Has anyone had the problem of telling family and friends about your decision to become transexual. I really think it would upset my very conservative family but why should i be miserable in life can anyone relate?

I am estranged from my family in part because of the unspoken issue.
Any friends I could not have told, you know, are they really friends or just acquaintances I got really used to?

K, Welcome to Susan's!

I feel pretty safe in saying that practically everyone who has found out that they are transsexual have had problems sharing that discovery with family and/or friends.  You are absolutely not alone in this.

It's hard to give any other advice because we don't know much about you.  After all, what you do and say with family depends alot on where in your life you are.  Teens who still live at home with their parents face many different isssues from those of us who discovered who we really were later in life, with wives and children.  Susan's has an "Introductions" forum where most of the members have introduced themselves and told their stories.  May I suggest you do the same?  Also, I think you should read as much as you can on this site.  The forums are great and the links, library and, especially, the WIKI hold alot of information that you may be able to use. (The site rules are quick to read and easy to follow too.)

Either way, this is a site whose members are very supportive and understanding.  I feel safe here, I think you'll feel safe here too.  I'll be looking forward to reading more from you and I'm happy to again say,

WELCOME!!
helen

I think this is the hardest thing to do and you need to be prepare that you will lost them forever.I had the same fears as you have now and after I told them (I wouldn't yet but after a few visits by my doctor & gender therapyst, they knew that something wrong with me) they accepted me as a new daughter with out any problems. I only wish to say that sometimes are fears looking bigger than they are.
But as I see here at Susan's mostly TS aren't that lucky, they don't get acceptance from the family, friends, so please think hard when, what and how will you tell them about your transexuality. Be very careful!! Specially if you still depending on them (money, place to live etc ... )

btw .. Welcome to Susan's!

* *

Michelle

Hey everyone,

I did not really have a great deal of trouble telling anyone, once I decided to do so.  I was prepared for bad outcomes, I was just surprised at where they came from.  People that I expected to act in a positive manner, in some cases, responded the most negatively and vice-versa there were some that I was expecting to react very negatively, that ended up having no problem with it. This can and does end relationships, one should be prepared that they may be rejected by those they are expecting to be understanding.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Hello K,
I'm facing the same problem now. I'm waiting until I feel it's the right time to tell them, but unfortunately, since I only just accepted this myself a few months ago, it's weighing very heavily on my mind, and I find myself dropping hints all over the place. Wish to god I could stop that.

Elizabeth made some very good points about prejudging people's reactions. I feel I know who will accept this and who will not, but this is the most earth shattering news somebody could hear, you just can't predict how one will take it. One thing that helps me is I realize that this is who I am, and if I don't transition, it's not going to change the fact that I still have GID, that my body doesn't match my brain.
So, I can either transition or live a miserable existence for eternity.
Welcome and godspeed,
Nero

My problem is that my parents are older in years - and I haven't yet decided upon transitioning or not - yet I'd still like them to know who I really am before I lose them.

But I don't know if that's fair to do to them if I *don't* transition. Maybe it'd be better for them to just leave their image of me intact. I dunno.

That and the fact that my pa chews tobacco, watches Cops, NASCAR, Jerry Springer and wrastling (as he pronounces it), only drives pickup trucks, drinks waaaay too much, has threatened to kill us all (when I was a child) a few times, and owns LOTS of guns. There's always that concern too.

And ma... ma tends to end philosophical arguments with, "because it says so in the bible" and life-altering decisions of mine with, "how could you do this to ME?"

Uhm. Nevermind. It's going to my grave with me

MY Personnal view,
I got to the point where I did not care what my family thought of my transition I came to a conclusion that either they were to accept me or I would have to deal with loosing them period.
I has a person couldn't deal with living the rest of my life for everyone else instead of living my life for the person I would have to wake up to and look in the mirror for the rest of my life ...ME... So I dealt with the piossibilitie of loosing them and did what I felt was necc.

On A lighter note it bought me closer to my sisters but my mother doesn't get it but respects my decision (I guess because Im so demanding!!) "Its She not He... momma!" She has Pronoun trouble at times!

I can speak on this issue, tis a rarity.

When I was little-er, around the age of 13, my father found a significant amount of female clothing in my room. He asked if I wanted to be a female. I openly lied, and said no. I regret such a lie now, but oh well. Well anyways he began to use physical force to try to remove such feelings from me. He either already knew the truth, and wanted to hear it from me, or was just scared.

However now that I am bigger, and a little stronger. I faced him and told him, once again he was ashemned but this time he knew his place and his purpose which was not to be violent.

What little conversation I use to have with my father have dropped off. I look at it this way, if he wont accept my new life, I wont accept his.

As bad as mine turned out, there is a purpose to this reply. However cleaver you are from hiding it, despite how much energy you put forth into such an act. Parents - not all of your family, but parents- know a lot of about thier children, and may have forseen such a thing. Which gave them time to accept this change.

I'm not nearly as helpful as some, but I am still *I*

Quote from: BandannaChild on May 30, 2006, 10:07:53 AM
I'm not nearly as helpful as some, but I am still *I*

Not true That was  elegantly put and I found it extremely enlightening!

I am still in a nice warm velvet lined closet, so take my words with a grain of salt. 

I face the coming out to family on two fronts.   I am thier "son" and I they are my employers.  So if I were to expose my true self, I would risk losing my family and livelyhood in one fell swoop.  I want to be completely sure that this is the right path before I risk my "life" and have to start all over again (expecting the worst).  Once I open the box, Its not ever gonna fit back in.  I guess entropy works with this aspect of my life as well.

Stacey

Thank You all for the advice i hope i can become as happy and well adjusted as all of you

K to K.

You will find that people are going to surprise your whether they are you parents, brothers, sisters, friends and acquaintances.  I know that when I came out that there were some who I thought would be OK and they turned out not to be and on the other hand there were those who I thought would never in a thousand years accept me, but they did without reservation.  People are funny.

On another note.  I understand what you are saying but you don't "become" transsexual, you are or you aren't.  As Helen mentioned why not tell us a little about yourself so that we are on a level playing field.

Oh and of course welcome to Susan's, you've already met a few of the wonderful members here in this topic alone, so you can see that we are friendly bunch.  Take advantage of us as if nothing else we have advice and lots of it, covering just about every issue you could think of.  And to support this we have an extensive Links section, the Chat area, the Wiki, and the Forums.

So enjoy your stay K to K. 

Steph

I thought that I would be disowned.  while it has not been a smooth road full of acceptance, it has gone pretty well.  You never know how people will react.

Firstly I would say it depends a lot on how they are told. Secondly, you have to figure out whether it is absolutely neccesary to tell them depending of course on the stage of transition you are at. I am a no-op TS myself and have found a balance so everyone is at peace. I know both my family and especially my in-laws would not accept my TS, so when I am around them I wear no wig or make-up, but I do wear my lingerie garments, female jeans and a Polo shirt. I'm comfy and they don't know. I think eventually I may need to tell some of them but that's something I'll deal with at the time. However, if you are plannin HRT and SRS then it's something you will have to explain and try to get them to understand you. Maybe giving them some material to read up on may help too. Good luck

ALRIGHTY TINKERBELL!!!

Someone give that girl another gold starr!!!!
Nicely put.

However, By "Becoming" I think shes refering to the time in her life she convinced herself she wasn't then accepted it

Ar-go She Like myself "Became"!

Although I see your point but if you truly convince yourself in your mind and heart that you are ummmm.."Normal" then for that brief period in time aren't you? Even if its buried in your sub-concouses.


Chynna

Ps why was smurfette the only female smurf???
Scratch that nevermind

While I haven't come out to very many people yet, one person I told whom I cared about the most, my mother, reacted very negatively. And I have only slowly and painfully come to realize that even though going through with this will leave us estranged, this is something I need to do. In the meantime, I just have to... let go. I can only hope that some day, maybe she will be able to accept me as I am.

At the most basic level, it is your body, your life, and your future. You may have many reasons for living and many people to care for, but there are times when you simply have to live for yourself and your own happiness.

~Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn,

Sorry to hear that But im almost sure she'll come back and accept the inevitable..after all your still her child!
NO MATTER WHAT

love
Chynna

My family has also told me they will never accept me and still call me by my male name and use he.  However, they have never threatened to disown me or do anything harmful.  I think that in time they may come to accept me when they realize that no matter what they do, I won't change.

Melissa

Interesting Melissa My brother gave me that very same statement.
Also barring me from his home because & I quote " I don't want the kids to be confused because they know you as "uncle Damion""
However once I contracted HIV he quickly  recanted saying he would like his children to know there "uncle" LOL while they still can. That made an uplifting if not groundbreaking turning point when he invited me for Thanksgiving last year 2 weeks after being diagnosed.
My niece (My LIL Princess) being the only one of the four with the courage to ask me while playing in my hair with barrets. "Are you a girl or a boy!?" Caught me off guard but I replied "well What do you think?"
her response was "Well I know your a girl but JR (the eldest 13yrs old) said you were a boy."
Sorry little off the track! but you get the point of the story!

Melissa, It should be very interesting to see the further you progress your families reaction.

Girl\Boy
Chynna