friends with a lot of the people you would talk to normally about something like this. It's amazing what a lunch or two on you can do. In this was they no longer see you as a number, an entry in their database, they see you as a person. It humanizes you. What I'm saying is that it would probably be best if you 'transitioned' at your current location, then transfer if that's what you desire. In that way you don't have to worry too much about HR backlash or anything like that and also exploit the contacts you currently have.

I went to HR first. Took along a couple of thin books about transsexuals and the workplace. Sat down and had a long talk with several people in upper management. I told them when I was planning on going FT and we all worked together on what had to be done and when. I made sure to get everything in writing. Went pretty well.

Hmm,

got me thinking, that's encouraging, maybe I'll do that, go in or call HR and lay out may plans, hand out some info and go from there, see what they say. I'm still worried about the insurance coverage factor, has anyone run into trouble with that or did you make it clear to them that your transition would be out-of-pocket, or did they even bring up/care about that issue?
The thing with the transfer is :customers, it may be bad for business if some happen to be so TS-phobic that they stop coming to the store, in addition, I really don't feel like explaining the situation to 100s of customers who knew me before and would undoubtedly ask.

Quote from: Hal on August 08, 2008, 12:09:39 PM
I'm still worried about the insurance coverage factor, has anyone run into trouble with that or did you make it clear to them that your transition would be out-of-pocket, or did they even bring up/care about that issue?

I made sure my employer knew I was paying for everything. Otherwise, there's nothing really to tell the providers about. I worried that my name change would raise alarm with our providers, but the only problem it created was concerning the validity of my marriage.

~Kate~

As for insurance, do you change that directly with the company (name and gender) or do you do it through your employer?

My plan is to  apply for my name change later this month, and I can get my gender marker changed on my driver's license with that court order and therapist's letter.  But I can't change my SS# gender until my surgery in Dec.  I'm just not sure about when to change my insurance.  After my hysto I won't really have any more female issues to cover; top surgery will take care of the rest (ie mammograms not needed any more).

Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on August 09, 2008, 03:40:22 PM
As for insurance, do you change that directly with the company (name and gender) or do you do it through your employer?

My plan is to  apply for my name change later this month, and I can get my gender marker changed on my driver's license with that court order and therapist's letter.  But I can't change my SS# gender until my surgery in Dec.  I'm just not sure about when to change my insurance.  After my hysto I won't really have any more female issues to cover; top surgery will take care of the rest (ie mammograms not needed any more).

Jay

Are you sure about the mammograms?  The reason I ask is my surgeon told me after top surgery I would still need mammograms or ultrasounds because of a strong family history of breast cancer.  (My mom's brother died of breast cancer.)  However, at this point, I'm not sure how I would flop it on the little table cuz it's real flat.

Alex

I'm not an oncologist, and you need to speak to one.  But I do do stats, and reducing the amount of breast does not reduce the risk of cancer, what it does to is move the risk (which is genetic to a degree) of getting in your former breast area, and moving toward the lung.  But you need to talk to an oncologist to be sure.

I'm aware that the breast cancer risk is still present, but how do males without man-boobs get mammograms?  I've had several mammograms in the past and dont' see how it's done on a flat-chested male.

Jay

What I did was this, and it seemed to work out pretty well:

After being on hormones, and living as a woman away from work and all that preliminary jazz, I went to my HR dept and the big boss. Here's what we did--I took three weeks off of work to have my surgical holiday. The tuesday of the first week, two HR ladies (it's a big place) gathered all of my co-workers together and told them what was happening with me, and that I was to be called by my new name, and that harassment wouldn't be tolerated.

This gave my co-workers the chance to absorb the news (I had told NO ONE) and the men of a certain age had a chance to make their homophobic remarks to each other instead of me.

While it is probably distinctly unfair to have to air one's most personal business this way--I can think of no other circumstance that would require it--it worked out well for me.

I'll just add that, while there are a couple of religious types who haven't spoken to me since then, and one or two former friends who couldn't deal, I made several new female friends who made it their business to help me and be kind to me. They didn't have to, but they did, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Stealth

Quote from: sneakersjay on August 10, 2008, 07:28:51 AM
I'm aware that the breast cancer risk is still present, but how do males without man-boobs get mammograms?  I've had several mammograms in the past and dont' see how it's done on a flat-chested male.

Jay

Honestly, I have no idea how.  The only way I can think of is with ultrasound.  Sometimes breast tissue is so dense, a doctor has a difficult time telling what's normal tissue and what's not normal on a mammogram.  In instances like that an ultrasound is used. 

Speaking of boobs, I got a funny story.  I had top surgery a month ago.  The day after I returned home from Phoenix my cat died.  The next day I went to a pride event and ran into a good friend.  When he found out Leopold died, he started laughing and said, "You know in a matter of a couple of weeks you lost two boobs and a pus$y." 

Alex

I went to My "Employee Assitance Program" (eap). The EAP Rep then Notified the HR department that there was a Transgendered Person on the yard. She sent HR a bunch of Information.

I'm still annonymous at work. They have notice the changes in me but, they cant really say anything. I work with these guy's for the last 8 years. Planning on transitioning right underneath ther noses. I did try to transfer last year but, that fell through. So, i just became stubborn and made a decision to start my life now.

I just had my name change done and went to the HR department to get all my benefit changed.

I do my little things at work. Like wear nail polish, my pink shoes, and some other girly stuff. Some of the guy's wont talk to me anymore unless they need something.

Right now i really dont see the need to out myself to management.

I will be causing Dram this week. I'm going to a training conference with a female co-worker. So it will be interesting if we meet in the Woman's Bathroom.

.............

Your only going to go as far as fear let's you.....False Evidence Appearing Real

I told my manager first, but I had only been on the job for six weeks.  I wanted to bring her on right away so she didn't feel I was "pulling one over" on her.  She went to HR and helped set up the transition team.  If I had been established I would have gone to HR first.

Val

Thanks a lot for all your replies. I've decided to go to HR first and go from there. I also like Robin's idea of asking EAP to help as well, we do have it at my workplace.

Does anyone have experience w/ customer reactions to transitioning?  It's one thing to let co-workers know and another to have to explain to customers...??

When I worked retail I had very few customers give me grief. Most of them were older women who were pretty fat and ugly. Now the store co-manager, he was a pain in the butt. My manager may not have had the best attitude when it came to my transition but he did speak up for me when it counted.

Good luck.

above all please be honest with HR and your coworkers they may not understand but will respect you for being honest This is how I handled it and it worked for me good luck