Okay, so I was in a shop today getting some things for work and an ftm came in. He passed quite well, no one else noticed. I really would have liked to talk to him, but at the same time, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. I have never run into another Ts that I know of.

What do you do in that situation, would you have approached him?
What about the reverse, if someone approached you (discretely)?

(I think there was once a topic about this but I could not find it)

I usually will let the other person set any conversation so that I do not accidentally out anyone. I did have one occasion where a FtM and I danced around the subject for quite some time. Shame too, would have liked to have known him better.

As for others approaching me, do not really care.

Approach me, and I'll express my delight by beating you into the sidewalk with my shoulder bag, sweet little femme that i am.

Being approached would mean only one thing to me--that I'd been clocked, and being clocked means I've failed, and that makes me feel heartsick, and you going out of your way to make me feel heartsick would make me angry and so I would have to belt you with my bag, and there's so much crap in there, it weighs a ton, so...

DON'T approach me.

Stealth, Miss Congeniality

At least you'd use the shoulder-bag rather than those nasty looking axes you're carrying about with you these days!!

Personally I'd refrain from approaching someone in public, male or female, I thought had transitioned or was transitioning unless I was supposed to meet them. It tends to be better form to do that. As Stealth said, people get hurt and or angry about such matters and I'd maintain that policy by not staring at them or paying them any special attention while in their area.

N~

Though I would no more approach a TS person by asking if they were a ->-bleeped-<- then I would walk up to an African-American and go "Yo, dude, your a negro"  (in both cases its sometimes pretty obvious) I would approach anyone I wanted to talk to like anyone else.

One of my best friends I met walking past a coffee shop when they stopped me asking "where did you get that shirt?"  But that's big city life.

I mean gee whiz, don't tell me your are unapproachable and turn around and sniff, sniff tell me your lonely.  Really.  So where I don't see approaching someone as a TS, not being able to approach them as a person, well, it would suck to be you.

You make a good point, tekla. Yes, approaching anyone as a person is not a problem: approaching them with "o, I noticed you've transitioned like me is probably very poor form.

i personally wouldnt aproach them with the main intention of finding out their transness, but id aproach them as an interesting person.  which i do a lot to interesting people.  particularly those discussing anime/yaoi/yuri at the book store.  lol

Quote from: Stealthgrrl on August 12, 2008, 07:02:42 AM
Approach me, and I'll express my delight by beating you into the sidewalk with my shoulder bag, sweet little femme that i am.

Being approached would mean only one thing to me--that I'd been clocked, and being clocked means I've failed, and that makes me feel heartsick, and you going out of your way to make me feel heartsick would make me angry and so I would have to belt you with my bag, and there's so much crap in there, it weighs a ton, so...

DON'T approach me.

Stealth, Miss Congeniality

I agree, but it depends on how you are approach!

If I'm out with a friend (female or special male lol)
I DON'T WANNA be approach by another TS,
unless, they are NOT clockable and they pass well..

b/c ppl would look at the unattractive ts, and see me with them
and maybeeee start to suspect something!

Shrugs.  I'm not yet up on regular social etiquette yet lol.  Knowns to say wrong thing all time.

But have only met two TS that suspected were TS.  Being as I am open about myself, I mainly just mentioned my own in some off hand way.  Both times they actually opened and said they were as well and we chatted rather awkwardly with the second one. 

Still I know it's not really best way to do that.

Ha. This is hilarious...

I actually met an mtf at a convention where I staff/had an artists alley table.

At some party afterwards. She was really sweet actually, and her artwork was kinda awesome. Not stealth at all, cause her art dealt with what she was going through, and I like... Loved it.

I joined in her conversation by kinda answering a question aimed at her by a friend, "How much does it cost to change your sex?"

I walked her out later and was like, "Yeah... I'm the same as you. Not just knowledgeable."

Hopefully I can see the progress she's made if she is in AA next year...

I don't care if you approach me. Just be aware that i am sensitive and what you say might hurt my feelings...

I been hung up on myself all my life and i try hard not to be self conscious. "I am what I am".

I won't go up to another in public and out them. I will wait for an opportunity to talk to the individual..

In a meeting tonight and met a nice woman here in New Orleans. When i had a chance I ask her. We talk for awhile. giggles

I did let her know that smoking and HRT does not mix as she lit up. I'm happy that I met another transgendered person in New Orleans on my third days. It makes me feel not alone

Quote from: Stealthgrrl on August 12, 2008, 07:02:42 AM
Approach me, and I'll express my delight by beating you into the sidewalk with my shoulder bag, sweet little femme that i am.

Being approached would mean only one thing to me--that I'd been clocked, and being clocked means I've failed, and that makes me feel heartsick, and you going out of your way to make me feel heartsick would make me angry and so I would have to belt you with my bag, and there's so much crap in there, it weighs a ton, so...

DON'T approach me.

Stealth, Miss Congeniality

ROFL    Exactly! 

tink

I wouldn't approach another TS but I wouldn't mind if another person approached me. As I have said before, I'm out and if I could educate someone, I will. If someone who is TS wants to approach me, I'm fine with it. Just make sure the pronouns are right.

Quote from: Leslie Ann on August 12, 2008, 04:05:11 AM
Okay, so I was in a shop today getting some things for work and an ftm came in. He passed quite well, no one else noticed.

You did. Passing "quite well" is when peeps can't tell you are trans .  A little advice.  Approach peeps because they're interesting, intelligent, clever & not becasue of their status as "trans"  Being "trans" is something some of us want to forget so don't approach us from that direction.

Quote from: Jeannette on August 13, 2008, 04:05:23 AMBeing "trans" is something some of us want to forget so don't approach us from that direction.

No kidding! I would be more than a might perturbed if somebody started hinting around in public that they thought I was Trans! It would NOT be pretty! If I were in a good mood, I would laugh incredulously and walk away with a look that says "You're friggin NUTS!" If I were in a BAD mood, I'd add some colour to her cheeks!

Same goes for me although currently I pass quite well for male so I guess it's not much of an issue.  But in the future if you see me and want to say hey because you recognize me from here that's one thing.  However please don't bring up the whole trans issue, it's not one I wish to keep being reminded of.

Quote from: Sheila on August 12, 2008, 10:01:41 PM
I wouldn't approach another TS but I wouldn't mind if another person approached me. As I have said before, I'm out and if I could educate someone, I will. If someone who is TS wants to approach me, I'm fine with it. Just make sure the pronouns are right.

I agree total with you, Sheila.  And I guess I am out as much as one can be.  I am not ashamed of being 'trans' any more.  Shame kept me a prisoner for too long.  But I will not out another unless they enter into my sphere.  Then they might be outing them self.

Mistress Janet

Quote from: Northern Jane on August 13, 2008, 02:16:50 PM

Quote from: Jeannette on August 13, 2008, 04:05:23 AMBeing "trans" is something some of us want to forget so don't approach us from that direction.

No kidding! I would be more than a might perturbed if somebody started hinting around in public that they thought I was Trans! It would NOT be pretty! If I were in a good mood, I would laugh incredulously and walk away with a look that says "You're friggin NUTS!" If I were in a BAD mood, I'd add some colour to her cheeks!

heh heh ya but just to be fair jeannette & northern jane, some people also transition to be professional transsexuals

I try to treat everyone the same.  I talk to everyone around me.  Although I may be curious, I never let on.  I never ask.

If a regular ordinary person asked me if I were trans, I would likely respond with "Oh my, how rude you are!"

If another trans person asked me, I'd probably be cool with it.  I figure that everyone needs some social interaction and for the most part, we are quite withdrawn.  So, I'd be polite. 

In any case, neither situation has happened to me in many many years.  I've seen plenty but I let them lead their lives.  If we ever interact, it will be like any other normal situation where people meet.

Cindi

Well, I would think the acceptable etiquette for meeting a TS is easy.  Its the same etiquette that would be acceptable for meeting any other person.  If you are unsure as to what that is I would refer you to Amy Vanderbilt for the formal method, or Miss Manners for the more hip version.

Having said that.

How often do you say to yourself

Wow!  That person is fabulously mediocre?
or...
Gee, what a tremendously average person he/she seems to be?

I got to get that into my life.

Most persons are attracted to people who have something (whatever it is) that makes them special, or not average, or allows them to be more than mediocre.  And in being what you are its something that most of the world, at least 99% does not share with you.  It's very unique.  It's interesting.  Might even be exotic.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  So why should it not draw people to you.

And in this case, it seems, since it is about meeting another TS it would seem to be shutting out one of the few, one of that less than 1% of the people who really does share something that only you two really understand.

Seems odd.

Also odd, the number of people who never want to be reminded of it, but seem to be thinking about writing a book about it.